Sorry for the late update, I revised and rewrote a lot of scenes. I feel like my writing quality is declining a bit but that's probably just my impostor syndrome talking lmao

As an apology, here's a hint of Kama's identity crisis: Kama and the person in his last life are only one soul; however, they are not the same person. There are times they will overlap, though. Interpret that as you will, but I will expound on that in his interlude. It's just my take on reincarnation with past memories lol ^^

~*~*~

You've always been an observant boy, with eyes that tend to linger on small details hiding big clues, on subtle elements that are easily overlooked– that, more often than not, decide your next move (of whether to let yourself be seen or hide from sight). You've learned to look for tells, to memorize one's habits, to want to simply know because just in case.

(You had to, even before living this life.)

You watch, you think, you act.

You learn, you predict, you adapt.

It's a clockwork model your body and mind follows and you have no intention of changing it, regardless of your different upbringing.

(It's born out of necessity because you always have to be careful, careful, careful and quiet and watch your reaction and don't make her angrier–)

Your owls, on the other hand...

The thing about your owls is that they only watch the tragedies that befall on your life.

You wouldn't let them do anything else.

They only watched when you let Kushina off with a vague warning; they only watched when you led Itachi away from saving Izumi; they only watched when Obito's blade struck you down; and once again, they only watched when Danzo ripped Shisui's eye off from its socket.

But when Shisui escaped, your summons called for you.

~*~*~

Back then, you've always been weak to the sun– to its heat and its brightness, with your too-pale skin that's susceptible to sunburns, and too-sensitive eyes that's easily blinded by light.

In this life, in your foreign yet familiar body, you're weak to fire. Your weakness ranges from your Wind Chakra Nature having Fire as its natural enemy, to your burning, consuming emotions that are gradually leading you to your self-destruction. You find it ironic that you're born in a clan of fire-breathers.

Perhaps you've always been destined to do so poorly against anything that has something to do with the embodiment of passion and rage and life. It was an act of unconditional love that did you in from your last life; so, it's only expected for the same to end you in this one.

But not yet, you tell yourself, even when the Uchiha fire inside you licks and gnaws at your patience and self-control to just let it all out and killhimkillhimKILLDANZO–

This is not the first time your flames enticed you to give in to your impulses; to tempt you to do what you've always wanted to be done. You may be weak to fire, but you've been exposed to it enough to learn how to resist it.

That's why it's like second nature to reign in the madness that's boiling just underneath your skin; to tamp down the pattern of a flower from blooming into your red eyes; to just watch as Shisui, poisoned and exhausted, runs for his life and remaining eye.

You're capable of this only because there are people more important to you than Shisui.

Still, you remain careful.

You may have been exposed to your fire enough to teach yourself resistance, but you still have your limits.

(It's not like you to just watch.)

In this timeline, with Itachi currently on a civilian escort mission at Sunagakure, it's up to you on how this story would end.

~*~*~

Unfortunately, as much as you want to decapitate the ROOT head, killing Danzo was never in your script. The fact that he's no longer present contributes to the very few reasons on why you'd spare him.

His minions, on the other hand, are all fair game.

You reveal yourself to the ROOT operatives in a blaze of Wind-enhanced inferno, easily decimating more than half of their forces with your fireball ambush. The remaining six agents do not pause or gawk, immediately changing the directory of their attacks towards the new arrival.

Sharingan spinning, tanto unsheathed, grin near manic, you don't give them a chance to retaliate, already eliminating whatever's left of them.

Your surroundings fade within the seamless colors of unleashed hell and blurred blades; it happens too quickly. Too easily.

(You've learned to enjoy the violence.)

You suppose that when you've spent a decade training in an attempt to defeat gods and monsters, the ROOT soldiers are underwhelming in comparison.

Your attempt may have failed, but it has also brought you far.

"Kama?" Shisui utters out in disbelief, his remaining eye roaming around the scorched clearing and dead bodies; the smell of burnt corpses is familiar. "Aren't you supposed to be on a mission today?"

"I bailed last-minute," you jokingly tell him with a half-hearted smile, and he lets his knees buckle to his weight, slumping both in relief and defeat.

"You can't do that," he weakly huffs, his levity painfully forced.

Your eyes trail over his vulnerable form, your lips forming into a frown.

"Let's get you out of here," you say in lieu of anything else, making a move to carry him.

"Not the hospital please," he tiredly yet sternly instructs you, and with a tight throat, you concede to his request.

~*~*~

Like he requested, you don't bring Shisui to Konoha's hospital.

You don't bring him to the Naka cliff either.

Instead, you bring him to your secret training ground, the underground cave looking haunted yet ethereal with the dimmed moonlight that managed to seep through its opening from above.

Here, Shisui wouldn't have to take a step back.

Here, you wouldn't have to see your nightmare come to life.

Here, you'd delude yourself with a choice you know you'd never choose.

"Kama, I'll trust my other eye to you. I know I can count on you to protect the village and the Uchiha name," Shisui says, then implants the eye he plucked from himself to his crow. "He'll follow you now," he gestures to his summon that flies not too far away, one of its eyes now glowing red.

Your chest weighs heavy at the sight of Shisui's empty eye sockets. This feeling of dread and resignation is familiar, embracing your heart like it's an old friend– stifling and tight because it's desperate to have you remember what it last felt like.

You wonder if you're wearing the same expression I did when I saw my sister on her deathbed.

"... What will you do now?" You ask, even when you already know the answer.

