Warning: this chapter is going to give y'all whiplash after whiplash with sudden mood swings. And lots of gay jokes lmao. You brought these to yourselves by telling me I'm funny, and now I'm gonna be obnoxious about it.

In case it isn't obvious from the title, Shisui galore!! Yay!!! Lots of tooth-rotting fluff. That aside, I think this chapter will have 3 parts instead of the usual 2. Sigh, looks like that's another addition to the final chapter counts.

~*~*~

The first time you've worked with Shisui in ANBU duty is when his team coincidentally found themselves against a group of Kiri nin near Konoha's southeast outpost, while returning from a mission. Against their collective luck, one of Kirigakure's Seven Swordsmen happens to be one of their opponents.

Team Takibi is outmatched, majority of their members' main offensives specializing more on discreet assassination than direct confrontation– especially against a heavy-hitter like Munashi Jinpachi, the wielder of Shibuki. The best they can do with the situation is to hold them off until their back-ups come to assist.

Being ANBU's prime frontliners, Team Ro is dispatched as their support.

Trees sprout from the ground the moment your team arrives, Tenzo already making quick work of separating the enemy team from exhausted and injured allies using his Wood Release, with Aburame serving as back-up. It should give Team Takibi some time to catch their breaths and recover.

Kakashi appears beside Tiger– Shiranui Genma, your mind catalogs– with a body flicker, already demanding a quick, "Report."

Even with the sound of battle cries and exploding wood in the background, Genma remains undistracted and promptly gives the summary of what transpired.

"Sparrow, Mantis and Lion are incapacitated; Crow and Frog are injured but abled. Ten opponents– seven jounin and three chuunin– specialize in inhalant poison, close-combat swordplay, and their leader possesses an explosive sword–"

Against your better judgment, you don't listen to Genma's gathered information about the enemy team. In fact, you should probably help Tenzo and Aburame with holding off the enemy, but instead, your eyes search around the leveled forest area and scattered Wood Release obstructions for a familiar mop of dark hair. With your sensor abilities, you easily spot Yugao tending to Sparrow– Gekko Hayate– who's coughing nastily, with Ko next to the other downed agents not too far away, and Shisui is right–

"Owl, huh?" He says right next to you, as if he's always been there. "And, are you seriously wearing all white on ANBU duty?"

"I'm a walking advertisement for laundry detergent businesses. They pay well," you quip with small smile, turning to face him before your amusement slips off your face, your breath hitching at the sight of Shisui's closed eyes that brings forth the memory of his resigned smile to his death by the Naka cliff, and all he needs to do is take a step back–

"You okay?" Shisui asks, snapping you out of your shocked daze, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. You blink once; twice.

His eyes aren't bleeding, you reason to yourself, your breath steadying. He's just temporarily blinded, probably from a direct flash of an explosion.

You force out a snort and a quick chuckle, as if holding back laughter the whole time; your smile is brittle but it doesn't matter as long as Shisui can't see it.

"What the hell happened to you? You look like an academy student whose attempt at the Great Fireball jutsu blew up on his face," you joke as you eye his singed clothes, ash-stained face and shut eyes, your hands already performing a quick diagnostic jutsu on him. You hope Shisui won't feel them shaking.

"... I tried doing close-combat against an exploding sword," he confesses, embarrassed.

"And you thought it's a good idea at the time because..?" At the sound of your incredulous tone, Shisui shyly faces away.

"I thought he's only able to use his explosions at long range because he logically can't use it without harming himself," he says with a sheepish smile. "Turns out, he can take on his own explosions."

Fractured ribs, lots of bruises, slight concussion, irritated eyes– this stubborn fucker shouldn't even be standing, you think, exasperated, before ending your diagnostic test and voicing your exact same thoughts outloud.

"I'm fine, really; you know I've had worse," he insists, then his demeanor takes a slight shift to being serious. "The fight has yet to end, after all."

As if perfectly timed, Tenzo exclaims, "Hound-taichou, the Kiri shinobi retreated...!"

True to his words, you belatedly notice that there are no longer sounds of resistance and explosions on the other side of the wooden defenses; Tenzo even stopped rebuilding walls, now that no one is trying to bring them down.

It's quiet, and you don't like not knowing what to expect next.

Just to be sure, you extend your chakra-sensing range, skeptical that you've yet to sense any nearby foreign chakra, but...

A weak wisp, you detect, just outside Tenzo's layered wooden barriers. It's dying.

Someone's dying.

With a quick body flicker, you scale Tenzo's constructed barricades, giving yourself a bird's eye view of the other side.

Below, lying on the scorched forest ground, is Shibuki's swordsman– heavily sweating, shivering, and seemingly paralyzed.

