20
Chapter Twenty —
Alone Together
Dewey's execution plagued Rosa's mind for hours. The loudness of the gunshot, the desperation of Dewey's pleads, the sound of silence when it was all over.
It was all taunting her, over and over again. And the thoughts and images tormenting her mind were quickly becoming unbearable.
Rosa sat on the edge of her bed, gripping a tight hold of a now half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels. She'd grabbed it from the secret alcohol stash in her father's office, one that was very quickly dwindling.
Two heavy knocks sounded against her bedroom door, and before she could respond, it had been pushed open, the abruptness almost making her flinch.
She harshly wiped away the wetness of tears underneath her eyes, looking up at the figure in the doorway. Rosa was surprised to find Grizz, presuming he'd gone straight to his own room to sleep.
"Hey," she spoke thickly, not bothering to mask the fact that she'd been crying. "Everything okay?"
Rosa's eyes then fell onto the clear sealable packet he held in his hands, recognising it instantly.
Her heart plummeted.
Grizz stepped further into the room. "Rosa, what the hell is this?"
She got to her feet quickly, the sudden movement disorientating her slightly. "I can explain–"
"Drugs?" Grizz thrust the packet towards her. "Seriously?" His eyes found their way towards the bottle in her hands, and he shook his head in disappointment. "Are you drunk?"
Rosa shook her head. "No." Her mind was slightly hazy, but she could still comprehend things properly – though Grizz didn't seem convinced.
"How long have you been using?" He pressed. "Since we've been here?"
"No, no," Rosa quickly dismissed. "I haven't taken them, I–"
"Then why the fuck do you have them?!" Grizz exclaimed, his voice raising.
"Grizz, please," Rosa whispered quietly, gesturing towards the half open door for him to keep his voice down. "I got them from Campbell."
Grizz stared at her for a moment, his eyes growing even wider. "Campbell? From fucking Campbell–"
"He gave them to me at prom," Rosa continued to explain. "I didn't want them so I hid them away. I don't know why. I– I should have just thrown them away or something but–" she cut herself off, a thought interrupting her. "Why the hell were you looking through my stuff?"
Grizz breathed out heavily, running a hand over his face in exhaustion. "I was looking for my hoodie."
Rosa closed her eyes momentarily, exhaling through her nose. "I'm sorry," she said, glancing back at him. "I'm really fucking sorry."
"Why didn't you just throw them away?" He asked her, his voice softening. "Were you– were you planning on using them?"
Rosa lowered her head. "I– no– I don't–" she pursed her lips together, shaking her head. "I don't know."
"You don't know?" Grizz repeated, his tone becoming firmer again. "You don't know?!"
"I'm sorry, okay." Rosa lifted her head back up. "I just– I hate it here, Grizz. The things we have to do, the decisions we have to make, the people we have to be...I fucking hate it."
"So you think this will make it better?" Grizz asked in disbelief. "You think that will make it better?" He indicated to the bottle of alcohol. "Okay, you know what–" he brushed past her, heading towards the en-suit toilet.
"Grizz, wait–" Rosa tried, but he'd already tipped the drugs into the toilet, hand slamming down on the button to flush them away before she could protest. He turned back around to face her, Rosa's eyes briefly closing as her head started to spin, her emotions becoming overwhelming. "I'm sorry," she whispered, running a hand through her hair. "I just– I just need everything to stop. Just for one fucking minute."
Grizz's expression softened as he realised his best friend had been silently struggling without saying anything. "Rosa–"
"I'm fine," she dismissed. "Really, I am."
"Rosa–"
"Look, it's late. You should go, get some sleep." She turned away from him, her words too half-hearted to be convincing.
"You don't have to go through this alone." Rosa kept her back to him, blinking away the tears forming in her eyes. "Rosa–"
"I said go, Grizz," she couldn't help but snap, biting down on her bottom lip as she suppressed the urge to cry. Grizz stared at her, watching through his own tearful gaze as he began to realise just how much his best friend was hurting. "Go!" She repeated. "Please, just– I just need a minute. Please."
Grizz nodded slowly to himself, turning away, just as she'd asked. He closed the door shut behind him, leaving her alone.
A small cry couldn't help but escape Rosa's lips. She leaned forwards, pressing her hands against the bathroom sink. Her chin began to tremble as she glanced up into the mirror, catching sight of her appearance.
The tears running down her face had caused streaks in her foundation, and stray strands of dark hair began to stick to her skin. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, blackened by the smudges of mascara around them. She looked a mess, and she felt even worse.