"You already know how this will end," Shisui says, his tone pitying, as if having read your mind. He then retrieves the tanto strapped from his back, extending its handle to you, wordlessly asking for you to take it. "I'm sorry for what I'd have you do to get your last gift from me."

Oh, this goddamn motherfucker–

"You want me to gain my Mangekyou," you state the obvious, voice low but harsh, because you don't know what else to say other than cursing him to hell and back.

He doesn't reply, but you can see him struggling from not having his outstretched arm visibly shake. You briefly notice he's not wearing his crow ring.

Getting over your reluctance, you take the weapon from him, letting your hand lightly trace the reflective surface of the blade.

Your eyes narrow at your dark reflection on the steel.

Then, with a sharp breath, you throw it aside to let him know exactly what you thought of his idea.

The sound of metal clanging on hard rocks nearby echoes within the dark cavern, but you don't dare to look away from Shisui's direction.

His face remains unbothered– not angry, not annoyed, not even in pain. Instead, he just smiles, patient as always. Somehow, even without his expressive eyes, you know exactly the emotion he's trying to convey.

"We both know that I can't be saved," he tells you like it's a comfort. "If you really love me, you'd do this for me."

Oh, that's not fair, you think, knuckles paling from the pressure of your clenched fists. If you really love me, you'd–

"I already have my Mangekyou," you quietly confess, but it sounds deafening as if your confession reverberated within the too-quiet cave.

Shisui stays silent for a while, not knowing what to say, before sighing tiredly, "Then, I have nothing else to give you."

"Yes, you do," you say, voice unsteady and soft, your anger extinguished like a blown candle, "You can give me your time." Because you're a terrible, selfish person, you'd rather have the poison slowly take Shisui than grant him a swift death. "You can stay here with me for a while."

"Okay..." Shisui indulges you because he regrettably always does, then gives you a rueful smile, "Only for a while."

~*~*~

The rough, uneven surface of the cave's wall digs uncomfortably on your back, your clothes barely protecting you from the unpleasant sensation, but you don't make a move to adjust from your seat. Not when Shisui is leaning his entire weight on your side, resting his head on your shoulder comfortably, as if just taking a nap.

As if he'd later wake up and this would all be just a nightmare.

(Tick, tock, tick, tock, your timer continues its countdown.)

Even with the cave's dim lighting, you can tell Shisui doesn't have much time left.

At first, you were content with just letting him pass in silence, but the feeling of his cooling body and the sight of deathly pallor on his face had you opening your mouth before you could stop yourself.

And then, I talk.

"How about one last secret?" I offer, and the slight shift of Shisui's head on my shoulder is the only sign of acknowledgement he gives me. With a steely resolve, I plow through before my cowardice could stop me, "I knew this would happen. I let it happen because you would be in the way."

(He deserves to know because he looks at you and sees me.)

"Okay," he says, and I blink, dumbfounded.

"Okay?" I repeat with a small, hysterical chuckle.

"For some reason, you're hesitant with your kindness." He doesn't elaborate on that. "I've seen you try to do good. I've seen you try your best. If you think my death is for the better, I wouldn't mind."

Oh.

He thinks this is a part of your resolution to the village-clan tension. He thinks you have a plan.

I don't have the heart to tell him what your actual plan entails, but–

"You're not a pawn," I vehemently tell him, brows furrowed in indignation on his behalf. "Your– your murder will never be for the better– will never be justified, I just, it's– it's–" I stumble upon my next words, not knowing how to put any of this into words, until I settle with a resigned, shameful, simple explanation of: "It's just the easiest."

A pause.

"If this is the easiest, then why is it so hard on you?"

I can't see his face from my angle, but I just somehow know he's wearing a smug, triumphant look as if he's got me all figured out. As if he's right about me being the altruistic genius he thinks I am.

God, what a selfless, self-sacrificing moron, you can't help but think.

I, however, think, I wish I could be just as trusting.

"... This is not how I imagined this conversation would go," I huff with wry humor, bitter laughter just edging from the back of my throat.

Shisui only gives a heavy exhale, amused.

"I'm sorry I couldn't be a better boyfriend," I apologize after a period of silence, because I don't know what else to say other than a myriad of 'sorry's and excuses. I would've begged for Shisui's forgiveness the whole time while he still breathes, but I doubt he'd respond to it the way I want him to.

"That's because you're already the best," he says, his tone light and joking, and I chuckle– this time, a bit genuine.

"How do you know? I'm your only boyfriend," I jest, and like the first day you met him, he laughs.

He laughs and his laughter still sounds like summer.

But instead of chiming bells, laughing children, and chirping crickets, it is crackling bonfire, whirring cicadas, and the cooling wind. Autumn is nearing.

"That's true," he says, his tone noticeably contrite; quieter. "But I probably won't be your only one. That's why, whatever you do, just please don't regret me."

You won't.

Even though what happened between you and Shisui was unintentional. Unplanned; you were careless and too open, and it paved the way to a vulnerability we didn't want or need.

Shisui was a mistake, but...

He was a mistake only because he was unprecedented. You don't think you'd ever regret one of the best things that has ever happened to you.

"That's what I should be telling you," I say, voice wavering. "I didn't make your life any better."

Shisui huffs lightheartedly, and a tad bit insistently says, "But you did."

I don't take it to heart. He just doesn't know.

He doesn't know how different things could've been, how you could've prevented everything from escalating to this point, how you have the capability to change others' fates for better or worse. He doesn't know what we know, because you don't trust him enough to be on your side.

