Ruffles ^^^
The Night We Met - Lord Huron

If you haven't read the prologue, I'd suggest you go back and read it because it gives an insight into Thea's past and the origin of her phobia!

THEA'S POV:

Androphobia: so that's what it was called.

I leaned back in my chair and brought the phone close to my face.

Why hadn't I thought of looking this up sooner?

Slowly, I scrolled down the page and tried to process the information before me. My stomach felt as if it had deflated, only a sinkhole remaining of my breakfast.

The question had been on my mind for an eternity but I could never put it into words, never muster the courage to type out the little letters into my keyboard and have enlightenment befall me. Now, as I scanned the screen of my phone, I felt even more lost.

The words scrambled together like a sea of jigsaw pieces. I could only slot some of it together.

"It's fine, Thea," I muttered. "Just don't think about it."

Sighing, I put my phone down. The bookshelf beside me beckoned me back. I slotted some stray novels back into their given places on my tiptoes and gave the shelves a quick run down with the old duster under the counter. I was trying not to let the thought niggle at the back of my head by busying myself with the task of straightening hangers and pieces of porcelain, but it proved more difficult than I anticipated.

The charity shop was quiet now, only the muted sound of the eighties playing softly in the background, and I found myself running my fingers along the broken spines of the books on display and fingering the buttons on clothes instead. There wasn't much to do at all.

It was Papa's suggestion to start volunteering at the charity shop. He said it would be a great way to develop my confidence and was the reasonable option since we only lived a ten-minute's walk away, but so did half the people I knew.

Mospe was a small town, rich with rolling fields interspersed with small shops, small streets, and a handful of inhabitants. There was one cinema, one gymnasium, one supermarket owned by the Chughtais, and the Jubilee centre (although it didn't have many branded stores and was only one storey tall).

Despite the remoteness and scarcity, the town was the epitome of wealth. Every house seemed like it had been plucked straight out of a housing magazine and the streets were even better, meticulously trimmed trees and hedges lining the roads and rows of daffodils tinkling every springtime. Even crime rates were at a bare minimum, at least from my own understanding, but I didn't really know since I didn't often set foot outside on my own.

It seemed like despite the money at people's hands, they valued peace and solitude away from the city. Although it wasn't small enough for everyone to know everyone, there was a certain intimacy to our hometown. I quite liked it that way.

Humming tunelessly to the music, I pirouetted over to the stuffed toys and picked up a few strays trying to escape the basket.

"Excuse me, mister," I scolded one of the rabbits playfully, "In you go." I picked up another grey rabbit that had fallen. "And your sister too." They both looked much happier in their new positions.

While I was admiring my handiwork, I almost didn't hear the tinkle of the doorbell.

I looked over my shoulder to see who it was, only for a familiar tension to sink back into my bones.

"Hello," I greeted with a tight smile.

I strode back to the counter and took a seat, balling my hands tightly into small fists whilst staring concentratedly at the monitor.

Don't look at him.

Don't look at him.

Don't look at him.

My heart thundered inside my chest.

The man looked harmless. He wore an old brown cap and a pair of thick, round spectacles perched on his nose. Aimlessly, he wandered about the charity shop, gravitating towards the vinyls that rested at the bottom of the bookshelf beside me. All the while, I fiddled with the blue threads at the hem of my dress.

After what felt like hours, although it must have been minutes, the man approached the counter and slid two vinyls towards me.

I picked them up. My fingers worked feverishly against the screen monitor, entering the codes and prices for each purchase. The man wasn't saying anything and I could only assume that he was taking in my appearance, scrutinising my face as I struggled to press the right numbers to avoid any mistakes. My sole focus was ensuring that I didn't start trembling in front of him.

I sucked in a shallow breath and exhaled.

It'll be okay, Thea.

It'll be okay.

"Can I pay by card?" he said as I slid the vinyls across the counter over to him.

"Of course, just one second," I trailed off softly and pressed a few more buttons.

