Lee Heeseung was twelve, and unsure of what was happening around him. The past months had been nothing less than a blur, with his parents' loud voices down the hall bothering him until sleep seeped into his skin and bones.

As much as he knew something was up, the otherwise gifted child Lee Heeseung didn't know how to put a finger on it. And now that he was getting older and a teeny bit self realising in ways a little more than one, he'd realised that it had been like this from the very beginning.

Maybe he was too busy loving the feeling of a crowd validating him and his success more than anything to notice that he had more growing left to be done.

"Do you think they'll divorce, Heeseung?" Heeyeon, his sister, who had conveniently sneaked into and made herself comfortable in his room and couch respectively, asked. Her gaze was fixed on the ceiling, hands splattered beside herself.

Heeseung has to do a double take at that.

He sits up on his bed. The clock on his wall says 00:33. Through the darkness he stares at his sister. Lying on the couch in the most awkward position known to man, and still as nonchalant she usually is.

"That's absurd," he scolds. It comes out weak.

"What a fast response, brother," Heeyeon now fiddled her fingers, hands held up high.

The delayed reaction was only natural for Heeseung, who never in his wildest dreams thought divorce could be a possibility.

"What makes you think so, dumbass?" The oldest Lee tried his best not to stutter.

"Well, they've been screaming at each other for like, months now. Even the strongest of relationships fall apart if this goes on."

"I'm not as well versed in relationships, Heeyeon. "

"You say that like it's French or something, Heeseung."

"Aren't you nine or something?"

"That isn't the issue here!"

Heeseung scoffs. He wanted to be as emotionally capable as his sister.

He sucks a breath.

"Give me reasons as to why they'd divorce. I think they love each other too much for that."

Heeyeon snorts loudly.

"Why do you think Jordan's did?"

Heeseung stops at that.

"They didn't love each other anymore."

Heeseung swallows hard. No answer.

His sister let out an exasperated sigh and sat up on the couch.

"If it's a divorce, I will stay with dad. That's what I've decided."

Heeseung doesn't want to think of any other scenarios. If this was the shape his reality would be taking in a matter of days, weeks or however long- he didn't want to be a part of it.

"They won't divorce, silly, " he was coaxing himself at this point.

No way in his life would he want to not have his parents under one roof. He wished he could be like his sister, who was calculative and calm during the wrongness of situations. He wished he could just tell her he wanted to stay with their dad too, and visit their mum every day on his way back home. That he wanted to go to Korea every time their mum went there.

Lee Heeseung wished he wasn't on the verge of breaking down at the sheer possibility of not having both his parents around.

"Are you scared?" Heeseung asks his sister.

"I'm very scared," was her response. "I could cry right now."

So that made the two of them.

"Yeah, it's the same for me."

"As much as I hate you, I wouldn't want to be away from you, y'know."

"Me too."

Two words, and Heeseung somehow felt as if things had fallen into place at an instant. He may have spent nine precious years of his life being annoyed by his little sister, he wasn't ready to let her go. He wasn't ready to let anyone precious to him slip away from his fingers like sand.

Heeyeon, who seemed much older than she ever was, smiled at him. She was suddenly too tall, too wise, too mature for her age- and Heeseung realised that she was slowly losing herself to circumstances.

Lee Heeseung was twelve, when he watched his sister slowly get up from the couch on the other side of his bedroom and make her way towards her own in silence. And that's when he made a promise to himself, he wouldn't let anyone he loved lose themselves. He'd rather lose himself.

NOTE. Here's to a great year my loves.