(He only knows the truth except for the truths that matter.)

Tilting my head to have my cheek rest on his scalp, I murmur guiltily into his hair, "I didn't change a thing for you."

Shisui hums, his tone disagreeing. He places a hand on mine, his cold fingers giving a weak but reassuring squeeze.

Our love for him didn't change anything; it wouldn't save him.

In fact, your companionship didn't benefit Shisui in any way; it didn't provide anything that Itachi couldn't provide. He still would've ended up where he is with or without you. Your existence was essentially of no use to him, but despite that–

"Y...m... ier..."

I suddenly lift my head in shock, eyes wide and ears ringing from his murmured confession– the words hushed but they persist and echo within my head. I know it will haunt me for the rest of my life.

The both of us stay silent, Shisui's weak breathing and the rhythmically dripping water from stalagmites being the only white noise within the cavern. The tranquil ambience contrasts greatly with the thoughts , conundrums and hypotheticals running through my head.

After much internal debate, I impulsively decide.

"Would you choose to live with me?"

~*~*~

Hours later, you exit the underground cave alone, the stars noticeably absent from the night sky.

A newly charged seal is branded on your wrist, easily covered by wrapped bandages and the long sleeve of your shirt. The remnant astringent smell of burnt flesh pervades your nose.

Much to your relief and annoyance, your summons remain quiet– not a histrionic ruffle of feathers or a confirming hoot. It's no surprise that they know of Shisui's choice.

"You guys are such shit liars," you grumble tiredly, and the owls only continue to watch.

With a packed camping gear and a readily-formed excuse, you head home.

(Just like that, your summer is over.)

~*~*~

Sitting on a provided guest chair, you watch as Shisui wakes up on his hospital bed, his dull eyes instantly trailing unto you, catching sight of your gray ones.

Guilt had you break eye-contact first, your head now hanging low in shame; you don't know what to say.

"Are you happy?" Shisui asks kindly, his voice light and smooth, unaffected by its lack of usage during his coma.

"I–" you close your mouth, tamping down your instinctive reassuring but untrue answer of 'I am'. You take your time thinking, before eventually facing him and admitting, "I don't know yet."

Shisui smiles, but his eyes do not glitter with its usual brightness, and his lips remain closed instead of breaking into a bright grin. He smiles and it's like looking at your reflection with crinkling eyes, no teeth–

You calmly open your eyes and wake up in your bedroom at the break of dawn, the ceiling familiar yet strange because you usually sleep at the training ground or stay at Shisui's until...

Heaving out a frustrated sigh, you'd just have to live with the fact that you provided yourself with a new variation of night terrors.

Still, you don't regret to love.

You've crossed that bridge a long time ago and came to accept that love is not eternal or forever. It is fleeting; it comes and goes, and when you really love, you do not feel bitterness or anger when it eventually leaves. Instead, all you can really do is thank it for choosing your heart to stop by.

You're glad Shisui entered your life and chose to stay.

(I can already tell you'll only spiral down from here.)

~*~*~

Early in the morning, Shisui's house is surrounded by the police force– Uchiha officers looking around for clues of foul play or of his last whereabouts.

They wouldn't find any; they found his suicide note, after all.

Naturally, they're all in denial about it as it's against Shisui's character, even if the note's handwriting is undoubtedly his.

That's why you're called into the crime scene as the number one suspect– the one Uchiha who wasn't present in the clan meeting nor out on a village mission last night.

"I'm telling you, my squad finished the mission earlier than expected," you patiently explain for the nth time to your current interrogator, your expression amused and smiling.

"Then, why didn't you report to the station on your return?!" Yoshio fumes at you, his dark spiky hair somehow giving an illusion of splaying to life. Let it be said that while the Uchiha tend to be the coldest motherfuckers you can ever meet, they also have tempers that tend to be fire hazards.

Not too far away, Fugaku gives out an exasperated sigh, probably hearing the on-going argument.

"Shit man, didn't realize we have a Hokage in our compound for me to report to," you say, rubbing salt on a particular wound, your smirk widening at how Yoshio's nostrils comically flare. You can probably shove a whole takoyaki up there.

"You disrespectful little–"

Your interrogation gets cut short by a squawk of a crow, the bird– one of Shisui's summons, you recognize– unexpectedly landing on your shoulder, its talons reaching out to offer you...

Ah, so that's where his ring went, you think numbly, the corner of your lips twitching, as you inspect the rolled-up paper that's fastened by Shisui's ring.

Message successfully given, the crow flies away.

With quick reflexes, you move your letter away from a certain nosy officer's paws, then protectively hide it behind your back.

"Try to take the letter away from me again and I will commit a hate crime," you threaten, Yoshio's face turning into an angry red. "I may look sane but I promise I have the ability to go ape shit."

"It can contribute to the investigation," Yoshio grits out impatiently, and because you're an immature piece of shit, you stick out your tongue.

"It was given to me and not to any of you; so, clearly, it's personal."

"Hand it over!"

"I'm not gonna repeat myself. The Uchiha go blind, not deaf."

Because Yoshio is a pussy ass snitching bitch, he calls for Fugaku to help him handle you. You tell Yoshio exactly what you thought of him with a smile– sharp, wide, and mocking.

"This is no time for your games," Yoshio says, and you know his tone is warning you that he'd eventually resort to throwing hands with a kid just starting puberty. Still, you remain unconcerned of his subtle threat; you've killed men stronger than him.