Symptoms of poisoning, you immediately think, before descending the wall with a leap, not heeding your team leader's shouted warning.

You already have your suspicions, but you kneel beside the Kiri shinobi and perform a thorough diagnostic jutsu on him anyway.

You wish your assumptions were wrong.

No tell-tale signs of any toxins in his bloodstream, you're acutely aware of how fast your heart is pumping, the internal sound loud enough to distract you from noticing Tenzo removing his walls. It's as if he just had a fatal seizure out of nowhere.

You sense your team slowly approaching you, probably observing the soon-to-be-dead enemy; you inform them of the fallen shinobi's diagnosis.

You don't dare look at Aburame Yoji's direction.

They don't know, you barely suppress a shudder, your mouth lined neutrally. My team doesn't know that Aburame Yoji's breed of kikaichu can do more than just paralyze, that he's one of Danzo's top assassins.

(They don't know he's Shisui's killer–)

"Ah, he's dead," you declare casually when you can no longer feel the downed swordsman's chakra. You then notice that his sword, Shibuki, is nowhere in sight; probably confiscated by his retreating (ex) teammates.

You've always known that all the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist died at some point to be reanimated in the Fourth Shinobi War; you just didn't think you'd witness one of their deaths. You're uncertain if this would've happened all the same, regardless if you existed or not.

Your mind wanders into different theories on why a bunch of Kiri shinobi would invade a clearly defined Konoha border in the first place.

Shouldn't they be preparing for their own civil war? Or perhaps it has already started. Was there an objective here in regards to that? A goal?

(For Konoha or for 'Madara'?)

Considering a renowned swordsman is dead, it's not outlandish to assume that he was the target.

The question is: why didn't his teammates follow protocol and destroy his body? Or at least take it?

Better question: who had set him up?

(In this life, you'll never know.)

You go back to your group to heal any travel-hindering injuries.

...

"Since when do you practice medical ninjutsu?" Kakashi casually asks, pocketing a black scroll as he watches you tend to Team Takibi with short physical examinations and superficial healing. Gekko Hayate got the worst of it, being the one to inhale most of the Kiri shinobi's poison, but you managed to alleviate the worst of his symptoms so that actual medic-nin would have better chances of giving him full recovery than in canon.

Hayate doesn't stir and remains unconscious, but his breathing remains easy.

(You wonder if this will change the outcome of his future.)

"A long time ago," you vaguely answer, realizing that this is your first time healing on the field, outside of your own privacy. Sitting next to you, Shisui snorts good-naturedly at your elusiveness.

"None of your files mention anywhere about you being proficient in medical ninjutsu," Kakashi narrows his eyes at the green glow of your hands on Hayate's chest; he's not even bothering to mask the suspicion in his voice.

Ah shit– Quick, you think frantically. Deflect, before he orders me to update my papers!

"Well, I have to be mysterious. People love the mysterious types," you shrug your shoulders, as if he should expect this from you. "How else did you think I managed to bag down this catch?" You elbow Shisui, as the latter embarrassingly sputters at the sudden outing of your relationship with him.

"Desperation," Kakashi deadpans, surprisingly unfazed by the (New? Old?) information.

With a cheshire grin, you cheekily ask him, "If that were true, then why are you still single?"

Kakashi continues to look at you, unamused, before eyeing Shisui's leftover injuries.

"Get better soon," he says, and you're surprised that what came out of his mouth was actually sweet and not a petty shade against you.

"Oh, uh, thanks," Shisui grins awkwardly, but pushes through. "Kama healed most of my injuries though, so I'm good."

"No, I mean, get someone better soon," Kakashi smoothly corrects, and you openly do a double-take. "It can't be that hard."

"Hey–" You cut yourself off when your captain gives you his infamous eye-smile.

"When we get back, I want your profile thoroughly updated."

"... Yes, Kakashi-taichou."

Shisui covers his laugh with a poorly disguised cough. You ignore that because he can do you no wrong and you love him.

Though, you can't exactly say the same for the other conscious ANBU members around who openly expressed their amusement at your unfortunate roasting session.

~*~*~

"Girls are so annoying!" Sasuke rants, as he paces around the house's engawa, having just returned from the academy. "They keep following me around and acting all giggly! They're weird and loud and–"

Sitting not too far away, you take a daifuku from your plate, paying rapt attention to your little brother raving on and on about his fangirls, as you take a bite of your afternoon snack.

Next to you, Itachi continues to polish his weapons, with the amused quirk of his lips being the only sign that he's listening.

You're glad he's here and took your advice to heart.

"– they won't leave me alone!" Sasuke finishes, panting.

"I see," you say knowingly, your voice conveying empathy. "I guess it's time to teach you my trade secret. Ever wondered why no girls approach me?"