Her head felt static, Dewey's death playing through her mind, whilst the thoughts of guilt about Cassandra began to bounce around her skull, her disgust with herself, and the things she'd done these past few weeks, amplifying.
Rosa lifted a hand to her face, realising she was starting to tremble. Roughly, she wiped away the wetness from her face, and then underneath her eyes, makeup smudging against her fingers. She reached for the bottle of Jack Daniels again, taking a long sip, the keen burn of the familiar taste becoming comforting to her, the whiskey beginning to tone down the volume of her thoughts.
She gripped the edge of the sink even tighter, releasing a shaky breath as she took another look at herself in the mirror. Her stomach turned rigid at the sight, and she quickly turned on one of the taps, running her hands underneath before splashing cold water onto her face.
Rosa brushed away the strands of dark hair that had fallen from her ponytail, staring into the mirror for a few more moments, silently willing to pull herself together.
She took a step away from the sink, necking the rest of the whiskey from the bottle before placing it down harshly on the counter.
Rosa headed out the bathroom, her heavy footsteps thudding down the stairs as she crossed through the living room and into the kitchen, flinging open the cupboard doors. She rose onto her tiptoes, scouring through each cupboard, unable to find what she was looking for.
The daunting realisation, that she must have finished off the last of the alcohol they had in the house, hit her.
She huffed in frustration, heading over to the bowl in the middle of the table, where everybody's keys were piled up. Rosa knew that Glenn looked after the key to the grocery store and began to root through, not caring how much noise she made as she tipped the bowl over, allowing everybody's keys to fall onto the table with a loud crash.
"What the hell are you doing?" Rosa whipped her head around at the sound of Glenn's tired voice. "It's almost midnight, Rosa."
"Where are the keys to the store?" She simply asked him, stepping out from behind the table.
Glenn paused, concern flashing in his eyes as he noticed her dishevelled appearance. His eyes drifted over the open cupboards behind her. "Why?"
Rose let out a sigh of exasperation, as if the answer was obvious. "Because I need them."
"Why?"
Rosa headed towards him, holding out her empty hand. "Just give them to me."
He deliberated. "Why don't you let me come with you?"
Rosa let out a groan of frustration, running her hands over her face in annoyance. "Glenn, seriously," she snapped at him impatiently, thrusting her hand out in front of him again. "Just give me the fucking keys."
Glenn sighed in defeat, rifling through his sweatpants pocket until his fingers found what he was looking for. He glanced from Rosa to the empty alcohol cupboard once more. "Look, I– I don't have them," he lied.
Rosa's jaw clenched, realising that he wasn't telling her the truth.
"All right, fine," she hissed, pushing past him as she headed to the front door.
"Rosa!" Glenn called after her. "Rosa! Come on, where are you going? It's almost curfew. Rosa!"
"Out." And she slammed the door shut behind her before Glenn could respond.
Rosa's mind whirled as she stormed through the empty streets of West Ham.
Eventually, she came to a stop outside the grocery store, placing her hands on her hips as she figured out how to open the door, her logic dulled by the amount of alcohol she'd consumed during the night.
Rosa breathed in deeply, realising how fast her heart was beating, and that maybe, just maybe, she needed to slow down for a second.
"Staring at the door isn't gonna make it open, you know that right?"
Harry strolled towards her, a glint of amusement in his usually intense eyes.
Rosa huffed in annoyance as she turned around to face him, neither of them having spoken properly since the trial – which had pissed Rosa off slightly as she'd put herself out there to defend him and hadn't received a word of gratitude.
"Is there something you want?" She asked, swaying slightly off balance as she looked him up and down.
Harry's eyes flickered over her, a faint grin teasing at his lips. "Are you drunk?"
Rosa scoffed unconvincingly. "No."
Harry merely smiled at her response, heading around the side of the store. Rosa watched after him for a moment, until Harry glanced over his shoulder. "You coming?"
Rosa hesitated for half a second before shrugging to herself, following after him.
Harry led her round the back of the store, stopping outside a door Rosa had never even realised was there. He crouched down, fumbling underneath the large garbage bin, eventually stepping back and holding up a key in her direction, a small smile of satisfaction on his face.
Rosa frowned at him. "How'd you know that was there?"
Harry shrugged nonchalantly, placing the key in the back door. "Clark isn't very inventive when it comes to hiding places."
He twisted the key in the lock and gave the door a gentle push. When it opened, he looked over his shoulder at Rosa, who raised her eyebrows, rather impressed.
The two of them stepped through the doorway and into the cramped store room.