"Every time is my time for games as long as there are clowns around to play with– hey!" You were too distracted to notice Fugaku sneak up behind you to grab your arm holding the letter, his grip tight but not bruising. You're just lucky he didn't grab your bandaged wrist, the skin still raw and scabbing with the recently burnt skin tissue.

However, that fact isn't enough to quell your horrified reaction, your eyes widening, alarmed, as you feel your jaw suddenly tense, your pretense no longer playful, because–

What if there really is something in the letter that would give the Uchiha proof for their suspicions? What if it contains a vital secret that others shouldn't know? What if there's a good reason why Shisui would have one of his crows directly bring it to you? What if he– What if the Uchiha– What if–

Whatifwhatifwhatif–

Just when Fugaku is about to snatch the rolled-up paper from your hand, your muscles grow taut and you pull your arm back with chakra-enhanced strength, the action too sudden for him to reinforce his grip.

(Or maybe his grip slackened when he felt your chakra become untypically violent and volatile and angry.)

Hugging the letter close to your chest, you can feel the adrenaline put you in a state of paroxysmal panic, your emotions doubling in intensity. You can barely perceive the world through the ringing in your ears, the convoluted voices in your head; you couldn't hear yourself cry out,

"I said no, it's mine!"

(The fire licks and gnaws and burns–)

You raise your head, teeth bared threateningly at Fugaku's dumbstruck, horrified face.

Heaving deep breaths, you belatedly realize in quiet shock that the world is sharper in its clarity than it usually is.

The patterns on a passing butterfly's wings, the texture of a windswept leaf, the floating particles of dust. Strands of Fugaku's uncharacteristically unkempt hair, fringed stitches on his jounin vest, new stress lines forming below his (guilty?) eyes.

Underneath your surfaced rage and subtle fear is a relief that you don't feel the usual strain of activating your Mangekyou.

Slowly, your anger fades, replaced with bone-deep tiredness that you're overly familiar with.

"Shisui was mine," you say almost quietly after a bout of silence, looking down at the now-crinkled paper on your hand.

Saying that out loud suddenly made everything feel real with him, as if everything just caught up to you.

He was uniquely yours.

It's not like with Mikoto and Fugaku where you have to share them as parents to your brothers; not like with Sasuke and Itachi where you have to share them as brothers to either; not like with Iruka and Hana where you have to share them as friends to mutuals and strangers alike.

Shisui was your lover, and yours alone.

Your sharingan traces the letter's now-creased texture and the ring's crow engraving, before eventually deactivating; the world blurs. While you didn't use much chakra, you can still feel your tense shoulders slacking in exhaustion. Or perhaps it's defeat.

It doesn't take Fugaku long to understand your implication.

He gives a considering nod, his stiff way of comforting you.

You take that as a dismissal and a permission to leave the premises with a body flicker.

~*~*~

In the secluded area of an Uchiha training ground, you realize that your blurred vision had nothing to do with your deteriorating eyesight or the lack of details from your inactive bloodline.

You were just crying.

Embarrassing, is your instinctive thought, nonchalantly wiping away your tear streaks away with a scowl. What's there to cry about?

You try to forget a grating voice that always had an opinion on your crying; you easily fail.

It's really unfortunate that you've forgotten how to forget in this life.

~*~*~

"I can't live on.

I'm sorry.

I love you.

Forever yours, Shisui"

That's it? How underwhelming, you think as your eyes scan the rushed but familiar calligraphy. You've even double-checked it with your sharingan to see if there were any hidden codes, but there was nothing.

You've freaked out on Fugaku over nothing.

Ah, well, you suppose it's better to be safe than sorry.

You've honestly thought that there would be more– something incriminating; something important enough to not be placed beside Shisui's improvised suicide note for everyone to see; that had him have one of his summons directly deliver it to you, only for you to see.

... Perhaps, he thought his 'I love you' was important enough.

Hanging from a thin chain on your neck, Shisui's silver ring rests cold on your chest.

~*~*~

You didn't learn of Itachi's return from any passing rumors or official reports. Surprisingly, you didn't learn it from your owls either, but you suspect that's only because you didn't have the chance to get to them before Itachi got to you.

A grunt escapes your lips the moment you feel your back slam on a nearby wall, the front of your shirt clutched by an enraged Itachi. Surprised by his uncharacteristically open expression, you can barely register your twin's sharingan glaring you down, when he asks, hisses,

"What did you do?"

Ah, so he's heard the news regarding Shisui's death, and based on his reaction, he doesn't believe Shisui killed himself either. Not surprising.

What's surprising is that he's quick to accuse you, which has the corner of your lips twitching downwards.

Alas, he's not really wrong, but you do wonder what steered him in that direction.

So, with a wry, bitter smile, you stare back at his sharingan with your own– your dojutsu catching your brother off-guard.

"That's the thing," you give a grin with mocking levity, its fragility feeling like glass shards on your cheeks, "I did absolutely nothing."

Itachi's grip loosens, but doesn't let go. His dark look turns neutral; pensive.

Against your better judgment, you continue talking.

"Funny, isn't it? Even when I do nothing, bad things still happen," you say, watching with sick fascination as Itachi's red eyes slightly widen. You're curious about what he sees when he looks at you. "Maybe the elders are right, maybe I am an Onikko. I look the part, don't I?"

You pause, an inner part of you recoiling.

By the time you register your emotional blunder, your brother finally lets you go with regret evident on his face and his sharingan no longer active.

"I don't... I'm sorry," he starts, hesitantly, guiltily– don't look at me like that. "I forgot you also... he's the most important person to you, wasn't he?"

