It's not really a surprise that your and Itachi's schedules are often full nowadays– you with your ANBU duties, and your twin with his jounin ones. In fact, you've been expecting it, as both are demanding jobs but...

        Well, you don't want to play the who-has-it-harder game, but you're definitely dominating the leaderboard. Compared to Itachi, ANBU tend to have a lot of out-of-the-country missions, as opposed to jounin who seldom travel outside the Land of Fire. Probably to avoid international incidents outside low-ranked escort missions, you think, but it's not like ANBU anonymity could stop anyone from committing one if they really want to. This is not even considering the possibilities of framing.

        Still, you assumed that, compared to you, Itachi would have more time to spare for Sasuke, as it's one of the sole reasons why you took your twin's place.

        You were wrong.

        You don't usually accept that you're wrong, but because Itachi is in the wrong, you'll make an exception. You thought you'd be pettily happy about it, but catching your twin requesting for more missions at the mission desk is an... infuriating memory.

        It would seem that even with the change, nothing has really changed.

        So, to not have Sasuke whine about his brothers no longer having time for him, you brought him to your secret training cave with much reluctance.

        ("Kama-niisan, wait for me! Where are you going?!"

        Like an idiot, you waited for him and told him where you're going.)

        While having an inexperienced tag-along made it hell to escape your ROOT tails, it's the best you could do with your tight schedule, as your training is the most flexible time you have for him. It's risky, dangerous, but you managed well enough, and took note that you'll have to train a specific form of area genjutsu and chakra control to make undercover traveling easier next time.

        Though, your baby brother's brattiness is an entirely different difficulty.

        "Why bring me here if you're not going to teach me anything?" Sasuke complains, his high-pitched voice echoing within the underground cavern, as he half-heartedly aims a kunai at one of your make-shift dummies. The natural light beaming from the cave's wide entrance above provides enough brightness for Sasuke to train his accuracy and for you to clearly see his pout.

        My brother in Amaterasu, you wanted to come with me, you think exasperatedly.

        "I brought you here to train alongside me; not with me. Y'know, just accompanying each other, basking in each other's presence, like what good brothers do," you answer him, not pausing from your constant shift of kata stances (you make sure to move in a pace that Sasuke can't follow because you won't let a six-year-old one-up you like that). "Or you can watch me do something that even Itachi can't."

        "What can you do that Itachi-niisan can't?" He asks skeptically yet curiously, and without missing a beat, you tell him,

        "Make time for you."

        Predictably, Sasuke huffs, irritated by your smartass reply.

        "You still won't teach me anyway," he says, before loudly adding, "Which Itachi-niisan does, by the way."

        He's really adamant about that, huh, you think before lightly shaking your head at Sasuke's poor attempt to manipulate you.

        "I will," you assure, and he perks up.

        "When?"

        "One day," you promise.

        Sasuke lets out a lengthy groan, annoyed.

        This becomes a habit.

~*~*~

        You eventually decide to make a compromise with your little brother to cease his grouses by letting him ask you questions to encourage teaching himself. While your answers aren't fed to him on a silver spoon, he's smart enough to figure it out for himself.

        No, you're not teaching him. Teaching him requires you directly providing new material, new techniques, and you don't answer any of his questions regarding new jutsus or katas. Instead, you just guide him with what he already knows, instilling a better foundation for his basics. And if he discovers something new in the process, well... It's of his own merit.

        At first, his questions start out easy, like: Kama-niisan, how do you throw a lot of kunai with one swipe? How do you avoid cutting yourself with a shuriken? How can you aim with both at the same time?

        But then, his questions get progressively more difficult, like: Kama-niisan, why do you sleep at Shisui's house a lot? Why do the elders sometimes call you an onniko? Why do we have to sneak everytime we go here? And–

        "Am I special like you and Itachi-niisan?" Sasuke asks with a quiet and unsure tone.

        "Yes," you answer without hesitation, your voice surprisingly soft but confident. "In fact, I have a feeling that you'll be better."

        "Really?" Sasuke looks at you with wide, awed eyes, and you give him your signature smile.

        "Have I ever lied to you?"

~*~*~

        "Have I ever lied to you?" Shisui asks bitingly, blood dripping down his left eye as he glares you down with his remaining one. You think he's too kind by being civil with you instead of already making attempts at your life, even when he already knows what you've done– what you haven't done.

