In my last session, my therapist asked if I ever visited the place of the 'incident'. She meant the snickelway in which I got kidnapped by a human-eating giant monster with hypnotism powers and got transported to another dimension, but yes I can understand that anyone who didn't experience it would think it all sounds so silly. Furthermore, the monster has been nicknamed Snickelway like it was some Celtic or Nordic fairytale goblin or imp creature; it gives off more Rumplestilskin levels of villainy and fear rather than a being planning on slowly abducting and then consuming the entire human race. The word snickelway has increased in popularity and use, and is no longer used only by the locals of North Yorkshire; the rise of the word changed to be predominantly about the incident, as no one can say it without thinking about the kidnappings. When I'm walking through the city centre, I can hear people saying the word, especially at night in the context of male drunkenness who needs a piss in an alley, using the word snickelway despite it not being a technical snickelway. They say it as a joke.

Like with every newsworthy incident, there are three sides: those who worry and care, or at least pretend to be on the surface about the tragedy; those who are indifferent to anything outside of their own sphere; and then there are those who will make jokes. The former and latter currently visit to the city in droves, wanting to see the infamous snickelway, either out of morbid curiosity, social media content, or to laugh and theorise more conspiracies.

Because of the number of tourists crowding in that specific area, I avoid it like the plague, but that is normal for me; I explained to my therapist that I have always disliked crowds for a multitude of reasons due to my autism, introvertism and though she strained from using the words as she cannot professionally diagnose me with it legally, social anxiety. I don't think I have it personally, I just prefer to talk less with certain people, I have no fear of talking to new people, I just see little point. She also seemed to ask questions as if baiting me to say anything that would claim me to have PTSD. I do not. I am fine. It was only an hour. I do not flinch at the mention of the word 'snickelway' nor am I too scared to go near the snickelway. I only avoid that area because of the people; that is all. Not because I have PTSD. How can I when it was only one hour?

My therapist is slowly getting the hint that I'm not going to share any of my thoughts and feelings, well, the ones that she wants to hear, my confession that I do actually need her help, so instead, she asks if I talk to anyone else, friends, family, Cody. She likes to bring Cody up at least once every session, asking if I have spoken with him, or remained in contact, and I reply that we have; we send each other messages. I do not tell her that perhaps I would want more messages between us, but I guess she only brings up Cody because we are 'survivors together'. I suppose we were both fortunate that we knew someone else who had experienced what we went through, everyone else was strangers, knowing no one else from the same town, or not even the same country, let alone being actual friends with each other. Cody and I have someone to talk to, someone who would believe you and not think you're just crazy. Some other survivors I heard were thought crazy enough to be taken to psychiatric help. My therapist also questioned if that was one of the reasons why I was so uneager to share what happened, in fear that the same would happen to me. She keeps on saying that it won't; she probably believes that we were all drugged. I don't know what I believe in now. The more the days pass, the less I start to think it was all real, or maybe I hope it wasn't because the idea that we will all be taken back to that place with no way of stopping that monster from eating us is (a series of words are scratched out) anyone would find that terrifying, how can you possibly try to live your life with that looming in your mind constantly? No, maybe it is best to pretend that it wasn't real, that it was all a drug hallucination. I'm not the only one who thinks so. Whilst everyone who had been kidnapped by Snickelway was detained for questioning, Cody had gone around and asked for people's contact details so that they had a network. He made an online server for everyone to talk to each other about their experience as our therapists or family and friends would just dismiss them as either crazy or drugs.

There are multiple chat rooms for numerous languages and countries, as well as organised video chats with future in-person meet-ups in the works. I told my therapist about the Snickelway Survivors Server, and she seemed pleased with the idea that I am speaking to the others. I do not correct her; whilst I do log on every day, I am a silent reader of all of the posts, not once having contributed. Everyone else makes posts seeking validation and support, especially those who do not have any other survivors living close by, sharing their struggles of living after their escape from Snickelway, Cody being one of the admins and a big contributor, taking his time to comment and help anyone who asks. I sometimes contemplate posting myself, as my therapist says perhaps talking to someone else who has experienced the same thing might help, not that I need help. But we don't have the same experience. These people were trapped and ensurared by Snickelway, stuck in that realm for days, weeks, some of them were there for almost a year, a year taken away from them, and they could not get back. Meanwhile, I was just gone for an hour. There's no comparison. I shouldn't even be a part of this community, I do not deserve any of their support, not that I need it, and it often feels wrong to read their stories. Even the second last person that had been taken had apparently been gone for two days compared to my one hour. But I still go on, some days, just to show that I have been online, as we have all promised to log in at least once a week to show that we have not been taken. I think we all dread the day when someone is retaken, when more people start to disappear.

Not everyone thinks it will happen; as I said, some of us are starting to believe or at least hope that it was all just a large group hallucination, whilst others have created an entire group chat server dedicated to conspiracy theories and trying to find a way to defeat Snickelway, saying that it made a mistake letting us all go, that Snickelway hoisted its own petard and we will be the group of unlikely misfits to take it down... somehow. Cody doesn't interact much on that part of the server; is it because he is more focused on helping those in need of emotional support? Or because he thinks we can't win either? The only way I can see us winning against an interdimensional monster with magic hypnosis powers is with magic ourselves. I feel very silly just thinking about it and joining in on the lunacy. Every now and then, I scan their comments, maybe deep down, I hope they have somehow found the secret to defeat Snickelway, but they all seem at a loss, making theories and strategies that are soon denied and criticised by others or trying to find Snickelway in history or folklore, making comparisons to other mythological names. I try to limit myself in how much I read, not to give myself any false hope, as well as not to remind myself how powerless we all were before Snickelway.

Snickelway let us go. On purpose. It sounded like it was even just amused by how Cody and I broke its spell temporarily. But why did it let us leave? Was that also for its own amusement? Because Snickelway is so arrogant that it will win and wants to tell everyone about its existence? Not that anyone believes us, I hope they never have a reason to, that Snickelway doesn't actually exist and was just a delusion drug of all of our collective minds.

Because if (a long passage of the journal is crossed out)

Since there appears to be no way to stop Snickelway for the moment, nor proof that it exists or continues in its threat, the best course of action is just to continue with life instead of fretting.