Hah... If that isn't the question of the year.

"He's an important person to me," you say instead, a sardonic, secretive smirk decorating your lips.

Itachi's eyebrows furrow at the way you phrased your answer, but you only pat his shoulder and walk away before he could comment on it.

(Coward.)

Itachi doesn't talk to you for a long while.

~*~*~

Sitting on your bed, you let your fingers consideringly trail on your branded wrist, the skin recently healed with a quick medical ninjutsu now that the seal is no longer chakra-saturated. You never did figure out how Minato managed to mark his Flying Thunder God jutsu to anything with an instant, painless touch.

You rewrap the bandages over your seal and roll down your sleeve to cover it up.

Not yet, you think before laying down beneath your covers.

With a practiced mold of your chakra, you let your memory of Shisui's voice lull you to sleep with his retelling of the Bijuu's Origins.

You wake up the next day, biting back a scream.

~*~*~

"I... I don't think you'd... hurt Shisui," Sasuke quietly says, his tone uncharacteristically melancholic. It somehow fits the mood of the autumn sunset, shadows stretching around your home, as the both of you sit by the engawa as per personal tradition.

You can tell he's hesitant with the topic, especially with the rumors spreading around the compound of your possible involvement. People aren't exactly subtle with their hostility towards you. It's adorable that he thinks you'd be offended by it.

"Yeah?" You prompt, and at your encouragement, your baby brother continues.

"Mhm!" You can feel his head nod under your chin. "You love Shisui, and only bad people hurt the people they love. I don't think you're bad."

"Haah, I can always count on you to be on my side," you say, energetically hugging Sasuke close as he cheerily laughs at your show of affection.

What a naive sentiment.

~*~*~

Traveling through the Land of Fire's trees, you lead your unit towards the estimated direction of your target; your responsibility as the new ANBU Captain of Team Ro.

You bite your bottom lip as you think of ways to somehow quit ANBU without your clan kicking up a fuss, but eventually conclude that it's not possible without the burden falling onto Itachi's shoulders. That is something you're intransigent about.

Still, your constant presence in Konoha is a must this far into the timeline. Your owls can only do so much without you around.

One way you can be at home often is to finish your missions in record time, while attempting to fish out some vacation days from the Hokage. By the time you spot your targeted rogue shinobi, you decide that that's the only way; the only option you have.

Don't let the hunting and fighting drag on more than necessary. You just have to be faster, more uninhibited. More ruthless.

You can do that.

~*~*~

Even when you're promoted to ANBU captaincy, Inoichi-sensei remains to be your mental evaluator. Regardless of your history with him, you still circle around his questions with your usual humor, your occasional answers coming off as curt or off-handed.

So, when he asks an obligatory, "Are you really alright?"

You automatically respond to him with a practiced smile and a chirpy voice, "I always am."

That was supposed to be the end of it, however...

"I've heard about Shisui and what he meant to you," he adds solemnly, and you resist the urge to grit your teeth, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be," you smile, eyes crinkling with concealed rage, and lips painfully stretching with hidden teeth, "It wasn't your fault."

(So why are you angry with him?)

~*~*~

Weeks later, rumors begin to spread around the Elemental Nations about Konoha's White Death.

A-rank. Kill on sight.

~*~*~

Kakashi never really approached you outside ANBU duties, regardless of his mellowed out and less withdrawn personality. It's not like he has any reason to talk to you anyway. You're not friends; not really.

That's why it's a surprise that your former captain chose to stand next to you when you visited Shisui's grave, as if he had the intention to hang out with you.

Naturally, you're suspicious of this, and you immediately try to find what angle he's aiming at.

When he continues to remain silent, you speak up while still staring at Shisui's gravestone.

"He really should've found someone better." If your tone sounded a bit too spiteful, he doesn't mention it.

Still, Kakashi winces at the memory of that particular conversation from long ago, muttering, "Sorry" then awkwardly adding, "for your loss."

You snort.

"I swear, if you try to comfort me, I will cry on the spot," you teasingly threaten him, "Tears and snot and all that. Soap opera style, like a black widow making a show of dramatically mourning her husband who slipped in the shower to collect that sweet life insurance. And then you'll have to commit to whatever this is."

"That was weirdly specific," Kakashi casually remarks. "But, okay, I'll commit."

Wait, what?

"Be still, my beating heart," you deadpan, before turning to look at him, tilting your head curiously. "You usually run away whenever someone threatens you with emotional vulnerability."

"Someone basically trapped me in exposure therapy and I've learned to live with it," he easily brushes off your jab, and you're fascinated by the fact that he wasn't lying.

Maybe you can finally know about your unintentional butterfly effect that made Kakashi affable before his retirement from ANBU.

"Someone?" You repeat, wordlessly asking for a name.

"Mm," he hums affirmably, the bastard never disclosing the unknown's identity. Still, he further surprises you when he continues, albeit hesitantly, "You... once asked me what my meaning in life was."

"Hoh?" You say, intrigued.

"It's to protect the people you value while they're still around," Kakashi quotes himself from the time when the Third Shinobi War was still on-going, from the time when Obito's name was recently carved on the Memorial Stone. Turning to look at you, he lands a stern hand on your shoulder, his face grave and his visible eye imploring. "You still have those people. They can be your meaning."

Oh... You finally understand what this is about.

(He looks at you and sees himself.)

"I'll keep that in mind," you say, briefly glancing at Shisui's grave, and Kakashi seems to have seen something on your face to be assured and satisfied of your response. He stuffs his hands back in his pockets.

