(The song above is the song I listened to when I got the bad news that my daddy was dying. It's called Even If by Kutless. Cover by BlueNerdWriter)

     It all began in the last part of September in 2011. My daddy hadn't been feeling well for a very long time, and one day in September mom decided to drive him to the hospital to have it checked out. My siblings and I didn't worry about it though, as nothing bad had ever happened to us.

     That evening I went to my best friend Megan's house to spend the night. When it was time for bed, I called my house, expecting my mom to pick up, but my moms friend (who had watched my siblings and I all day) picked up. She said that Mom and Dad still weren't back. I'll admit, I was a little worried now, but only slightly. I soon forgot all about it and began talking to Megan before we both fell asleep.

     A few days later, my parents were still at the hospital. All of my siblings had come to Megan's house now. Living there was pretty boring. Even though it was me, Daniel, Samuel, Chloe, Rebekah, and our one year old sister Sarah, we had a pretty small house, and we kept it clean (well, kind of, sometimes it was a bit cluttered with our toys). Well, anyways, we weren't used to doing a whole lot of work, but there was constantly something that had to be done at their house. It was a huge huge HUGE house, even though only four people lived there. Uncle Mark, Aunt Juli, Morgan and Megan.

     Anyways, we would get up, feed my kitten Meowmie (who was in the basement because Megan's two male cats didn't like other cats), eat breakfast, then the chores and cleaning began. Dishes, sweeping, mopping (which took forever considering they had all wood floors and no carpet), and then we had lunch and did dishes. I can't remember what we did next... probably played outside. But most of the day we worked (sometimes we didn't have to though and we just watched TV), and in the evenings, after we all ate ice cream, Megan and I would go outside and swing. The only time we got to spend time alone without my siblings.

     One evening, after we all watched a movie, Uncle Mark told us he had bad news. A feeling of dread washed over me. I had a feeling it was about Daddy.

     "Your dad has cancer." He said.

     I can't remember what happened after that, only that I left the room and stood in the dark kitchen, trying not to cry. A few tears slipped down my cheeks, but I quickly brushed them away.

     "Dear God," I prayed. "Please be with my daddy; please don't let him die. I can't live without him."

     And after that my siblings and I got ready for bed. My brothers stayed in Morgan's room, and Chloe, Rebekah, Sarah and I stayed in Megan's room. The youngest three slept on the floor on the air mattress. I remember there was one morning where I woke up to find that Sarah was sprawled out on the air mattress, and Chloe and Rebekah had been pushed onto the floor! 

     One day, in either the last days of September or the beginning of October, we bought some pumpkins and painted them. We also raked this HUGE pile of leaves, and Aunt Juli took pictures of us playing in them. It was fun, until I had to pull all the leaves from my thick, long and wavy hair. After that we each made a card for Daddy to send to the hospital. Mine was a drawing of a praying mantis, and I wrote 'Praying for ya! We love you!' with a heart exclamation point.

     Then another day, we heard that Mom and Dad were coming home the next day. I know for sure it was October then. We bought some hay bales and set them in the front yard right in front of the house. Then we brought the pumpkins to our house and put them on top of the hay bales.

     The next day was when Mom and Dad came home. Uncle Mark, Aunt Juli, Morgan, Megan, and the rest of us went to our house. Mom and Dad were already there. I remember this part clearly, almost as if it only happened a week ago. I walked into the living room, and Daddy came walking slowly out of his bedroom. I was astonished at how different he looked. He looked so weak and pale, so frail and fragile.

     He smiled weakly at me. "Do I look different?"

     "No, not really." I said, although now that I look back, I don't know why I had said that. He did look a little different. I gave him a big hug, and after I hugged him, I went back to the laundry room and cried a little. I didn't really know why. Probably because he looked a little different, and maybe because I was so happy to finally see him again.

     I don't remember much after that moment. I do remember that we switched to a vegan diet, since Daddy wasn't planning on doing chemo or radiation. No, that wasn't an option. Putting poison in your body to get rid of a disease? No. Plus, chances are he'd get cancer again a few years later. So we just changed out diet. Mom and Dad had done some research, and it worked for other people. We would be all right. All of us, Daddy included.

     We never really did much. Well, we didn't even do much before Daddy was sick. We went out to go to the store, or to go to church. Then we'd stay home. Daddy would go to work, I waited for him to come home, and when he pulled into the driveway I ran to the door to greet him. Then we'd eat supper, then we'd watch some TV, then go to bed, then Mom and Dad would watch some TV then go to bed.

     Nothing had really changed after he got sick. Except Daddy was here instead of work. Even then we didn't get to spend any more time with him, as he would lay in bed, being in too much pain to do much else. We did school, we ate lunch, we did whatever, we ate supper, we went to bed after telling Mom and Dad goodnight. Even though he didn't spend that much time with us, I loved him more than anything.