There was a lull of quiet in the shop as I waited for the man to enter his pin number, my eyes flickering from one place to another in an attempt to look busy. Despite the comforting music playing in the background, I could only focus on the tightness in every muscle, in every fibre beneath my clothes. It felt like each vessel was pulled taut like a worn, fraying rope and if I moved even the slightest inch, they'd tear.

He's not going to hurt you.

"Thanks," he said and I watched his hands stuff the four disc cases into the rucksack he was holding.

"You-You're welcome," I smiled smally, finally mustering the courage to meet his eyes.

They looked kind, wrinkled, warm. But even though they held no trace of ill intent, I couldn't prevent my body from reacting as if he were an imminent threat to me, as if he wielded a weapon or a bloodthirsty smile in hand. Why?

Why?

I watched the man walk out of the store. Once he was fully out of sight, it felt like the weight of the world had been lifted from my shoulders. I slumped back into the chair and buried my face in my hands with a tired sigh.

My thoughts flickered back to the page on my phone.

Androphobia: the fear of men.

I couldn't put a finger on when it first started, when the anxiety first dissolved into my being, but I knew that there was something wrong. Every time I encountered a man who wasn't family, it felt like the earth had collapsed on me - it crushed my limbs, my lungs, my throat, all because I didn't know how to handle myself. It was stupid and silly but I knew it was there. Something was there.

I didn't even know if it was androphobia or not. I was probably just overthinking this feeling. Misdiagnosing. People had often told me I overthought things, overfelt things. It was just another one of those times.

"Thea, darling," a familiar voice called from the storeroom.

Unfurling my fists, I gave them a little shake and fixed the hairs that framed my face. I gave up soon after and padded past the changing rooms to the doorway.

The storeroom was a surprisingly spacious alcove compared to the rest of the store. Pistachio-green paint peeled from the walls. The worktable was littered with clothes to be priced, the shelves stocked with handbags and shoes and gaudy jewellery, and tattered donations stuffed in clear plastic bags to be tossed in the truck the following morning. It was an organised mess, I liked to say, and it was all thanks to my manager who found some sense in it.

"Yes, Andrea?" I said lightly.

She turned her head from the steamer that was still running. Andrea was a woman whose youthful Hispanic features told lies like bedtime stories, concealing her old age, but the virility in her bones was as real as the air she breathed. She gave a quick nod at the clock on the wall.

"Your shift's over," she said.

"Oh, I don't mind working a bit longer if you need some extra help!"

"Honestly, love. You've done more than enough. It's not too busy today anyway, so you should have some rest," she insisted, and I shifted in contemplation. I couldn't help but feel guilty since there were no other volunteers today and Andrea would be left on her own, but the four hours of labour were getting to me.

"Then," I furrowed my brows, "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

"We'll see you tomorrow," she repeated. "Take care, okay?"

"Okay," I said warily. "You too."

With a handful of reluctance, I grabbed my stuff from the locker and slipped on my coat, zipping it up to my chin. I gave her a wave and made my way onto the shop floor, then out of the door. A gust of icy wind immediately hit me upon opening it. Burying my nose in the faux fur of my coat, I slipped my beanie over my head and thrust my hands in my pockets. I looked up at the darkening sky.

I always found it entrancing how the light would fade so quickly during winter. A black canvas remained of the sky, smeared with blotches of cloud or flecks of blinking starlight. It wasn't even six in the evening yet it felt like the dead of night.

Humming quietly to myself, I plugged in my earphones and quieted the world around me even further.

Tonight was the coldest we'd had so far. Frost wrapped its delicate hands around lamp posts, hanging flower pots and traced circles and swirls on the pavement floor. I could feel my hands growing numb even from inside my coat pockets as I made my way home from the town centre. The dark streets were empty like most evenings. Only two people passed me by on my journey down the main street.

