still left in the dark

tell me,
do you still cry yourself to sleep?
every night when you lay in bed,
had it not cross your mind how i have been doing all this time?

tell me,
do you still wish for things to go back?
to the relationship that died years ago-
to the sad and broken people we were;

tell me,
when you look at her, kiss her, sleep with her-
don't you see my eyes, my lips, and my body?

tell me,
do you still go to that same shop every day to buy our favorite coffee?
the smell of books, flowers, and you-they always complete my morning;

tell me,
do you still think of me?
when you pass by our spot at the park, or smell the flowers i loved to keep-
does it not affect you anymore?

tell me,
do you still hate me?
i can still remember the harsh words i said before leaving you-it was a mistake;

so please,
tell me,
do you still love me?
because i,
like i have always been,
i still do.

i lost you. i lost us. i lost the one and only person who believed in me. it's always because of me. i blew it.

and now i'm alone, again, forever hiding in my own world-lost in my own thoughts just like before. i stayed too long in the light that i forgot how it felt like to live in the dark.

if i had a chance before-a choice-i would choose you, i would always choose you. you brought out the best in me; made me feel like my imperfections were what made me beautiful, that's why i loved you.

--
side note:

when you've been to too many bad relationships and suddenly this perfect guy shows up-loves you, cares for you, and proves all your assumptions wrong. it was all fun at first, but in the end, it just wasn't right for you. you wanted more of what he is giving. you weren't contented to the things you have. you were a coward. scared of risks. and so you always search for another person in him-searching for the mistakes that he might also do to you.

you can't afford to get hurt again. not when it's just too good to be true.

if you just had a chance before, if you had just met him before-before you got broken and shattered-then maybe, just maybe, things would work out differently.

--

wow how long has it been :(((

i've been very busy these past few months. i lost all the inspiration in my body and i'm trying to find love for poetry again.