"You're not seriously sneaking out again, are you?"

Tyler ignored Clancy's comment and quickly scribbled a note in his notebook, then tore it out and folded it up. He put on his jacket and his shoes, and then pulled his beanie down over his ears. He shoved the note into his pocket and slid the window open, gauging the distance between the tree and the window sill.

"One day you're gonna fall and snap your neck," Clancy said.

"I'm not scared," he said, climbing up and perching on the sill like a bird.

"Your mom's gonna kill you."

"I don't care. This is more important. I have to tell Josh why I can't come out anymore. I don't want him to worry about me."

"But he's always worried," Clancy said. "Haven't you seen his face? He's always worried about you, about everything."

"Not always." Tyler shifted slightly and then jumped down into the tree. The branches scraped against his face and hands and he yelped as he lost his grip and nearly fell. His hands caught the branch just in time.

"Yeah, I bet he's never worried about you," Nico said from the window. "No one ever thinks about you."

"That's not what I meant," Tyler grumbled, sliding down the branch until he could regain his footing on the trunk and shimmy down the tree.

"How are you going to get back up?" Clancy called.

Tyler hadn't thought of that yet. "I'll figure it out when I get there. I'll just jump back in."

"Maybe it's just me," Clancy started, twisting the bottom of his shirt around his finger, "but I feel like maybe jumping from the tree to the window is a bad idea. Just saying."

"Do you have any better ones?" When he didn't answer, Tyler started across the backyard and out into the street. His mom would kill him if she found out he was sneaking out, and if she found out he was sneaking into the forest on top of that, she wouldn't let him out of her sight for the next ten years. But he had to let Josh know what was going on. He couldn't just abandon him, especially after what had happened to his brother. 

Only a few minutes later, his two friends came running up behind him, like they always did. He wished they'd leave him alone for a few hours. He ignored them and continued forward as if he wasn't even aware they were behind him. 

He didn't like the energy of the air that day. It was shattered glass and wilted flowers, and a sort of grey blue tint settled over everything. It was windy and a few rain drops sprinkled from the sky, even though the clouds on the horizon were white instead of grey. It was warmer than it should have been, and Tyler didn't like it. 

The forest was scarier in the wind. The trees swayed back and forth and moaned as their limbs smacked against each other. The bushes rustled in panic and dead leaves swirled down from their branches. He jumped as he thought he saw something running past him, but it was just a shadow, his mind playing tricks on him. He pulled his jacket closer as his eyes darted across the path, and he couldn't help glancing over his shoulder every few minutes. Nobody was watching him. Other than his two imaginary friends, no one was following him. Yet he swore he could hear someone else's footsteps behind him, blowing toward him. 

When he reached the treehouse, the rope was blowing wildly through the air, and nearly hit him in the face as he climbed up to the letterbox to drop his note. He closed the lid and jumped down, and then a stick cracked and he froze.

"Someone's coming," Clancy whispered.

"No one's coming, you idiot," Nico hissed.

Tyler looked up at the letterbox again, and then someone called his name, and he shrieked in surprise. For a second, he thought it was the man's voice, but when he whirled around, he saw it was only Josh, and let himself relax.

"Oh, hey. Hey, Josh." Tyler shifted his weight uncomfortably, embarrassed that he'd jumped liked that.

"Did I scare you?" he asked softly.

"A little," Tyler admitted. "But it's okay. I'm already pretty jumpy."

"Sorry," Josh whispered anyway.

"I'm sorry, but I can't stay very long." Tyler approached him slowly, noticing how he flinched when he stepped on some leaves. "My mom's gonna freak out if she finds out I'm gone. I just came to give you a note. It's in the box." He didn't want to tell him what it said in person, though he wasn't sure why. Maybe he just didn't want to see Josh's reaction. He didn't want to see the anger or disappointment or loneliness.

"I don't want to leave notes anymore," Josh said suddenly.

Tyler blinked in surprise, startled out of his thoughts. "Why not?"

"Because Jordan left me one before..." Josh let his voice trail off and dropped his eyes to the ground, stuffing his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Oh," Tyler said, rather disappointed. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay," he said quickly. "We can keep doing it if you want to."

"Why do you do that?" Tyler suddenly asked.

Josh subtly shifted away from him. "Do what?"

"Whenever you tell me something you want or don't want, you always...take it back. Like you're scared I'll react the wrong way."

"Maybe I am, alright?" Josh suddenly snapped, and then his eyes went wide and he quickly covered his mouth and apologized into his palm over and over.

Tyler blinked again. He didn't know how to respond to that. "Oh," he said.

"Are you mad at me?" Josh asked softly.

"No. I just...didn't expect that. I won't get mad at you for telling me how you feel. Promise." Tyler smiled at him to help him understand.

"Okay." Josh still wouldn't look at him. "I'm sorry, it's just...it's been getting worse, Tyler. I don't know if I can take this anymore."

"What's getting worse?"

"I can't tell you."

"I bet he's some psycho who hallucinates and beats himself up," Nico said from the base of the treehouse. "I mean have you seen those bruises?"

It was true. Josh was still painted with bruises, though most of them were hidden by his jacket and beanie. Tyler thought he could even see a little bit of make-up on his face to cover the one on his cheekbone. But he couldn't let himself believe that Josh was doing it to himself.

"Then who's doing it?" Nico said.

"Let me know if I can do anything for you." Tyler ignored Nico and smiled at Josh again, but this time it was sadder. "You saved me when I was shooting hoops alone, and now I owe you one."

"I'll remember that," Josh said softly. He hesitated for a moment, and then glanced up at him, his coffee eyes concerned and a little afraid. "What's the note say?"

"The note?" Tyler paused for a second to remember. "Oh, the note. Basically my mom is kind of freaked out because she thinks I'm alone too much and she's scared I'll run away again, so she's not letting me out of the house by myself anymore. So I can't see you very often." It hurt more to finally acknowledge it, and the bumblebee feeling in his chest suddenly felt rather gloomy.

Josh's eyes grew very sad. "Okay."

"Of all times, why did she have to freak out now?" Tyler complained. "You need my help. And I'd much rather be out here with you than alone in my room anyway. I'll sneak out whenever I can, but I have to be careful."

"Okay," Josh said again.

Tyler glanced over his shoulder and sighed. "I have to go now. I'm sorry."

"Okay."

He instinctively stepped forward, maybe to give him a hug, because the poor kid looked like he needed one, but Josh flinched violently away, and suddenly the bumblebees were wasps in Tyler's chest, stinging and biting and clotting up his lungs so he couldn't breathe. He dropped his eyes to the ground and backed up, his face flushing red. "I'll see you later, then," he mumbled, and then turned and ran without thinking.

The wasps hurt like fiery poison in his heart, burning through his veins and making him feel incredibly stupid. Why had he thought Josh would want to hug him? Boys didn't hug boys when they left. Did they? Or was he just so caught up in those stupid bumblebees that he saw something that wasn't there? What had he done to push him away like that?

"Of course he wouldn't want to hug you," Nico said beside him, barely breaking a sweat as they ran. "Look how bad you hurt him. Couldn't you see it in his eyes?"

And the worst part was that Tyler could see it. He didn't know what he'd done, but it had hurt him. There was no sunshine white Christmas smile. Even his hair was no longer cotton candy. It was the color of skin after something hit it. It was the color of humiliated blush. There was a glint of something in Josh's coffee eyes that told him. It was a shock of lightning, the leap of a frightened rabbit. Whatever Tyler had done, it had scared him. And that made him hate himself more with every step he took.