Aside from the sporadic streetlights along the path I walked, the only other light came from the full moon in the sky. Her light was a chilled silver beam that illuminated the tatters of inky cloud. In the evening, even my breath made me smile as I made the ascent up the hill to my house; each puff would escape my lips and turn into crystals in the cold air, tiny and meaningless, dissolving as soon as the moon had touched them.

I was having so much fun just blowing out into the icy air that I barely noticed the little shadow scampering towards me.

I narrowed my eyes.

"Ruffles?" I whispered and squatted down. Instantly, the cat took to curling around my legs and meowing. I struggled to keep up with her movements. "Oh, Ruffles, I thought I left you inside! I'm so sorry, baby. You must be freezing."

All she did was rub her face against my shins in response, craning her neck left and right in an attempt to get me to scratch behind her ears. I could swear I left her inside before I left for volunteering; maybe Papa let her out to pee. Her fur felt so unfamiliar when it was cold and it only made me feel more awful.

I reached down to pick her up but she moved away at my touch. Stubborn little kitty.

Deciding against it, I pushed myself up, stretched my hand out behind me, and clicked my fingers.

"Ruffles," I called sweetly. I snapped my fingers again, the sharp click echoing in the street as her impish green eyes followed me. "Here, baby. Come here."

With that, she waddled after me. I continued the rhythm of snapping my fingers and calling her name whilst going up the road, glancing at the peak of the towering tree over the other houses; it was the tallest tree in town, full of green bristles that shed all year round, and it lived in our front yard. Every time I saw it, it gave me a sense of pride, but this time it only reminded me of how close I was to getting Ruffles inside and warm.

I clicked my fingers for her again. She followed after me with short little legs, the white and ginger parts of her body reflecting the moonlight while the black patches of fur blended into the night. She looked the cutest when she was trying to keep up with me and I was tempted to start running all the way home as if I could race the tiny cat, just to see her chase after me.

But my train of thought was instantly broken when I caught sight of two figures up ahead.

Men.

Dark, shadowy men.

"Come on, Ruffles," I mumbled, pausing to pet her swiftly and make sure she was still following me. I kept my eyes glued to the ground as I paced onward, no matter how much I wanted to turn the other way and start running. I had to get home and feed my cat and make sure she was warm and hadn't gotten sick. I couldn't just leave.

The sound of their conversation grew louder as we grew closer. I couldn't understand the words they were using but there was a vulgarity to their tone which made my insides squirm as they laughed and trudged down the street.

"Hurry, baby," I whispered, clicking my fingers ahead of me to catch her attention. Occasionally, she would stop and sniff at a stray leaf or her ears would prick as she heard something almost imperceptible, but ultimately, she would still trail after me; I just wanted to move faster. "Hurry, hurry, baby."

My heart stammered once we reached the men.

But... all they did was walk past us.

I didn't realise I was holding my breath until I could see dark spots clouding my vision, forcing me to suck in some air quietly. Thank goodness. My whole abdomen was hurting from clenching so hard and, feeling out of breath, I snapped my fingers again to make my cat go faster.

I frowned once I realised that she wasn't following anymore and glanced behind me.

I froze.

"Hey girlie, this your cat?"

All I could do was stare at them.

My lips parted at the sight of one of the men holding Ruffles up by the scruff of her neck. I didn't even know how he was holding her in such a way and she didn't look happy at all - it looked like she was in pain. Feebly, she scratched at the air and let out a hiss of displeasure, making me snap out of my daze.

"Y-Yes," I nodded violently, forcing myself to approach them. Every step felt like sinking into thick, stagnant treacle. "She doesn't like to be held though so could you, um, put her down please? She might try to bite you."

The man holding my cat laughed at my answer, making me tighten my hands in fear of him holding onto her, but, to my utmost relief, he dropped her to the footpath. She took her chance and darted to the other side of the road. I breathed a sigh of relief but also exhaustion at the fact that I'd have to convince her to follow me again, only to grow still once I realised that the men were still watching me.

