Tyler hadn't realized how much his sleepless nights would affect his health, both physically and emotionally. After only two nights, he felt like a zombie. He refused to sit down, afraid that he'd fall asleep if he relaxed even slightly, and always paced his room back and forth until he started to leave a path of scuffed carpet where he constantly walked. He didn't eat, choosing instead to drink coffee or tea or sometimes an energy drink to keep himself awake. But the worst part was that he was extremely emotionally unstable. He couldn't stop thinking about Josh and how much he must have hurt him. He was upset more often than not. Every little thing set him off or made him cry, and he was sick of it.

"Tyler, it's time for your appointment with Dr. Rothlesberger," his mother called, knocking on his door.

"I don't want to go," he said.

"I'm sorry, but you have to."

"No," he snapped, pacing faster until he nearly fell over at every turn. "I'm not going."

"But she's nice," Clancy mumbled from the corner where he was hiding.

"You usually like your appointments with Dr. Rothlesberger," she said.

"I don't want to go!" He hit the door violently as he passed it, and he heard her jump in surprise.

"Tyler, is something wrong?" she asked, her voice much softer now.

"Nothing's wrong," he insisted - he lied, and his stomach twisted with guilt.

Everything was so wrong.

"Maybe if you'd just listened to me when I said Josh wasn't real -" Nico started.

"Shut up, Nico!" Tyler snapped, jabbing his finger at him.

"Tyler, may I come in?" His mother opened the door just a crack, but he still jumped across the room with a shriek of surprise.

"No! Go away!"

"Please talk to me."

Tyler felt his eyes fill up with tears. He ordered himself to stop, and managed to wipe them away before they spilled. "I don't want to go to Dr. Ann's." He glanced at Clancy and sighed in frustration, rubbing his eyes again. "But fine. I'll go. Then I don't want to talk anymore."

He pulled open the door and she blinked in surprise when she saw him. "Tyler, you look exhausted," she said.

"I know," he said. He passed her without looking up from the floor and nearly tripped down the stairs, barely catching the rail before he fell.

He couldn't remember the drive there or back, or anything that they talked about. He just remembered pinching his arm over and over to keep from drifting off while he was sitting on the couch. Dr. Ann asked him how he had done this week. He just mumbled some sorry excuse for an answer - and a dishonest answer, at that - and pinched his arm hard enough to make himself bleed.

Something about being tired. Nightmares. Josh. No sleep, always angry. Cold. Scared. Never wanting to come out of his room ever again. Disconnected words full of fear.

Nico said something, but he didn't know what it was. He didn't care, anyway. He just wanted to go home.

Why was he so tired after only thirty six hours? Or had it been forty eight? Or just forty? He didn't know how long it had been. He hadn't been sleeping well before, anyway. He should be used to this by now, and yet he felt absolutely miserable.

Before he knew it, he was back home, pacing back and forth until the sun went down, and then his eyes landed on the pocket knife sitting on his windowsill. Josh's knife. His beanie was sitting next to it where he'd put it after he'd found them both in the forest. He hadn't been back to the treehouse since then. Had it been a week, or longer? He couldn't think long enough to figure it out.

He slowly picked up the knife and flipped it open, running the blade under his thumbnail like Josh sometimes did. Where was he now? Was he okay?

"Of course he's not okay," Nico said. "We talk about this all the time. He probably never wants to see you again."

"But what if he does?" Clancy muttered, mostly to himself. "What if he does, and Tyler never goes back?"

"I'm not going back to the forest," Tyler said, rubbing the blade between his forefinger and thumb. Even just remembering his nightmares made his chest tighten until he could barely breathe.

"Of course not. You're a coward." Nico snorted and sat down on the bed. Tyler had never seen him so pale before. He seemed to radiate a sort of darkness, and Tyler shivered.

"No, I'm not," he said, turning away.

"You're lying again," Nico said in a sing-song voice that set his nerves on edge.

"Quit it," Tyler demanded, whirling on him and pointing the knife at him. "Quit talking to me like that."

"Like what?"

"You know exactly what you're doing." Tyler waved the knife around as if to make his point clearer. Clancy ducked behind the bed again.

"Well," Nico said with an apologetic shrug, "nothing else is working. So I have to try something else."

"What are you talking about?"

"You trust me."

"No, I don't."

Nico grinned, flashing those slightly pointed teeth. "Liar."

"I'm telling the truth!" Tyler insisted, but deep down, he knew his gut trusted Nico.

"You trust me. You trust me more than your own parents."

"I trust my mom."

"Liar." Nico turned away casually, examining his fingernails.

"Stop saying that!"

"But Tyler, it's true. I don't think you understand the extent of your dishonesty. You're not even honest with yourself."

"He's got a point," Clancy mumbled.

"Yes, I am!" Tyler could feel his heart racing like a rabbit in his chest. His hands were clammy and shaking, and he felt sick to his stomach.

"Liar."

"Stop calling me that!" He was going to cry again. He could feel it. He fought it as best he could, but a tear or two slipped down his face when he blinked, and he furiously wiped them away. "I'm not a liar and I'm not a coward!"

"Then prove it," Nico said, slowly sauntering closer. Tyler stumbled back, reaching for his desk to steady himself, and Nico smirked. "That right there - you're afraid of me. You're afraid of something you created. You're afraid of something that's not even real."

"I'm not afraid of you," Tyler said, but his voice was shaking and more tears escaped his fighting efforts. Get a hold of yourself! he ordered, but it didn't help. It only made him feel worse.

Nico snorted a laugh. "Oh, please. You're terrified of me. You and Clancy. And on top of that, you're afraid of the dark, you're afraid of death and pain, you're afraid of sleeping, you're afraid of eating, driving, talking, leaving your room - you're a coward."

"I'm not a coward!" Tyler shouted. His grip on Josh's knife tightened until his knuckles turned white. He jabbed it at Nico and narrowed his eyes. "And I'll prove it! I'll prove it right now! I'm not afraid of the dark, and I'm not afraid of pain!"

Clancy slowly looked up over the bed, his eyes wide and terrified. "Tyler, wait -"

"Shut up, Clancy," he snapped. "If anyone's a coward, it's you." He flipped the light off and suppressed a shiver as the room went dark, and then marched back to the middle of the room and rolled up his shirt.

"Tyler, this isn't a good idea -"

"I said shut up, Clancy!"

"Come on," Nico taunted. "Prove it to me. Prove you're not a coward."

Tyler gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut, tears spilling down his face, and then he slashed the knife across his bare stomach, once, twice, three times.

"Tyler!" Clancy screamed.

And then the anger dissolved from his heart, and a cold, seizing fear replaced it. Tyler dropped the knife on the floor with a clatter, his eyes wide in panic. He pressed his hands against his stomach, as if he couldn't quite understand what he had done, but then he felt the blood drip over his fingers and collect in his palm, and the sudden pain was enough to take his breath away. Oh no. He dropped to his knees and doubled over, cringing in pain, and started to cry again. "What have I done?" he whispered. "Nico, what have I done?"