I stare at the crumpled paper ball in my hands, my heartbeat losing its consistent pace. I take a deep breath of air before slowly opening the paper into its now wrinkled form. I read over the scrambled handwriting once again and start backing out of the driveway.

I park my car and stare out into the distance, remembering what had once been one of my favorite places, and is now one of the least. The thick inconsistent rows of green are slightly browned and aged, showing the time I've missed. I get out of my car and shut it with unmeaningful force, looking up at all the wilting trees. 

・・・

15 years old

"Come and find me you loser," Eleanor chuckled over the phone, making sure to whisper as Anthony stood outside the small 'forest' they happened to stumble upon during their meaningless walk to nowhere.

"Trust me, it's gonna be-" Anthony said, dropping the phone in the process. Eleanor immediately becomes worried, oblivious to what happened on Anthony's side.

"Andy?" She whispered, letting out a forced breath, "Andy you better not be playing with me," she sighed, checking to make sure she was still on the phone with him. A few seconds later she heard footsteps and a muffled voice, "Andy?" She asked once again, only hearing breathing on the other end. She looked around her to see nothing but the forest she'd been hiding in for about 10 minutes now, sitting behind a large rock. She let out a shaky breath before bringing the phone back to her ear, "Anthony this isn't-"

"Boo!" Anthony screamed from behind Eleanor as he sat on the large rock, a scream that's audible from around the world coming from Eleanor as she lost her breath. 

"Andy that's not funny!" She scolded him, crossing her arms as Anthony mocked her, a sly smile emerging from his lips. 

"Sweet spot by the way," Anthony spoke up, looking around at the spot, "this should be our hang out place," he suggested, which Eleanor just chuckled.

"Yeah, Andy... a rock," she continued, standing up and sitting on the rock with him. He then jumped off, a frown being placed on Eleanor's mouth.

"I'm being serious, this is gonna be our spot from now on,"  he declared as he grabbed the pocket knife from his pants.

"What the hell Andy," Eleanor gasped in shock, staring at him wide-eyed.

"I only brought it for protection don't worry," he shrugged her off, then clicked it open. Before Eleanor was able to speak up he went up to the nearest tree, beginning to carve into the bottom.

"What are you-"

"Ta-daaaa," Anthony said as he motioned towards the newly engraved tree. Eleanor got up from her spot and walked towards Anthony, seeing what he had written.

・・・

"Andy & Elle's Spot," I mumble to myself, running my hand over what was left of the engravement, seeing that it is much higher than before.

"Come... sit," Anthony speaks up, making me turn around as he pats the rock.

"How did you know when I'd come?" I ask sitting down, which he shrugged.

"I had a feeling," he gave a saddened smile, turning it into a solemn stare, "what happened?"

"Nothing."

"If it were nothing you wouldn't have shown up."

"He found out about the medicine" I sigh, not even trying to hide it. He gives a small chuckle which I just glare at him.

"And how'd he react?"

I shrug, twiddling my thumbs, "He got upset, especially when he found out you knew and what happened, especially considering-"

"Why'd you take it?" He asks although we both know that he has the answer.

"You know why," I mutter, ignoring his gaze.

"You're right, I do know why. But tell me," he demands, which I just look up at him disbelief.

"If you already know then why are you asking?"

"I dunno,"  he shrugs, which I just roll my eyes.

"I'm guessing you've been wondering where I've been," he changes the subject, which I just ignore and continue the conversation.

"That's a way to put it."

"Anyways, I went to New York to live with my uncle for a while, then honestly the only reason why I came back is that I heard you were gone," he says as if it were an everyday conversation, seeming to look somewhere in the distance.

"So you just left without a trace," I say more aloud than as a question, which he nods. "And you didn't even mind telling me, or letting your parents tell me," my voice getting angrier, which he just nods as well. I continue to look at him before completely turning my head towards him, "you know Anthony it really seems like you don't care." I pause, taking a deep breath, "see the difference between you and Jewel is that he actually cared when I told him," I scoff, which he just remains unfazed. There's a moment of silence before I just mutter, "okay."

"So you're back to calling him Jewel now?" he asks, which I snap.

"What the actual fuck is your problem Anthony? I came here because I cared... because I wanted to know where my best friend- or at least who I thought was- went and all I get is this bullshit? You made me go back on pills I hadn't been on in almost years, and you don't even twitch. I come here after a falling out with someone I'm supposed to love, and you don't even ask if I'm okay."