You can practically feel the way Itachi's eyebrows furrow in... well, it could be confusion, curiosity, amusement, disbelief or a mixture of all while still continuing his chore. You stifle your mirth with a bite on your bottom lip.

"Is it because they know you once ate soap to make your mouth foam and pretended to have rabies to skip a clan meeting with the elders?" Sasuke asks innocently.

"Correction: I didn't eat the soap, I just chewed it and gargled it with water," you say, snorting at one of your core memories.

"Still doesn't change the fact you put soap in your mouth," Itachi remarks beside you, his eyes not straying from his task.

"Funniest thing I've ever done," you say shamelessly, shaking your head smugly, before continuing, "That aside, no; it's not because of that. It's simply because I'm not interested in girls."

"I'm not interested in girls either," Sasuke huffs, crossing arms.

"Yes, but you're not doing it right," you say, raising your pointer finger like stereotypical teachers in media do. "Instead of ignoring them, face them head on and say: I like boys."

You yelp when Itachi smacks the back of your head to scold you, "Don't give him weird ideas."

"That's not very cash money or homo-friendly of you, my guy," you pout, holding your head.

"I have no idea where currency fits into this, but Sasuke shouldn't say things he doesn't mean," Itachi says as if he's not a shinobi who lies like it's a national sport.

"It's effective!" You implore on an unamused Itachi, then turn to face Sasuke with an encouraging look. "It doesn't have to be true, but you have to say it with your chest– ah, ow, ow, Itachi, stop pulling my ear!"

~*~*~

Sasuke proudly declares that he did exactly what you told him to do, and it worked.

Itachi looks at you, still unimpressed, but it doesn't deter you from smugly grinning at him and saying, "Bet you wished you'd thought of that back in your academy days."

Hiding his amusement behind annoyance, Itachi rolls his eyes before harshly poking you on the forehead.

~*~*~

Shisui stopped putting you in a genjutsu to get you to sleep a long time ago. Instead, he resorted to other means– options that are open, now that you've taken the next stage above friendship.

They surprisingly work.

Most nights, you sleep in his bed to cuddle, lulling yourself to sleep with the rhythm of his heartbeat and the fluctuation of his chakra.

Some nights, you tell him of your nightmares.

(Snippets of a life I've once led, with never enough context for him to figure you out. He thinks they're just stories you made up.)

Every night, he tells you stories of different varieties, from history to myths; from people who were well-known in days of yore, to legendary beings that were believed to have once roamed the earth. You have a favorite.

"Which story do you wanna hear?"

"The Bijuu one."

"Again?"

"Mm."

It's not an accurate origin story. You know how the bijuu were actually formed, and it was neither from the elements of the earth nor the manifestations of people's primitive emotions and desires.

You like it, not for the story itself, but for how Shisui seemingly sympathized with the beings that were thought to be monsters. He tells their story that suggests that there may be more to what was just told, that maybe those bijuu had a reason of their own to act the way they do, that there may be another story on the other side.

He doesn't actually think the same of the bijuu outside the stories, however; he's only sympathetic towards their fictional counterparts.

You know it's just his way of alluding towards the injustice and hypocrisy of the shinobi world; an allegory.

Shisui is always open to hear out the other side– his (Konoha's) enemies' side.

It's too bad that you won't let him hear yours.

~*~*~

You've brought Sasuke to your private training ground enough times for you to confidently say that the little genius knows the way on his own by now.

He doesn't attempt to wander towards there alone, however. You'd know; your owls tell you so.

You suppose that the only appeal of the secret underground cave to him in the first place is you.

~*~*~

Your thirteenth birthday is a day of cloudy skies and light rainfall, layering your surroundings a mellow shade of gray.

Cold, comforting tapping of raindrops slide on your skin, your clothes and hair long drenched back when Shisui insisted on staying outside on your usual training grounds the moment it began to pour.

Today is also the day Shisui proposes to you.

Sort of.

"A promise ring? That's a big commitment," you say with a stiff smile, an eyebrow raised incredulously. "You sure? What if you find someone else?"

You've always been aware of how the shinobi culture romanticized first loves, that it's both convenient and meaningful to have the person you're destined to be with in your short life to be your first everything.

Maybe it's how they fetishize loyalty; maybe they just simply don't have enough time to find someone else– someone better. Regardless, shinobi stubbornly cling when they commit.

(Having someone being wholeheartedly, loyally yours is... a high-inducing prospect. However, Shisui is Konoha's before yours, and would sooner rid himself of his own happiness than betray the village.)

"I have a feeling that you're the only person I'll love like this in this life," Shisui says shyly yet sincerely. It's maddening that the rain managed to make an endearing moment into one of melancholy, as if mocking you.

