***Seamus’s POV***

I left the mall and went home. I was so pissed off. I slammed the front door and flung my shoes off. I expected to hear Lizzy screaming at me, but I realized she and mom must be out to lunch together.

Angrily, I stormed up the stairs and into my room. Sure guys. Just leave Seamus out of everything. Not like I was part of the family or anything. I slammed the door and didn’t bother to lock it. I went on over to my desk. I was so sick of this. So sick of people fucking with my emotions.

Dammit, I was a person too! Just because I wore black and slit my wrists, it didn’t mean I should be treated badly like this! I opened my desk drawer and pulled out a piece of paper and a pen.

I went on over to my bed and crawled under it. I felt around until I found the loose floorboard. Dad had found it just a week before he had left. He had told me he’d fix it when he got back.

“Use it as a hiding place for something special until then,” he’d said with a wink. I had just smiled and hid my game boy there. I pulled up the board and picked it up.

My dad’s gun.

The cold metal felt heavy in my hand. It was comforting. I crawled back out and gently set it down next to me. I picked up the pen and began to write my suicide note, becoming lost in the words of my pain.

“OH MY GOD SEAMUS!’

My heart slammed as I spun around to face Lizzy.

Dammit! I had been so lost in my writing I had failed to hear her. Her eyes were wide in horror. She ran over and grabbed my shirt with one hand and the gun with the other. She pulled me up close to her face and shoved the gun under my nose. “What the hell is this?!” she screamed.

I smacked her hand off and reached for the gun. She held it away and grabbed my unfinished note. She carefully held it away from me and read it. Her eyes filled with tears.

“MOM!” she shrieked. “MOM!” I heard my mom’s feet storming up the stairs. “What?!” she cried, out of breath. “What’s wro-” Her eyes widened. Lizzy handed her the note.

She read it and staggered back. She collapsed on my bed. “Oh my god,” she whispered. “Oh my god!” My face went emotionless. Death was my choice.

“Seamus…why?” Lizzy whispered. I didn’t move. I kept my face the same. “Answer me dammit!” she cried. “Let’s go downstairs,” mom said, her voice shaking.

Lizzy and mom forced me downstairs. Lizzy basically threw me on the couch. I kept my face the same. “Seamus, please talk to us,” Lizzy begged. “We want to help you! We love you Shame!”

There was a knock on the door and Lizzy hesitated before going to get it. “Seamus, is it because of me?” mom whispered. My face stayed the same as more tears built in her eyes. “I love you Seamus. I really do! You're my baby boy!” I didn’t believe her.

***Alex’s POV***

Lizzy’s words swam around my head, looking for entrance into my brain. I refused to understand them. Refused to believe them. Seamus had problems, sure.

But to kill himself?

To take his own life?

Nope.

Not possible.

I would wake up any second now.

But I didn’t wake up. I continued to stare at her in shock. She rubbed the back of her neck and sighed. “Maybe you can help?” she asked hopefully. I doubted I could. But I still followed her inside.

Seamus didn’t look at me. His expression remained the same and his eyes stared blankly at nothing.

“Seamus?” I asked gently. “Seamus?” He refused to meet my eyes. “Seamus, honey, please talk,” Lizzy begged.

His phone buzzed and he robotically pulled it out of his pocket and answered it. “Hello?” His voice was as emotionless as his face. “Nothing. I’ll talk to you later. I want to be alone.” His eyes flicked to us as he spoke.

Seamus hung up the phone and stood up. “Seamus, come back!” Lizzy said. “Shut up!” he exploded. “I want to be alone! You have my gun! You want my knife? Here!” He whipped his pocket knife on the ground.

I nearly barfed. There was dried blood on it. “And my wristband!” He flung his wristband on the ground, revealing deep gashes on his wrist. The other wrist was still covered by his cast. His mom gasped and covered her mouth, her eyes, fixed on his mutilated wrists, were wide in absolute horror

“Anything else? My heart? My pride?” he screamed, his face turning a brilliant red. “Take it! Take it all!”

He turned and stormed off.

Lizzy sighed sadly. “I’m so sorry Alex. Maybe you should leave.” I nodded shakily and left.

***Seamus’s POV***

I angrily ruffled my hair and kicked the wall. I sighed, feeling the need for a smoke. My cigarettes were in the kitchen.

I left my room and headed towards the kitchen. I could hear mom and Lizzy talking and I stopped and pressed my ear against the door.

“Mom, maybe we need to admit him in a mental hospital? He obviously needs help!” Her voice was thick with worry. “I can’t handle him Lizzy. I just can’t handle him. I’ve never been able to. He’s always demanded everyone’s attention and I just can’t give him the amount of attention he feels he needs. Your father spoiled him. There’s nothing I can do for him..”

It was silent. “Don’t say that mom!” Lizzy cried at last. “He needs us to help him!” I could hear mom sigh. “Well, I can’t help him! He was spoiled rotten by his father. Now his father is gone and he’s angry that he doesn’t get what he wants anymore.”

I angrily kicked open the door, nearly knocking it off its hinges. Mom and Lizzy looked shocked. I was shaking in anger. “You dirty bitch,” I growled, eyes locked on mom.

“You think I’d kill myself just because I don’t get what I want? IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK YOU BITCH?!” She looked kind of scared. Good. “I loved my dad! He was my hero! He was everything to me! And then I lose him! And when I lose him, my mom abandons me! And now I’m losing my sister too? The only person who actually cared about me? You don’t know how much it hurts!”

I stormed out of the room, ignoring everyone and everything as I left the house. I didn’t know where I was going. I didn’t want to be around anyone. I just wanted to be six feet under.

***Alex’s POV***

I paced my room with thoughts of Seamus swimming around my head. I had been trying to paint my nails but I had been so distracted I almost messed them up.

My mind wouldn’t even focus on picking out an outfit tomorrow!

That’s how I knew something was wrong.

But what was wrong, exactly?

Seamus Fitzpatrick…

Was I honestly…

Falling for him?