Space Song - Beach House

THEA'S POV:

As soon as I stepped inside, I was shutting the door behind me and peering through the peephole to see if Synn was still there. It looked like he was staring at the door through the car window and if he were a superhuman, I would have said he was half-looking at me, straight through the barricade I'd put up between us. The thought made me hold my breath as I slowly moved away from the door and bit back a smile.

Turning around, however, the smile dropped.

Then it returned weakly.

"H-Hi, Mama," I said and tucked my hair behind my ear.

She was standing there with a wooden spoon in hand and a deep frown on her face, the corners of her mouth creasing and lines appearing on her forehead. Flawlessness wasn't something that could be maintained constantly, it seemed, and Mama didn't look particularly occupied by keeping up such a face. She looked more concerned by something else.

"Thea, who dropped you off?"

My heart skipped a beat. Mama's usual soft, sing-song voice was now a knife cutting violently through the air. I couldn't help but flinch as she took a step closer.

"It w-was no one," I stammered, scrunching the beanie in my hands. It was at that moment that I heard the car engine turn on again, wheels crunching along the tarmac as Synn drove away. Mama's eyes narrowed. "Believe me, M-Mama, it was nobody. Just a friend."

"I saw who it was. Don't think that I'm stupid, Thea, because I'm not." I flinched again as she grew nearer. "Since when did you start making friends with boys?"

"I was scared to walk home alone," I whimpered. My tongue almost slipped and revealed the truth about that night, about what those men tried to do to me, but I managed to catch myself and continue. "I-I was scared of passing out again and that n-nice man, Mr Synn, he told me he'd drive me home. But that's all that happened, Mama! He was just being con-considerate."

She let out a humourless laugh and pulled away for a moment, but I raised my hands to protect myself anyway. I wasn't naive enough to not know what she was going to do. "Thea, are you that stupid enough to get into a stranger's car? Have you just forgotten everything we've taught you about staying safe?" she fumed and I felt tears blur my vision. "Imagine he had hurt you. What would you have done? I wouldn't be there to help you and neither would your father!"

"He-He was just being kind-"

"Kind?" She laughed incredulously again. "You really think he drove you home out of kindness?"

I trembled but didn't answer, cautious of the wooden spoon in her hand.

"Don't be so naive, Thea. You know what men want. You know the kind of things they do to girls like you, don't you?"

"I'm sorry, Mama," I croaked, reaching out for her.

She moved away from me. "How did he find you?" she suddenly demanded.

"He came to the charity shop," I said with a sniffle, wiping my eyes with my coat sleeve but they refused to stop falling.

"Brilliant," she smiled sarcastically, "So now he knows where you work? What next, is he going to show up here tomorrow and drive you to the place, huh? Is he going to start coming over and staying up in your bedroom with you? He'll start asking for more and more and then what will you do? You're stupid, stupid, Thea!"

"H-He just wanted to be my friend," I said desperately but she wasn't listening. I recognised that look in her eye. "Mama, please, I won't do it again! I won't!"

She said nothing and only closed the distance, slapping me right across the face.

I cried out and held my cheek. I didn't have time to think about how much it hurt because she was already hitting me again.

"How dare you disobey me?" I heard as I raised my arms over my head, ears ringing, trying to defend myself from her blows. All I could feel was the hot burn of the wood against my arms, against my legs as I wailed like a baby. The word, "Please," came out like a prayer as I sobbed and begged for forgiveness but it was no use.

She hit me again.

And again.

And again.

But I couldn't stop the tears, the ragged breaths escaping me as I screamed out for her to stop. I felt saliva drip from my mouth and my hair stick to my face. Suddenly, she grabbed me by the wrist, hard enough to bruise, and shoved me away from her. Without looking back, I crawled up the stairs, slipping on the steps and pushing myself up with my hands. I raced straight for my bedroom and slammed my shoulder up against the door, locking it swiftly behind me.

I silently shook with my back pressed against the door. Then, I let loose.

Moans of pain and grief were all that filled the room as I limped up to my bed and crawled onto the mattress. "Mama," I whispered through trembling lips, lying my head on the pillow. I screwed my eyes shut and covered my face, tears no longer falling but streaming down my cheeks and neck in rivers. Sloppily, I tried to wipe them away, leaving tear stains behind in their stead.

My chest shook as I sucked in a painful breath. I didn't want to look at the marks left on my body. I just wanted to sleep and escape the pounding in my head. I wanted everything to be okay again.

