what once was

you
my first

you called me
names i couldn't imagine i could ever possess
like baby
and princess

you with your sweet words
with that gentle voice
and soft touch
only a fool wouldn't fall for you this much

but, you
i wasted my time

wondering
hoping
loving
caring
missing

wondering
if was even enough

hoping
that i should be enough

i kept loving you no matter what
i kept caring for you even when we fought

and i
always
unknowingly
kept missing you

bullshit
yes, you

how the heck could i forget you?
i wasted years for you
i wasted my whole life for you

and now what?
you'd just leave me hanging?
you'd just leave me hoping?
wondering what i have ever done wrong?

yes, i
i am still
clueless and foolish

still searching for an answer
to a question that
i— even when it hurt— always knew
never even happened:

"did you ever love me?"

———

every experience is a good plot.