"Next time, instead of describing how you'll cry in detail, just say you want to be alone like a normal person," he off-handedly says, and you scoff.

"Ah, because you're the epitome of nor–"

Kakashi disappears with a body flicker before you can get your last word in.

Fucker.

...

Staring at the engraved stone a little longer, you eventually decide to leave, murmuring a quiet farewell of, "Happy birthday, Shisui."

You resist the urge to look at the direction of the chakra you're currently sensing.

~*~*~

"– the Kyuubi rises from ashes of hate and embers of rage, and the humans immediately think–"

Monster, your mind hisses.

You roll on your bed.

~*~*~

You don't know what led you to accept Hana's invitation to have a sleepover at her place with Iruka, but you did. Perhaps you wanted to just get out of the Uchiha Compound for a while. Or perhaps, you thought that by accepting, you'd be reassuring your former teammates that you're fine despite your most recent... incident.

Regardless of your reason, you decide that you don't regret it as you sit next to Iruka on Hana's dining table, witnessing Hana present her newest hobby by placing it on the table.

"What is this?!" You unabashedly laugh, absolutely losing it when your fork fails to pierce Hana's dessert. You stab it forcefully a few more times, the table reverberating from the force. "Bitch, the fuck?!"

Iruka looks on in thinly-veiled horror.

"Those are brownies, asshole!" Hana exclaims, bristling.

"It's a war crime is what it is! The chocolate has PTSD!" You continue laughing. "This looks like something Iwa shinobi would hurl at us!"

"It's nothing compared to your rice that's solid enough to be used as a foundation for a house!"

"Only if we use your burnt brownies as bricks!"

"They aren't burnt!" She defends. "Brownies are supposed to be dark in color, unlike your rice!"

"Oi, stop bringing my rice into this! You can't judge me when I'm pretty sure brownies are not supposed to be darker than a village-wide blackout," you say, and just before she could launch herself at you, Iruka speaks up.

"Uh, they'd probably taste better than they look," he attempts to placate.

"We have a taste test volunteer!" You say enthusiastically, pushing the tray to Iruka's direction.

"Wait, no–" He immediately backtracks, and the situation easily escalates to Team 4's usual chaos.

The normality feels nice.

~*~*~

In the end, Hana's brownies remain untouched, but it's not because of the lack of trying.

The three of you decide to just snack on some chips, as they're not required for Hana to touch any kitchen utility, much to her offense when you tell her exactly that.

Time passes as the three of you share stories; of what you had missed in each others' lives.

Iruka tells you of his life as an academy teacher, his progress in the arts of fuuinjutsu. Mysteriously enough, he tells you that he's currently working on a personal project that he has yet to share until he feels ready. He just vaguely says that he hopes you and Hana will have an open mind about it.

Hana gets to share about her experience as both a veterinarian and a medic-nin; how some of her hospital co-workers can be assholes at times ("More so than you," she felt the need to add). You carefully don't show any reaction when Hana mentions her kouhai, Kabuto, who's apparently an active participant in menial tasks. To your surprise, she doesn't talk about any anecdotes with Natsu, only briefing you that they would go on dates every weekend.

You think it's her way of being considerate, as you've only recently lost your other half. Speaking of which...

"Listen, about Shisui," Iruka slowly starts, eyeing you carefully. "Did you get to properly mourn?"

You've always known this topic would be brought up at some point, so you've already prepared a response: a minute shrug, a downcast look, and a simple comment of, "People die. It happens in our profession."

"Alright," Hana says, and you can always count on her to easily drop a subject when you're obviously shutting it down. "Just know, we love you and we're doing this for your own good."

Huh–

Iruka is suddenly standing behind you, holding your shoulders still. Distracted by his action, you didn't notice Hana suddenly prying your jaw open, before force feeding you something– something liquid, something kind of sweet that trails down your throat and then it turns spicy and burning–

"What the fuck?!" You choke out, instantly standing up and toppling your chair over. Your hands instinctively clutch your throat, as your eyes water at the fucking nuclear hot sauce because what the actual fuck. "You bitches– ack– are literally going to kill me!"

You place a hand on your mouth, attempting to stifle your coughing fit. You feel your face overheating, your tongue sending signals to your pain receptors. Shit, even your nose is starting to turn runny. You hastily wipe your eyes, when you feel a tear about to drop.

These fuckers are insane!

"You can cry," Iruka says as if reassuring, while Hana's non-sadistic reaction and overall lack of laughter catch you off-guard. "It's just the hot sauce."

Literally, what?

Iruka and Hana then nod at each other... and proceed to also feed themselves with a prepared spoonful of hot sauce. Naturally, their reaction isn't too far off from yours.

What the hell is the plan here?

"Just cry while the capsaicin is still active," Hana manages to cough out, eyes and face as red as her clan markings, "we can all blame the crying on the hot sauce."

"Hah?!" You really don't know how else you could eloquently phrase your confusion.

"Just grieve! Screw the shinobi rules about not showing emotions!" Iruka suddenly yells despite the spice already grating his throat, shocking you with his uncharacteristic aggressiveness. "You just lost someone who you thought you had a future with! Fucking cry for once in your life!"

Oh, that's it? You think to yourself, as you eye your former teammates' resolute yet pained faces.

Was that their plan? Force feed you with hot sauce and just have you cry your heart out while they join you just so you won't feel embarrassed crying on your own? Do they really think you'd let yourself shed tears that easily?