Still, you smile; a little less fake, a little more genuine (a little bit sad).

"Why me?" You ask, and Shisui easily answers,

"Why not you?"

And what could you possibly say to that?

"What if I'm the one who found someone else?" You joke, the corner of your lips curving up.

"You wouldn't," he says rather confidently, and those are bold words for someone who witnessed you rat out Genma's whereabouts to an enraged Anko for a stick of dango.

"I would," you persist, before pausing for suspense. "But I'd still end up choosing you."

"That's so cheesy," Shisui lightly laughs, as you grin.

"But you looked nervous for a moment there," you snort, trying not to fluster when Shisui gently holds your hand to fit the ring on your finger.

It's a humble, wide silver band with a simple owl design engraved on the top surface.

The eyes kinda look like boobs, you immaturely think but don't say, biting back your laughter.

You then notice Shisui's already wearing his own ring; his design is the engraving of a crow's profile.

So much for secret ANBU identities, you sigh, both exasperated and fond.

"Happy birthday, Kama," Shisui greets you, his glittering dark eyes saying what doesn't need to be said.

I love you.

You huff out a smile, your eyes conveying the same sentiment. Raindrops continue cascading down your hair to your face and to your eyelashes, blurring your vision.

I love you too.

And it's true.

(You just happen to love your brothers more.)

The ring weighs heavily on your right ring finger, but Shisui distracts you from it with a sudden embrace. Only then did you realize that you've been numbed by the cold, until his body heat made you feel again.

It keeps raining.

~*~*~

The next week, Kakashi promotes you to ANBU captain.

You subconsciously fidget with your occupied finger.

~*~*~

You like to believe you've witnessed all of Hana's moods– from anger to happiness, fear to sadness; you thought you've seen it all. However...

"You called me to give you... dating advice?" You ask dubiously, as you stir your already half-finished smoothie distractedly. Hana's smoothie has long melted, and remains untouched.

Seeing her act so insecure and nervous is... different. Not really a "bad different", since you get to have new blackmail material, but it's not good either. Firstly, she's a lot more well-groomed than usual, with the telling sheen of conditioner on her hair. Secondly, she didn't even bring her ninken– her support system– with her for her upcoming first date that's going to happen in fifteen minutes.

You're pretty sure Hyuuga Natsu isn't the type to mind dogs on dates.

"Well, yeah!" Hana exclaims, as if it's a no-brainer that everyone should approach an emotionally-stunted idiot like you for dating tips. "You're dating that Shisui guy, aren't you?"

You give her a blank look.

"Just because I'm with Shisui doesn't mean I know how I did it," you say, before internally sighing when she acts like a dejected puppy. "Okay, how about this: I bring Shisui over and we can do a double-date, so I can secretly coach you." And, y'know, have a front-row seat to your potential blackmail moments.

At this, she perks up.

"You'd do that?"

"Yeah, why not? We're both free today," you shrug, turning from your booth stall to look outside for a crow, then flaring your chakra in morse code to have it retrieve Shisui to your location. It flies away afterwards.

"Wait, you can do that to any crow?" Hana asks, amazed.

"Actually, I'm not even sure if it's one of Shisui's crows," you say, with your usual smile. "It could be just a wild bird for all I know."

"Oh."

Not even a "you're such a dumbass" comment from her, you think. This first date jitters is really getting to her; even you weren't this nervous on your first date.

Then again, that could be just your shameless character.

"But, can't you really share anything? The basics? The 'Do's' and 'Don'ts'? I don't care as long as it's something," Hana uncharacteristically begs, and you know she'd just overthink if you really were to give a word of advice.

She needs her usual fire back.

So, you do what you do best: distract.

"Hmm, alright. I'm going to teach you what's called a pro-gamer move," you relent, before raising both your hands in front of you as a demonstration, urging her to follow your example. "Have two of your palms facing each other. Stick them together. Then, close your hand around your open hand."

She does exactly just that.

You then use one hand to sandwich her closed hand on her open hand, pinning both of them with just one grip.

"Make sure your remaining fingers interlock with mine– there we go. Can you move them?" You ask, your tone not betraying your intention.

"No," she answers honestly, and you smirk.

"Good," you say, before proceeding to swiftly steal Hana's drink with your free hand to immediately down it.

Hana's nervousness disappears when she realizes what you're doing, which is then instantly replaced by familiar annoyance and anger.

"Goddamn you, bastard!"

You immediately put down the drink, before Hana tackles you with her body weight, forcing you off your booth seat and onto the dirt pavement. With her hands still trapped in your hold, she makes do with attempting to kick you, but all she manages to do is have the both of you roll and scuffle on the ground like a bunch of wrestling worms.

