ALAM ni Inggo na matalino siya.

Matalino siyang gago kahit buhay bobo siya minsan.

Pero bakit feeling niya bobo talaga siya ngayong nasa club siya?

He's having fun with his friends. He's drinking. Pero he keeps checking the time kasi sabi niya he'll stay for another hour lang para ma-appease si Rinn, tapos babalik na siyang Blue.

"Dance with me!" yaya ni Kaye sa kanya, grabbing his hand.

Inggo yanks it out of her grasp. "You go."

She pouts at his reaction and sits next to him, pressing her leg against his. Inggo's tongue darts out to push against his cheek in irritation as he stands up.

Okay, tama na.

Kaibigan niya 'tong bitchesa na 'to, nakakalaro ng ping pong minsan, nakakasama sa review o kaya sa dinner o lunch with their other friends, pero putangina, ha.

Naiinis pa rin si Inggo sa sinabi niya about Rinn kanina.

Kaye looks up at him, obviously distressed. "You're still not mad about me answering your phone kanina, are you?"

"Actually, I am. Nakakagago 'yon, Kaye. I'm going out for a smoke."

Hindi na niya hinintay ang sagot niya.

Out of all his new girl friends ngayong med school, si Kaye lang ang ganyan kasi may gusto siya sa kanya.

He's not blind. He's not dense, either.

Lumalayo na nga 'tong si Inggo sa kanya kasi he finds her advances, while brave, a little pathetic. Ilang beses na siyang t-in-urn down ni Inggo nang lunch na silang dalawa lang? Ilang beses na niyang sinabi sa kanya na hindi nga siya pwede sumakay sa motor niya?

Nagkukunwari pang hindi gumagana ang sasakyan, e. No'ng tiningnan naman ni Inggo yung hood, it was fine. When he started the car, it ran fine.

Hindi na lang niya c-in-all out sa pagmumukha niya ang lie. Desperate as she is, he wasn't going to embarrass her.

Pero punyeta kasi yung sinabi niya kanina, e.

Nakakagago kasi wala siyang nasabi in Rinn's defense.

'Yong sinasabi niyang babysitting, privilege para kay Inggo.

'Yong pagsusundo sa kanya. 'Yong pagpapapakita sa kanya ng mga damit niyang bagong bili. 'Yong siya pa rin ang pinipili niyang kasama manood ng movie kahit may libro sa lap niya.

And Inggo often feels like nagkukulang siya pagdating kay Rinn.

"Gago," bati ni Migo with a tip of his chin, holding a shot in his hand. "O, para sa 'yo."

"Uy, sabi mo 'di ka dadaanan. 'Tsaka kala ko umuwi ka na kanina pa?" sabi ni Inggo with scrunched eyebrows, taking the glass.

Migo leans against the railing next to him.

Tapos ang next na sinabi niya makes him almost drop his drink.

"Dumaan pa 'kong Ateneo para sa InTACT thingy ni Mau. 'Di sumulpot yung speaker."

Sabi na nga ba. Yung bobo intuition niya, tama.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. He missed it. He missed it when he promised her he'd free his Friday night for it.

Kaya pala siya tinatawagan kanina pa ni Rinn.

Nag-alarm siya, e. Nag-alarm siya na aalis siya nang maaga sa study group.

Fucking hell, he needs to go back.

"Hintayin ko na rin si wifey," sabi ni Migo. "'Di pa tapos sa trabaho, susunduin ko na."

"Banyo ako," Inggo says in a rush, pocketing his vape and fumbling for his phone.

Rinn answers in three rings. "Hello, Kuya Inggo?"

"I'm so sorry," Inggo whispers, running a hand over his face. "Shit, I'm so sorry about missing the InTACT class."

"Ah." Natawa si Rinn. "It's okay, Kuya Inggo. No worries, you were studying."

"It's not okay, Rinn. Wait lang, I'll pay for my drinks lang then I'll leave—"

"Don't leave," she cuts him off with a sigh. "Please. It's not a big deal. Kuya came in naman. 'Tsaka your study group was more important."

Inggo doesn't like how that sounds. His eyebrows scrunch together. "But it was important to you. Nag-alarm ako, baby, I swear."

"I believe you."

Inggo pauses.

Bakit...bakit parang there's something he's missing here?

