My mouth open and closes like a fish, unable to figure out what my brain is trying to tell it. Asra's eyes watched my face with curiosity, trying his hardest to remain calm. I knew he could hear the racing of my heart in my chest, and no doubt the adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Fight or flight.

I wanted to flight. I wanted to get away from the conversation so badly.

But I couldn't.

Asra had proven himself.

The weird beast of a man-wolf had given me more than anyone in my entire life.

Time.

Patience.

When I needed him, he came to save me. He noticed my trauma and realised I have a hard past, and he wasn't up in-arms about getting answers. He's supposed to be my soul mate, for crying out loud, so why is it so hard to trust him?

I had to pull up my big girl pants and face him head on, despite the wedgie it may give me. They sent this man to me from heaven, or whatever it was. Within as little as twelve hours, he had tracked me down despite the use of scent blockers, and tore me away from the man who threatened to sell me or even kill me.

However, now I am worried about my future. What if the mysterious buyer found me again?

It sent a shiver down my spine and I clutched onto Asra's hand as the thought crossed my mind.

Asra wasn't Darius.

I could see it now.

He was mature. Smart. Quick-witted. Handsome. Sexy...

Yet he was mysterious and quiet. He had secrets in those oceans of eyes, deep thoughts that went beyond his beast's side. He had feelings that wanted to break free, words that he wanted to say, but he never allowed himself.

We are all built around our own trauma, our walls closing it in. It was just up to us as individuals to see past that.

"Ailia?" He wondered, squeezing my hand.

I blinked out of the daze, giving him a hesitant smile. "Apologies. I was... thinking."

"Rather hard about something." He quirked an eyebrow. "Was it something I said? You don't have to answer if you don't want too..."

God-dammit, this man was going to be the end of everything, wasn't he? He didn't even care that I daydreamed.

"No, it's..." I swallowed nervously, about to put part of my life in this man's hands. "I want to tell you."

A small crack of the weight on my shoulders crumbled, brushing past my elbows as it hit the floor of the room. Asra noticed the change, sitting up slightly straighter as he observed me.

"Okay..." He hesitantly smiled.

I never thought I would find a beast so attractive... Even his smile...

Ailia. Serious time. Wedgie approaching.

"As you know, I had a fiancé." I began watching as his body stiffened. "He was called Darius. His parents were the leaders of the town. The wealthiest of us all, they ran pretty much everything."

I rubbed my thumb along the back of his hand, dropping my eyes to follow the pattern so I didn't have to see the disappointment on his face. He had the smallest white scars around his knuckles that I smoothed my thumb over.

"My mother... after losing my father, she... groomed me until the age of twelve, where she then retreated into her dark cesspit of a home and never came out. I had to work to stay alive, barely scraping by and often skipping meals to keep her and my sister fed. I trained myself to become a chef, tried so hard to get that income. Then one day, just before I turned sixteen, she perked up as though nothing had happened."

Asra was silent, watching me intently.

"She was acting like someone else, making friends with the higher ups... People took sympathy on her; but she was a wolf in sheep's clothing. Pardon my pun." I snorted sarcastically. "The next thing I know, she's planned a wedding behind my back and there is nothing I could do about it. I was to stop working as a chef, and be engaged to this man I never knew, and she would get a pretty sum of money and hefty status with it."

"So, she sold you."

I winced at the words as they harshly left his lips. Still staring at our joined hands, I marvelled at the slight freckle on the back of his thumb.

Clearing my throat, I nodded. "Yes."

"And then what?"

"It was good... for a few months. We courted until..."

"Until?"

I dared a glance up at him through my lashes, finding him intensely staring at my face. His jaw was clenched already, and I knew he would blow up if he found about the slightest misplaced word in my story. It made even more nervous to continue.

"He touched me and I didn't want him to." I nibbled my lower lip. "Then he made me touch him. He was two years older than me, and I didn't want to do it. He manipulated me to thinking it was normal, and over the months I believed him. After six months of courting, was when he... forced himself on me for the first time."

Another chip of the boulder fell, crumbling loudly in the silent and tense room. I let out a shriek of surprise when Asra's claws extended, one of them catching the back of my hand. My head flew up in surprise to find dark eyes locked onto my jaw. I swallowed nervously, feeling sweat build up on my palm as the intensity of his beast side forced its way through.

"You say... the first time as though..." He growled through gritted teeth.

"Most of our relationship was... not entirely consensual." I mumbled.

"So, he raped you." He spat, causing me to flinch. "He took your innocent child body and used you for his own gain. And you were meant to mate that man? For life? You should have run! Should've told someone and fled!"

My lower lip shook, my cheeks aching as I fought back the tears that wanted to fall so desperately. He had done nothing but state the truth, and yet the gravity of the situation shook me to my very core. I hardly cried, and I knew if I did, I would not see the end of the tears for a long time.

"He-He played games with my head! I tried to tell someone about it all. I told my mother, but she-she didn't care. She took all the money I saved for her own greedy hands!" I whimpered. "She told me to just cover the bruises up and-and..."