Movement on my bed made me open my eyes blearily, only to find Ruffles stretching her paws out from her sleeping spot. A teary smile made its way onto my face as I patted the space next to me, begging for her to keep me company. Letting out a little meow, she slowly approached me and started sniffing my face, only making me cry a little harder. I stroked her head as she started to lick the salt off my cheeks and felt my eyelids start to droop from exhaustion.

Before I knew it, I had fallen straight to sleep, my hand resting on Ruffles' tummy.

I didn't want to wake up the next morning.

I was quivering as soon as I opened my eyes. It was only the sound of my cat scratching at the door which gave me enough strength to even think about getting up. Pain rippled across my body in tidal waves as I pushed myself up into a sitting position; without even looking, I could already feel the location of every bruise that had manifested over the night and I let out a small sigh, wiping my face messily. My head felt incredibly heavy, almost as if it was a bowling ball on my shoulders.

I was forced to use the wall as support to make it to the door, a little hiss escaping my lips. A part of me was terrified to open it as I wondered if Mama had been standing outside, prowling in wait for me to unlock the door and attack. But Ruffles' meows made my every selfish thought disappear and I didn't hesitate any longer to open the door, letting her scamper outside and down the stairs. I breathed a pained sigh of relief.

From here, I could hear murmurs coming from my parents' room. I could tell Papa was trying to calm Mama down.

This wasn't the first time it had happened. It didn't take much to anger Mama, whether it was an argument over dinner or a misinterpreted comment, and it was rather terrifying how easily she could lash out at us. I knew it had something to do with her depression, but I still couldn't understand why she'd want to take it out on her child or husband. I couldn't find the heart to resent her though. I knew she loved me and just wanted to keep me safe.

She just had a strange way of showing it.

Staggering over to the bathroom, I winced when I saw myself in the mirror. The only thing I was thankful for was that no marks had been left on my face but when I glanced at my arms, I bit down hard on my lip when I saw a deep, purpling bruise in the shape of a handprint encircling my wrist. Tears pricked at my eyes and I softly pressed against the skin, retracting my hand right away at how sore it was.

I focused on brushing my teeth and then dragged myself into shower. That was when I started to sob.

My weak cries were muffled by the sound of pattering water all around me and I tried to stifle them by covering my mouth, but seeing the bruises was too much. Dark purple flowers bloomed on my body in all the wrong places; there were some on my thighs and I could feel them on my back and all over my arms. Some were yellow, drops of colour painting me in all the most poisonous colours.

I sank down in the shower and sobbed.

I should have known better than to spend time with a stranger like that. Mama was right. Synn was just like any man. Men thought nasty things, did nasty things. They were cruel and they were mean. There were only a handful of men in the world who were exceptions to that rule, including my Papa. I couldn't understand why the same rule didn't apply to him though. He was gentle and wrapped up my wounds in bandages of love and reassurance and I wanted to believe there were other men like him too.

But I was foolish enough to think that Mr Synn wouldn't apply to that rule either. I wanted to believe it, to have hope and faith in him, but I should have known better. He was just deceiving me. He wasn't really concerned about my safety and or my interests - he just wanted something out of me. Those immersive blue eyes of his were nothing but a veneer.

They had to be.

After washing myself well, being careful not to put too much pressure on the swollen areas, I stepped out of the shower and dried myself off with a towel. My heart started to thump faster as I unlocked the bathroom door and darted for my room, hoping to avoid Mama for the rest of the day. I let out a sigh of relief as I locked the door behind me and changed into some grey sweatpants and a sweatshirt. Something long enough to hide the marks.

I couldn't go to work today, I knew that. It would be too difficult to conceal the bruises whenever I stretched my arms out, let alone get there in the first place. I could hardly walk.

So, reluctantly, I rang up the charity shop to let them know that I was feeling a bit sickly and couldn't come in. Andrea reassured me, saying that it was alright and that I already did enough as it was, but I couldn't help but feel guilty.

As soon as I'd ended the call, I immediately knew who I needed.

Texting her to see if she could pick me up, I received an instant response saying that she'd be there in fifteen minutes. Instead of heading into my parents' room, I decided to message Papa too and discreetly ask him if I could go out today. It didn't take long for him to give permission, even though he was in the room right next to mine, but I didn't want to risk any chances with my mother when I knew she was still furious with me.

I gathered all my things and limped down the stairs. When I opened the door, Ember's car was already outside.

Plastering on a smile, I gave her a small wave as I made my way over, trying my best to conceal the pain in my footsteps. I didn't want her to know what had happened. She didn't need to worry about me. No one did.

"Hey beautiful," she called as she rolled the car window down.