The owner of the stall only has to see your white Uchiha shirt and Hana's face marks to know that, yes, these two are Inoichi's brats and this has happened before. So, he leaves the two of you to settle this like usual.

"Why are you so mad?! You didn't even take a sip of it!"

"I can't believe I listened to your dumb ass!"

"Ah, but you did listen, so who's really the dumbest ass here?"

Like signature Team 4 antics (minus Iruka), you roughhouse with Hana, the tussle ending up in the middle of the luckily empty street.

Or at least, you thought it was empty, until you see an alarmed Hyuuga Natsu standing a few feet away from you and angrily asking,

"What do you think you're doing?"

Both you and Hana stop moving.

And then it registers to you what this could possibly look like to outsiders, with you pinning Hana's hands above her head on the ground while one of her legs are wrapped on your waist.

"We're fighting," you immediately blurt out. Hana remains in horrified silence below you, so you open your mouth again, much to Hana's regret, "This happens a lot."

As if to make matters worse, Shisui arrives shortly after with a body flicker, bearing witness to your current situation.

With Hana mortified and speechless, you decide to damn her once again by speaking for the both of you.

"We're both gay. I promise."

...

After awkwardly explaining and clearing things up with your significant others, you and Hana proceed to continue the double-date as improvised. You can tell Natsu did her best to not look displeased by your sudden invitation, and you do kinda feel bad by your unannounced invitation.

However, that guilt is easily absolved by the fact that you're doing this for your teammate (and maybe partly for Shisui); not for her.

The walk towards the destination Hana's chosen cafe is kinda tense, no doubt the bad blood between you and Natsu at work. You... kinda underestimated how far she could hold onto her grudge, and the only thing that's stopping her from voicing out her honest opinions about you is the fact that Hana– the main reason for her conflict with you– is on good terms with you.

Holding Shisui's hand, you try to ignore Natsu's occasional pointed looks in your direction, which is easy enough to do on a now crowded street.

God, how far is that cafe? You think impatiently, before being distracted by a quiet squeak from Hana.

Shisui, having superior discipline, doesn't look at her direction, but you do because you're not gonna lie to yourself with something as petty as 'discipline'. You're glad you did, seeing as the reason for Hana's reaction is that Natsu suddenly grabbed her hand.

Natsu narrows her eyes at you... competitively.

Oh, is that what we're gonna do today? You narrow your eyes back, holding back a grin. We're gonna fight?

You accept her challenge, by locking your arm with Shisui's, hugging him close like a jealous lover would. Startled by the sudden physical affection, your boyfriend looks at you inquisitively.

"What are you doing?" He asks, and you conspiringly answer in a low voice,

"Having a Gay Off. Gayest couple wins," you take a quick glance at Hana and Natsu, the latter glowering at the fact she can't do what you did without seeming clingy on her first date, while the former marches on as if following an invisible line like a focused soldier. "We can't lose to them, Shisui."

He playfully rolls his eyes at you, but indulges you like he usually does.

...

The cafe's name is Everbloom Cafe, which you recognize as the best dessert cafe resto in Konoha and one of the few village establishments that don't deny their services to any Uchiha. And yet...

"You're in Konoha's best dessert cafe, and you chose the worst item on the menu," you heavily judge Hana when her 'dessert' is served in front of her. Shisui gives you a warning look, telepathically telling you not to literally start a fight in a public restaurant. Natsu, on the other hand, just icily glares at you.

So far, other than Natsu's subtle hostility, the double-date is going great, with Hana no longer nervous; more confident. She acts more natural now, easily slipping into her dynamic with you that distracts her from her nerves.

"How about you try the fruitcake first, before being a judgmental prick?" Hana points her fork at you accusingly.

"I'm not eating that monstrosity, even if it's made by the best chef in the world," you say resolutely, lips sneering at the slice of amalgamation of nuts, bread, candied and dried fruits.

"Is it because it would be cannibalism?" She grins widely, looking genuinely pleased by her joke.

"Because I don't want to pretend that I'm a peasant in the period of the Great Famine of Iwa," you deadpan, unimpressed, "Fruitcake is literally ration food."

"Look, I'm no bakist," Hana says, frowning, and you hold back a snort.

Bakist?! You think giddily. Girl never saw a kitchen and it shows. Good on her for breaking gender stereotypes.

"But nuts and fruits in desserts go hand and hand," she continues, and you nod, as if considering.

"Sounds about right since I have both," you comment mischievously, smirking, and Shisui chokes on his dessert, covering a laugh, while Natsu looks scandalized.

"Real mature, asshole," Hana scowls, her face red, "It's plant-based nuts."

This is too easy.

"What nuts aren't plant-based?" Your grin widens.