"You're supposed to be angry at me," he says slowly. "Because I promised you and I wasn't there."

"Over something so inconsequential?" Her scoff makes his fingers ball themselves into a fist. "Kuya Inggo, it's fine—"

"It's not inconsequential," Inggo counters. "Rinn, tangina, hindi ko gets. Ba't hindi mo sinabi kanina? Pag-usapan natin 'to, I'm going back there—"

"I said no," she snaps. Inggo recoils and blinks from the harshness of it. "I don't want you to stop having your fun. You're going to make me feel guilty 'pag bumalik ka dito."

"Bakit naman kung ako yung may gusto? Ayoko ngang pumunta dito kanina, e. I wanted—want to be with you."

Rinn sighs heavily. "Kuya Inggo, just...I don't want to be with you."

He stills.

"Right now," she says immediately. Inggo's bones feel like melting in relief. "Right now, I mean right now. I just, for one night, I don't want you to feel like you're obligated to be with me."

Naiinis na si Inggo. "Putangina, hindi nga, e, Rinn."

Three seconds. Three seconds too long, and then: "Don't curse at me."

Shit. Shit, he is fucking this up.

Inggo puts a hand on his forehead. "Shit, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby. Gan'to. I'm gonna book a Grab—"

"Kuya Inggo, kakasabi ko lang, e!" she says in frustration, and her voice breaks, and Inggo doesn't know what the fuck to do because his own lungs feel like they're being robbed of air. "Mag-stay ka, please."

Quietly, he asks, "Rinn, how can I stay nang umiiyak ka? Nang ganito tayo?"

"Just have fun," Rinn mumbles tiredly, releasing a loud exhale. "Magpakasaya ka sa mga shit na ginagawa mo noon."

Inggo's jaw clenches. "You're throwing my past back in my face, Rinn."

"A past that you have been so happy with until I came along."

Oh, the bitterness in her voice makes him so fucking angry. "Ano 'to?!" sigaw ni Inggo. "Ano 'to, Rinn, are you trying to drive me away kasi hindi pa nagbabago isip ko about us?"

Hindi sumagot si Rinn. O hindi makasagot.

"I'm gonna stay because that's what you want," he snaps icily. "Pero tandaan mo lang, Maureen, that I'm never going to change my mind. Mag-uusap tayo bukas. Matulog ka na."

He hangs up.

And then finds his friends. "Potangina, pengeng shot, mga lima."

Nagulat sila sa mood ni Inggo, pero they choose wisely to stay silent about it and hand him the glasses.

Kung gusto ni Rinn na magpakasaya siya, e 'di gagawin niya.

*

There are a thousand hammers pounding into his head.

Putangina, ang lamig.

That's the first thing he registers through his throbbing skull.

Ah.

He's naked from the waist up.

The second: gago, kadiri ang bibig niya.

"Good, you're awake," a feminine voice sings. Ang labo ng shadow niya sa paningin ni Inggo. "You have a visitor. I'll go now, bye!"

"I was just leaving din. Pina-check lang siya ni Kuya sa 'kin."

'Yon, nag-register agad.

Si Rinn.

That's Rinn's voice. That's Rinn turning her back on him.

"Rinn!" Inggo shouts, and his sudden jerk up his bed makes him crash into his desk. "Rinn, sandali!"

She flinches violently away from him when he reaches out to grab her wrist.

Her face is red with tears, her hands are trembling. She looks like she's going to collapse any second.

"Do not ever get a Grab again alone," Inggo breathes. "It's five in the fucking morning."

She stares at him. A tear falls from her eye even as she doesn't blink.

Inggo's hands are shaking behind his back with the urge to touch her.

Pero akala niya he just touched someone else. As if kaya niyang gawin 'yon. He'd rather chop off his own testicles first.

Putangina.

"I did not sleep with her. I did not fuck her, I did not screw her," Inggo says. "Marami akong ininom. Nabangga ko siya. Nagsuka ako sa kanya. She helped me come back here kasama ng iba naming kaibigan. I took off my shirt. She took off hers in the bathroom kasi may suka. I let her take one of mine because it was the least I could do. Then I collapsed on the bed."

"You were drunk," Rinn says. "How would you know that you didn't touch her?"

