~ Sameena's dress to the side.

#Chapter Twenty One#

I ran a hand through my hair in agitation. “What’re you talking about Samir?” 

“I can’t make it,” he said apologetically. 

I winced. “You can’t make it to your sister’s fatiha?”

I heard him exhale roughly through the phone. “I honestly have no choice in this. There’s a compulsory training session tonight where we’ll be graded and assessed on whether we can graduate at the end of this year. I have to be there.”

“You said it’s at night, can’t you come and leave before it starts?” I questioned in a pleading tone. 

“I won't be able to fly in and back out in time, you know that.” I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. How could he be doing this to me, today out of all days? This was the point I was trying to make with him when we had argued not too long ago; distance got in the way of everything and spoiled precious moments. “I’m so sorry Meena.” 

I sighed through my nose. “Don’t worry, I’ll just-,” I paused to think, “I’ll just change the date.” 

“What?! Your fatiha is today, you can’t change it!” he exclaimed. 

“Well what else am I supposed to do?! I want you to be there!” 

“I know you and I know Mira…you would have had this planned to the very last detail, plus you’ve already invited the family. You can’t cancel it now Sameena.” There was a beat of silence on the other end. “You’ll just have to do it without me,” he said with a somber tone.

Involuntary tears clouded my vision. A part of me wanted him for once, to be standing in front of me, so that he could see how much his absence affected me; how disappointed I was right now. 

But then the other, more logical and sisterly side of me reasoned that this was out of his control. He was pursuing his dreams and I should be happy for him, supporting him. 

So even though it was hard, I took in a shaky breath and said, “I’ll do that then. Although you know it won’t be the same without you.” 

“You know I’d be there in a heartbeat if it wasn’t for the fact that this was compulsory. They just sprung it on us without warning.” 

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll take lots of photos and I’m sure Ziad will eat half the buffet table on your behalf. Just focus on your exam and do well for me, OK?” 

“You’re the best,” he said sincerely and I smiled, blinking away my tears. “You do me a favour too. Enjoy the day and forget you have the worst big brother in the world.” 

“Hey don’t say that; it’s not true. I’m so proud of you Samir, I really am. And I’m still looking forward to all those trips we’ll be taking together!” I was met with silence on the other end and I knew he was feeling especially guilty. “Look, I’ll speak to you later OK? If I don’t go get ready, Mira will have my head on a platter.” 

He chuckled although I could tell his heart wasn’t in it. “Insha’Allah. Asalamu alaikum.” 

“Wa alaikum asalam,” I whispered, before hanging up and staring at my phone screen for a few seconds. Without another thought, I threw it carelessly onto my bed and left my room to search for Mira.

####

“Spin around for me please…now the other way…back again,” Mira instructed. 

I huffed impatiently and looked up at her with a scowl. “Do you want me to throw up all of this mornings contents on my dress?” 

She shrugged her shoulders and grinned at my annoyed expression. “Why not? I’m sure it would add to the unique look you’re going for!” 

“You’re the one that’s wearing a fur vest over your dress! Have you realised how hot it is outside?!” 

“I’m trying to go for a nineties look! There were only a hundred of these made you know?It’s extraordinary,” she said, flicking imaginary dust off her vest.

“It’s bizarre, that’s what it is.” 

“Hater.” 

“Punk.”

“You two are giving me a headache!” Sarah whisper-yelled from her position on my bed. She glanced down at a sleeping Abir to make sure she hadn’t woken her up. She was dressed in a lavender tutu dress, with silver sparkly shoes and a butterfly headband. She looked adorable and if she wasn’t sleeping, I’d be smothering her in kisses. “Seriously, you’re both as bad as each other.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” I mumbled, hobbling over to my small chocolate coloured suede couch and sitting down. I had gotten my cast taken off, finally, and the only thing I was worried about now, was my heels. I could wear them alright, years of practice had ensured that, but with my reputation of constantly humiliating myself, I was hoping, no praying, that I didn’t trip over my own feet today. 

“You look amazing,” Mira said, coming to sit next to me. “Tariq will be swooning!” she said with a giggle. 

“I agree.” Sarah gave a wink. 

I rolled my eyes at them, yet I could feel a blush creep its way up my neck and to my face, not because of their compliments, but at the thought of seeing Tariq very soon! I bit my lip and looked down at my cream coloured dress, fumbling with my golden belt and pushing back the edges of my tan coloured scarf from my face.  

I wanted everything to go swell and hopefully, it would. 

####

Time passed quickly. I was now sitting on the lengthy vintage loveseat that had been hired for the occasion, glancing around our garden in nervous apprehension. Most of my family had already arrived by now, including Faysal and his family as well as my other aunties and uncles from mum’s side. Tariq and I wanted to keep it as low key as possible, with only the close-knit friends and families. We both felt that the smaller in numbers it was, the more intimate and enjoyable the occasion would be.  

So now, we were just eagerly awaiting Tariq and his family’s arrival. I was biting the inside of my mouth and wiggling my crossed foot. I wish he would just get here already, so that my racing heart would slow down just a tad!

“Nervous?” I turned and watched as Ziad sat on the empty space next to me. 

I shrugged, a small smile playing on my lips. “ Eh…a little.” 

He cocked an eyebrow. “Sure…just a little?” 

I shoved him in the side. “Do I have to show you that photo of you at your nikah again?” 

He narrowed his eyes at me and I let out a small laugh. “That was different. I was signing my marriage contract then. Once that pen touches the paper, you’re trapped forever!” he joked, shifting his eyes to Sarah, giving off a smile filled with adoration.

“Whatever,” I mumbled, refocusing on jiggling my leg and biting my lip. 

I was surprised when Ziad grasped my hand and gave it a soft squeeze. “I have a good feeling in my heart about this Sameena. I really do.” 