What a bunch of emotional idiots.

This entire situation is all so fucking dumb and stupid, and yet somehow...

Against their expectations, you laugh. Shoulders shaking, you try to smother your mirth, not wanting to invite violent reactions from either of them, despite how ridiculous both Hana and Iruka looked with their red, constipated-looking faces.

And then, your lips wobble, fresh tears unexpectedly spilling anew, even with the effects of capsaicin already abating. Your hiccupping laughter eventually fades into shaky sobs, the sounds muffled underneath your hands covering your face.

"I-it's just the hot sauce," you say, sniffling.

~*~*~

Having just returned from a two-day mission, you click your tongue when your owls report to you that Danzo managed to privately meet with Itachi while you were away.

~*~*~

"I know you're here," you call out to the secluded part of Konoha's forest. The lighting of your surroundings is limited with how the moon is obscured by dark clouds, as if the night is dreading towards what will transpire. "My summons have been tracking you, Madara."

You can feel Obito's chakra near you. Black Zetsu can't be far.

Turning to face Madara's pretender, you greet him with a smile.

"Long time, no see, since you've slashed my chest cavity open," you say cheerily. "Thanks for literally scarring me for life. Can't say I appreciate the souvenir on my chest."

"What reason do you have to meet with me?" He asks, presenting a small paper between his two gloved fingers– the letter you had one of your summons send him. You know your owls only managed to reach him because he let them.

"I know that Danzo approached Itachi with the plan to massacre the clan and you offered to help," you tell him, and at this, Obito walks closer.

"Your paranoia for your brothers really is nothing to be scoffed at," he says, and predictably doesn't humor your attempt at a casual conversation, already cutting it straight to the point. "Are you here to stop me?"

Your smile drops.

"No," you say, looking straight at the eye hole of his mask.

Obito looks at you for a good while, before understanding your motive.

"I see..." He says, pensive. "What makes you think that you're a better offer than your brother?"

At this, you drop to your knees and bow, your forehead touching the grass.

And then, you beg.

In the trees' canopies, a crow's eye burns red, the pattern of a shuriken spinning.

~*~*~

"– some begin to wonder if the bijuu were simply misunderstood, and that maybe, if given the chance, they could–"

You don't get to sleep that night.

~*~*~

Mikoto confronts you one day, when she invites you next to her in the garden while tending to her white chrysanthemums. You silently watch her prune the bushes, remembering that those particular flowers thrive during autumn.

"Do you hate me?" She suddenly asks, and you carefully do not startle. It doesn't mask your surprised look, however.

You thought that you managed to completely recondition yourself to remove your past, unnecessary habits. That if you slipped anyways, you thought you were subtle enough with your reactions.

Alas, Mikoto is a retired shinobi. You should've been more careful.

"I don't hate you," you finally answer. "You just sometimes remind me of someone else."

She looks visibly shocked at your response, probably thinking that she didn't expect to get that much from you. You definitely fucked up somewhere along the way for your relationship to be this... rocky. Your intention was always to seem distant, not resentful.

"Sorry if you thought that that was the case for so long," you add, watching her shocked face turn thoughtful; you can see where Itachi inherited his contemplative look.

There is a long pause, before Mikoto talks again, this time, her expression compassionate but not pitying. Her eyes on the other hand are resolute, tinged with a softness that's associated with...

"Okay," she says, and unexpectedly moves the topic. "Would... you like to tell me about Shisui?"

In your past life, you never did have a present father figure. It was always just Nanay, who already gave you an impression of what having a mother is like before Mikoto. The problem is: she was just too impressionable for you to give Mikoto a proper chance.

You've already known for a long time that Kaa-san is not Nanay.

However, seeing Mikoto look at you with warm eyes and unreserved love just made everything click into place; for you to finally see what always has been.

Mikoto is not her.

Mikoto is just Mother.

And so, you tell Mother about Shisui; of how you were the first to fall and how he's the first to confess. You tell her of your first date, your first kiss; you tell her every information you deprived her of when she longed to hear anything about you just so she could be a little closer, be a little more important in your life.

Then, you ask her, "Do you know what it's like when you've done nothing to save someone because circumstances demanded it of you?"

"Yes," Mother says with a wry smile, your eyes widening when her own pair turns red and shifts into a pattern of a Mangekyou, "I was frustrated and enraged."

She tells you of the night the Kyuubi attacked; how the clan wasn't permitted to participate in incapacitating the bijuu; how the Uchiha were redirected to evacuate the civilians instead.

She tells you of her regret and guilt of not having the chance to save Kushina; of not even being able to raise her friend's son.

In turn, you tell her that your cowardice stopped you from saving Shisui; never having the guts to address what you felt was wrong at the time, which cost you his life.

(You decide to tell her truth, except for the truths that matter.)

For once, you appreciate having a mother.

~*~*~

Just when you're about to cast your usual genjutsu for tonight, someone unexpectedly knocks on your bedroom door. Not having the chance to speak up, the door opens, and there pokes Sasuke's head, his eyes eager.

"Psst, Kama-niisan, let's have a sleepover outside," he excitedly whispers, before widening the door's gap to step inside your room.

Behind him, Itachi stands, his face neutral but his body language sheepish.

"Yeah," you say, as you eye your twin a little longer, before sighing at Sasuke with an indulgent smile. "Alright. Let's go."

After gathering your futon, blanket and pillow, you follow Sasuke outside to the backyard, his beddings already arranged with Itachi's. He gestures to place your futon in the middle of theirs, and because you're a doting idiot, you comply even when there's still some lingering tension between you and Itachi.