I broke off, my voice shaking too much to continue. I felt the tears burn and drip onto our joined palms. It seemed to make him freeze, the incessant shaking of his body halting. I couldn't bear to look at his face. The sympathetic or angry scowl I would find would shatter me. I was worthless. Darius was right. No one would one someone like this; it was too much of a burden.

My past was too heavy.

"Ailia. What else did he do to you? There is something you are not telling me."

I choked back a sob when his hand cupped my cheek, tilting my head so I had no choice but to raise my gaze. I avoided looking at him, choosing to stare at the growing fur along his arms instead. He was angry. I barely remember his wolf, not being a fan of the whole teeth and claws thing.

"Tulip, please." He begged. "You are doing so well for telling me this."

I found my shoulder relaxing at the pet name, finding soft comfort in the way he spoke to me.

"The first year was a learning curve." I continued, sniffing back the tears. "I had to learn to be someone I wasn't for public image. They paraded me around town as someone's wife. I was supposed to help him lead that awful village... When I didn't comply with anything, it turned to violence."

The hairs rose on his arms again and I dropped my other hand to wrap over the top of the one I held. Heat radiated from him, heating my body as that strange buzzing flooded my veins.

"He would use his fists, his words, or force." I whispered. "Usually it was fists, but he was a master of wordplay. He could get into my head so easily and... I... I just let him. I let him do what he wanted with me. It was safer that way, and, in my head, consensual."

"Why? Why did you not stand up for yourself, Tulip?" He demanded.

Anger rose in my veins, the buzzing mate bond dying off as it consumed me. He spoke as though I had control of the situation; that I was this strong, independent thinker. I wasn't. My attitude was a show, because I had to be docile around Darius. I built a wall around my heart so no one else could penetrate it.

"Because I never won!" I cried, snapping my head up to meet him.

He actually flinched, the snarl on his lips disappearing within a millisecond. "I-

"No. Don't." I snapped. "Darius would beat me if I said no, force his cock into me whenever he pleased. He would knock me unconscious and use me. Stab me with knives, carve things into my skin! He would whip me with his belt until I bled on the kitchen floor, smash glass into my head. He would do whatever he wanted to, because he was stronger!"

"When fear consumes you, you either choose fight or flight, right? But me, I always had to choose to succumb. I had to let it happen, allow him to hurt me once, or I would be bedridden for weeks." I laughed darkly, glaring up at the ceiling. "Just before the hunt, he shared me with his buddy. They both used me for their own pleasure until one knocked me unconscious. Darius loved my fear, played it into his favour, manipulated my mind to think it was good. I was just his good girl whenever he wanted something. Nothing good ever came out of it! I believed him for so long. I was at war with myself... So I learnt to build walls, to not show emotions."

"He hated if I daydreamed, hated if I sang, hummed or had anything happy in my life. I was a house-wife; meant to please him and cook him delicious food. He controlled what I ate, what I wore, where and when I slept, and even who I spoke to!" I waved my hands angrily, Asra's heavy one thumping onto the bed. "For two fucking years I endured that man-that devil-and nobody could do anything about it. Even my own mother smacked me whenever she wasn't insulting me to my face. I tried, and nobody cared."

My chest was heaving, blurry spots wanting to take over my vision as I fought for breath. I had said too much. Oh god, I had said so, so much. My anger always got the best of me. I fell backward, burying my face into pillows.

My eyes darted to Asra when he snarled so ferociously that I pressed further into the bed. The adrenaline from my outburst died on my tongue at his new found anger. My throat ran dry as his body pulsated, fur sprouting, limbs shaking and attempting to form new angles.

He bared his teeth, snapping them so loudly that I feared he would turn into a beast right now and eat me.

Swallowing heavily, I sobered up my anger. "A-Asra?"

His head swung towards me, causing me to flinch into the sheets and curl my head into the pillow at the sight of his half-shifted form. It was silent. His snarling had cut off so abruptly, but I dared not to look up to see the face of his beast again. No one spoke. The only sound was the racing of the heart monitor behind me and my rapid breaths.

Curse you, hospital equipment.

Seconds turned into minutes and when I still didn't hear a thing, I hesitantly peeked one eye open. I couldn't see him. Raising my head slightly, I swallowed nervously as I took in the entire room.

He wasn't here.

He had gone.

He left me.

I poured my heart out, my anger, my past, my frustrations... And he was gone.

Alone.

I was alone again.

Alone with my thoughts.

Thoughts were full of my anger.

Anger contrasted my sadness.

Sadness enveloped my heart.

My heart, unable to cope, thudded softly. I rest my head back into my pillow, allowing the fresh tears to flood my cheeks as I quietly cried.

Alone.

I hated crying. It was a weakness.

I should've known not to trust Asra with that information.

He couldn't even stomach to be around me, couldn't answer me, couldn't bear to see my face as I cried.

Darius was right.

I was worthless.

****

sad ailia :(((((