I look the same, you think.

        Your reflection on your bedroom's body mirror tells you so.

        Same hair, same eyes, same coloring. You've grown taller, older (still younger)... but there's still something missing. You don't think you'll ever find what you're looking for.

        You don't have my freckles, I cackle, half-hysterical and half-relieved.

~*~*~

        Meditation has always been your favorite training session, as it helps you compartmentalize your thoughts, practice your chakra-control, stretch your chakra-sensing range, test your environmental awareness, and overall exercise minimal multitasking. It's the least taxing training routine and the closest thing you have to sleeping without your unorthodox methods of passing out.

        It's easy to lose yourself to the calm most of the time. To relax and forget, even if only temporarily.

        Unfortunately, today is not that time.

        Your stupid ass is trying to convince you that Shisui is nothing more than a fling– that it's just a hormonal crush that will fade away in time and that you're only indulging yourself with a kind of affection you never experienced before; that you owe him this at the very least. Maybe they were once true, maybe they still held a grain of truth, but now...

        Can't believe I thought I could gaslight myself into thinking that I don't love the guy, when I can barely gaslight myself into thinking I'm not depressed, you sarcastically grouch to yourself.

        What the hell do you see in him anyway? He's literally just some dude– some overrated dude who's currently living his life too fast for his own good.

        (He has to, when his life– all your lives are so short. Good shinobi wouldn't expect anything else.)

        Sure, you find his kind eyes and patient smiles charming, but it's not like he's the only person with those attributes. You don't doubt that you'll find someone else in this short life of yours if you search hard enough– hell, maybe even someone better, so...

        Why are you so hesitant to let him go?

        (You already know the answer to that.)

        ... Perhaps, it's not too late to make some adjustments.

        (You can hurt yourself a little more, tear another piece of your heart. For the people you love, you would. It's a set precedent that will follow you throughout lifetimes.)

        Your chakra-coated knees unfailingly keep you afloat on your artificial– made with a C-rank water jutsu– pond, as your relaxed seiza position turns rigid, your brows now furrowed in concentration. You get lost in your train of thoughts, mind whirring with a familiar frenzy in thinking of alternative scenarios, and their possible benefits and consequences, your meditation training long forgotten.

        Too distracted pondering over your hypothetical contingencies, you barely dodge a stray kunai to your right, the suddenness snapping you out of your focus. With an undignified yelp, your chakra stutters and you gracelessly fall into the shallow pond, drenching your clothes from the neck-down.

        Childish laughter abruptly echoes within the underground cave, as you blink in bewilderment, turning to face the direction of where the projectile came from.

        "I-I– Sorry! It bounced o-on a rock and– y-you just– snrk!" Sasuke snorts as he struggles to contain his glee at your probably dumbstruck face.

        Unbelievable.

        "You're laughing," you deadpan, your surprise turning into unamusement as you blow a stray fringe away from your face. "You almost killed me and you're laughing."

        Children can really be psychopaths. You're almost starting to regret introducing Sasuke to your secret training ground.

        Your little brother manages to eventually calm himself, his face settling into an amused smirk to playfully scoff, "As if I could actually kill you."

        With a secretive, wry smile, you think of how ironic that light jest was.

~*~*~

        Utterly exhausted from his own training regime, Sasuke rests limp on your back as you carry him back home, careful not to jostle him too much from tree-hopping.

        You look out for your ROOT tail as usual.

        The owls watch warily.

~*~*~

        "I discovered this neat trick while experimenting with some other project," you start, as you lift your palm upwards, layering chakra over your hand and then letting that chakra combust.

        Fire dances on your dominant hand, the flames glowing a mesmerizing orange, its heat barely fazing you. It's controlled and calm and doesn't burn– it is everything that defies its nature, unless your chakra commands it otherwise.

        Hana watches your technique with fascinated eyes, her ninken staring with the same expression of awe.

        "I'm sure you can find ways to utilize this for your clan's very hands-on taijutsu," you say off-handedly, and you can see your teammate perk up at your implicit suggestion, no doubt already having ideas of her own. Then, her brows furrow, thoughtful and somewhat confused.

        "It looks so simple," she says, bewildered. "How come no one else invented this technique before?"