You realize that this is the first time all three of you slept in the same place.

It doesn't take long for Sasuke to doze off, already quick to cuddle by your side while you remain awake, your eyes tracing foreign constellations in the night sky. Apparently, Itachi is awake alongside you, his voice barely audible despite the silence.

"I'm sorry," Itachi whispers to you, and you know he's not repeating his apology about your last argument with him.

(Tick, tock– time's up.)

"I know," you whisper back, reaching for his hand and giving a reassuring squeeze.

(You are born as an Uchiha. You've always been destined for love, and in turn, you are destined for heartbreak.

And fate tells you that you will never recover.)

~*~*~

The next day, with only the night sky and your owls as witnesses, you approach ROOT's base.

Beside you, Shisui asks, "Do you have a plan?"

You bump your shoulder onto his reassuringly with a teasing smile, "Don't I always?"

~*~*~

BONUS:

Kama: You never leave Konoha a virgin because it fucks us all somehow.

...

Kama: Someone out there is praying for me to have a bad time, and the lord is answering them.

...

Hana: Do you ever think of alternative scenarios in your life?

Kama: Constantly. I think it's called regret.

...

Kakashi (witnessing Kama go all-out in ANBU missions with narrow-minded, near-suicidal proficiency): Wait... This seems familiar.

...

Kama (to Shisui): nooo dont kill yourself ur so sexy aha

...

Itachi: You're making this worse.

Kama: I have the tendency to do that.

...

Kama: Every time I do something stupid, Fugaku stares at Mikoto like he wants a refund.

...

Kama: If my man dies, imma die with him, like who tf is he tryna meet in heaven??

...

Iruka (talking to Team 4): I feel a strange emotion towards you guys.

Kama: Respect?

Iruka: God, no.

...

Kama (cooking in Iruka's kitchen):

Iruka: Any chance that's for me?

Kama: It's for my family. I'm planning on making some bad choices tonight, and I need to make it up to them.

Iruka: I never realized the forethought that went into being a disappointment.

...

Kama (trying to avoid feelings by running): You can't catch me, gay thoughts!

Shisui (running next to him): Guess again, bitch boy.

...

(Modern AU; comment section)

Iruka: Isn't it crazy that in 100 years, everyone in this comment section will be dead?

Hana: Not the third hokage tho, im pretty sure he's immortal

Kama: 10th chuunin exams from now, third phase finals

Hana: bruh what

...

Kama: One like and I'll blow up the Uchiha Compound

You liked your comment.

Kama: Say no more.

Hana: Ayo??

Iruka:?!?!

...

Itachi: What are you doing? Are you wearing ANBU armor?

Kama: Sasuke just slapped me with a glove. He may not know what it means yet, but I'm a man of honor, brother. We duel at dawn.

Itachi: Kama, he's only seven, you can't possib--

Kama: DAWN!

...

Fugaku (thinking that he's the reason why the usual care-free Kama activated his sharingan): There's no way it's my parenting.

...

As you can see, Kama has some toxic mindsets. Hmm, wonder who he got them from

Notice that despite being possessive of both his brothers, Sasuke still lets Kama take the middle. I love little Sasuke with all my heart.

Shisui is literally the Epstein Didn't Kill Himself meme in this universe lmao. Is he still actually alive? Well, yes and no.

Not sure if you guys still remember, so a quick reminder that before Kama flashed his sharingan at Fugaku, only Shisui knew that Kama activated his sharingan a looong time ago.

You guys apparently loved the ShiKama ship more than I expected. As an apology, maybe I'll write a direct sequel where he'll be transmigrated to the canon Narutoverse pre-massacre, aka the universe where he wasn't born, and fix things. If I don't go through with that, I'll probably just create a fix-it SI (with Shisui as the love interest because I want to spread Shisui propaganda akdhdjhfl).

Also, here's my take if Shisui outed that he escaped Danzo's assault and bloodline theft:

Danzo won't settle this with an immediate violent resistance. He will appeal for a defense case and have this problem solved diplomatically– with Hiruzen as hokage, this won't be an issue.

He will say that the theft is justified; that an Uchiha doesn't deserve the power of Kotoamatsukami, that it could even be used against the village (particularly on those in charge), especially with the clan's suspected involvement in the Kyuubi attack. He will out the Mangekyou secret (just like the jinchuuriki secret lmao), and the public will rightly wonder if the clan is hiding more secret powerful techniques, subjecting the Uchiha to even more fear, suspicion and supervision. Some will inevitably side with the Uchiha, due to the policies against bloodline theft (probably the Hyuuga). Some will side with Danzo because some (if not most) people were already against the Uchiha ever since the Kyuubi Attack.

This is not even mentioning the fact that Danzo knows about the coup.

Look, I hate Danzo, but he wouldn't be the head of an underground black ops if he was an idiot. Maybe he's an idiot fighter (cough sasuke fight cough) but I think he's good at playing his cards in politics. Like, yeah, kekkai genkai theft is wrong, but is it really tho if you do it against "enemies"?

As for Hiruzen, well, tbh, I don't know if he'll do the right thing. In canon, he let Danzo get away with a lot of crimes so he's kinda gray to me. However, I do have an idea of how the other clan heads would react. Maybe I'll use my ideas someday on another Naruto SI if I'm up for it.

Also guys, please vote for Shisui in the popularity poll (only if you want to lol): https://narutop99.naruto-official.com/en