"How would I know," ulit ni Inggo sa sarili. He laughs. "How the fuck would I know nga naman. Rinn, ibigay mo sa 'kin lahat ng alak sa mundo, inumin ko lahat 'yan, alam ko ang katawan mo kasi akin 'yan. I know every fucking curve, every spot, every inch—because it belongs to me. It's the only one I'll ever touch."

She stares at him through her tears, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"I know you believe me," he says. "I know you believe me because you trust me and you love me. But you want to believe what you saw because you've been waiting for me to fuck up," Inggo says. "You were driving me away para magkamali ako, para ikaw ang magdesisyon na tapusin 'to. Ano 'to, inuunahan mo 'ko kasi ayaw mong maiwan? Ma-set aside? Na mag-walk away ako kaya ikaw ang gumagawa? Natatakot ka na kasi seryoso ako? Natatakot ka na kasi I'm willing to love you, Rinn, gano'n ba?"

Rinn pushes his chest with so much force he backs up against his closet. "Willing ka lang kasi alam mong mahal na kita! That I mean it! If some other girl loved you for more than your body, which isn't hard to do, Inggo, you're very easy to love, you'd fall in love with them, too!"

Oh, Christ.

"Willing ako kasi ikaw, Maureen, ikaw! Ikaw lang! Putangina naman!"

"Madali lang naman akong iwan! Gawin mo na!" she shouts back. "Sinabi mo rin naman na hassle ako, e! Ayoko na, Inggo, ayoko na!"

"Kailan?!" balik sigaw ni Inggo. "Potaena, bigyan mo 'kong resibo! Kailan ko sinabing hassle ka! Hindi ka hassle, ha-kin ka! 'Tsaka hindi ka pwedeng umayaw, birthday wish ko na hindi ka pwedeng sumuko until mahal na kita! E hindi pa! Parating na 'ko do'n pero maghintay ka nang slight kasi hindi ka rin mahirap mahalin!"

Rinn lets out a wail into her hands, her shoulders shaking.

Inggo lets out a loud breath. "Pota, ang baho ko pa, amoy suka ako."

"You're not supposed to be making jokes," she whispers, still hiding in her hands. "You said hassle ako that night I came to surprise you sa bahay nina Kuya and Ate. On the phone. You said nakakapagod and hassle."

Tinignan siya ni Inggo wearily. Putragis namang pahamak na Migagong 'to! "Migo was talking about an assignment. I was agreeing. We were talking about our study. Session."

"That you missed because of me."

"That I aced the test on kasi nakapagpahinga ako with you. Una sa lahat, Rinn, papanagutan mo feelings ko. Papanindigan mo ako. Tangina mo for trying to get rid of me. You can't. Gets mo?"

She wipes her tears and looks up at him. "Weh."

"Omsim, lods. Kunyari tinanong ko kung may jowa ka na no'ng tatanga-tanga akong gago after your first time. Tapos sinabi mo oo. Tapos tinanong ko, 'e kabet?' Tapos sinabi mo wala. Sasabihin ko, 'ako na lang please please please sana mapili.'"

The laugh he gets is as rewarding as the relief that spreads throughout his body when she steps forward and hugs him, her fingers spreading along his naked back.

Inggo tucks his chin on her shoulder as he breathes in her scent. "Rinn, I'm sorry about the InTACT class. And about what the bitch said. I missed her study group kagabi no'ng sinundo kita, naka-attend ako ng sa iba."

She sniffles and looks up at him, squeezing him. "Okay."

He cups her cheek and brushes her hair away from her wet face. "Okay na tayo?"

Rinn sniffs and nods against his chest.

"I think I deserve a kiss after you took a Grab by yourself and after you tried to walk away from me."

"Mag-toothbrush ka muna," she whispers.

Tumawa si Inggo. He slaps her butt and drags her to the bathroom with him.

Tatawa-tawa siya ngayon pero mamaya pinapatay niya si Michael Salas sa panaginip niya dahil sa trauma na iniwan niya kay Rinn. She almost really gave up on him because of it.

Sana hindi maranasan ni Jiya yung sakit na naranasan ni Inggo nang makita niya sa mga mata ni Rinn na nagmamakaawa siyang 'wag siyang iwan despite her words.

Putangina mo, Michael Salas, kahit magiging biyenan kita sa future, gago.