"Hi, Em," I said softly as I opened the car door. Sucking in a strained breath, I bent down to get into the car but struggled without grasping at the leather. I practically collapsed inside but hoped Ember would see it as me being clumsy. I gave her a sheepish smile.

A funny look crossed her face before she shook her head. She slung her arm over the headrest and faced me, grinning. "So what you wanna do today? You eaten yet?"

"Can we just relax at your house, please? I'm not in the mood to go out anywhere," I said, smiling softly. Ember hummed before nodding her head.

"Sure, but it looks like you haven't eaten anything so I'll get us some waffles on the way, yeah?"

"It's okay, I'll pay for my share so you don't-"

"Shut up, Thee. You know I'm not letting you pay," she said with a roll of her eyes and started the car. I jutted my bottom lip out and looked towards the window instead, but on the inside, I cherished the kind gesture.

Most people would have never thought me and Ember would end up being best friends, especially since we were polar opposites. Even her name spoke mountains about her explosive personality. There were a number of occasions where she'd gotten into fights at school using her lucky elbow (as she called it), whether it be because someone had insulted her Korean music taste or laughed behind her back about how her highest mark on a maths paper was forty six percent.

But despite her cursing and limb swinging, you couldn't help but be drawn towards Ember: she was popular enough at school; confident in her body; had guys running after her like wild cats... and yet she somehow found me.

Over time, the scales of our demeanours were balanced by each other, with her fiery hotheadedness somehow being cooled by the soft words that left me and entered her ear. She brought out the best in me and I brought out the best in her.

I was never more grateful for her beside me than I was now, but as she drove and chatted away about a new drama she was watching, my mind remained a mess. I couldn't focus on anything she was saying. All my thoughts were too occupied by the handsome man who had driven me home last night and the trouble which had ensued after our meeting. Guilt settled in my gut once I realised that I wouldn't be allowed to see him again.

Resting my head against the car window, I found myself staring emptily at the grey, blotchy sky.

"Is something wrong, Thee?"

My body tensed; the action made me wince from pain and so I sat up straighter, looking at my best friend.

"I'm fine," I smiled confusedly but I knew she wasn't buying it.

"You haven't said a single word since leaving and I know you wouldn't miss a chance to gush over Jimin with me," she pointed. "What's wrong?"

"What do you mean? I'm- I'm just a bit tired. I didn't really get a good sleep last night."

Ember pulled up outside her house and finally turned to face me fully, arching a brow. Avoiding her eyes, I stayed picking at one of the white buttons on my sleeve but the silence was too unnerving to maintain so I looked back at her. I shouldn't have. As soon as our eyes met and I saw that soft concern in her eyes, my eyes were brimming with tears and I was rushing to wipe them away.

"You know I'm not gonna force you to tell me," she said and grabbed ahold of my hand, "But if you wanna talk about it, I'm here."

I looked down at our connected hands, at her dark brown one and mine, and felt my lower lip tremble.

"Would... would that be okay?" I said as a tear fell down my cheek. I wasn't normally one to talk about my problems. I wanted to hide it but this time, I was an overflowing well; there was too much inside me to contain.

"Of course that's okay. You know you can tell me anything." My face screwed up with unspoken emotion, my facade shattering, and a hopeless sob escaped me. Ember pulled me straight into her arms. Her hand rubbed up and down my back reassuringly, the action only making me cry harder into her chest and wetting her shirt. "You're gonna be okay, hm?" I hiccuped in response as fat, salty tears tumbled down my cheeks and neck.

Somehow, she managed to get me inside the house without me collapsing. I could feel a headache coming on from how much I'd been crying but didn't have the strength to say anything as she led me up the stairs, her other hand occupied by waffle boxes.

When we reached the landing, my eyes met a familiar man's - one of the few men I felt comfortable with. He was tall and well built with a slight pot belly, wearing a checked shirt over a white tee.

I gave Ember's dad a watery smile. "Oh dear, is Thea alright?" he asked, lowering the crisp that he held close to his mouth.

"Go away, dad!" Ember scowled and fluttered her hand in his direction as she guided me into her room. "Shoo, shoo!"

"Now listen, I'm not some bird you can just send flying aw-"

Ember had already shut the door in his face and we both broke into light laughter.

We could hear him grumbling slightly outside as I eased myself onto the bed and watched my best friend start to sort out the food at her desk. I loved her relationship with her father. After Ember's mum passed away, he'd taken over both roles as mother and father, working both to provide and nourish his children as best he could. They'd playfully argue and fight, whether in public or not, and I was ashamed to admit feeling jealousy of how comfortable they were together. I wished to be the same with my mum but that seemed like a distant reality.

"Here."