        "It's theoretically simple, yes, but in practice? It's not something you can accidentally discover without, well, accidents, you see. It's still fire in the end, and you don't play with it," you explain, before closing your hand into a fist, extinguishing the flames. "Get this technique wrong, and you can easily destroy the nerve endings and/or tenketsu in your hands permanently. You know how shinobi get with their hands."

        "What the fuck?" She looks at you accusingly. "What kind of project are you working on for you to exercise enough caution to prevent that disaster?"

        "The kind that you don't need to know about," you answer her with a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, with me as your teacher, I wouldn't let those disasters happen to you."

        With your clear dismissal of the topic, Hana reluctantly lets it go, the fight leaving her eyes. She usually does when she knows not to pry, and you're appreciative of it.

        Smile no longer tight, your eyes soften when you genuinely greet her,

        "Happy birthday, Hana."

~*~*~

        Mikoto wants to help you, but doesn't know how.

        You know this– noticed it a long time ago. It's her tick of pursing her lips, the wringing of her apron's hems, the hesitant raising of her hand as if she wants to beckon to you but quits before she could even utter a sound.

        She's waiting for your walls to shake, for you to show a bit of vulnerability; she's patiently waiting for a chance for you to be unable to deny that something is wrong. It's times like this you vividly remember she once was a kunoichi and would sometimes think and strategize like one.

        You pretend you never noticed.

        (She doesn't even know what's wrong with you.)

        Still, she tries, and you want her to stop trying.

        No words are exchanged, when you uncharacteristically made time to help Mikoto in her garden– made time with her at all. The silence is awkward, if not stifling, but you persist to stay in her company in the backyard, half-heartedly asking for your next instructions.

        You don't know much about her outside of her caretaker role to properly engage her in a conversation with both your common interests. You think it'd be a meaningless endeavor anyway.

        "You don't have to look after me anymore," you suddenly say, facing her with your signature smile as she finishes planting her camellias. "It's my brothers you need to coddle."

        She's surprised for a moment, briefly thinking over what you said, before giving you a smile back. It is a sly thing.

        "You're all my sons," is all she says, fond and a bit sad. She doesn't elaborate, and the conversation ends there.

        Just like that, you already know, despite her silent resignation towards some of her unfavorable responsibilities as matriarch, a stubborn part of her still lives. There's a reason why Mikoto and Kushina got along.

        Somehow, her not giving up on you makes you feel worse.

~*~*~

        You are twelve when you get your first kiss.

        There was no special occasion; it was just a fleeting moment of fourteen-year-old Shisui's curiosity that made it happen. It didn't make it any less memorable though.

        Mindlessly sucking on your apple-flavored lollipop, you rest your back on your favorite tree, tired from your daily sparring session with Shisui. You glance at the aforementioned boy, your face mildly grimacing at the bright yellow color of his lollipop.

        Ugh, lemon, you internally wince, before looking away. Can't believe he has poor taste.

        Then again, he chose you, which honestly should've been a red flag from the start.

        "Hey, I'll– I'm... um," Shisui stutters. You face him curiously, the end of your lips twitching in amusement when his face is blooming with the color red. His hesitation stops when he inhales a deep breath and declares, "I'm gonna try something. You can stop me whenever you want to."

        You think you already have an idea of what he wants to try, and it's understandable why he looks so embarrassed by it, but still...

        Sometimes I'm reminded that extra virgin isn't only applicable to olive oil, you internally cackle to yourself, until your mind suddenly blanks when you feel soft flesh smacking your lips, your teeth clacking from the abrupt clenching of your jaw. The lollipop on your hand drops on the ground.

        As quick as he was to kiss you, Shisui immediately pulls away.

        "Wait, shit! That was too fast! I'm so sorry!" He panics, his hands flailing around from his nerves, which you would've laughed at if only you weren't in a daze. "You probably weren't able–"

        "Shisui, just hold still," you cut him off, before cupping his face and leaning in.

        He makes a sound similar to a boiling tea kettle.

        You couldn't take it anymore; you laugh at his face.

        "What the fuck was that?!" You wheeze, your hands slipping from his jaw to his shoulders to steady yourself, as you bow your head in laughter.

