It has been roughly four years ago since I last saw you. But I never truly forgot your face. You are sitting right next to me in that chemically stained table in chemistry class, that was where I first saw you.

I remember how you used to follow me around every laboratory procedure or experiments. You even stick so close to me during titration and I eventually scolded you for playing with the reagents. You would always take my tablet and play with it. Taking pictures of us, of me looking annoyed at the stolen pictures.

Meeting you in that laboratory is a constant thing we do. You'd tease me or ask how my day had been every time I met you along the hallways.

What pained me is that I never got out of the zone of what you see in me, a friend. It was all I am to you. It hurts but I tried to think that at least I was by your side constantly even when there would be times that you would look past me.

I saw you on that dreadful day.

You said, "Hi" to me and rushed to your next class. We were going in different directions. It was the day I thought of ending myself. I felt like I didn't have anyone back then. I thought that I had you, but I didn't.

You were the leading man of my every daydream.

The prince charming of my every fantasy.

The guy I once hoped would save me.

You are the first guy I ever introduced or talked about to my mom. I dreamily talked about you every night. Imagining a future with you. My thoughts were always filled with you. My immature brain and hopeless heart worked that way.

I guess, it is a possible reason as to why I could never forget about you even after all these years that passed. You became my constant dream for four years. Every part of me screamed of you back then.

You left an unremovable mark. You left a scar, a very memorable scar which I hope by now is starting to fade.

I will never have you. No matter how far or how hard I imagine it from happening. It will be just as it began to be, an imagination.

You are a married man now. You have pledged in court with all its witnesses that you are taking her as your wife. A title I once dreamt of having. I wish for your happiness. I wish you happiness. I wish I could have given it to you but I hope she could give you more than I could ever give.

This is the final notion that all I was meant to be is your friend who once admired you from afar. I'm thankful for the memories. I am grateful for those everyday small talks. I am lucky to have met you even for just a short while. I am always hoping for greatness in your life, for you and your family.

2021 |  RAD