She handed me a box of waffles covered in chocolate sauce and oreo crumbs. Sniffling, I took it from her, then watched as she chucked a bundle of blankets at me. I couldn't help but smile as I cocooned myself in all of them, all warm and cosy next to her. She grabbed me and pulled me into her arms again, hugging me and refusing to let me go.

"Now spill."

I couldn't help myself.

The process was long and arduous but I described everything in detail to the girl that sat beside me - everything except for what happened that fateful night. If she found out what almost happened, Ember would absolutely flip, and even the thought of mentioning those two horrible people had daggers shifting in my throat.

Anger filled her eyes as I hesitantly told her about Mama.

Glaring down at her lap, she shovelled her mouth with bites of strawberry and waffle as if using it as a plug to stop the callous words threatening to leave her. It wasn't enough, however, because after she'd swallowed, she was muttering, "What a bitch."

"Em!"

I wiped some of my new tears away and frowned at the side of her face.

"Look, I'm sorry, Thee, but someone's gotta say it. Who does she think she is hurting her own kid for getting home safely? Sure, it was risky getting that man's help but he was the one who got you home last time in the first place. That makes perfect sense!" she exclaimed, using her hands to violently gesture.

"She was just trying to keep me safe," I said.

Ember scoffed. "If you ask me, you're safer with that guy than you are with her."

"That's not true," I retorted weakly.

"Why are you defending her?"

"Because she's my mother."

"And mothers make mistakes, Thee. They do bad things sometimes and you can't always defend them just because they raised you! Does that suddenly make them perfect?"

"No, but she's done far more good for me than bad, so isn't that worth at least something?"

I thought back to Mama. My heart erupted with a pang as I reminisced us watching Mulan just a few days ago; the number of times we planted flowers and trees in the garden, our hands having turned brown by the end of the night; the feel of her lips against my temple and her hands as she tickled me spontaneously just for her own enjoyment. But all those beautiful memories were now plagued by a single- several incidents - a dark veil pulling over the cinema screen.

I couldn't see anything else.

Sadly, I looked away from Ember. My very own words were a traitor to my heart.

Her shoulders slumped with guilt. "Thee, I'm sorry," she said lowly and tugged at my sleeve, her eyes searching for my own. "I should be comforting you right now but instead we're arguing..."

I was crying again. Brushing my eyes with my sleeve, I held back a hiccup and looked back at her. "It's just not that easy," I whimpered, watery-eyed. "If-If someone you love did something bad, whether it was to you or-or someone you knew, wouldn't that be hard to accept? Or even to believe?" I licked my lips. "Wouldn't you try to deny it?"

Ember was quiet for a short while, then squeezed my palm reassuringly.

"I don't think I would, but it doesn't matter. Who gives a shit what I'd do?" Her answer had me stunned for a moment, but she continued. "What matters is how you're feeling, what you wanna do about all this, so I'm really sorry. I'm gonna support whatever decision you make," she consoled, then nodded to herself, "Even if I want to take a swing at your mum."

A small smile crawled on my face and I shook my head at her.

"What are you gonna do about that guy?"

Slipping the chocolatey fork into my mouth, I contemplated my options whilst trying to ignore the sadness chewing away at my insides. "I honestly don't know..."

"Didn't you say he was Spanish?" she asked and I nodded my head, still sucking the fork. She nudged me with her elbow. "That's hot, you know."

"Em!"

"No, but I'm being serious! You have a sexy foreign guy going after you! I'd scoop up that opportunity like ice cream."

"He's not going after me," I said in bewilderment. "He just wanted to be my friend."

"You're so oblivious, Thee," she sighed. "I wish I had your innocence."

"I am not innocent," I said and shovelled a bite of waffle into my mouth. "I am very mature, actually."

"So if I were to start talking about how I went to this guy's house and took off his pants and..."

"St-Stop!" I squeaked, slapping my hands on my ears and squeezing my eyes shut. Ember burst into a fit of laughter and almost dropped the rest of her waffle on the floor. Suddenly, I felt arms threading around me and a chin resting on my shoulder, her laughter still ringing rambunctiously in my ear as I pouted. The curls of her afro tickled my cheek.

"You know I love you," she sighed, a silly grin still on her face.

Huffing, I went back to finishing my food and stirring at the melted ice cream in the middle. My best friend picked up her phone and started scrolling through while I pondered over the events from yesterday, both from the man called Synn and Mama's reaction. I was still conflicted. My heart was yearning for something my body couldn't give; perhaps it was the man's demeanour, how soft and sweet he was in the car, so different to the men who would send unnerving chills up and down my arms.

