IT was worth it fighting for her own unit at Blue Residences instead of occupying the small storage room in her brother's condo at Burgundy.

Hindi alam ni Maureen kung paano siya titira sa kwarto katabi ng kay Kuya Inggo. Kung paano siya makakatulog nang alam niyang may kasama siyang babae over at the next wall. Kung paano niya sasalabungin si Kuya Inggo sa kusina sa umaga o madadaanan papunta sa banyo sa gabi. Kung paano niya titingnan nang diretso sa mata o pakikinggan ang boses knowing what he looks, sounds, and feels like in bed.

Her Kuya Migo and Ate Jiya just finished dropping the last of her things in her room when Kuya Inggo lugs in her last box. Maureen drops her smile and points at the corner. "There. Thanks."

He looks up at her, blinks once, and puts it down.

Kuya Migo frowns, panting and dusting his hands off. "Mau, thank him properly."

"It's fine," Kuya Inggo says with a dazzling smile. Putangina.

He rubs the nape of his neck as he turns to her and says, "Um, good luck sa first year."

"Thanks, Kuya Inggo," she mutters, then bounds over to Ate Jiya and Kuya Migo to give them kisses on the cheek. "Thanks so much, uwi na kayo!"

Kuya Migo turns back around at the door, his arm around his girlfriend. "Hoy, 'wag kang mag-uuwi dito ng kung sino-sino, ha."

Maureen sighs, resisting the urge to roll her eyes. Kaya nga ayaw niya rin sa Burgundy e. Kuya Migo insisted to their mother na doon na lang siya tumira with him, pero alam ni Maureen na all he'd be doing is breathe down her neck.

She's thankful he raised her and Megan, pero minsan, napaka-overprotective niya, feeling niya she's still thirteen years old.

He still sees her as a kid. If Kuya Inggo, who's still standing by the hallway, waiting for them and watching the exchange, never took her up on her offer, she'd be pretty sure na bata lang din ang tingin niya kay Maureen.

"Kuya, come on. This is my condo. I'm pretty sure I can invite whoever I want to here."

His eyes flare at the insinuation. "Mau—"

"Baby," Ate Jiya intervenes, raising an eyebrow at him. "Remember what we talked about? Maureen is in college na, she's a big girl, she can make her own decisions..." She trails off, giving him another pointed look and tilting her head to the side.

Maureen could kiss Ate Jiya's feet.

"I love you, Ate," she mouths to her future sister-in-law. Maureen is pretty sure pakakasalan siya ng kuya niya.

Ate Jiya winks at her.

Kuya Migo's face twists uncomfortably, but his shoulders slump in defeat. He narrows his eyes at Maureen's victorious face and grits out, "Fine, pero if wala kang kasama palakad pauwi, tawagan mo 'ko."

Her argument is already prepared. "I can walk home alone—"

"'Yon na lang, Mau," Kuya Migo cuts her off, clenching his jaw. "'Wag 'pag gabi, 'yon lang. Delikado papunta dito from school, intindi mo 'ko?"

"Fine, fine, yes." Maureen nods profusely, pushing them out. "I'll call you 'pag wala akong kasama pauwi, I promise. Bye, ingat!"

Satisfied, they finally leave.

While she's eating dinner in the middle of unpacking, stuffing siomai in her mouth, her phone buzzes.

Her jaw drops open.

First text ni Kuya Inggo sa kanya. Ever.

Kuya Inggo: you can call me rin if wala kang
kasama pauwi. Don't walk home alone, Rinn.

She's saved his number since last year, no'ng freshman pa lang ang kuya niya, because Kuya Migo said to her and Meg, "In case may emergency sa bahay or kailangan n'yo 'ko and 'di ko nasagot tawag n'yo, call him." He also gave them Kuya Cas's and Kuya Anton's numbers. Later on, no'ng naging sila na ni Ate Jiya, he also made Maureen and Megan put in her number.

