The Strange Neighbour – A strange and very amusing tale (now it is over!!!)

About five years ago the upstairs flat which is owned by a landlord and always has a tenant, was empty again. We were hoping for a neighbour nothing like the previous one who had smoked cannabis and filled the flat below with the stench.  I was hoping for a nice couple or a single professional lady.

I was slightly horrified to see a man who looked rather like Ben Gunn from Treasure Island one day on the stairs going up to the upstairs flat. Oh dear, I thought, I hope he is nicer than he looks. My neighbour who lived opposite at the time (he has now moved on as he also was a tenant) said he looked like Father Christmas, a very unkempt one I might add!

Now, we all know that it is wrong to judge a book by it's cover and that is something I try not to do, but sometimes what you think and what you get are the same thing, sad to say! Ha, ha. And we do have to 'suss' people out; some are bad influences or trouble makers and need to be given a wide berth.

Again, I saw the guy going up the stairs and I just spoke briefly 'Good morning' or whatever. A few days later, I found a packet of (out of date) chocolates by my front door. Oh no, I thought, the guy upstairs has left them for me. I told my husband that as the neighbour had not seen him, he thought I lived alone. I found this very unsettling and if I had been alone I would not have liked it one tiny bit!  I unkindly threw the out of date chocolates away – who wouldn't?

One day, I saw the new neighbour outside in the car park with a woman near a green car. She glanced at me and I heard her say (very rudely I thought) 'Is that her?' I said 'good morning' (which they both ignored) and hurried inside. I was beginning to think that this guy fancied me. He still hadn't seen my husband!

Then one evening, there was a knock at our front door. How I wished my husband had opened the door, but as he has walking difficulties I usually take that chore upon myself, especially at the end of the day when he is tired. I opened the door and there stood the strange neighbour. He handed me an open packet of Rich Tea biscuits and said "To celebrate my moving in." Being of slow wit (I have always been like that, it is not due to old age Lol) instead of taking one biscuit, which is what I think he meant me to do, I took the whole packet saying 'thank you' and hurriedly closed the door!

'Who was that?' asked my husband,

'The new tenant upstairs,' I replied 'and he's given me a packet of opened biscuits. To celebrate his moving in!'

'How peculiar' my husband said.

'I wish you had answered the door to him.' I said.

I wished I had had the nerve to say to him 'I'd prefer to celebrate your moving out!' It was certainly what I was thinking.

I must say I really laughed when I thought about him offering me one biscuit, when I took the whole packet! He had rather a surprised look on his face when I took it, but he said nothing! Isn't that hilarious! It was the funniest thing. Ha, ha, ha. I'm laughing now as I write. I crumbled up the biscuits, two at a time and gave them to the birds who really appreciated them.

Anyway, as time went by the guy came out in his 'true colours.' Apparently, the neighbour beneath him saw him often drunk and stumbling up the stairs after a night out at the pub. Then he started to smoke cannabis and it made the flat beneath smell. We often smelt it in the hallway and once, very strongly in our bathroom which backs onto the bottom of the hallway stairs. So he must have sat there smoking. He also bumped and banged about a lot in the early hours of the morning, so we and the neighbour beneath him complained and eventually he moved out.

To add insult to injury, when he moved out the silly man did not empty his chip pan or deep fat fryer and cooking oil was spilled all over the floor near the entrance door. We were about to have new carpets in the hallways, so we were grateful it hadn't happened yet. At least his friend, the woman with the green car came and cleaned the carpet, although not well enough and it smelt strongly for some time.

Anyway, so glad he has gone. We now have a lovely nurse upstairs, she is of African descent, is very beautiful and is always smiling. She has been here for four years now and loves the peace and quiet as she works night shifts. We are very fond of her and so pleased we have her here with us. She is JUST what we were praying for!

I hope this makes you laugh, although I have noticed now I have grey hair, lots of old men stare at me and I don't like it one bit! And it is not funny...where is George Clooney when you need him?

January 2021

PS     For those of you who have not read Treasure Island, you should. It is a classic. I must read it again soon myself. And Ben Gunn was a wild man, with long hair, who had been ship wrecked on an island alone for a long, long, long time. Get the picture? Ha, ha.