My knees began to feel weak being in his presence, almost as if I was about to pass out from being this close to him. Even with plenty of room around us, standing here with him feels like I'm stuck, unable to escape.

or maybe I don't want to.

It went silence once I said his name, our eyes stayed glued on each other for what essentially felt like an eternity.

"I told you, we need to talk," he said, his words airy as he spoke them, almost scared someone could hear them.

I let out a small chuckle at his desperation, "I told you there's-" I began to speak but his hand went over my lips, cutting me off. He used his other hand to gently close the locker room door behind me, causing me to let out a small gasp at the sudden motion.

"Just- listen." He whispered, I remained silent, waiting for him to speak again as he moved his hand slowly from my lips, "I just want to tell you I'm sorry-"

"After three years? It's too late to say sorry, Jullian. You can't say you're sorry and expect me to accept it," I say as I avert my eyes from him, looking at the ground.

"Look, you don't understand what happened-"

"You're right Jullian, I don't. I don't understand how after over almost 15 years of being best friends you just decided to leave and treat me like I was less than the dirt under your shoes. If you said sorry 3 years ago I probably would've forgiven you, but now?" I pause, taking a deep breath and placing my hand on the doorknob, "I want nothing to do with you."

"But I thought... you still love me," he said quietly, we both go silent for a second, tears starting to brim my eyes.

"I did Jullian... I really did. But you changed, you left, you hurt me for your own good. That message was an accident, you should know damn well it was one too," I said as I watched the hurt fill his eyes, looking vulnerable as ever.

"Norie please-"

"Never call me that again," I said, holding back the sob resting in the back of my throat, "I should go," I mumble, walking out the door, leaving him in his broken state, alone just as he'd left me.

・three years old・

"Mommy I want to meet the new neighbors!" Little Eleanor yelled to her mom, her face filled with excitement to meet the new boy next door. She was so happy to have another new friend alongside Anthony, the boy down the road.

"Okay, Eleanor. Do you want to hand them their home welcoming cookies?" Her mom asked and smiled at her daughter's excitement. Eleanor nodded frantically, reaching for the container on the kitchen counter as her mom went to hand them to her.

"Yes! I promise I won't eat them this time," she smiled, her dimples on full display, her mother chuckling at her daughters excitement as they exited the door, walking to the next house over.

Little Eleanor rang the doorbell, hearing a little boy's voice on the other side alongside another female. The door opened to show little Jullian with his mother, both smiling at the appearance of their guest. They invited them in, the adults going to the living room and the children into Julian's room, with the cookies... duh.

"What's your name?" Little Jullian asked, nibbling on a chocolate cookie from the container, them being his favorite.

"I'm Eleanor. My mommy, daddy, and Andy call my Elle, you can too," she said with a full smile, her tongue peeking through the gap where she had lost her teeth the day before.

"Who's Andy?" Jullian asked, curiosity filling his eyes at the new name.

"He's my best friend, he lives down the street." Eleanor said, grabbing a cookie to munch on as well.

"Can I be your best friend too?"

"Well I need to know your name first silly," Eleanor giggled, Jullian's cheeks turning a light pink of his slight embarrassment.

"I'm Jullian, I don't really have any short names," he smiled, the chocolate giving a slight tint to his teeth.

"Can I call you Jewel? I wanna give you a special name since I'm your best friend neighbor now?" Eleanor smiled, Jullian nodding, excited about his new best friend.

"Can I call you Ele- Norie! Can I call you that?" Jullian asked, Eleanor quickly nodding, excited about the new name.

"I like Norie! It can be your special name for me, we have special names for each other!"

"We're gonna be best friends- forever."

・summer, twelve years later・

"Jewel I don't want you to move, you're leaving me," Eleanor sighed, hugging her best friend as she holds back the tears brimming in her eyes.

"I don't want to leave either Norie, but at least we'll be going to the same high school," Jullian smiled, pulling back from their hug.

"Yeah, just promise you won't ditch me, okay?" She sadly laughed, Jillian nodding.

"I would never."

"Promise?"

"Promise."

You promised, remember Jullian?

・three months later: first day of highschool・

"High school here we go!" Eleanor cheers, walking in with her new friend, Jamie. As they walk into the cafeteria Jamie spots a few of her closer friends as Eleanor does as well.

They split to talk with their groups.

Eleanor sees Jewel with some older boys and walks over to him with a big smile on her face, ready to reunite with her best friend after what feels like forever. "Hey Jewel!" She says, getting everyone's attention.

The boys laugh, Jullian becomes wide-eyed, as if scared of her arrival.

"Uh, hi Eleanor," he mumbles, turning back to the guys.

This hurt Eleanor.
He's never called her by her full name.
Not even once.
Not until now.

"Jewel what's wrong?" Eleanor says, touching his shoulder. He turns back around and the others watch, they look to him with expectant looks, he looks nervous.

"Please don't call me that anymore, my name is Jullian."

"But I always call you-"

"I said my name is Jullian. Only Jullian, just leave, please." He says in quietly as he avoids eye contact, the others grin, "I don't want... to talk to you, anymore- okay?"

"Yeah get lost, freak." One says, making Eleanor's eyes brim with tears. She looks to Jullian expectantly, but he remains quiet.

"Jewel?" She mumbles, he looks back at her with sorrowful eyes.

"I'm sorry just, please leave me alone, okay?" he says quietly. She nods, walking away, out of the cafeteria, out of the school. Who needed to attend the first day anyways?

That was the last time they spoke.

Once she got home that day all she did was talk to Anthony, strengthening their bond, making them closer than ever. He also skipped that day, for her. He listened, he waited... he cared.

・・・

"Hey, are you okay?" Anthony says, pulling me out of my thoughts. I look to him, then to where I am. In front of me is the field as I sit on the bleachers, Anthony sitting in front of me.

"Uh yeah, sorry," I mutter, rubbing my eyes.

"You've been sitting here for the past 10 minutes just staring at nothing with a blank face, are you sure?" He asks although I'm sure he already knows I'm lying.

"Jullian tried saying sorry, he decided to say sorry merely because my text," I sigh, shaking my head, "it's unbelievable. He's so stupid. He promised me Andy, he promised he wouldn't leave me, that he'd stick with me... and then when he thinks I still care about him he wants to try and say sorry after 3 years?"

A glimpse of guilt seems evident in his eyes before he blinks it away, filling it with sorrow, "But you do still care, don't you..." he mumbles, more of a statement than a question.

"I- he doesn't know how I feel and he won't know how I feel because it doesn't matter. He and I aren't friends so even if I did care it wouldn't matter because he's not going to know and you won't tell him, right?"

"I would never," he smiles, "now I have to go change for practice, see you later."

"Bye Andy," I say before he goes down the bleachers, back into the school. I look around to see people leaving, heading towards their cars. I look to my phone and see that it's 2:38, school's already been out 8 minutes, I hadn't even realize the bell had rung.

・author's note・

I'm keeping the text down below because your comments boost my fragile ego xx

I'm still unsure about how I feel about this chapter...

anyways, drama timeee oooo yayyy the reason why people read the books wooo

side note: Jullian's nickname Jewel was made BEFORE the Juul so, yeah. Okay, they were created in the same year but still. (Maybe I should sue juul for taking jewel hmmm money)

I'm getting off topic again, okay bye :)

・originally published on June 20, 2017・updated June 24, 2019・