        "I didn't expect you'd do that, I– stop laughing– I panicked!" Shisui indignantly yells, his face burning.

        "We'll just try again another day," you say, ceasing your laughter.

        "But I wanna do it now," you hear Shisui murmur, and your heart skips before it sinks.

        Ah...

        That's right, this world is different. Most people from Before would balk at the idea of a twelve-year-old already dating, let alone kissing; yet, it's so normalized here.

        People here are in a hurry, cramming decades in a year because there's this collective foreboding feeling of time running out. Either you do something now, or you'd possibly never get a chance to.

        That's why shinobi are always rushing.

        There are moments you forget that you and Shisui are shinobi too, until you notice the weight on your neck or your eye catches how Shisui's forehead protector dully gleams in the sunlight.

        (And then you'll remember you don't have much time left.)

        "Okay," you say. "We do it now."

        With that, you both determinedly face each other before slowly leaning in, eyes fluttering close.

        When your lips come in contact with his, the first thing you notice is not the butterflies in your stomach nor the rapid jumping of your heart like it's a fleeing rabbit. It's not the way Shisui's black curls briefly brush your forehead nor how his hand sneaks to intertwine with yours.

        No; the first thing you notice is the thought that his lips taste like lemon candy of all things.

        You usually avoid lemon-flavored anything, due to your instinctive aversion of the stupid fruit; that's why you don't know what taste to expect. You know lemons are objectively sour, no matter your feelings for it, but...

        Maybe it's the fact that it's a candy version of it, or maybe it's the fact its residue coats Shisui's lips.

        Regardless, it's surprisingly sweet.

~*~*~

        You pointedly don't react when you see an Uchiha family of three get evicted from the apartment near the village plaza.

        It is by chance you happen to witness the drama, but the betrayed and dismayed faces of your fellow clan members impacted you a lot more than it should.

        You know it won't be long until other landlords will follow.

        Looks like Fugaku would need more of his stress-relief tea. Maybe you should consider adding some laxatives, just so he could get rid of his constipated face.

~*~*~

        In front of your bathroom mirror, you fix your platinum blond hair– near white– into a braid. Your left side bangs nearly covers your eye, obstructing half of your vision.

        She always liked it long, you passively think, letting the braid settle on your right shoulder. The braid is messier than usual, but you don't make a move to refine it.

        "We don't want any of them to die," I say to our reflection, regretful.

        "Of course not," you reply, shrugging. "We're brothers, not monsters."

        "We can stop the massacre," I tell you, a bit desperate, but I know us best that's why I know you won't concede. I just wanted to remind you.

        "We can– we thought of six different ways to stop it, and only two involves assassination," you agree without hesitation, before giving a self-deprecating smile. "But we wouldn't do any of them, because what's a chance compared to a guarantee?"

~*~*~

        The takoyaki establishment you and Shisui often frequent in no longer entertains any Uchiha customers which, needless to say, is inconvenient. They can try and ban you all they want, but genjutsu remains superior compared to brains that can't even fill a peanut shell.

        Fucking idiots act like the transformation jutsu doesn't exist, you seethe.

        Shisui looks unbothered by the discrimination, but you know better than to think he's apathetic of it. It just pisses you off more.

        "I don't like the way he looked at you," you remark to Shisui about the takoyaki stand owner, just right after you were both kicked out of the premises, before whispering conspiratorially, "Let's rob him blind."

        "No, don't– please don't do that." Shisui, probably your shoulder angel reincarnate, immediately stops you. You think he actually thinks you'd commit to it, which you don't know whether to be offended or amused by his assumption.

        Still, even with his reproach, his eyes shine with mirth.

        "Okay, we ding-dong-ditch the bitch," you bump your shoulder with his playfully, as you lead him away to a new restaurant that you know he'd enjoy.

        "You're unbelievable," Shisui chuckles, reciprocating your shoulder bump.

        "I prefer the term 'magical'," you say, jazzing your hands.

        "Well, they are synonyms," he humors you.

        "Yeah, there's that, but I like 'magical' better mainly because you find me enchanting."

        "Okay, be honest, how do you come up with lines like that?"

        You're not really good with comforting people, but you are good at distracting them.