        You don't answer, but he continues as if you did, "So why do you keep lying to me?"

        The dream ends.

        Jolting up from your bed, you rush to the bathroom, knees already buckling by the doorway and sliding on the white tiles for you to immediately dry heave on the toilet. Sweat glues your clothes to your body, the sensation cold and easily uncomfortable, as you feel your shirt breathe and tremble with you.

        Breathe in.

        Breathe out.

        Repeat.

        The details of the nightmare may have already faded, but this fucking feeling of guilt–

        (Careful. You're slipping.)

        The nausea wanes.

        Wiping off some few stray spittle from your lips, you flush the toilet, before carefully standing and half-dragging yourself to the sink.

        Shoulders slumped, your arms carry most of your body weight as you lean on the sink, your fingers turning white from tightly gripping both sides of the porcelain basin.

        With you using up Shisui's genjutsu favors for this week, you were left with your original solution of exhausting yourself until you pass out to sleep your fatigue away.

        Though, it would seem that you're not exhausted enough.

        Can you fucking not?! You almost snarl out loud, but instead wisely choose to avoid waking up the entire household. Or maybe you're just too tired to yell. You're being a lot more talkative lately, you seethe as you glare at your (our?) reflection on the bathroom mirror.

        "She was afraid of uncertainty too," I tell you– my only explanation on why I brought forth such a specific nightmare. Exactly like you, right now, I want to add but don't.

       Fuck off, you want to say, but instead bitterly mutter,

        "Yes, right, that's why you promised her that you would follow, and now I'm here."

        I stay shamefully silent for now.

~*~*~

        Fugaku has not created a distinct line between being Clan Head and Father. Itachi would often see his father as Clan Head, while Sasuke would often mislabel his clan head as Father, but to you, he will always be Fugaku.

        (And to Fugaku, all of you will always be his sons.)

        Haah, what a mess.

        "For tomorrow's mission, I've decided to come along," Fugaku informs you, both your brothers witnessing the exchange as they kneel in a seiza position next to you. "If this mission is successful, your position in ANBU will no longer be doubted."

        Once upon a time, Itachi would've been in your place, making Fugaku choose between an ultimatum on whether Itachi drops his mission or Fugaku attends Sasuke's entrance ceremony, which would further rift (but never destroy) their relationship.

        This is not that time.

        You think it's pitiful that Itachi's decision-making reflected on his life. Limited; never thinking outside the box; trapped.

        The village is its own echo chamber.

        His intelligence can only bring him so far.

        The idea of free choice to Itachi is being able to choose between the options that's provided to him, not even knowing that he can make his own–that he can simply not choose. You suppose that his mindset was already molded by the environment he grew up in, because genius or not, he's still susceptible to all the conditioning both the clan and the village had put him through.

        (Never question. Loyalty to the clan. Village must prosper. Always obey.)

        He can only be so creative with what he knows, what he has, and what he was given. That's how the system intended it to be for him– for all of you.

        No matter how you look at it, Itachi's still just a child, and children are malleable. And you... can't fully blame him for the path he chose to take.

        But this time, he has an external source; an outside influence; a brand new perspective.

        (Now, he has you.)

        "I have a better idea," you offer to Fugaku, smiling. "You attend Sasuke's entrance ceremony or I drop the mission."

         Fugaku's eyes widen, as Sasuke nearly jolts from his seat. Itachi, on the other hand, shows better restraint, but you know he's just as shocked as the rest of them.

        "Are you out of your mind?" Fugaku suddenly pauses, seeing you about to open your mouth. "No, don't answer that. Itachi can attend the ceremony in my place, as he's not occupied tomorrow."

         Your baby brother looks resigned from the corner of your eye.

         "Yes, but I think it'd be better if the whole family could attend– including Mother. It's been a while since we've had a family outing with everyone present," you say, before quickly adding, "With me being an exception, of course."

        Both you and Fugaku stare each other down, waiting for the other to let up, and it doesn't take long for his flat look to turn into one of concession. He knows you well enough that you're not bluffing.

        "Fine." Fugaku gives in, standing from his place that wordlessly dismisses all of you.

        Your baby brother looks at you forlornly, afterwards.