Harry's hand fumbled along the wall for the switch, soon bathing the room in light. Rosa's eyes strained slightly as they flickered on, moving a hand over her face to shield her sight from the sudden brightness.
They stopped outside another door, both of them hesitating for a moment, wondering whether they'd need a key for that one too. Harry wrapped his fingers around the handle, pulling it down and giving the door a hard push forwards, his expression lifting when he realised it had been left unlocked.
"Well that's lucky," he commented, holding the door open for Rosa to go through.
The moment they stepped inside the main area of the store, the lights on the ceiling burst on one by one, flooding the entire room in a fluorescent white light.
Rosa squinted as she glanced around her, soon locating exactly what she was looking for.
She took off in the direction of the alcohol aisle, Harry following behind her, watching with a small smirk as she scoured the shelves, eventually grabbing a bottle of Vodka.
She spun on her heel, holding the bottle out to him. "Wanna join me?"
And that's how, around an hour later, Rosa and Harry ended up slumped against a wall, empty bottles sprawled along the shop floor as they sat in silence – both of them having hoped they'd find some answers in the bottom of a bottle.
"Fuck. I really wish the world would just stop spinning," Rosa mumbled, leaning her head against Harry's shoulder. Her eyelids started to grow heavy, the effects of the alcohol slowly taking their toll.
"You're definitely drunk," Harry pointed out,
The slurring of his words caused the corner's of Rosa's mouth to tug. "Says you."
Harry glanced down at Rosa's delicate features with a small smile, having never seen her look so relaxed before.
They sat silently for a few moments, until Rosa tilted her head to look up at him once more. "The world spins when I'm sober too," she admitted.
Harry's expression soon changed, his eyebrows drawing into a frown at her words, first in concern, until he then realised he understood exactly where she was coming from.
Rosa's eyes began to fill with tears, and she quickly closed them shut, sighing heavily as her shoulders sunk. "Everything in my life feels like it's falling apart, and there's nothing I can do to stop it."
Harry's gaze was sympathetic. The defeat in her eyes, the hollowness, was all so far from the brightness that used to radiate in her expression. And he recognised it. He recognised every single emotion crossing her face.
"I know how you feel," Harry stated. Rosa shifted slightly so she could look up at him. "I don't know who I am in this place."
"Neither do I." She stared vacantly ahead of her. "I thought it would get easier, you know? But after today..." Rosa trailed off, swallowing the lump in the back of her throat as her mind cast back to Dewey's execution in the woods.
Harry knew exactly what she was referring to. "That's not on you."
"I just stood there..." she said, recalling those last few seconds of Dewey's life. "I just...I just watched." Rosa shook her head, attempting to free her mind of the horrible thoughts. "I wish I could go back," she mumbled, closing her eyes again, thinking back to that fateful night of prom. "If I hadn't left Cassandra alone..."
"Cassandra wasn't your fault," Harry told her firmly. "She really wasn't your fault." Harry's eyes grew despondent as he lowered his gaze to the ground. Rosa's chest tightened, an ache settling there. "I really fucking wish I could take it all back."
Not knowing what else to do, Rosa took hold of his hand, the single touch giving him the slightest sense of warmth that he hadn't felt for a while.
"It's my fault. If I hadn't said anything–" he paused, falling silent again. "I never thanked you. For defending me. And for listening." Rosa met his eyes. They stared silently at each other for a moment, glances almost battling as they searched each other's eyes for something, craving nothing more than a sense of comfort in one another. "It's starting to feel like you're the only person in this fucking place that even tries to understand me."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Their intent gazes remained locked, and Harry began to move his head a little closer, their faces inches apart as they slowly moved towards one another, the alcohol clouding the sensible parts of their brains.
Harry's forehead brushed against hers, his hand gently cupping the side of her face. Rosa's eyes fluttered shut, knowing she should pull away, but she found herself fighting against the urge just to feel something.
"Harry," Rosa finally whispered, her breath warm against his lips. She placed a hand against his cheek as he drew back, looking at her unsurely, searching her gaze for an answer, for anything at all. "We're really drunk."
Harry's head fell back against the wall, realising what she was saying, though, he couldn't manage to quite keep the disappointment from his voice. "Yeah."
Rosa watched him for a moment, expecting him to move away from her, but, instead, Harry shifted closer, placing an arm around her shoulders. She smiled softly, leaning comfortably into his side.
Rosa rested her head against his shoulder as they watched the rest of the long night drag on, realising they needed nothing more from each other than to not be alone.
A/N
Rosa and Harry are so fucking soft for each other I swear to god.
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