     He did the most with me. Maybe it was because I was born first? Who knows. I've sort of recently found out that I may have been his favorite. Well, nobody's perfect. I never realized that until I was older. But every little girl sees their Daddy as the most perfect man in the world, do they not?

     I don't remember much of 2011. Not even much of 2012. Well, the only thing I remember in 2012 was Daddy slowly getting worse. I prayed for him to get better every day. Every night, and every prayer at lunch, I prayed that God would heal him. I didn't think I could live without him. When I was little, I pictured Daddy being there when I turned 16, I pictured him there on the day of my wedding, and I pictured the day when Daddy would be a grandfather.

     Anyways, Daddy was getting worse. He and mom went back to the hospital. I forget who watched us then. I do remember her being home one morning though. I think she came back every night and left in the afternoons to see him or something like that. Anyways, one day she came to the living room and gathered us all together. Then, she told me something I never thought I'd hear.

     "The doctors said Daddy's dying." She said, beginning to cry. "They say he has only six months to live."

     I began crying, too. They were selfish tears, though, tears for myself. I didn't want to be without Daddy. Now that I look back, I wish I hadn't been so selfish. I feel really bad for my little sister. Her whole life she knew Daddy he was sick.

     And that's all I remember about that. Sorry, I have a horrible memory. I don't remember much of 2011, 2012, or 2013. And I don't think I remember 2014 that well either. But I do remember when they brought a hospital bed to our house so Daddy could be with us. He would lay in the living room and sleep most of the time.

     I remember one day, my cat Meowmie (she was an adult now, a year old), laid down beside my dad in the hospital bed. That was a HUGE thing, as she hated my dad. Well, he did tease her or torture the poor girl. She had good reason... kind of. Daddy even allowed her to, which surprised me. Maybe casts really do sense when someone is deathly ill.

     Another day we watched the movie Courageous. Daddy was forgetting who we were. I laid my head on his hand, and he looked down at me and smile. After that, and after the girl in the movie died, I went back to my room and cried. Again. That was the last movie we ever watched with Daddy. That was the last time I ever saw him smile.

     My daddy died May 17th, 2013, at 6:38 am. But when I was told (He was moved to the hospital again, by the way), I didn't cry. No, I smiled. My heart was filled with joy, not sorrow. Daddy was finally with Jesus, he was in no more pain.

     Can you imagine that? I wonder how long he gazed upon Jesus' face. Did he stand in awe, or did he fall to his knees? Did he praise him as soon as he saw him, or was he in so much amazement he couldn't speak at all? And yes, I got some of that from the song I Can Only Imagine. That was one of Daddy's favorite songs.

     At the funeral, we all wore bright colors. That's what Daddy wanted. It was a sorrowful day, but joyful as well. I mean, he didn't really die. He just traded this life for another. I won't go into detail with the funeral, because funerals are boring. Why is it called a fun-eral? It's not fun at all! Anyways, we were excited because we got to ride in a limo. I think the only time Mom teared up was when the military guys gave her the flag (Daddy was in the navy before).

     I still have his thumbprint in baked clay in a box I made just for him. And I kept a lot of his other things. His matching cup, plate and bowl set. It's orange. I dislike the color orange, kind of, but this orange I like. And it was dad's, so yeah. I'm keeping it forever! I still have my last birthday and Christmas present from him.

     I had turned thirteen November 30th, 2012, and for my birthday, Daddy bought me a purity ring. It's ten karat gold, but that's not why I love it. I love it because it came from him. And my last Christmas present was an iPod. I still have that, but it doesn't work properly now. But it still works and it came from Daddy, so I'm keeping that too.

     Anyways, I don't remember much of 2013. I was alone a lot, and I was either reading or playing on my iPod. Anything to be away from reality. I had even gotten into the habit of talking to myself. I made up imaginary friends and I spent all my time either in a Star Trek world, a Star Wars world, or in Middle-Earth. I even did RP when I was alone. I still talk to myself this very day. A lot of the time I don't even realize it. All of my imaginary friends are anyone I have seen in movies and/or books. That includes Legolas, Darth Vader, and every Marvel character.

     Sorry, got a little off topic. Any-who, that is how we spent 2013. I was up until 3 in the morning every night. I got into very bad sleeping habits. I cried myself to sleep. I didn't understand why God took Daddy away. I thought maybe it was because my relationship with him wasn't good enough, or because I did something wrong, or maybe because He was testing me. I wasn't mad at God, I just didn't understand why He had taken Daddy away.

     I like to think that maybe it was like the story of Job. Maybe Satan had done this to try to curse God's name, and God allowed this to happen. If that is the case, I'm glad it happened. No, never will I curse God. Never will I hate God. I will always love Him, even if the healing doesn't come. 

     Well, no. The healing did come, it was just in an unexpected way.