        (One day, you will look back at this and think that it was a bit too easy to convince the strict man. One day, you will know that his decision was not swayed by your threat, but by eyes that looked a bit too desperate. One day, you will know that he's a very soft and tragic man who still loves, despite it all.)

        "I'll find a way, Sasuke, don't worry," you assure your baby brother later that day, when he chooses to stay by your side in an attempt to make up for your absence tomorrow.

~*~*~

        "Hey Hana, can you do me a small favor?"

        "Depends. What is it?"

        "Okay so, I don't know how else to put this..."

~*~*~

        "Ne, Kakashi-taichou, can I ask you for a favor?"

        "What's in i– what the hell happened to your arm?"

        "Nevermind that, but in exchange for my favor, you can shirk your responsibilities for tomorrow, and I'll help you train your sharingan."

        "... I'm listening."

~*~*~

        Today is the main cast's first day at the academy.

        (It's surreal to think that future demi-gods and legends are attending something so mundane like school.)

        Family and friends crowd behind the academy-attendees in line, as the Hokage climbs up to the stage's podium for his speech.

        It's when the Hokage started speaking, when you chose to show yourself to your family who are placed in front of the crowd.

        "'Scuse me, 'scuse me, coming through," you murmur to watching parents and curious children, as you squeeze yourself through until you're beside Fugaku. Mikoto already noticed you, as did Itachi, and while they're surprised by your presence, they chose not to say anything.

        For a comical moment, Fugaku doesn't realize who's telling him to move aside, only acknowledging you when you stood by his side a bit too closely for a few seconds. He almost double-takes when he processes that you're here instead of outside the village for your mission.

        Then, his eyes trail down to your casted left arm that's resting on a sling.

        Fugaku takes another moment to think, before glowering at the thought that you happen to be injured on the day you're supposed to be deployed. He knows it's intentional.

        Ah, you're flattered that he knows you too well.

        He can't leave with you or make a scene with the Hokage talking (which you deliberately timed, by the way), so he resolved to just glare at you disapprovingly with as much dignity as he can maintain in public for the duration of the speech. You can feel his tampered urge to just straight-up yell at you (that could just be his Bonfire chakra raging though).

        Because you're an asshole, you let him stew in his anger for a while longer before giving him a rolled-up missive.

        Fugaku takes it impatiently, already discreetly yet swiftly scanning its content.

        He calms down... but not before flicking your forehead and giving you an exasperated look.

        After the ceremony and before Sasuke heads towards his classroom, your baby brother sneaks a glance at your direction, surprised and immediately ecstatic at finding his family in full attendance. His grin is near blinding.

       For a millisecond, your sharingan activates, immortalizing the memory, as you already know that he won't smile for you like that again.

~*~*~

        Fortunately for Fugaku, while the mission is important, it's not really time sensitive. With Kakashi-taichou's appeal of his "key player" (which is you, but that's a fucking lie because Kakashi can solo this mission) being injured, he managed to convince the Hokage to move the mission date. This means that it can be moved to the next day that's unoccupied by any meaningful gatherings.

        Fugaku is free to join you as he originally planned, unhindered by his responsibilities as a father.

        The mission ends up being a success, and Fugaku succeeds in doing what he intended.

        (It's not enough to counter Danzo's manipulations.)

        Surprisingly, the mission is the closest father-son bonding you have with the man, with how often he initiates conversations with you, subtly dotes on you, and gives you awkward head or shoulder pats throughout camp breaks (Kakashi is very amused by the latter).

        If you didn't know any better, you would've thought that Fugaku looked proud of you.

~*~*~

        You look at your reflection closely, hand stretched out to touch the bathroom mirror as you stare and stare and stare, hoping you'd eventually find what you're looking for.

        Zero, you count.

        It's always been zero in this life, with your skin always pale and now, a bit too fair.

        (She used to count them when she wanted to lull herself to sleep. She said she counted forty-three.)

        You slowly remove your hand from the mirror, before putting on your owl ANBU mask to cover your unblemished face.

~*~*~

        You've always known that by accepting your ANBU position, you'd be taking unsavory missions.

        You've always known that by being a shinobi, it's not a matter of if but when you'll kill a child younger than you.

