Disclaimer—I don't own or make claim to the characters from The Walking Dead. I only own my original characters

The next day passes with a lot of work to do. The workers are slowly relaxing and hoping that this opportunity is really happening. They are adjusting well now that they've let go of points, with a couple of exceptions (and I have guards keeping an eye on these people round the clock). The Kingdomers are starting to relax around the workers and beginning to accept them. Carol makes sure I visit with their Doctor, a lady who insists I call her Millie. Soon I find myself on the exam table getting a follow-up on my injuries. Nobody believes me when I say I am fine. Maybe it's because the area around my eye where Negan hit me is now some dramatic purple colors. It truly looks worse than it is. The ribs are still tender, but I wrap them for my most active hours of the day and let them breath at night.

That night I find myself sitting around a campfire with Carol. I look at her and say, "It's time to go back home." Carol questions, "Home?" I nod, "Yes, I think that Alexandria actually might be home. It's feeling more and more like that every day." In fact, I've been internally surprised at how much it feels like home. I was ready to take the kids and run just a couple weeks ago. Somehow staying a couple days to give them intel morphed into helping Maggie (to be fair, she's my friend) which then morphed into connecting them with other communities and then had its final metamorphosis into helping them create a plan to take the war to Negan and eliminate him. I've also been surprised at how much I've missed being there after being gone for the war and then running around putting out fires at the other communities. I really do want to go home to Alexandria.

She tells me, "You're welcome here you know." I smile back at her. "I know. And I got the same offer at the Hilltop. But, the kids have bonded with some friends there, they have a school and it has just settled in with them." I give a short laugh. "I think Kira and Annie may even have the beginning of romances brewing. I think sometimes you just know where home is—especially in a crazy world like this one." Honestly, it would probably be more comfortable to live at The Kingdom or Hilltop. I wouldn't have to deal with Rick in those communities--or at least not as much. But Alexandria feels like home and I just can't bring myself to leave. Even to get away from Rick, which is probably the smarter option.

"So what are you going to do about the one item of friction there then?" she asks. I have confided in her about Rick's truth bomb about his attraction the night I moved into Alexandria. How I was trying to avoid it, but am now realizing we're going to have to address it and find a way through it somehow. Avoiding isn't going to work anymore, I'm coming to terms with that.

I sigh. "Not sure. Let him give me a piece of his mind for taking on Negan, let him get it all off his chest. I know he's still very angry about that. After that, slow down and talk I guess, see if I can get him to give me some space before he pushes this attraction further. He's such an intense man though. I need to help him understand that honesty may not actually be the best policy in this case. Sometimes there's such a thing as TOO MUCH honesty. Or at least more than you're ready for at the time? Perhaps incremental honesty?" I laugh. "Does that exist?" I ask her. She smiles and responds, "For him, I'm not sure. But I think if you talk to him about it he may be willing to try. And yeah, I think you summed it up in one word —intense. Rick Grimes is definitely an intense man. One that at times doesn't have the word no in his vocabulary."

I look at her, "You don't think he can do incremental or wait like he told me he would? He'll push too hard too fast?" She replies, "Oh no, he's a man of his word. If he told you he'd wait then he will. He just might not be....what's the word I'm looking for here?...subtle. He may not be subtle about the wait and the fact that he's waiting. He's not the kind of man to blend into the background. You'll always be very aware that he's there and he's waiting."

I heave a bigger sigh. "Hmmm. I'm not so sure that's going to work for me. I'll be constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting to see what he's going to do next. That's no way to live either." Carol smiles at me and says, "Or...you could just go with it. See what happens? Maybe it would be a good thing? You two certainly have sparks." I laugh. "Yeah, sparks. I'm not so certain I like sparks," I say.

Carol smirks at me, saying, "Don't like sparks? Oh honey, sparks can be the best thing in the world. It certainly makes the bedroom much livelier when there are sparks." I give her a look of disbelief that she's going there. "Ugh. I know that, but I don't want to think about it! I just mean there are such INTENSE sparks."

"Intense sparks for an intense man," she replies with a grin. I chuckle. "Isn't that the truth. Right, I suppose that makes sense. I admit, I've been a bit baffled about why the sparks are there between us? It came out of nowhere, ya know? I wasn't expecting it and bam! There it was. And I've just never felt sparks of quite that intensity before. And if I'm being honest..." I trail off. Carol says, "Always recommended. Except possibly for a certain intense man." That makes me giggle. Ouch. My ribs are feeling better, but laughter does hurt. "Heh, yeah. Well, if I'm being honest the sparks are more intense than I've ever felt before." Carol gives me a side glance, "Really?"

"Oh yeah. And see I feel horribly guilty even thinking that let alone saying it. Then I go back down the spiral of guilty thoughts and feeling guilty I'm alive and feeling..." I struggle for words for a minute. "Intense sparks," Carol fills in.

"Yeah. That. And Dave isn't here and I'm having thoughts about things that would mean I've moved on. How could I have moved on already? And that's not even accounting for what the kids would think about all this, they loved their Dad." Carol holds her hand up, "Woah. Stop there. He'd never want you to feel guilty." I look at her and give a small, "Yeah." She continues, "He loved you and wouldn't want you to mourn forever." I nod, and say, "True. But I've barely started. There's been no time. I've been obsessed with finding a way to take Negan out, like that'd somehow make Dave's sacrifice more worth it. Only now that it's done am I starting to let go and finally grieve. And now it feels like I'm skipping ahead several steps. I'm already..." Again, I'm lost for words for what I'm finally acknowledging I'm feeling. Carol says, "Well, you have to live." I respond, "No, I..." Carol cuts me off. "Yes. In this world you have to live and take the happy moments or sparks where you can find them. This isn't the old world. We don't have the time we used to have, we have to grab happiness with both hands when we get the chance. There is far too little happiness in this world. We have to take advantage of it when we find it. But that doesn't mean you can't take some time to get there. Go home, settle in, get your kids in a routine. Try a friendship to start."