My heart clenched at that. “I’m so glad to hear that,” I said with a sigh of relief. 

“I just want to see you happy and settled,” he said seriously, staring into my eyes.

I gave him a soft smile and squeezed his hand in return. “Insha’Allah, I will be.” 

“He’s here!” Mira came rushing towards us, gesturing frantically for Ziad to move away. “Shoo, shoo!” 

“Jeez woman,” Ziad mumbled, shaking his head at her. I cracked a smile at Mira’s huff and crossed arms. He turned to ruffle my hijab, as he usually did, but I was already anticipating it and swatted his hand away. He chuckled. “Alright, I better go greet him then…before Mira pops a vein.” 

She glared at him as he walked away before spinning around to face me. She ensured everything was in order; my scarf was perfect and symmetrical, my posture was straight, my hands folded elegantly in my lap and my teeth shining through my smile. 

“Mira, I’m not one of your models that you can order around!” 

“Shoosh!” She gave me a satisfactory nod before squealing and moving to sit on a chair close to me. 

As she moved, Tariq and his family finally came in view. They were standing at the foot of our back gate that led into the garden, greeting baba, Ziad and the rest of my family as they made their way through. I stood up as they got closer to where I was sitting; I was a bit shaky on my feet but I managed to get my footing right after a few seconds. 

“Habibti, look at you!” Tariq’s mother exclaimed as she walked towards me, her arms outstretched widely. She wrapped her arms around me. “You look so beautiful masha’Allah!” she exclaimed, stepping back to scan me whilst holding me at arms length. 

I blushed. “Thank you khalto, you look amazing yourself,” I responded with a wink. 

She let out a hearty laugh. “Oh, my days of young beauty are gone! Tariq come over here!” 

She called out for her son, waving him over with one hand and keeping the other firmly planted on my shoulder. 

I was about to counter her first comment but as soon as she yelled for Tariq, I felt my mouth go dry. I shuffled on my feet and fiddled with my hands, twining them over and over again.

I mentally read a prayer. 

Yes, I was that nervous.

After this, it won’t be so awkward…

As Tariq approached his mother and I, I gained enough courage and looked up at his beaming face. 

Oh man, that smile could blow anyone away.

“Asalamu alaikum!”

I whispered my salam back, not missing the way his mother was glancing between the both of us in joy. “You guys are picture perfect! We need a photo this instant!” Tariq and I shared an amused glance. For my part, I was glad to have a third party with us right now, as I was still not ready to strike up a conversation with him.

I had been in a similar situation before; and just like last time, it was a bit unnerving, as you were in the spotlight and almost everyone was staring at you. Like now, almost every pair of eyes were glued on Tariq and I, waiting to see how we interacted together and as a couple. 

After khalto forced us to take a few quick shots, she ordered us to sit on the loveseat for more pictures and we obeyed. She clapped her hands in delight as she peered over the shoulder of the photographer, eyeing the picture on the screen. 

Tariq leaned over to me. “I’d say my mother’s more excited than the both of us, but then that’d be a lie. At least, for me it would be.” 

I flushed, my lips turning up ever so slightly. “How do you manage to always shower me with a charming remark?” 

He grinned widely. “It’s not very hard.” 

I smiled. “Well, it would be a lie for me too. I’m very excited,” I admitted, whispering the last part. 

Tariq opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, we were both descended upon by his sister Elisa and the rest of his family. We both got up and I was introduced to his close relatives who I had still not yet met. 

We laughed and we chatted and in most cases of entertainment, time continued to pass by quickly. 

I was speaking to my aunty Samira, mum’s sister, catching up as we hadn’t seen each other in months. Unfortunately, most of my family seemed to live at least a few cities over.

Slowly, a group formed around us and it was clear that Tariq and I would be the centre of attention for quite a while.

I let out a loud laugh at something Elisa had said as she teased Tariq. I was focused on our discussion, enjoying the scene before me; Tariq squirming and shuffling uncomfortably, when my ears suddenly picked up on the conversation that was going on just to my side. In the one second that I zoned in and out of the conversation between my aunty and Sarah, I managed to pick up on one name. 

One name that had me frozen in my seat.

Instantly, I felt my face paling and my hands begin to shake. A ball had formed in my throat and even though I tried to swallow, it remained there, unmoving. I breathed in and out sharply, and as much as I tried to shift my attention back to the people around me I couldn’t. 

“Sameena?”

It was suddenly all too much; the people around me, the loud, piercing voices, the stares, the flashes, the food, the jewellery, perfume and dresses, aunty Samira’s face which was a replica of mum, baba sitting across from me, a reminder of what I’m about to do, Isaac not far away. 

I sprung to my feet and hurriedly manoeuvred my way through everyone, ignoring those who tried to grab my attention for small talk.

I was breathing heavily by the time I was back in my house, the transition from loud to quiet creating a ringing effect in my ears. I had run all the way to the stairs at the front of the house and I perched one hand on the steel railing for support. 

I squeezed my eyes shut. 

I had managed not to think of him all day and now, just at the mention of his name, I was a ball of mess. All those memories I had tried so hard to lock away had abruptly resurfaced and were eating away at me, recreating my fears and doubts.

“Come on Sameena, you can do this,” I semi-whispered, opening my eyes and wiping at a stray tear. Just as I took in a shaky breath, I heard a voice from behind me. 

I swivelled around.

One look at Tariq’s crushed face and I knew he had heard what I said. 

“You’re having second thoughts aren’t you?” 

####

Definitions:

Insha'Allah: If God wills

Asalamu alaikum: peace be upon you 

Nikah: Islamic marriage contract

A/N

What do you guys think is going on? It's all very tricky isn't it? :P But I'd love to hear all your theories LOL.