"Thank you," I said with an unsure bow of my head, making sure not to make eye contact with them. I could barely see what they looked like without a lamppost nearby but I didn't want to. Without another word, I turned and started my way back, worriedly calling out Ruffles' name and other terms of endearment. "Baby. Baby, come here."

"I'd like to hear you call me that."

I stumbled at the voice behind me but kept my eyes in front of me, biting harshly on my lip to contain the terror inside me. Inhaling a shaky breath, I didn't turn around and kept walking. It was going to be alright. They didn't mean any harm. I just needed my cat to come back to me and then I could go home.

"What're you doing all alone? Boyfriend leave ya?"

I kept walking.

"Come on, babe. Could at least give us an answer."

This time, I did look behind.

Fighting everything inside me that told me to keep going, I faced the man who had spoken. He had an abnormally large nose and an unpleasant smile, the type that made your skin crawl because you knew it meant something else. The dark veiled his eyes. He was so close that I could almost smell his breath, a warm, foetid cloud that fanned over my cheeks, and I was ashamed to question whether he used toothpaste or not.

"I'm ju-just going home," I answered honestly, focusing extra hard on keeping my voice even. I glanced between the two of them. "I hope you have a safe journey home too."

I gave them a faint but genuine smile and started speed-walking the other way, hands hidden in my pockets. No one had ever stopped in the street to talk to me before, let alone push for an answer. It was scary. I couldn't understand why they were so interested in what I had to say but I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and called for my cat again.

But then, footsteps.

Rushed, pounding footsteps coming from straight behind me.

I already knew what was happening and I started to run. My feet slammed against the pavement as I forced my legs to carry me up the hill, thoughts of my cat momentarily forgotten. My eyes went wide and bleary and I could hardly see a thing with the cold wind in my face, stinging my cheeks. All I could hear was their footsteps, so loud and echoing in the empty streets that I could feel tears prick at my eyes.

Don't cry, don't cry. They're not going to hurt you. You don't have far to go.

My chest was already starting to strain from the effort of pumping my arms and legs so quickly and I was struggling to breathe. My whole body was shutting down on me at a moment like this and I had no control over it. Even my throat was closing in on itself and nothing but choking gasps could escape it as I tried to follow the path. Where was I going? I didn't recognise this road.

All of a sudden, a hand was yanking me back by the hood of my coat and I was flung into someone.

"Where do you think you're runnin' to?" he whispered hoarsely in my ear, grabbing ahold of my wrists.

"Let go of me!" I shrieked, kicking my legs out.

I flinched at the feeling of the other man lifting my legs up as they both dragged me into an alley. My heart was thundering and booming and I could hardly breathe. They were so strong and I had no chance against one, let alone two of them. What was I supposed to do?

"Stop fucking kicking," one of them grunted but at his words, I felt myself burst into tears. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to go home. I wanted my cat and I wanted to stroke her in bed as I took silly pictures with her. I wanted my papa. "We just wanna have some fun. You're making this harder for yourself so stop fighting already!"

"Please," I sobbed. "Please, please let me go. I need to go home."

"Aw, she's a cute one, isn't she?" the other purred.

I felt myself choke and start coughing and spluttering. My whole body was shaking, trembling, no longer fighting. I was just focusing on staying alive and getting breath back into my lungs but I couldn't. My breathing only became wheezier as I was laid down on the wet pavement, my hands automatically going for my own neck as I clawed at it desperately for air. Clawed like an animal.

"What's wrong with her?"

"Just make it fucking quick. I want my turn with her."

"Jesus Christ," one of them muttered but I couldn't see. My heart was repeatedly banging at my ribcage as if begging to be let out as I felt the warm breath of a man hovering over me but I had no will to push him off. Shallow, shallow breaths escaped my lips as I felt my eyes roll to the back of my head.

But then, the sound of something jingling.

"Would you look at that? Her fucking cat's come to play."