"Stop that! Just, here–" Hana unapologetically shoves a forkful of fruitcake at your unguarded mouth, your teeth clacking with the metal utensil, making your mouth instinctively open, which gives the goddamn fruitcake easy access to your throat, almost making you choke.

This fucker is about to kill me with peasant food, you think, coughing. You swallow the fruitcake anyway, shivering at the taste. Knew it. Still as bad as I remembered.

An elderly couple walks past your table, giving each other knowing looks, and the old lady remarking to her husband, "I remember when we were as energetic."

Hearing that comment, you and Hana recoil from each other, expressing disgust.

Meanwhile, Shisui and Natsu look...

"How about you take a bite of my dessert to wash away the fruitcake's aftertaste?" Shisui offers with a close-eyed smile, nearing a forkful of pie to your face. You reluctantly eat it, before glancing at Hana who's facing a similar situation with Natsu.

What the hell is happening here? You think, sweating. What is this atmosphere?

"Instead of paying attention to Hana-san like this is an outing with friends, how about you pay attention to me, your actual date?" He admonishes, still smiling, and your cheeks redden in embarrassment.

Ah, right, this is a date. You... kinda have gotten carried away in distracting Hana that you forgot that this was supposed to be a date in the first place.

Whoops.

You belatedly notice that Shisui ordered apple pie, and not his usual mint chocolate chip cake that he orders religiously every time you both enter a cafe. Granted, it's been a while since you've gone out for cafe dates, but you wonder when his taste suddenly changed.

You and Hana don't dare to look at each other while your partners are doting on you.

No fights broke out in the restaurant, fortunately.

~*~*~

Hyuuga Natsu starts being part of Team 4 dinners.

(You've yet to successfully time Shisui's free time to your team's sporadic dinner schedules.)

She doesn't speak a word to you for a long while, choosing to only glare at you, with that glare slowly abating to something neutral in time, and then calculating. Until one day...

~*~*~

"Is there something I can do for you?" You ask your follower behind you, just when you're a few minutes away from the clan compound, feeling a vague sense of deja vu.

"You are a very self-contradicting individual," Natsu starts, as you turn to face her.

"Oh?" You tilt your head, smiling your usual smile– crinkling eyes, no teeth.

She stares too long at your face, as if dissecting it, and you notice the emotions passing on her own; some part confused, some part pitying, and some part still angry. Perhaps you should've just gently let her confession down, instead of insulting her best friend to her face, and letting her grudge fester like this. Then again, hindsight is 20/20.

You know she'd eventually grow and mature out of it, but you suppose you didn't have to make this difficult for yourself in the first place.

"You remind me of my cousin, Neji," she says, and you don't think you'll ever emotionally recover from being compared to that fate-obsessed maniac. "Like there's an air of resignation around you because there's a fate at play that's beyond your control, so you try to micromanage what you can control."

Wow, what the fuck is this? A surprise character analysis?

You're losing your touch if she can read you blatantly like this.

Her chakra tells a story of curiosity, criticism, and vindictiveness. You don't think it's a favorable combination for you.

"Neji tries to control his talents, what he can learn– beyond what a branch member could learn," Natsu continues, her eyes narrowing at you accusingly, "You try to control circumstances to make the people around you happy."

Ah, yikes. It's no surprise that she eventually figured it out for herself that you mocked Hana to her face just to manipulate her in erasing her attraction for you and focus on the person of your insults, which is honestly a dick move, even with good intentions. In your defense, an asshole move is expected from an asshole, and you're not denying you're not one.

"Alright, Miss Honorary Yamanaka," you lightly joke, "What's your final verdict?"

"You try your best to make them happy, because," she pauses, seemingly unsure of her conclusion, "I think, for some reason, you believe you can't be."

Honestly, this is such a power play. You're starting to reconsider your thoughts on Yamanaka eyes being scarier than Hyuuga eyes.

You continue to stare at her with a smile, slightly amused, a bit uneasy.

Her chakra indicates that she doesn't like that you're not visibly reacting to her scrutiny of you.

"Your relationship with Shisui," Natsu presses on, and you know she mentions this to poke a reaction out of you in spiteful pettiness. "How much of it is for his sake?"

Had she said any other verbal attack on you, you would've taken it lying down as you would think you'd deserve it, however...

"Use your byakugan and see that that's none of your business, Hyuuga," your smile disappears, and before her appears her batch's Rookie of the Year, the record-breaker of the Academy's final examination, the second finalist of the Chuunin Exams, and the ANBU agent Owl.

She may now be part of Hana's 'pack', but she's not yours.

The air turns oppressive.

Natsu's chakra now sports fear, alertness, and... vindication; as if proven right.

What a cheeky little shit, you think. Hyuuga have their own brand of crazy too, apparently.

