You weren't exactly a knight in shining armor nor a prince charming nor just a guy I was waiting to sweep me off of my feet. You and I are basically just friends...with benefits.

And in all honesty, I have never expected nor saw myself to be in this set up. But you convinced me to be a part of it with you, to do something this exclusive with you.

If the people in college knew that we act like bunnies jumping onto each other, they might have thought otherwise or not believe at all. Someone who seemed so innocent and demure had this side hidden beneath their facade.

We may have started off with something trivial and obscene. But every single day I spent with you felt like a breath of air away from the toxic reality, our own little escape. We clicked the moment we met, letting ourselves drown in the warmth of the other.

But I know that this is something temporary. It has been established from the beginning, the terms we agreed on, or more like the terms you've wanted and I accepted.

I cannot fall for you. I cannot grow attached to you. Because when I do, I know I'll lose in the end. We are two opposite poles that could never meet no matter how close we get. I know I will never be the girl you would desire which is why I am killing the thought of wanting to be with you before it could feel deeper.

But I would have to admit that you confuse me though.

I was confused over your actions and words that continue to swoon me each day.

Did I ever regret giving a part of me to you?

And my answer still surprises me every time.

It would always be no. That despite the circumstances we started, we remained friends and kept both feelings intact as one. Our relationship never just revolved around physical intimacy, you assured me enough that it wasn't going to be all that. I never regretted it because you gave me a part of you as well.

But like any other beginning, it won't always end happily ever after. Our relationship continues to flow through like a heartbeat, a swirl of excitement but falls back to the state where it started. I am grateful for you for making me feel special in your smallest ways of appreciation, for looking after me, and for making me feel I belong. 

March 29, 2022 | ELG