Yay, finally, i've been wanting to do this again for a while-
anyways..

Before we get into the quotes I just wanna say I won't be able to make art recently due to lack of storage in my device, therefore I might rarely post any art in this book.. although, I'm trying to figure out how to fix my lack of storage by deleting unnecessary and unwanted content in my gadget so far. Also, headcanon requests are now in store! If you have any headcanon requests you can always tell me through comments or Private Wattpad/PW Messages. Anyways.. let's get into this!

Ships that might be included:
PlayVet (Ever since you came and saw my profile and book, you already know this would happen.)
PlayCap (I mean- one word, yes.)
CapStone (My first ever ship to exist *+)
GentleCheese (MAH 3RD OTP-)
EggCheese (Look, I'm secretly a TomTord shipper okay?- a little. DONT ATTACK ME GUYS I SWEAR-)
GnomeGineer (EEP- THIS CUTE COUPLE-)
BroNja (Hah, A rapper with a random assassin is always a power couple.)

Let's Go!

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Player: I slept for almost 12 hours but I might still be tired so lets go for 12 more just incase.
Mr. Cheese: Player, that's a coma.
Player: Sounds festive.

Ninja: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail
Bro: No it's my fault, I shouldn't've used my one phone call to prank call the police.

Captain: What is your biggest weakness?
Player: I can be uncooperative.
Captain: Okay, can you give me an example?
Player: No.

Mr. Egg: I made tea.
Mr. Cheese: I don't want tea.
Mr. Egg: I did not make tea for you. This is my tea.
Mr. Cheese: Then why are you telling me?
Mr. Egg: It is a conversation starter.
Mr. Cheese: That's a lousy conversation starter.
Mr. Egg: Oh, is it? We are conversing. Checkmate.
Mr. Cheese:

Veteran: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.
Player: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Veteran: If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that'd be a neat noise!
Player: I beg to differ-
Veteran: Then Beg.

TheGentleMan: How many kids do you have?
Mr. Cheese, not getting enough sleep: Biologically, emotionally, or legally?
TheGentleMan:

Player: You know, not every problem can be solved with a sword.
Captain: That's why I carry two swords.

Player: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Veteran: *chugs entire bottle*
Veteran: It's perfume.
Player:

Stoner: How much did you spend on this date?
Captain: $1400. But all of it's on credit cards, so it's like $5 a month for the next 2,000 years.

Player: Can I have 2 straws with that milkshake?
Captain: Aww-
Player: With 2 straws, I can drink it double as fast!
Captain:

Player: I love you.
Veteran, not paying attention: What was that?
Player: I said I'm selling you to the zOo-

Engineer: *seductively takes off glasses*
Engineer: Wow...
Gnome: *blushes* Haha... what?
Engineer: You're really fucking blurry.

Player: You're not jealous, are you?
Captain: No!
Player: Good, 'cause I consider my fake relationship with you a lot more meaningful.

Mr. Cheese: Just a minute! I need to go take out the trash.
Mr. Egg: Oh, We're going out?
Mr. Cheese:
Mr. Cheese: Babe.. you alright?..

Mr. Cheese: We have a problem!-
Player, carrying a drunk Veteran: No, YOU have a problem. I have an idiot who keeps making them.

Gnome: Smart is attractive. Educate me on something I don't know!
Engineer: The mouth of a jellyfish is also an anus.
Gnome: Stop-

Mr. Egg, talking to Mr. Cheese: Pros and cons of dating me.
Mr. Egg: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Mr. Egg: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-

Player: Listen, we're done, we're over! Okay?
Noob: Whatever bitch, you ain't never gonna find no one like me.
Player: Yeah, that's the point shithead!

Player: So... what would you do if you were in bed with me?
Veteran: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?
Player: Yes.
Veteran: I'd sleep.

Mr. Cheese: Are we fighting or flirting?
TheGentleMan: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Mr. Cheese: Your point?

Player: I've been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Veteran: Wow. They sound stupid.
Player: But they're not. They're really smart actually. Just dense.
Veteran: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don't know... "Hey! I love you!"
Player: I guess you're right. Hey Veteran, I love you.
Veteran: See! Just say that!
Player: Holy fucking shit.
Veteran: If that flies over their head then, sorry Player, but they're too dumb for you.
Player: V E T E R A N .

Mr. Cheese: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I'm not proud of it.
TheGentleMan: You're kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations.

Captain: Did it hurt when you fell-
Stoner: From heaven? Wow, I didn't think you were such a flirt-
Captain: No, I meant when you fell down the stairs.
Stoner:
Captain: You just laid there for 15 minutes..

Captain: Did you know you remind me of all 26 letters of the alphabet?
Player: What? Like J F K W S Q X-
Captain: No, like, U R A Q T.
Player: Awwww!
Veteran: Ew..

TheGentleMan: I owe you one.
Mr. Cheese: That's ok. You can just date me and we'll call it even.