The silence is heavy and deafening.

"Take care of Hana," you eventually say, reigning in your Killing Intent, "You're good for her."

You disappear with a body flicker.

Natsu never voluntarily talks to you again, and you don't blame her.

This is your fault.

~*~*~

The Naka shrine meetings are now becoming frequent, the clan already planning the details of the Uchiha coup.

Maybe you should recreate your feral rabies prank to skip these.

~*~*~

On your house's engawa, Sasuke rants about Naruto this time.

~*~*~

You can't help but think that Shisui is too optimistic for his own good– the "maybe the real treasure is the friends we made along the way" kind of optimistic. He's not necessarily naive; it's just that he often gives too many chances.

Too merciful.

That trait of his is also probably what gave you a chance with him; what made him see this friendship through with that rude little boy by the pier a long time ago.

He discovered for himself that you're not the front you try to show. To him, you're not the troublesome son, the harbinger of problems, the asshole friend, nor the demonic spare. To him, you're a puzzle, and he decided that he liked the pieces of you, even when he has yet to put them together.

He looks at you and sees...

(Not Kama.)

In this life and the last, you have always lived for someone, but it's only recently when you wondered what it would be like to live with someone.

~*~*~

You can tell that the pressure of the clan and village is getting to Shisui, no matter how well he hides it. With him confessing that the clan ordered him to watch you and essentially act as your leash, his exhaustion seems to double.

Everyone seems tired nowadays.

"Don't worry," you tell Shisui, as the two of you sit on the pier where you first met. You say this with convincing certainty, "Konoha will never enter a civil war."

Shisui seems relieved to hear that from you, always so faithful.

"You don't have to do this alone, y'know?" He asks, worried of the stress overwhelming you.

"I'm not alone," you reassure him, your smile truthful, your eyes lying.

~*~*~

With a heavy heart and a blank face, you confess, "Hokage-sama, the Uchiha clan are planning a coup."

~*~*~

"I'm going to do something bad one day," you vaguely confess, your arms around your seven year old brother. It's just you and him on the engawa today. "So, no matter what people say about it, try to find out my reason, even if I'm not there to answer you, hm?"

You may have lost your usual subtlety and laying it thick there, but you just want–

"Or you can just say 'sorry' and move on. I don't need your reasons. You doing something bad is normal; tou-san said so," Sasuke says, oblivious to your mood.

You suppose that with the way you worded your confession, Sasuke just assumed you're up to your usual mischief, as your reputation as the Uchiha troublemaker precedes you.

Why would he even be suspicious of you?

After all, nii-san could do no wrong except for his pranks! Even when you hinted at what could happen to you, the idea of you being dead is an idea too foreign for Sasuke to comprehend, because my older brothers are the strongest shinobi; no one can kill them!

He'll remain clueless until the day it happens.

"Brat, where did you learn to sass me like that?" You softly scoff instead, lacking your usual exaggeration. Your eyes stray away from him, choosing to listlessly stare at a distance.

"Even if your reasons are dumb, I'd still think you're pretty cool," Sasuke casually admits, and it's been so long since your eyesight has blurred like this.

"You know I love you, right?" You ask, hugging him tighter, "With all my heart?"

"Y-yeah!" He exclaims, his ears a bit pink in embarrassment, "I love you too."

You smile serenely.

"Wanna hear the story of the bijuu's origins?"

~*~*~

Shisui tells you that Danzo called him for a meeting.

You only hum in acknowledgment.

Your owls wait patiently.

~*~*~

BONUS:

(Literally Shisui's first encounter with Kama):

Shisui: Hey, best friend!

Kama: We're not even friends.

Shisui: You don't get to decide that.

...

Kama (to Sasuke): Take notes, we're about to weaponize gay culture against your fangirls.

OR

Kama (a homosexual):

Itachi (an asexual):

Sasuke (the Uchiha main family's last hope for future heirs, being influenced by Kama):

Fugaku: Kama, stop trying to end our own family bloodline!

...

Shisui: I have a picture of you in my wallet. What about you?

Kama (opens his secret sketchbook, with Shisui's photo taped behind the cover): You're here, in my most prized possession.

Shisui:

Shisui: Why the hell do you have a picture of me in black and white like it's a memorial photo?

Kama (preparing for Shisui's inevitable demise): ... Aesthetic.

...

Every time Hana and/or Kama are being their usual selves:

Natsu and Shisui: What are you doing?

...

Kama: Love is dumb.

Also Kama (looking at Shisui): And I'm the dumbest bitch alive.

...

Before!Natsu (waits at the back of the academy to confess to Kama):

Current!Natsu (waits at the back of an alley, preparing to swing a bat at an approaching Kama):

...