~*~*~

        Later, you find out that Shisui loves Ichiraku's miso ramen with extra egg.

~*~*~

        When you have the rare opportunity of an actual free time, you help Iruka understand his fuuinjutsu notes, tutoring him in the sealing arts' practical applications. He's not necessarily a prodigy, but he's a fast learner when dedicated.

        You're impressed with his progress.

        "Sometimes, I forget you're an actual genius," Iruka comments and seems utterly convinced by his own words, when you correct the array he's been stuck with for weeks.

        "I'm not a genius," you correct him. "Clever, maybe, with a few spurs of ingenious ideas here and there, but not consistent enough for me to be labeled a genius."

        Iruka looks at you incredulously.

        "You need to give yourself more credit."

        You just give him a small smile, before changing the topic.

        (You're not a genius; you're not even as talented as they think you are. Otherwise, you would've tried.)

~*~*~

        Surrounded by wild animal corpses and the scent of burnt meat, you tower over your terrified, disabled ROOT shadow with a manic grin, your fingertips singed with chakra burns.

        "Finally," you breathe out to the quiet night, resisting the urge to laugh aloud.

        Above you, shrouded by the tree's canopies, an owl hoots.

~*~*~

        In the silence of Shisui's bedroom, you finally ask the question that's been bothering you for a long while.

        "When did you become an ANBU agent?" Laying next to Shisui, you listlessly stare at the ceiling while waiting for his answer, the window-filtered moonlight outside being your only lightsource. It's colder than usual with the autumn season nearing.

        "A few weeks after I got my Mangekyou," he eventually answers, his tone subdued. You frown at his answer, your hand instinctively reaching for his.

        "I'm sorry I didn't notice."

        "That's okay," he says, his thumb running rhythmically around your knuckles. "I didn't want you to."

        Your grip on his hand tightens, before impulsively opening your mouth.

        "My nightmares," you start, surprising yourself. "I..."

        Internally steeling yourself, you choose to continue.

        "I sometimes dream of a boy who had a dying sister–"

        You decide that you will tell Shisui every truth except for the truths that matter.

~*~*~

        You haven't forgiven Itachi for his blunder yet, not really.

        You didn't give away most of your free time just for your twin brother to repeat the same mistakes. You won't let him. That's why you're gonna fucking brand it inside of his surprisingly thick head, and make sure it sticks.

        In other words, today, you're gonna traumatize him.

        "What are we doing here?" Sasuke asks, confused by the sudden change of routine. Instead of heading towards your secret underground cave, you both stop at the route Itachi usually takes after a mission.

        "I'm gonna show you how much Itachi loves you," you cryptically tell him, your smile mischievous and a half-bit devilish.

~*~*~

        You've had lots of experience with adrenaline in this life, the liquid thrill no longer a stranger to your veins. It's so familiar, you even labeled its different levels.

        There's the thrill of anticipation; the thrill of rapid successions of small tasks that lead to the success of the entire operation; and of course, there's the thrill of a chase– of running for your life.

         Let it be said that disguising your physical form and your chakra system as a missing nin, while staging your baby brother's kidnapping in front of your prodigy twin is a whole different experience. Definitely a level of its own.

        The absurd chakra control, the careful manhandling of your brother inside a potato sack, the determined chase of a jounin-level shinobi who could've entered ANBU, the careful weave of auditory and visual genjutsu to smoothly transition your disappearing act with complex sleight-of-hand tricks that even a sharingan couldn't spot unless one actively looks for it.

        Holy fucking shit.

        And the results?

        One happy Sasuke who's convinced that this is a training you designed for Itachi, and one panicked Itachi who's close to hyperventilating in the midst of summoning his crows to expand his search for the non-existent missing nin that kidnapped his brother.

        Eventually, you show yourself up just before Itachi could disperse his crows, with Sasuke popping out of the sack like a jack-in-a-box toy.

        "Hey, brother of mine, how'd you like my new technique?" You greet your twin with a smile and a wave, dropping your physical and chakra disguise.

        "Kama-niisan said this training would make you faster!" It's close– you were so close in losing your cool and just straight-up laugh at Sasuke's (unintentionally cruel) comment right after seeing Itachi's frantic pair of sharingan darting back and forth between you and your baby brother.