        You know but don't accept; that's why when your ANBU team returns from a family assassination, you can barely keep hold of your fury towards those– those fucking–

        Greedy, paranoid nobles eliminating potential competition before they could even come to power– from the target's heirs (those children; two brothers) to possible avengers (the target's wife and brother and sisters and parents and everyone the client condemned to the blade of hired shinobi), and the village follows where money leads, and I can't help but think what it would be like if Obito–

        You jolt from your thoughts when Kakashi lands a consoling pat on your shoulder.

        "We're home," is all he says, as he gives you a look. It is a knowing, sorrowful, tired look but it lacks pity, and that's all you wordlessly ask for.

        (You've always known what you've gotten yourself into.)

        Giving your team captain a half-hearted smile, you disappear with a body flicker.

~*~*~

        On your way to the clan compound, you can't help but briefly wonder if missions like this are how Itachi conditioned himself to slaughter all those innocents in the massacre.

~*~*~

        Sitting next to Shisui, you stare far off at the forest on the other side of the lake, your usual smile absent.

        You don't feel like putting up a front today.

        "If... " Shisui starts, his legs swaying by the edge of the Uchiha lake's pier. "If you didn't have to be in ANBU, which career path would you have chosen?"

        ("What do you want to be when you grow up?")

        "... I wanted to be a medic-nin."

~*~*~

        Mandatory psychological evaluations after every ANBU mission fucking suck.

        It's even worse that Inoichi-sensei is handling every one of your cases, which is probably considered an unethical arrangement in Before due to emotional compromise, but it's not like people of this world hold ethics in high regard.

        "Your captain reported to me that you didn't take your recent mission well," Inoichi-sensei begins, and you resist groaning out loud.

       Kakashi, you hypocritical slut.

        "What a snitch," you mutter instead, petulantly crossing your arms.

        "I'll take an educated guess and say that it has worsened your sleep deprivation," sensei continues, unbothered and already used to your antics.

        "No...?" You make a show of innocently swaying your legs. "Who's sleep deprivation? Never met him."

        You would've joked about how they knew of your sleep deprivation, but thought that a joke about how they keep their eye on you hits a bit too close to home. Honestly, despite each other's mutual attachment, Inoichi-sensei would probably take that jest as a jab and this evaluation can easily turn into an interrogation.

        Despite being your team leader, legal guardian, and basically the closest fun uncle you could have in this world, he's still a shinobi first and foremost.

        (You sometimes forget that.)

        Inoichi-sensei looks at you, unimpressed with your deflection tactics.

        "Now," he continues. "What do you do to remedy it?"

        "I just take caffeine and ride it through," you tell him, and sensei disapprovingly stares your eleven-year-old ass down.

        "You drink coffee?" He asks, a pitch incredulous like it's one of the biggest crimes you've committed.

        "No, I just eat the beans," you say casually, not skipping a beat. "Straight-up."

        He then sighs tiredly, his sixth sense (specifically for you) already flaring that you're not taking this seriously.

        Inoichi-sensei knows that, like in the past sessions, he's not going anywhere with you joking around like this, but instead of dismissing you like he usually does, he suddenly asks you–

~*~*~

        "Are you afraid to die?"

        You barely move your head that's leaning on Shisui's shoulder, as you ponder over his question– the question Inoichi-sensei asked you barely a week ago. You think it's sad that it's a common question.

        Or maybe you feel sad because Shisui is asking you that question on where the two of you first met; sitting on the same spot where you first declined his friendship.

        Somehow, the Uchiha lake's pier looks the same as it's always been.

        You continue to remain silent, and like he's always been, Shisui remains patient.

        You're not yet sure if you should tell him the same thing you answered Inoichi-sensei with.

        ("Have I ever lied to you?")

        He doesn't deserve any more lies from you. Then again, when was the last time you've lied to Shisui?

       "No," you finally answer, your voice neutral, as your free hand lands on Shisui's. "I'm afraid of death."

       "What's the difference?" He asks and you feel him shift to better accommodate your leaning weight, his curious eyes now on you. You grip his hand tighter, and he remains unfazed.

       "Death has a lot of people to take away from me."

        Your only regret is not knowing what Shisui could've meant to you from the start; not sinking your claws into him first before Konoha or the clan did.

        Maybe then, he would've been able to betray the clan and the village for you.