Pero never niya pang ginamit ang number ni Kuya Inggo. When she asked him to take her virginity, pumunta lang siya sa Burgundy nang walang warning.

Swallowing thickly, she texts him back.

I doubt it's necessary, but thank you,
Kuya Inggo. :)

Na-shock siya lalo when he reads that immediately and types agad, replying not a minute later.

Kuya Inggo: I'm serious, don't walk home alone.
Tama si Migo, mas delikado from school to Blue
kesa school to Burgundy

Maureen sighs. He also thinks she's a child.

I'm not stupid, I know that. 
 I promise I'll call.

Kuya Inggo: I wasn't saying you're
stupid, of course you're not. sorry, it
came out wrong, Rinn.

Yup, perfectly fine, no worries!
Thanks again for the offer.

Kuya Inggo: okay, goodnight haha
see u around campus!

Maureen hopes so...and not.

She sighs.

Night! :)

Malaki ang Ateneo. Her first year goes by without seeing much of him.

Kung magkikita man sila, it's because magkasama sila ni Kuya Migo or with their barkada, and they just happen to run into each other's paths—papunta sa class si Maureen, tapos sila papunta na sa UPTC o pauwi na o vice versa, o nagkakataon ang lunchtime nilang juniors and freshmen tapos nagkikita sila sa Gonzaga o JSEC o sa mga kainan sa Katip.

Her eyes lock with Kuya Inggo's for half a second, then Maureen will wave at them and smile, then pull her friends away, rolling her eyes at their dreamy sighs and barely suppressed squeals.

Making new friends has never been a problem for her, pero minsan talaga, gusto niya magsabi na lang ng mga masasamang...words.

Nalaman niya, kaka-start niya pa lang ng classes, na Ateneo 'it' couple pala si Ate Jiya and Kuya Migo. The amount of blockmates and batchmates who knew about them and was asking her about them was astounding.

Noong tinanong siya kung paano naging sila, she shrugged, realizing she didn't know, and said, "Tanong ko sa Christmas, Ate Jiya's celebrating with us."

Actually, hindi pa natatanong ni Kuya Migo si Ate Jiya, pero gagawin niya na raw soon. Kinakabahan daw siya, as if naman hindi papayag si Ate Jiya. Weirdo.

Minsan, may mga magtatanong sa kanya mismo ng number ng kuya niya kahit alam na nilang taken. Alam niyang susuntukin sila ni Ate Jiya if she ever knew, kaya Maureen doesn't tell her and only says, "Sorry, can't, susuntukin ka ni Ate Jiya if you text Kuya Migo."

Pwede naman niyang i-threaten na lang.

And hindi lang 'yon.

"Mau, what about Inggo de Paz's number? You have it, 'di ba?"

"Mau, he's so hot! Please, please, please set me up on date with him!"

"Mau, I will do your essays for a whole semester if you introduce me to him."

"Mau, sobrang gwapo niya, please, pahinging number!"

Mayro'n pa ngang nag-try i-steal ang phone ni Maureen para makuha ang number ni Kuya Inggo.

It's sickening.

Oh, these people. All they know is gwapo siya 'tsaka hot.

Maureen knows that already, she's not going to argue—hell, nanlalambot pa rin tuhod niya every time nakikita niya si Kuya Inggo. Pero ba't 'di nila alamin na matalino rin siya? Nasa honors program siya in a STEM course where only the top fifteen percent of applicants are accepted—same as Kuya Migo. O na may hobbies siya? He likes basketball, swimming, video games, and Marvel comics/movies/series. O na gusto niyang mag-med after graduation?

So all she can say is, "Sorry, it's not my number to give, you'll have to ask him yourself."

Kaya siya t-in-ext ni Kuya Inggo habang nasa library siya at half past seven.

Kuya Inggo: rinn, bakit every time na
may humihingi na freshie ng number ko,
sinasabi nila na kaibigan ka nila?

She winces. Biting her lip, she types her reply.