        After processing what just occurred, Itachi's alarmed look turns icy, the black of his eyes somehow more intimidating than its earlier red.

        "Welp!" Sensing the budding tension, you clap your hands to summon a shadow clone. "Hey Sasuke, why don't you head home and write your observations down about being a kidnapped victim? My clone will carry you."

        "What about you two?" Sasuke tilts his head at you and Itachi.

        "We'll follow. We'll just talk first about what he did wrong during the exercise– stuff like that."

        "Okay!"

        With that, Sasuke and your clone are gone, leaving you and your twin brother alone in the woods.

        And then you let Itachi's fist connect with your face, causing you to stagger back with a grunt.

        You let your tongue roam around your mouth, already tasting the sharp tang of iron. It would seem that only you have the ability to make Itachi's eternal patience snap.

        "Ugh." You spit out the collected blood, before wiping the residue from the side of your mouth with your right sleeve, staining the white with red. "Tis but a prank, bro."

        His volume never rises, but his anger is audible all the same.

        "I've tolerated enough of your mischief in the past, but this–" Itachi pauses before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, deciding to forgo all the reprimands he thought for you (probably because he knows it would just exit your other ear), and instead goes straight to the point. "Next time, Sasuke won't–"

        "Hang out with his Kama-niisan?" You cut him off, your grin coming off as mocking. "If not me, then who? You?"

        Itachi's eyes widen when he realizes what this is about, before narrowing his eyes.

        "The extra missions were meant to be a sign of goodwill fro–"

        "Ugh, you may be a genius, but you can be a dumb, stubborn motherfucker at times," you interrupt him, not willing to listen to any of his patriotic bullshit. "That's why the only way to get through that thick skull of yours is through an extreme demonstration."

        Knowing you wouldn't listen, Itachi has had enough of you and turns away to leave with a body flicker. Had he stayed a little longer, he might've actually made attempts on your life.

        He doesn't talk to you for a long time.

        (You shouldn't be so spiteful. It's not his fault.)

~*~*~

        Surprisingly, neither Sasuke nor Shisui picked up that something happened between you and Itachi, but that could be just them assuming that it's just your usual aloof relationship with your twin. It took months, but it's you who chose to reconcile with your twin brother, cornering him right after his training session with Shisui.

        Because your boyfriend has a better grasp of social cues than you and Itachi combined, Shisui leaves the two of you alone.

        No, there were no flying fists afterwards this time.

        "You know," you start conversationally, watching Itachi try to ignore you by continuously throwing kunai at his target practice. You don't voice out that he mastered that a long time ago. "You're lucky you're Sasuke's favorite."

        At this, Itachi stops, finally turning to face you.

        "Were you... jealous?" He asks, his brows creasing, baffled.

        "No, I'm envious," you correct him. Because I know I'll never have what you have.

        Before Itachi could ask you to elaborate your cryptic statement, you continue.

        "I did what I did to remind you how much Sasuke means to you. Something-something, 'you didn't know what you had until it's gone' kind of lesson, y'know?" You listlessly wave your hand around. "Call it an asshole move, or maybe even tough love, but I tend to practice the saying of 'an eye for an eye'."

        You give Itachi a wry smile.

        "You make Sasuke cry, I make you cry. Yeah?"

        "Did he really..?" You smirk at Itachi's crestfallen face.

        "Oh, he did," you confirm, smugly nodding your head. "He once cried to me why I'm often present and you're not; even openly wondered if he's only an obligation to you. I mean, you only hang out with him on special occasions; doesn't that send quite a message?"

        "I didn't–"

        "I'm not asking you to pity our brother nor am I asking for your forgiveness, because that implies I wouldn't do it again, and I will, if I have to," you say, your carefree facade now absent. "All I ask of you is to spend as much time as you can with Sasuke. You and I both know the innocence of his childhood is limited, and it won't be long until he'll have the same life as we do.

        "Besides, we'll never know which moments we have with him would be our last."

        Itachi stares at you for a minute, as if reevaluating every one of your aspects, before closing his eyes and sighing.

        "... You know, you sometimes live up to some of the names people call you," Itachi says, and you openly laugh because that is the closest thing you'd ever hear Itachi call you an asshole.

