"He's more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." -Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights.

I bought a lot of books in the past few days; I even became friends with the librarian; an old woman who seemed sweet and wise.

Wuthering Heights is the book I was currently reading. The librarian recommended me a lot of books, and if we're being honest I've been enjoying them.

Some days I'd sit in my living room and wonder why nobody came knocking on my door and ask about my health, maybe even try reminding me of everything. Sometimes I'd wonder if I had any friends. Even that girl- Mia, never visited me after I left the hospital either...

Did all my friends get swallowed by a large whale that decided to walk through the city?
I imagined a whale strolling through the city, eating people like they were crunch-bars. I smiled as I thought of the good imagination I had, attempting to cheer myself up.

I heard the doorbell ring and my mom greeting someone so excitedly. I exited the room and looked down in the direction of her voice.

A tall guy who looked like he was my age or slightly older hugged my mother so tightly that my father would be jealous if he saw it. Wait what's going on? I thought to myself as my mom let the boy go- currently standing tall as she started to talk.

"How have you been, sweetheart? And how was the trip?" She asked

"It was pretty intense and stressing, but I have to manage, you know" he spoke. This guy had a really deep voice; a sexy voice I thought, imagining how he might be sexier up close.

God, Chanel. Keep it together. I tried convincing myself that I wasn't going to drool over the first and only guy who knocked on our door, but my mother looked pretty comfortable with him... Maybe he's my boyfriend?

"I heard what happened. I had to come and see her, I was worried sick" He started "I'm sorry I couldn't come earlier than that, but when I knew she was out of the hospital I came as fast as I could"

I guess he knew me from the conversation he was having with mom. Why are they still by the door? I thought to myself. I guessed I should know him too, but of course, I didn't. Maybe he was not in the pile of my life that I remember. He had a bad timing showing up in my life, I said to myself. Is my mom cheating on my dad with a hot middle aged guy? Maybe. What? No. My mind was going crazy when my thoughts got cut off.

"Chanel!" my mom called loudly. "Come down here. There's someone you'd love to see"

I slowly came down the stairs and walked towards them. I couldn't lie, I was kind of excited, especially when he came into view, I didn't guess wrong; he is sexy up close. Brown hair, hazel eyes, perfectly carved face, and an ace body.

'Wow,' I thought.

"Hey, Channy" He smiled revealing his dimple that stuck deep into his cheek

"Um... H-hi" I stuttered.

Why did I stutter? Oh god. I thought to myself knowing that I sure as hell am going to embarrass myself. I looked at him carefully trying to remember his face, maybe my brain needed a bit of a better visual and what better visual could I have.

I felt sad when I couldn't seem to find him in my memory lane.

"Chanel, This is Xander" mom said rubbing my shoulder. He looked at my mom like she was some sort of psycho, like a deer in headlight. Guess he didn't know. 'Surprise, surprise handsome' I said in my brain.

"He's one of your greatest friends. You guys are very close." She explained

"Wait, I'm sorry. I don't understand what's going on here?" he asked blinking, in confusion.

My mother looked at me in a cry for help. I guess that my mom couldn't tell him, as it was a piece of very sensitive information to her. If she said it, she might explode into tears.

"Um... Xander?" I started, "I'm sorry but my accident made me lose a huge bulk of my memory, and I'm really sorry to say that you're not a part of the memories I'm holding on to"
_____________________________________

"Tell me about us, Xander," I told him as we sat in the garden drinking weird cocktails that my mom decided to make.

"Well, We were pretty close. We met at a pub; all I knew is that you were there for a birthday. We bonded and all" he sipped on the cocktail and I watched how the liquid went down his throat as he gulped then continued talking. "Then we met multiple times here and there, you once said that I'm the closest person to you. We went to parties and even attended family occasions together." He explained. "We never fought except on very small things that we forget in the same day" he paused. "So.. yeah, that's all I guess" he stopped.

"So we met at a bar. Do I drink?" I asked

"Naah, you don't. You were only there because of the birthday party" he answered.