They kept asking me for it pero hindi 
ko binigay. I told them it's your number
to give so they'll have to ask you themselves.
I'm sorry, I don't even know half of those
who come up to me

Kuya Inggo types. And stops. Then types again.

Kuya Inggo: saan ka?

Maureen blinks, heart climbing up to her throat.

Lib, why?

Kuya Inggo: old or new? what floor?

She tells him, heart pounding in her chest.

Maureen focuses back on her laptop when he doesn't reply na. As if naman pupunta siya rito.

She laughs quietly to herself and shakes her head, slapping herself lightly. He never sought her out before and he's not going to start now. He just wanted to know kasi medyo late na—

"Hi," he whispers in her ear, lips brushing her skin. It makes her jump in her chair, and he sits down on the couch next to her, grinning.

"Kuya Inggo," she whispers with wide eyes, clutching her chest with her hand.

"Hi," he whispers again, resting his cheek on his fist. "Kumain ka na?"

Isusubo kita if you want, sabi ng devil.

PUNYETA, ANG AYOS NG TANONG E, sabi ng angel.

Delikado kasi 'yong tanong, paasa 'yang mga ganyan e—

"Not yet," Maureen whispers. Nasa library kasi sila.

Reaching over, he closes her laptop and grabs it, and then slings his bag over his shoulder. "Come on."

"Kuya Inggo—"

Walang nagawa si Maureen 'cause he's already striding away. Those left in the library turn their heads to watch him with wide eyes.

Same, sabi niya sa utak niya, scrambling to follow him.

Walang sinabi si Kuya Inggo on the ride sa elevator, hanggang sa palabas ng library, so wala rin siyang sinabi.

No'ng napansin niyang papunta siya sa SOM Forest, Maureen stops.

Kuya Inggo turns around. "What?"

"'Di ako dumadaan d'yan when it's night na," Maureen says.

He raises an eyebrow. "Why? Mas mabilis na to the gate from here."

Alam niya 'yon.

Pero gabi na. The pathway is too long, madilim kasi wala masyadong ilaw, puro puno lang around you...

No. She can't walk there.

"I just don't," Maureen says, taking a step back. "Dadaan ako sa Red Brick and JSEC."

"Rinn, ang layo."

"I don't care."

"Rinn." Kuya Inggo steps towards her. He stares at her face for a few seconds, and then his mouth twitches. "Takot ka?"

"No," she answers quickly.

After a few moments, lips turn up into a grin. "Ah," he murmurs with a laugh, running one hand over his face and head leaning back, exposing his long throat and Adam's apple. "Putangina...you're so..."

She huffs, face heating. "Maarte and childish, I know."

He shakes his head and takes another step toward her. "No. Here." He gives her his hand, meeting her eyes. "Come on."

She blinks owlishly at him.

Never siyang hinawakan ni Kuya Inggo—except for the hair ruffle when he greeted her happy birthday and the sex.

"Malinis 'yan," he jokes.

Oo nga pala. Baka he just came from a quickie bago siya t-in-ext.

"I swear," Kuya Inggo adds softly.

Maureen sighs. When will she get this chance again?

Trusting him, she puts her hand in his, shivering from the touch.

Kuya Inggo pulls her forward, to his side, and walks.

Maureen keeps her eyes on her feet, occasionally glancing at their joined hands. Naka-fold na arm niya while his is stretched dahil sa height difference nila. His hand is big, his fingers slender, and his palm warm and safe.

Lagay mo sa boobs mo, sabi ng devil.

Punyeta.

He leads her out of SOM Forest without words being exchanged between them. As soon as they're in the clearing, Maureen lets go and smiles at him. "Thanks, Kuya Inggo."

He blinks at her at those three words—the same three words she said after her time was up in his bed.

Wala siyang sinabi hangga't sa dinala niya si Maureen sa Tyler's. Kuya Inggo says hi to some of the people there before leading her to a secluded corner for their table.

"Mr. Popular," she teases, just to lighten the atmosphere, as she sits down.