I give her a surprised look, "With sparks? Do you even think that's possible at that level of sparkiness to reign it in to just a friendship? Would he be willing to do that?" She contemplates and responds, "I think it is for a while. I think he'll understand. I mean, he told you he'd wait. You just need to lay it out for him, explain your feelings and if you do I think he'd respect it." I say with disbelief, "You think he'd respect it if I told him I just want to be friends????!"

She smiles, "I do. For now at least, as long as you aren't completely cutting off the possibility. If anyone understands grief, it's Rick Grimes. You didn't see him after his wife died, he went through some extreme grief. Just...don't friend zone him, let him have hope that it isn't forever, and he can control the spark. If anyone has control it's that man."

I smirk, "Thank heavens, because it's a crazy spark. I think it would have been easier to ignore and be friends if he hadn't pointed it out so very deliberately that night I first moved into Alexandria."

Carol says, "Just tell him that. He accepted what you said before about needing time and not being ready. Just tell him you would like to use some of that time to get to know him as a person, as a friend. Time to interact without the spark getting in the middle and in the way of everything. I think he'd welcome the chance to know you. Especially if you quit avoiding him." I chuckle, saying, "Yeah, I'd like to stop that, I just couldn't quite handle it at the moment, ya know?" Carol responds, "Yeah."

I continue, "And I would like to get to know him without that dang spark in the way. I want to know who he is beyond that crazy connection. I'd like to know who I'm entering into this potential relationship with." There. I said it out loud, that I know there will be a relationship. I'm coming to terms with it. I was naive to think that I could avoid it. I admit, the kiss kind of shocked me out of my denial. Carol nods at me, "I'm glad to hear you acknowledge that there is potential for a relationship there. Now you know what you need to do." I nod, "Yeah. I think so."

Carol asks, "Still heading out tomorrow or are you going to stay and do this? Rick and team will be here tomorrow afternoon. We just got word." I take a deep breath on hearing this news and respond, "Oh no. I'm definitely heading out tomorrow morning." Carol chuckles, asking, "Still running then?"

I reply, "A bit. I'm about done though. The kids need to get home and so do I. I want to get settled, get into a routine. I need to think everything through before I talk to him. Try to plan out what to say, how to get my points across." I give Carol a shrug. "I have a tendency to not be able to think when he's around, it's very annoying. I blame the spark. Then I just might be ready to have this conversation with him when he gets done here and returns. How long do you think I have?"

Carol ponders, "Hmmmm, well they wanted to get the wall rebuilt so we can use that section of The Kingdom, so probably at least 4 days. Maybe 5, but I'm guessing he'll be in a hurry." I nod. Yeah. Well, that'll give me time to get back to Alexandria, settle in and prepare for a conversation. Probably an intense conversation, knowing the man. I wonder if I could write my thoughts on notecards and hide them in my sleeve? That way I might be able to remember all the points I want to bring up. I shake my head at myself in amusement. I've never been the type to lose my train of thought because of a man. This is such new territory for me, no wonder I've been avoiding him. This is so far out of my comfort zone I think I'm a few zip codes away. Carol then says, "Be prepared for him to come in hot though." I look at her confused, "Hot?" She nods, saying, "Yeah, the longer he chases without catching up to you, the more likelihood of an eruption." My stomach sinks. Well, crap.

Carol says, "Hey, I can see your stress level rising from here." I nod, saying, "Yeah, this might not work as well as I thought." Carol smiles, "Calm down. I'll talk him down a little while he's here. As long as he knows you aren't going to keep running and will be willing to talk to him I think it'll be fine."

Shoot. I eye her, asking, "You planning on advising from both sides of the field?" She just smiles, saying, "He's my friend. Has been for a long time." I nod, "Of course. And when it comes right down to it, you really owe your loyalty to him, not to me. I understand." She puts her hand on mine, saying, "Stop. I think I can be impartial on both sides of this. It will only help you for me to have a conversation with him and keep him from charging home hotheaded." I look at her, saying, "Right. Thanks. I do appreciate it you know?" She responds with, "I know." I continue, "And I appreciate you letting me talk things out a bit and playing a combination of sounding board and devil's advocate." She grins, saying, "Anytime buttercup." I smile, she's such a character. She continues, "One last piece of advice though." I look at her inquiringly. "Don't delay too long. Yes, get to know him, enjoy some time as friends. But then jump in, even if you're scared. Some of the best things in life start out scary. I think you two will be very good together, the sparks seem to indicate that, but you'll just have to let go and take that leap. You might be amazed at how well it goes if you let it happen." I nod, acknowledging her advice. We both stare into the fire for a while. Eventually, I tell her, "I'd better turn in now. I plan on getting an early start tomorrow."

She nods, "Also a good idea if you want to be out of here before your intense man arrives." I roll my eyes at her and say goodnight. As I walk to our sleeping quarters, I ponder her words. My intense man. I've never thought of him as mine before, just as Rick. It feels like I've gone through several iterations of Rick in the three weeks I've known him. Crazy Rick. Honest Rick. Leader Rick. Ricktator. Reasonable Rick. Annoying Rick. Intense Rick. But never My Rick. I'm surprised by how right it feels.

A/N Well, she's finally acknowledged that there's a potential relationship now, so that's progress. On the other hand, she's still running a bit. How do you think their confrontation will go back in Alexandria?

I just posted a whole bunch of chapters today.   I had started posting on fanfiction.net because people weren't reading over here.  But, today I noticed I had some votes, thanks @ShairaDiokno9 for the votes, I really appreciate it!  

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