Duece:
Take my hand let's go, 
Somewhere we can rest our souls.
We'll sit where it's warm, 
You say look we're here alone.
Chorus:
I was running in circles, 
I hurt myself, 
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless, 
I didn't deserve this, 
But to me you were perfect.
I'm scattered through this life.
If this is life I'll say good bye.
She's gone like an angel, 
With wings let me burn tonight.
Chorus
I was running in circles
I hurt myself, 
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless, 
I didn't deserve this, 
But to me you were perfect.
Johnny 3:
I see me writin on this paper.
Prayin for some savior.
Wishin to intake her and save her.
In a world so, so godless so thoughtless, 
I don't know how we wrought this, 
All the love that you brought us.
It feels like I'm killin myself.
Just willin myself.
Just to pray for some help.
I'd give it all just to have, have your eternity.
Cause it's all that assures me.
It's worth all that hurts me.
I'd give you my heart, 
And I'd let you just hold it.
I'd give you my soul, 
But I already sold it.
On that day, 
That day I walked away in December.
I will always remember.
I'll regret it forever.
I remember brown eyes, 
So sad and blue skies.
Turned to darkness and night.
I'm so sick of the fight.
I won't breathe unless you breathe, 
Won't bleed unless you bleed.
Won't be unless you be, 
'Till I'm gone and I can sleep.
Chorus
I was running in circles
I hurt myself, 
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless, 
I didn't deserve this, 
But to me you were perfect.
Chorus
I was running in circles
I hurt myself, 
Just to find my purpose.
Everything was so worthless, 
I didn't deserve this, 
But to me you were perfect. 
Tha Producer:
I've gone away, 
Seen better times in yesterday (I hurt myself).
It's hard to say, 
That everything will be okay (I hurt myself).
I've gone away, 
Seen better times in yesterday (I hurt myself).
It's hard to say, 
That everything will be okay (I hurt myself)

I sighed as I listened to my iPod in lunch. Cliff was sitting silently, occasionally taking sips of his drink. Jer was quietly reading a book. Jay was flicking through his iPod. Adalyn was writing a paper, occasionally glancing at me.

It was an awkward lunch. No one knew what to say. They didn’t know what to say to me about my mom. We didn’t know how to bring up Richie. I had a feeling if we mentioned Richie, Jer would start crying. He wasn’t a wimp or anything, but he and Richie had also been pretty close.

An unspoken need was the only reason we had come to school. To be there for each other. Maybe we had all had pathetic hopes of Richie popping up at the lunch table with PacMan.

That maybe this was all just a bad nightmare. But it wasn’t. We all knew that. I watched as Alex entered the lunch room laughing with Paige.

Bitter jealously gripped me.

Why did she get to laugh? Why wasn’t she in pain too? I thought she loved me? Why wouldn’t she just hear me out?

I slowly got up. “I’ll be right back,” I grumbled. They all nodded, watching me carefully. I felt their eyes on me as I glided over to Alex.

“Alex?” I was going to try this one more time. “I really need to talk to you.” She spun around with a glare. “Ohmigosh! You freaking fag! GO AWAY! Go kill yourself or something,” she snapped.

“YOU BITCH!” I screamed. The lunch room went quiet. Even the security guards were watching in shock. “YOU MOTHER FUCKING WHORE!” She was watching me with wide eyes.

I was shaking violently. I was so full of hurt. “You dirty prep! I just wanted to apologize to you because I felt bad! You know what? I don’t care anymore. I just don’t fucking care. I’m a fucking fag right? It’s not like I have feelings right? Nope. I’m just some stupid emo fag. Live your perfect life prep. I hope you’re fucking happy!”

I stormed away from her. I left the lunch room. I walked to an empty classroom and sat down in the corner.

“Shame?”

Jay timidly walked into the room and sat next to me. “What’s wrong?” he asked gently. “Besides the obvious.”

He was watching me with concern. I sighed in frustration. “I love her,” I said at last. “I love Alexandria Arnold.” Jay bit his lip. “Shame, she’s a prep. It doesn’t work.”

“I know!” I snapped. He frowned. I dropped my eyes to the ground, my way of apologizing to my friends. He was just trying to be there for me. “I’m alright Jay. I’m not going to cut myself.” At the moment. Not here, at least.

“Maybe you should go home,” he said. I nodded. “I probably should. But I don’t want to.” Too many reminders of the life I had just lost.

“So what are you going to do about Adalyn?” he asked. “Her dad will murder you if you dump her.” That was true. The last time I had gone over Addie’s house, he just happened to be cleaning his shot gun and talking to me about how fragile his daughter was.

He was kind of scary.

I shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess I’ll just dump her and hope her dad never finds me.” Jay laughed softly.

We went back to the lunchroom. “You alright?” Jer asked. I nodded. “Yea. Just tired.” Addie laid her head on my shoulder. Ugh. Clingy bitch. I hated clingy bitches.

“I’ll cover your shift tonight if you want,” she said. I nodded. “Yea. Thanks.” Ha! And I still get paid for it. The day rushed through until I was walking off the bus at my house.

Lizzy and Josh were outside talking and sitting. I had a feeling Lizzy was trying not to cry in front of me.

“Hi Seamus. Are you going to work tonight?” she asked me and I shrugged. Lizzy knew me too well. She knew I just wanted to get back to a normal life. Even though nothing was normal. I was pretty sure Lizzy would take me in to care for me until I was 18. Unless Josh didn’t want me.

What a dick.

“I guess I can work tonight,” I said as I went inside. They followed me. “Are you hungry?” she asked. “I’ve got it,” I said and moved into the kitchen as my stomach growled.

“Do you mind?” I snapped as they watched me. “Um…Seamus?” Josh said nervously. “What?” I asked in a tired voice. He shook his head. “Never mind.” Alright. Whatever would float his fucking boat.

I ate and got ready for work. Lizzy drove me out to the mall in silence. “I’ll pick you up when your shift ends,” she said as I jumped out of the car. I went into Hot Topic and Addie looked surprised as she checked a customer out. “Oh! I didn’t think you were coming,” she said as she scanned the price of a CD.

“Well, I decided to. Josh is too much of a dick to be around,” I said. I really didn’t like him. He just annoyed me shitless.

“Aw, well, here. Can you go put these CD’s on the shelf?” I nodded and grabbed the box of CD’s. “Cliff stopped by. He said that if you showed up, he wanted you to text him,” she said as she got the person their change.

“Oh joy,” I grumbled as I stacked the CD’s. I texted him quickly before going back to work and helping random people find what they needed. “So they really got rid of the shirt?” one girl asked me as I tried to help her find was she was looking for.

I nodded. “Yea. It sucks. It was a good shirt,” I said, trying to act like my normal self. She shook her head sadly. I showed her a different design. “You can try it on if you want,” I said. “Whoa, Seamus the fag works here?” I sighed in annoyance. Rick. He was a jock. “Shut up preppy dumb ass,” I said as I turned to face him. Oh shit.

He was holding hands with Alex.