He rolls his eyes with a smile, spreading his legs. Sa laki ba naman niya, parang nagsh-shrink ang table and upuan. Inappropriately, she remembers how she was engulfed in his body, his big arms encaging her small frame. Naisip niya no'n that it would've been nice to spoon with him after.

"Sabihin mo 'yan sa kuya mo," Kuya Inggo says, shaking his head. "Pero wala nang lumalapit sa kanya masyado unlike last year, takot kay Ji."

It makes her grin. "Ate Jiya's possessive."

"Silang dalawa." He takes a breath before leaning forward on his elbows, meeting her eyes. "I just wanted to say thank you for not giving away my number."

"Ah, it's nothing, hindi naman talaga for me to give away." She smiles at him. "I'm really sorry a lot of them bothered you."

"Not your fault." Kuya Inggo scratches the back of his neck, pursing his lips together. "Rinn, I also wanted to say I'm sorry."

"For what?"

He stares at her.

Maureen's smile fades. "Ah."

"'Di ko dapat ginawa," Kuya Inggo continues softly, as if he's not breaking her fucking heart by saying he regrets what they did—"Nagui-guilty ako 'pag humaharap ako kay Migs. I'm thankful you trusted me enough to be your first, pero mali, Rinn, e. Ako 'yong mas matanda, I should've known better."

Maureen's hands fisted themselves into balls on her lap.

She feels like he slapped her.

She understands she jeopardized his friendship with Kuya Migo. Kasalanan niya 'yon. Pero ang sakit din palang marinig na Kuya Inggo only sees her as that—a threat to their friendship.

Kahit anong pangarap ni Maureen, never niyang i-ri-risk ang friendship nila ni Kuya Migo for her.

Ang hirap abutin n'on noon, alam ni Maureen, pero imposible na mangyari 'yon ngayon.

"Don't apologize," Maureen murmurs, trying for a smile even as she claws at her arms under the table to keep her tears at bay. "It's not like I gave you a choice. I literally begged you."

His eyebrows furrow. "Rinn—"

"If it makes you feel any better, it was a conscious and...very willing decision on my part, and I insisted kahit 'di ka pumayag no'ng una. If anyone has to feel guilty, it's me, and if you want me to tell Kuya Migo, I'll do it. Hindi ka niya sasaktan or i-b-blame, I promise."

"Rinn, that's not it." Kuya Inggo sighs and runs a hand over his face. Nalulungkot si Maureen na ganito siya ka-seryoso ever since that night. Before that, lagi siyang masiyahin and maloko. Ngayon, he barely smiles around her. "I just...your first should've been with someone you love."

It was, sabi ni Maureen sa utak niya.

"Someone who should've...cleaned you up himself and cuddled with you. Someone you shouldn't have had to thank and walk away from minutes after."

Maureen frowns, raising an eyebrow. "I knew what I was getting into. You warned me. All those things I did after—'di ba 'yon ang gusto mo?"

Kuya Inggo looks pained. "Yes, pero hindi dapat 'yon ang naging experience mo—"

"I chose what I got," Maureen says, cutting him off. "It's fine."

He bows his head, letting out a deep breath. Then he raises his head again, and looks into her eyes. "Someone who should've asked the morning after kung sore ka and taken care of you."

"I was," Maureen tells him as nonchalantly as possible with a shrug, looking away and staring at the table. She swallows thickly and shakes her head. "Anyway, it's fine. Like I said, it was my choice. And wala na rin tayong magagawa, tapos na. I'm sorry I put you in this position. Can we put it past us?"

Kuya Inggo stares at her for a few moments before nodding once. "Okay." He gives her a slow smile that makes her want to kiss him stupid. But she can't. "How's your first year? How's COM?"

Maureen subtly heaves a sigh of relief. They go into easy conversation about school and Kuya Migo and Ate Jiya until dinner ends, and Kuya Inggo walks her home.

"Thanks, Kuya Inggo," she says with a bright smile and wave before turning around to head into her building.

Once she's inside her unit, that's when she allows her tears to fall.