But Mama was right in the end.

He was a light and I was a moth. Despite being drawn to him, I'd only get hurt in the end and come crawling back to my mother in defeat, wings broken.

"I-I can't see him anymore."

"Hm?" Ember sounded distractedly, then frowned. "Synn?"

"He's just going to hurt me like Mama said," I spoke hoarsely but my heart squeezed as the words left my lips.

Ember stared, then sighed in defeat. "I know you wanna make your mum happy and you're scared of disobeying her, but you can't let her stop you from living your life. You can't let her keep controlling you like this... but I also don't want you to keep getting in trouble... I want you to do whatever you think is best for you, okay? I'll back you every step of the way."

My heart stopped and started all over again as my phone abruptly rang.

Both of our gazes snapped to the number flashing on the screen and a sense of recognition befell me. I felt all moisture leave my throat. Trembling, I picked up the phone from the bed and held it in both my hands. Unsurely, Ember glanced between the phone and my face, waiting for me to answer.

And so I did.

"H-Hello?" I stammered nervously.

"Thea."

His voice. That sinfully alluring voice of his. I felt my lips quiver as I tried to make out words, any words at all, but my thoughts were in turmoil.

"Hi," I whispered again, squeezing my eyes shut. I wanted to be swallowed up whole. He chuckled mirthfully and I could feel my cheeks being pulled by invisible threads of the urge to smile but I stopped myself from doing so. This wasn't a happy occasion. In fact, my soul was being crushed from the nerves of having to say something I really, really didn't want to say.

"You're not working today?" he asked deeply, and I thought I could hear Judith's voice in the background.

"No, I'm not," I said, my eyes beginning to moisten. Why was this so painful for me?

"Tell me where you are. I'll pick you up."

"N-No."

There was an unsettling pause.

"No?"

"I, um, you-you can't," I forced out, biting down on my lip.

"I think I can, Thea," he replied in an ominous tone.

This wasn't going as well as I'd hoped. My palms were starting to grow clammy already, my fingers sliding against the phone case as I struggled to hold it to my ear. Pleadingly, I looked to my friend in hopes of her being able to help me in some mysterious way but all she did was give me a tormented glance.

"Um, I-I don't want to see you anymore."

Another impregnable pause.

"Say that again."

"...Pa-Pardon?"

"Say those fucking words again. Te reto."

[I dare you.]

I couldn't. I couldn't repeat those hurtful words another time. No one deserved to hear something so cruel but here I was, hurting not only him but my own heart too because I was too terrified of not only what my mum would do to me, but what he could do to me.

"I'm sorry, Mr Synn," I whispered and before he could say another word, I had ended the call.

I stared emptily at my phone screen. I felt arms wrap around my shoulders as I was pulled into someone but all I could think about was the chance I had just forsaken.

My one chance at overcoming my fear: gone.

*****

Read 5+ chapters ahead on Patreon: patreon.com/Fudgecakexox

Hey fudglings,

This chapter was actually so hard to write. I cried twice while writing that scene about Thea getting abused by her mother and I tried to make it as realistic as possible but I think you guys have an insight into the origin of her fear now. I've realised that putting emotions into my writing is probably my strongpoint so I do enjoy pulling emotional strings :0 I'd recommend reading the prologue if you haven't already because it explains a little of her background

But my poor baby Thea ._, and what are your opinions on the mother? Is she completely the villain here or did she have good intentions? And thoughts on Ember? Synn? Ruffles?

GUYS I HAVE BECOME OBSESSED WITH CRICKET RECENTLY EVEN THOUGH I CAN'T BAT OR FIELD FOR MY LIFE but bro I'm so harsh on myself I almost cry every time I play because the ball doesn't always go straight when I'm bowling ,_, I hate being so competitive but the one pro of playing cricket is that there's this really smexy guy who's so nice and smart and athletic and he always ends up having conversations with me BUT HE'S ALMOST THIRTY EYE- ANYWAYS he likes to write too and he sent me one of his old books he wrote a few years ago and he's so sweet ,_,

Potato question of the day: Do you have any siblings?

I have 3 siblings, all of them being annoying potatoes. There's my eldest sister who I get on with the least (she's 24) but we do share some interests but we still argue a lot. Then there's my older brother (22) who's usually the chill one and I like to watch him play games on the PS5 but we still argue sometimes. And then there's my little potato sister who's 14 but she's probably my best friend and the person I'm closest to even out of the rest of my friends ._. love her

Anyway, thank you so much for reading and I hope you enjoyed the chapter. If you did, please do vote, comment and share this book with your friends! I love you guys!

- Fudge x