I awoke at 4am for the 3rd time that evening to my daughters screaming for food or a diaper change possibly both. Since I had to be gone by 6:45am I figured I might as well just stay up. After tending to storm it was time for me to get myself ready for the day.  I placed her in her stroller and and pushed her in the bathroom with me while I showered. I made sure to make my shower quick since every time I get in she cries, however I am beginning to notice that only happens if I close the shower curtain and she can't see me. I got out and began drying myself off I heard my phone ding temporarily interrupting my music. I looked down at a text from my husband, which read "You Good?"  

Ignoring it I continued drying off and putting on my clothes. A simple burgundy pair of athletic shorts and black tank top with my black and white air max, a cute but chill outfit not too much. I threw my curls in a messy bun on top of my head, I applied the slightest bit of mascara and clear lip gloss and called it a day. I had a few things to do today like check on my food stamps application and see about getting Storm registered for daycare, I wasn't looking forward to it but eventually I would have to go back to work. I knew I couldn't depend on my husband and very soon it would just be me and Storm. The problems that began to present themselves could no longer be avoided or hidden.

The constant yelling and avoidance of day to day conversations the stress of messing up over the slightest things the abuse. As well as past traumas that hunted both of us things we never forgave things never forgotten. 

Storm and I made our way out of the building. It was already 80 degrees at 6:30am. I finally made it to the bus stop after playing a game of chicken with oncoming traffic. I hated crossing the street alone, especially with a baby it gives me extreme anxiety. There was a group of girls who I recognized from the shelter but had not formally introduced myself yet.

"Hey you're the new girl right?" before me stood a small framed Asian woman, her black hair was wavy and hung down her back touching her waist.

"What's your name? They call me Mimi" she vocalized much enthusiasm despite her crooked teeth her beauty shined through.

"Oh I'm Renee, and this is Storm." I answered with a small smile letting her know I wasn't as mean as I looked. I guess I just have a resting bitch face so they call it. She immediately took a liking to Storm the way many people did.

"Aww how old is he?"

"She I quickly corrected her so many people thought Storm was a boy since she is bald and I dress her gender neutral some days. I was a tomboy myself and just couldn't deal with the color pink. Mimi had just begun to introduce her kids when my phone started ringing in my pocket. I looked at the screen and my husband's name flashed across it. I knew I couldn't ignore him forever so I apologized and excused myself to take the call.

"What's up?" I answered in a monotone voice

"I'm downtown waiting for you guys, are you on the bus yet?"

"Yeah I'll call you when I get off the bus"

I hung up the phone with swiftness. It irked me to talk to him sometimes. I hated how he could just act like everything was normal like he didn't throw me down a flight of stairs the same week I gave birth to our daughter. And I questioned how I could even want to stay with someone after that. How could I have gotten so consumed by another person that I allowed myself to become so lost.