"But you don't love him," he states, looking to me.

"I- I don't know Anthony! And when you do all this it doesn't make it any better," I yell, my arms falling to my sides. I end up getting up at some point, standing and turning away from him and I run my hands through my hair in anger.

"So I'm the one making you rethink if you actually love Jullian," he says, looking away again.

"No- I don't- what the hell are you looking at?!"

"I always liked how my name would come first," Anthony says, staring at the engraved tree, "Andy and Elle, simple."

"Are you actually kidding me," I sigh, throwing my hands in the air from frustration.

"I still remember when it was just the two of us... before any of this happened," he thinks out loud, not speaking to anyone in particular. "That damn number," he chuckles, looking at me again, "you couldn't just type in a damn number," he gives a small meaningless smile, looking back.

"So all of this is my fault?" I scoff in disbelief, pacing from one tree to another.

"That's not what I said-"

"But that's what you mean right? It's all Eleanor's fault, blame it all on Eleanor. God Anthony, what happened to you? You try to get me to tell you that I love you but you obviously don't even feel relatively close to the same way." I yell, going on a tangent. He immediately stands up, marching over to me, stopping a mere few inches away from me.

"Don't you ever say that again," he points to me as I'm suddenly unable to speak from the proximity between the two of us. "All you've heard is what Jullian's said... you don't know a single thing about how I feel Eleanor," he says before starting to walk in the opposite direction.

"So that's it, you're just going to walk away again," I say as I grab his wrist, my words stopping him before my hand does. There's a moment of silence before he turns around and looks at me. His breathing gets heavy as he just stares at me, thinking of something. I go to speak but before I know it his hands are placed on my cheeks, his mouth immediately locking onto mine as if desperate he'd lose me at any second.

He backs up a few inches and lets go, staring at me as if in disbelief of his own actions, "I-I'm sorry I just-"

Before he can manage to finish I pull him towards me again, the same fear of abandonment taking over me as well. I too was surprised by my sudden actions, my body moving before my brain could catch up with what it was doing.

The fluttering in my stomach seems to rise, something I haven't truly felt before. My heart races as I can feel Anthony's pounding through his pulse as his hands rest on my cheeks. The moment feels like it lasts for a long time, but happens to last only a few seconds. I let out a deep breath and look up at Anthony, who is looking at me as well.

"Eleanor, I've loved you since the day we met. I wanted- I want the best for you... and when we became older and Jullian grew closer to you, I couldn't take it. I wasn't able to take seeing the girl I fell in love with being taken away by someone else. I had to do it- I know that doesn't justify my actions by any means, but I couldn't help myself. I was selfish, I just wanted you to myself without him as a distraction... but look at us now." He chuckles, a small smile forming, "I've been wanting to tell you the truth but I was afraid of what was going to happen... I wanted to explain the mistake I made but it was too late."

"Anthony-"

"I'm sorry... I know that won't make up for all the damage I've done but I just need you to know how much you really mean to me. I can't lose you again. I know I'm the one that ran away but I thought I'd be able to take the separation, I thought it was better for the both of us. Then when I saw you... everything came back. I want you forever Eleanor, and I know that's saying a lot but even if I have to watch you fall in love with someone else I can deal with it now... I just can't be away from you again," he sighs as he wipes the tear that falls down my cheek when I look down. "okay?"

"I- what am I supposed to say to that-," I take a deep breath, looking back up at him, which the smile remains plastered on his face.

"It's okay, I don't need you to say anything right now.. or at all," he says, taking me by the hands, "I also may or may not have told my parents you'd come over to visit so... we should do that now."

"oh, okay," I laugh, following him away from the spot...

our spot.

Author's Note: 

I'm sorry but I HAD TO DO THIS TO Y'ALL...

it was too perfect...

c'mon.

admit it...

'twas very coot.

anywho, what'd you all think? Do you think Elthony will spring about, or will Julle return after their fallout at his parent's house?

Honestly, the next chapter might be the last (in the future) and I might just make this a semi-short story... thoughts?

If you don't want that to happen I'm gonna need some ideas on how to continue it becauseeee I kinda know how I want it to end but I'm not so sure yet.

But until then, love you lots! x

・originally published on January 30, 2018・updated on July 27, 2019・