My fingers twitched at the sound of Ruffles meow and then hiss spitefully, her collar jangling again.

"Get rid of it before it pisses me off."

"Already way ahead of ya."

All I could do was lie there as I heard one of the men pick her up and another string of curse words ricocheted off the walls around us. I heard the unbuckling of a belt.

No.

No, no, no, they couldn't hurt her. They couldn't. I had no care for my wellbeing but I couldn't witness them torture my cat. I wanted to scream at them but my whole body was numb. I wanted to cry. How badly I wanted to cry.

But then, there was silence.

I heard something drop to the ground and the sound of soft tinkling fading away.

And then, the loudest of booms.

It sent a ripple of shock through my unresponsive body as I heard something slump to the floor- or someone.

More quiet. Then a piercing scream that held no trace of dignity in it at all, almost as if it had been drained dry of everything salvageable. I didn't know what was happening.

The sound of hyperventilating filled the air and I called it my own, only for repeated thudding noises to echo above me. It sounded like something live being hit over and over again.

It crumpled to the floor beside me.

There was silence aside from the stammering breaths that left my throat.

And then, the gentlest of hands lifting me up.

Hands as gentle as sunlight.

"You're safe now. I got you."

My body melted at the voice. It was so rough, so bottomless that I desperately yearned to open my eyes and find who was holding me. But when I used every ounce of strength I had left in me to do so, I found myself only sinking into deeper darkness.

"Just hold on for me, okay? Hold on."

But I couldn't. I could only feel my head fall against their warm chest as I slumped in their arms altogether.

The thrum of the stranger's heart was all that lulled me to a troubled sleep.

*****

Read 5+ chapters ahead on my Patreon: patreon.com/Fudgecakexox

Hey fudglings!

AHHHHH I'M SO EXCITED TO BE UPLOADING AGAIN SHSHSJSJ I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE WAITED LONG AND I APPRECIATE EVERYONE WHO'S COME BACK AND ANY FIRST TIME READERS :))

SO HERE IS THE NEW AND EDITED VERSION OF ANDROPHOBIA :D it's so exciting to see my baby Thea and baby Ruffles and my baby daddy again 😎

Just to let you guys know about which parts of this are true, my cat is actually called Ruffles. She's a calico cat and whenever I go on walks around my neighbourhood, she always follows me around sometimes and gets lost if I don't keep snapping my fingers lmao. And yes, I work at a charity shop and I usually work overtime because I find it so fun interacting with customers, especially little kids. And the lady I named, Andrea, is a real person who works with me at the shop. That's her real name as well LMAO EXPOSED but yeah some of this is really based on me so c:

But what did you guys think of the chapter? I genuinely found it stressful to write the scene when she was walking home and I don't know if that's just me or if I made it successfully tense or suspenseful (I really hope it's the latter). But what do you think of Thea? And her baby kitty? And the stranger (I know most of y'all already know who it is but don't say nuffin 💀💀)

ALSO I WENT OUT WITH MY FRIEND RAYAN TODAY AND SHE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER we went to a shopping mall and I bought some white jeans (because the last time I bought some I was wearing them for the first time and 10 MINS IN I SPILT TOMATO SAUCE ON THEM AND THEN I RUBBED IT WITH A BLUE NAPKIN BECAUSE IM DUMB AND DHSJJSKS). We had ice cream later because it was so hot and I almost passed away halfway through but it was worth it c:

Potato question of the day: How old are you guys?

I'm currently 19 (I was 16 during my first draft of this book) BUT I FEEL SO OLD NOW AND I'M GOING INTO MY SECOND YEAR OF UNI THIS YEAR when I just wanna stay a beb forever ._,

Anyway, you guys better get used to my long long long author's notes if you haven't already because I love writing them and you're never escaping 🐀 Thank you for reading this chapter and I really hope you enjoyed it! And if you did, please do vote, comment and share this book with your friends! I love you guys!

- Fudge x