~*~*~

        Your artworks have been a carefully kept secret of yours in this life.

        Yes, Hana is aware of your hobby (probably thinks that all you do is doodle), and you think Mikoto is somewhat aware of your interest in it, but no one has yet seen any of your works– you wouldn't let them.

        Your art was... is a part of you, of your history, and to show a fragment of it is an intimacy you're not prepared for yet. You think it'd take a long time before you are.

        However, time is not something you have, that's why–

        "Here," you say, handing Shisui a blank piece of paper. "Just draw random lines and scribbles, and I'll fill it in."

        "Why?" He asks, tilting his head, confused, as his mouth twitches upwards in amusement and curiosity.

        "It's– It's an art collaboration thing," you explain, a bit hesitant. "Sometimes, when I have no idea what to draw, I just doodle random lines and shapes, then try to picture what it could be. I want you to do it for me this time."

        Surprisingly, Shisui doesn't mention that he never saw you draw before, nor does he ask why you suddenly ask this of him now.

        Instead, he just smiles and says, "I think that's cool."

        (You keep the finished product in your wallet, alongside Sasuke's old drawing.)

~*~*~

        Hair loose, you let your stray bangs cover your eyes, before tightly closing them to somehow rid the pressure building up behind them.

        Slowly, you open your eyes, slightly squinting from the white bathroom light. You still don't know if your eyes are the color of misty ice or a foggy gray, but you think it's ironic that you'd still recognize them as yours when you see them from a mirror.

        She said it's the color of a cloudy sky.

        But whose eyes are those, really?

        Yours or mine?

        As long as you recognize them, does it matter?

        (We've been grieving for so long, we wouldn't know who we are without our grief.)

        "You know you're taking the easy way out, right?" I tell our reflection, your face displeased when I make myself known.

        "Of course," you scoff. "You of all people would know that."

        I wince at your subtle accusation.

        "I know. I was..." I pause, before finally confessing, "I'm a coward."

        "What a coincidence," you say with a rueful grin. "So am I."

        For a moment, the line of distinction between you and I blurs, and there was only me.

~*~*~

OMAKE: Three Is A Crowd

        Iruka took care of him for such a long time, that Naruto sometimes wondered how he lived without the man as his neighbor.

        Back then, Naruto was a stranger to kindness, that's why he couldn't help but be suspicious of his new neighbor's friendliness. When he finally worked up the courage to ask why Iruka would care for him (cook for him, prepare him bentos, walk him to the academy, and–), all Iruka said was that, "It's the right thing to do."

        Iruka was a lot easier to love afterwards.

        But then–

        "You are the Kyuubi that killed Iruka's parents and destroyed the village!"

        So then–

        "W-why would you do that?" Naruto asked, as he glanced up at Iruka shielding him from Mizuki's fuma shuriken. The boy was pertaining to why he (his NeighborTeacherFriendOlderBROTHER–) protected him when he's the one apparently responsible for why Iruka lost his family.

        "Someone once told me that one day, I'm gonna find someone who I'd shield my body with from a blade or jutsu, and only then I'd understand that it's not really much of a choice," Iruka said, as if reciting something from a memory. Then, he fondly chuckles, remembering an old joke. "You're not really orange. You're just Uzumaki Naruto."

~*~*~

        His mom wrote him a letter before he was born, before she died.

        He had a mom and a dad who loved him. Loved him very, very much.

       Why? Naruto asked the old man; why the Hokage only revealed his parentage after knowing he was the Kyuubi container.

        For your protection, answered the tired leader. The Hokage apparently waited for him to graduate into a genin before receiving what his parents left for him, including the letter.

        Much to his own surprise, Naruto didn't pick a fight with the old man's logic, deciding that he should make up for lost time in finding out his parents' history. His first clue is the first name his mom mentioned in the letter.

        Kama told me to write this letter in case I die, the absolute brat. I think you'll like him.

        He asked Iruka first, because maybe he encountered this Kama guy sometime during his shinobi career.

        Turns out, Uchiha Kama was Iruka's dead teammate.

        "He was like the little brother I never had," Iruka said sadly. "He perished with the other Uchiha in the Uchiha Compound's Explosion. It's best for you to never bring him up, especially to his remaining family."