"So, I have other friends?" I wondered to myself more than asked, but he answered me seconds after.

"Of course you do, Chanel, but I've always thought they were all fake people. You once said it yourself; Nobody will ever care about and love you more than me" he laughed "I mean I don't want to brag"

I blushed and laughed then started talking "I'm sorry for my question Xander, but were we ever more than friends?"

"Not really" he answered with a shrug

I didn't know why but I felt something towards him that I couldn't identify was good or bad, but I knew for sure I was attracted to him somehow. He seemed sweet and nice, he was obviously hot and humorous, 'but how couldn't I have dated someone as perfect as that? At least touch,' I thought to myself.

'I was either blind or stupid' I thought.

"Are you okay?" He asked

"I don't like this feeling" I sighed "I don't like that I know nothing, clueless. I don't know people I'm supposed to know. It makes me feel horrible" I said, rubbing my face "Vulnerable"

"No Chanel, You were never weak." He rubbed my back softly, feeling pain in his chest, "You won't start now"

I sighed and closed my eyes, I started thinking what I should do, I couldn't start a life if I didn't know what happened before the accident, I didn't know if I wanted the life I had before or the life I have now, but I knew for sure I have to know what happened to be able to choose. I knew I should at least work on remembering anything, I needed to try.

Push myself.

I looked up slowly at Xander. It struck me when I found myself saying "Let's go to this pub, where we met"

"What?" He blinked multiple times

"I think it might help me remember," I said standing up "I'm gonna go get ready" I didn't wait for his answer as I ran inside the house and upstairs to my room

I got inside my room, thinking maybe this will give me clues, answers, anything even just a small detail of my life...

I finished putting my clothes on when I heard a slight wood creak. I adjusted my shirt and walked slowly to the door and opened it to find Xander standing with his hand in a knocking position.

"Oh," He jumped back and smiled "Are you done?"

"Yes, oh my God. I'm sorry I scared you." I smiled back

"Totally fine, I'm sorry if I scared you," He said and signalled me to walk before him.

"Thanks," I said and walked down the stairs with him behind me.

They got to their destination which surprisingly wasn't that far from my house. The pub seemed dark-ish from the outside; you might just get creeped out by it, but Xander held my hand tightly to assure me that he's with me through it.

We walked together into the bar to find that it's pretty cosy from the inside. We observed the place slowly trying to get a glimpse of anything that might revive any memory of mine; however, I found nothing but blank.

"Let's sit," Xander said smiling "This is where we first met," he said pointing at two chairs by the bar

We walked to the two long chairs and sat beside each other. I looked at everything ever so slowly then to Xander; who was pretty much waiting for me to remember anything. His look at me was one with amusement and sincerity at the same time.

'God his eyes are beautiful' I thought to myself.

I mentally cleared my throat and breathed out heavily; which Xander seemed to actually understand. He got up from his chair and walked to a jukebox by the corner.

Someone cleared their throat beside me as Xander was selecting a song, which caught my attention tempting me to look; and I did.

This handsome guy sat beside me, looking at me with a smile on his face "Hi, I'm Leo"

"Hey..? Do I know you?" I said unsure

"Not really, but I was wondering what brings a beautiful girl like you to a pub like that?" He said sipping on his drink

"Um... " I took a second as I didn't know if I was supposed to answer this or if it was a compliment? I felt confused but felt like he was just trying to flirt with me.

He chuckled softly and looked at me "I'm sorry. I could be too pushy sometimes. I apologize"

"Oh.. No, it's fine" I smiled

"Chanel!" Xander came up from behind me and looked between us; his expression became different shades of anger and jealousy "Let's go" he demanded

"But I wanna stay, Xander" I smiled genuinely putting my hand on his shoulder, not understanding the look on his face and what it meant. Just then he moved my hand off his arm and gripped it hard "Let's go, Chanel"

"No, Stop" she yelled. "This is enough, I'm done"

"Fuck no, you're not going anywhere" as a guy grabbed her hand firmly with possession "Over my dead body" he yelled