        Maybe then, you wouldn't let him die.

        (We always did have a strong will.)

~*~*~

BONUS:

Kama: Helpful grammar tip! "Farther" is for physical distance, "further" is for metaphorical distance, and "father" is for emotional distance!

...

Kama: I don't really try my best just so people don't expect anything from me. And when I do succeed on something, everyone becomes surprised... including myself.

...

Shisui: So, I'm in love with him. Kama.

Kakashi (in disbelief): Kama? Itachi's twin brother?

Shisui: Yeah. Thoughts?

Kakashi: And prayers.

...

Kama (approaching his own ANBU team): What are you guys talking about?

Kakashi: We can't tell you because you're not part of the club.

Kama: What club?

Kakashi: The "We Hate Kama" club.

Kama: ... The fuck? I should be the leader of that club.

...

Kama: Welcome to the "Fuck Uchiha Kama" club, where we discuss all the reasons why I'm a terrible person. Before we start, does our newest member want to say anything?

Shisui (sweating and packing his things): I, uh, I may have misunderstood the purpose of this club. I just– why did you name your club that?

Kama: Because the name "We Hate Kama" club is already taken.

...

Inoichi: Why are you wearing a white shirt that says "do not resuscitate"?

Kama: It was on sale.

Kakashi aka the OG Problem Child (interested): Oh, does it come in black?

Inoichi: Listen--

...

Kama: Hana, I need you to break my arm–

Hana (not needing or wanting any explanation because she's been waiting for this her whole life): Say no more.

OR

Hana (cracking her fingers): I'm a healer, but–

...

Kama (ranting to Shisui): Kakashi yelled at me.

Kama: Apparently, I'm "immature" and "stubborn" and "Kama".

Kama: The last one was just my name but you should've heard the way he said it.

...

Inoichi: I wish I could know why you have so much violence and contempt in your heart.

Kama: I'm literally a child soldier.

...

Inoichi: Y'know, you're not as bad as I first thought you were. I wonder why I didn't instantly like you before.

Kama: How are your kneecaps holding out in your old age, boomer?

Inoichi: Oh, yeah, that's why.

...

Kama: It's always deez nuts this, deez nuts that, but what about deez feelings?

Inoichi (holding a clipboard for Kama's 69th therapy session): ... What?

...

Fugaku: I raised a perfectly sane and respectable family.

Kama: You have another family?

...

Shisui: Kama is playing hard to get. Little does he know, I'm a master at playing hard to get rid of.

...

Kama: Stop asking me what my plan for the day is. It's the same as always: self sabotage.

...

Kakashi: Listen Kama, you of all people should understand that duty means doing the things your heart may well regret.

Kama: ... Did you just quote "Icha-Icha Paradise" to me?

Kakashi:

Kama:

Kakashi: I have to go.

...

(Modern AU text messages):

Kama: dude, i have tea. meet you later, carps?

Hana: "carps"?

Kama: ye, as in carpet

Hana: what the fuck am i supposed to do with a carpet?

Kama: it's rug. r u g? are you g?

Hana: fuck you

...

Inoichi: I believe you have PTSD.

Kama: Yeah, I have PTSD– Proficient Talent for Sucking Dick! Ayyye!

Inoichi: That was inappropriate.

Kama: I don't think you understand how genius what I just said was.

Inoichi: I think we also need to address your use of humor as a coping mechanism.

Kama: Thanks.

Inoichi: That's not a good thing.

Kama: All I'm hearing is that you think I'm funny.

...

Hnnghh, I really didn't want to split this chapter into two (because it would add more to the overall chapter counts, but guys I promise I already have a set number of chapters for this fic lol), but it's been weeks since my usual update schedule.

Also, in this chapter, I'm slowly but surely finally revealing Kama's appearance, along with parts of his past. So far, I showed that he's pale and fair– though the latter wasn't always the case. More descriptions will come in part 2. Oh, and I hinted that he used to have freckles. Why that feature didn't come with him in his rebirth, I'll leave the speculations to yall.

Bonus question: If Kama's character were to be reincarnated in the Harry Potter universe, which generation would you want him to interact with: the Golden Trio era (as an adult) or the Marauders era (as a student)? Just so you know, both have chaotic outcomes lmaooo