~*~*~

        As his teammate, Naruto puts in more effort in getting along with Uchiha Sasuke.

        Maybe, Naruto fleetingly thought at some point, we could somewhat have the same relationship as Iruka and Kama.

        (At the Valley of the End, Sasuke leaves Naruto unconscious with injuries no worse than a few bruises.)

~*~*~

BONUS:

Mikoto: What are you having?

Kama: An identity crisis.

Mikoto: ... I meant for dinner.

...

Kama: My secret talent is pushing all your buttons and helping you discover new buttons you didn't know you had.

...

Kama: I may be an asshole. But deep down, I'm a good person.

Also Kama: But even deeper down, I'm a bigger asshole.

...

Kama: I don't know why you even like me. I'm wrecked.

Shisui: No, you're incredible.

Kama: ... Inc-wrecked-ible.

...

(The Uchiha brothers basically):

Sasuke (crying): Kama-niisan!

Kama: What happened?

Sasuke: Itachi-niisan ran away from me with a body flicker!

Kama: Why?

Sasuke: Because he doesn't want to spend time with me...

Itachi (running in, having PTSD from what Kama did when Itachi last neglected Sasuke): That's not true, we were training stealth and track–

Sasuke (his tears suddenly disappearing): Found you, I win!

Itachi:

Kama (witnessing all this): God give me strength.

...

Kama (comforting a crying Sasuke): Don't worry, when you're older, you'll learn to do this on the inside.

...

Shisui: Talking about feelings with your partner is necessary for a healthy relationship.

Kama: Yeah, I totally understand.

Shisui: So what's been going on with you?

Kama: Fuck no, I'm not doing this shit.

...

Kama (to Shisui): If we're on a date, don't bring your wallet. I'm not letting you pay.

Kama: Just run when I run.

...

Sasuke: Imagine getting kidnapped with a stuffy nose and then they tape your mouth.

Itachi: Wouldn't the adrenaline unclog your nose?

Kama: For real? All I gotta do to unclog my nose is to kidnap Sasuke in front of you?

Shisui: Why is kidnapping your brother your first idea?

...

Sasuke (seeing Itachi sleep): He looks so peaceful.

Kama (opening a black marker): And vulnerable.

...

(Modern AU; messages between Itachi and Kama):

Kama: i think i need a nickname that fits me better

*Kama changed the name Kama to TheHotterUchihaBrother*

Itachi: I see. I'll do the same.

*Itachi changed the name Itachi to TheHottestUchihaBrother*

TheHotterUchihaBrother: ...

TheHotterUchihaBrother: You'll pay for this.

TheHottestUchihaBrother: Okay.

...

Shisui: Good night, love of my life. I'm so happy to be able to sleep right next to you <3

Kama (already rotating like a kebab to ensure maximum blanket possession):

...

Kakashi: Otaku is a derogatory slang for socially dead outcasts that stay inside all day and partake in degenerate pastimes like idols, anime and/or hentai.

Yugao: Source?

Kama: The source is his own experience lmao

...

Kakashi (whispering something to Shisui):

Kama: Hey, what the fuck are you whispering to my boyfriend?

Kakashi: That he's too good for you.

Kama: Okay? But we both already know that.

...

I am once again reminding y'all that omakes can be either past, present or future, and can be read without disrupting the story's timeline. ALSO IRUKA IS SO HARDCORE, HIS WIKI SAYS THAT HE WISHES TO FIGHT KURAMA AND IM AKJDHKJHDS

And behold: Kama's Big Asshole Tendencies are showing.

Btw quick question: if Kama were to be reincarnated again, would you guys prefer the HP-verse (Marauders era) or the MCU (avengers-centric)? If you guys are more interested in the possible love interests, I'm thinking of Remus or Severus (there's a reason why they're my options) for the HP-verse. As for the MCU, deadass Bucky Barnes ahdjskakal. I thought of Loki but I think he and Kama would kill each other before they could even announce their relationship to be official lmao. Also for a big franchise, I'm having a hard time finding MCU self inserts that aren't abandoned/power-hungry/harems?? Or is it just me?? Pls recommend;;;