Shisui (trying to convince Kakashi why Kama is a good bf): He's a cute and funny guy!

Kakashi (having flashbacks of Kama's creepy smiles and being an overall cryptid): He's a psychopath; his twin brother is a saner option.

Shisui: You're only saying that because you haven't seen him act sweet yet, like the time Kama got me a box of takoyaki after returning from a month-long mission.

Kakashi: Give me a break, that psycho would literally drink his own piss for you.

Shisui: ... He has a unique sense of humor.

...

Iruka: I heard that the majority of your academy class had a crush on Kama. I wonder what got into them at that time.

Hana: Lack of common sense.

Natsu: Poor eyesight.

Kama: Dumb bitch disease.

Shisui (already on his way to save Kama from his self-deprecation): Taste.

...

Shisui: Are you ready to commit?

Kama: Like, a crime or a relationship?

...

Kama (introducing Shisui to his parents):

Shisui (already stepping forward and shaking both Fugaku's and Mikoto's hands): I'm a huge fan of your work.

...

(Basically Kama's and Shisui's 'problem' in their relationship):

Kama: The stars sure are beautiful tonight.

Shisui: Yeah...

Kama: Y'know what else is beautiful?

Shisui (blushing): What?

Kama: Itachi's and Sasuke's baby pictures.

OR

Shisui : The stars sure are beautiful tonight.

Kama: Yeah...

Shisui: Y'know what else is beautiful?

Kama (blushing): What?

Shisui: Konoha.

...

Kama: Valentine's day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than driving people insane by buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos--

Shisui: I wrote you a poem.

Kama (choking up tears): You did???

...

Kakashi: You have to stay vigilant, even in your own homes. I, for one, sleep with a kunai under my pillow.

Yugao (taking it as a challenge): Weak. I sleep with a katana.

Tenzo: My bedframe and floorboards are made out of wood, so they're all technically my weapons.

Kama (smirking and shaking his head smugly):

Yugao: Oh? What do you sleep with?

Kama: Shisui.

...

Kama: It's hard to find a smart, handsome, cute, independent, caring boyfriend.

Shisui (touched): Aww...

Kama: So never break up with me. You won't find such an amazing person like me again.

...

Kama: You wanna get married?

Shisui:

Shisui: Yes, but why?

Kama: Well first, tax benefits.

Kama: Second, I'm fucking in love with you.

...

Shisui (about to sleep): How did you get in here??

Kama: The window, or as I like to call it: 'the Kama door'.

...

(Aged-up time skip):

Fugaku: I can't believe you took my son's virginity!

Shisui: Apologies, Fugaku-sama. It won't happen again.

Fugaku:

Kama: He's technically right, though.

...

Team Ro: Hound as Hatake Kakashi, Owl as Uchiha Kama, Otter as Uzuki Yugao, Cat as Tenzo, Panther as Hyuuga Ko, and Beetle as Aburame Yoji.

Team Takibi: Tiger as Shiranui Genma, Crow as Uchiha Shisui, Lion as Namiashi Raido, Sparrow as Gekko Hayate, Mantis as Tatami Iwashi, Frog as Yamashiro Aoba

Okay, the ANBU members are probably not canon but they're the most recognizable characters for me and I'm too lazy to make up OC names and appearances lmao. Also, while the team name "Team Ro" is canon, "Team Takibi" is not. With shallow research, "Ro" can be translated to "fireplace" or "furnace", so my dumbass was like, y'know what? I'll name Shisui's team "Team Bonfire", and here we are. I just find it kinda neat for ANBU team names to have a firesource theme.

And if you can't tell, I usually avoid action/fighting scenes so I just use time-skip a lot lol.

Tired of the "i swear im not gay" comedic trope. I want a reverse trope where gay characters end up in situations that make them look straight and have them deny that they're straight lmao

Also, Hana and Kama are like spiritual siblings who are direct opposites. One can cook nothing other than rice, and the other can cook anything other than rice. Perfectly balanced as all things should be.

The whole "shinobi being secretly romantics" is my headcanon that kinda explains why most Naruto characters unrealistically stay committed to their childhood crushes (until they're outright rejected or their object of affections is taken) or why they have trouble letting go/moving on.

Just for the record, I'm not doing this to hurt y'all, I'm just unnecessarily hurting myself and y'all happen to be casualties because I decided to post this publicly lmao

Once again– and I can't stress this enough– the story is tagged as "unreliable narrator". All explanations will be fed to y'all on a golden spoon in the two interludes. There's a reason why Kama's so obsessed with his brothers, why he addresses himself both in second person and first person, etc. It would just take a while before we get there;;; For now, enjoy the jigsaw that is Kama's life and his stupid (honestly reasonable) decision making.