I got to Seamus’s house. That Josh guy came over to me. “Go on inside. He’s in his room,” he said quietly. I thanked him and ran up the stairs in the house and into Seamus’s room.

He didn’t look at me as I entered. He was looking at his bleeding wrists. “Seamus!” I screamed and ran over to him. He was shaking. I grabbed one of his shirts and wrapped it tightly around his wrists.

He looked into my eyes. “Richard James Collins,” he said quietly. I hugged him and he shook harder. “They named him after his dad. That’s why Rachel’s name is Rachel Jane Collins. Because they thought they weren’t going to have a boy. And now they don’t have a boy. And now I don’t have a best friend.”

Poor, poor Seamus. I couldn’t even imagine what he was going through. I gently handed him his cell phone. “Why? Why did it have to happen?” he whispered. “My mom and Richie.” My eyes widened. His mom had died too?

“Oh god Seamus,” I whispered and held him. He was parentless and he didn’t even have his best friend to help him get through it.

“I’m not strong,” he whimpered. I looked at his green eyes. They were shining thanks to the tears building up in his eyes. “I’m not as strong as everyone thinks. It hurts. Everything hurts. Every word. Every punch. Every time they say shit to me. It all hurts so much.”

I stroked his hair as he violently fought against his own emotions. “I just want my parents. I want Richie. I want them back. I want to know the answers. I want to know why it’s happening.” His voice was cracking. “I don’t know what happens to me now.”

Seamus…

I pulled him into a tight hug and kissed his lips. He kissed back hard, looking for any distraction from reality. I could taste the salty tears rolling down his cheeks. He kissed me harder, not wanting me to see him breaking.

We finally pulled away and Seamus ducked his head as he wiped at his eyes. Seamus looked back up at me with red eyes. This poor, abandoned emo.

He took a deep breath and shuddered. “Will you be okay?” I asked him gently. “I’ll make it,” he said quietly. We laid down on his bed together, just holding each other. He needed this right now and I was more than happy to give it to him.

I watched as Seamus fell asleep, gently breathing. Lizzy came in, tears still in her eyes. “Do you mind staying here?” she whispered to me. I shook my head. “No.” “I’ll call your parents and explain everything,” she said and I thanked her.

I curled up with Seamus and found myself falling asleep.

***Clifton’s POV***

Richie was dead. Seamus would no doubt take his own life. Paxton was dying. That would leave just Jer and Jay. If Paxton died, I was killing myself. I had made up my mind about that.

His ankle was shattered from when I tried to push him out of the way. Dad told me. I didn’t feel bad. A permanent limp was better than him dying on the spot. He still had a small chance of living.

Richie and Seamus didn’t.

Seamus was technically an orphan now. He was too broken to go on. Anyone could see that if they would spare him the glance. I saw it the moment his father went missing. Seamus was doomed to suicide. How would he do? Noose? Gun? Knife?

How would I do it?

I wasn’t quite sure. I worried for Paxton’s reaction to the situation if he ever woke up. He was too gentle hearted to handle the death of Richie. I remember when his grandfather died. Poor guy had been a wreck.

Dad came into my room and sat on my bed. I was smoking and I didn’t care if he saw. I usually tried to hide drugs and alcohol from him so that he wouldn’t worry about leaving me home alone. But I was just too tired to care at the moment.

Dad took the cigarette out of my hand. “It’s bad for you.” Thank you, captain obvious. “Look, Cliff. I know Richie’s death hurts you. But imagine how it’s hurting Seamus Fitzpatrick. You can’t take it out by abusing your own health. Let it be a lesson to you. You have your whole life ahead of you.”

Sheesh he was fucking annoying. I wasn’t in the mood. My friend had just died. “Go away,” I said coldly. Maybe I should go check on Seamus. Then again, if he wanted to kill himself, I wasn’t going to stop him. It was his choice and I wasn’t going to interfere. It was like an unspoken code.

He had lost his mom. I knew that pain. I knew it so well. Only his mom hadn’t chosen to leave his life. My mom had. She didn’t want me. I was just a smartass little fucker, according to her last words to me.

I had put it behind me though. That was the difference between Seamus and I. I was a lot stronger than him. He couldn’t put the past behind him. He lived by the “Never forgive, never forget” code. I lived by the “Never forgive, never forget, but get the fuck over it” code.

Seamus was weak because he just couldn’t let the past go. Something that happened to him 6 years ago and he still tried to milk it for attention. I never mentioned my mom. Never mentioned that she walked out on my family because of me.

Her choice, my silent suffering. Seamus was a man whore and an attention whore. It made me sick to watch him. He was annoying with the way he held onto stupid things.

Dad was still watching me. “What are you thinking?” he asked gently. I glanced at him. “I’m thinking I want my cigarette back.”

***Seamus’s POV***

I woke up and a wave of anguish crashed over my entire being. No more Richie. No more mom. No more dad. Nope. All gone.

I hugged Alex tight and she slowly woke up. “Sorry,” I whispered. I just needed to hold her. She gave a small smile and kissed my lips.

“At least now I can stay I’ve slept with you,” I said jokingly, trying to get back to my old self. Suffer on the inside. That’s what I would do. Alex smiled wider and rolled her eyes. “Typical emo.”

I laughed softly and kissed her.

Maybe my world was falling apart.

But at least I had Alex.

…At least for the moment.

Too bad nothing lasts forever.