Captain: Stoner, have you seen Player?-
Stoner: Captain, for the last time.. If you cheat on me, pray to god Player still exists in the afterlife.
Captain:

Veteran: *accuses Player of being the impostor*
Everyone: THAT'S NOT VETERAN..

Veteran, admiring Player in his sleep: You're so cute.
Player, sleepily: I could beat your ass.
Veteran, lovingly: I know.

Player: I think it's time I get my life in order.
Captain, narrating: But they did not get their life in order. In fact, they got drunk last night and flirted with Veteran for half the night as Veteran just wanted to sleep.

Mr. Cheese: If we lose, you're out of the will.
Mr. Egg: I was in the will?

Captain, Veteran and Player: *In a zombie apocalypse again*
Captain: PLAYER, IF I DON'T MAKE IT, PLEASE GIVE MY NEW NOVELTY TOY COLLECTION TO VETERAN!
Veteran: AND PLAYER, IF I DON'T MAKE IT EITHER PLEASE burn my new novelty toy collection.
(Heh, Eddsworld anyone?)

Bro: What the fuck? People actually tell their crushes they like them??
Ninja: What the hell do you do?
Bro: I die? What kinda question...

Captain: When was the last time you cried?
Stoner: Uh 15 minutes ago, why??
Captain: Really? That recent?
Stoner, smoking weed: Yeah *voice crack* is that a issue? *starts crying again*

Player: Veteran, you're my best friend.
Veteran: Best friend? BEST friend?! Bitch, I'm your only friend.

Player: I'm bored, any suggestions?
Mr. Egg: Sleeping is nice.
Player: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I'm deciding to ignore it.

Player, at Veteran's funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone: Of course. *They leave*
Player, leaning over Veteran′s coffin: Listen Veteran, I know you're not dead.
Veteran:  Yeah, no shit.

Mr. Cheese: Are you having another depressive episode?
Mr. Egg: A depressive episode?
Mr. Egg: Haha,  I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.
Mr. Cheese:

Captain: How stupid do you think I am?!
Player: You really want an honest answer to that?

Captain: Do you want to play 20 Questions?
Stoner: Sure!
Captain: Whats your favorite color?
Stoner, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?
Captain:

TheGentleMan: Are you mad?
Mr. Cheese: No.
TheGentleMan: So sharpening your knives at 3 in the morning is just a hobby?..

Player: Caffeine no longer keeps me awake while I work, so instead I have Veteran periodically send me texts saying 'we need to talk.'
Player: It gives me the right amount of adrenaline and fear I need to keep going.

Computer: Please enter a password.
Mr. Egg: *types in Mr. Cheese*
Computer: Your password is too weak.
Mr. Egg, about to slam the table: How fucking DARE YOU-

Veteran: *pulls back the curtain while Player is showering*
Veteran: Hey did we - stop screaming it's me - did we run out of Cheerios?

Veteran: I know this isn't going to end well and I don't care. So don't you try and stop me, Captain!
Captain: I wasn't stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

TheGentleMan: Oh dear, the power went out.
Mr. Cheese: Don't worry, I got this.
Mr. Cheese: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*
TheGentleMan: What-?
Mr. Cheese: I swallowed a glow stick!
TheGentleMan, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

Mr. Cheese: Mr. Egg, I beg of you. Please, PLEASE go to the doctor.
Mr. Egg: Hey, I'm sorry. Is this OUR stab wound?

Player: I think I need a hug...
Veteran: Good thing I'm hug shaped!
*45 minutes later*
Player: You... you can let go now.
Veteran: No, absolutely not.

Captain: That's not funny.
Stoner: I thought it was funny.
Captain: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

(Veteran and Mr. Cheese being imposters)

Mr. Cheese: *Planning to kill*
Mr. Cheese: Veteran, remember, distract Player so I can kill properly okay?
Veteran: *Flirts with Player*
Mr. Cheese: I said distract him not to try and get his phone number.

Gnome: That's greatly offensive to my people.
Dum: College dropouts?

TheGentleMan: I can't tell if you're a genius or just incredibly arrogant.
Mr. Cheese: Well, on a good day, I'm both.

Mr. Cheese: Alright, listen up you little shits.
Mr. Cheese: Not you Mr. Egg. You're an angel and we're thrilled you're here.

Veteran: Player, can you help me? All of my clothes keep disappearing for some reason.
Player, wearing a yellow hoodie that's 5 times bigger than their size: Mhm that's real spooky.

Player: I made this friendship bracelet for you.
Veteran: You know, I'm not really a jewelry person.
Player: You don't have to wear it...
Veteran: No, I'm gonna wear it forever. Back off.

Veteran: Ugh, there's always that weak bitch in the group who isn't into with murder.
Veteran: *glares at Captain*
Captain: Well, sorry I have morals!

Mr. Egg: Pick a card, any card.
Mr. Cheese: Fine.
Mr. Egg: Wait, that's my credit card!
Mr. Cheese: You said any card.

Engineer, holding a knife: You know your talking a lot of shit for someone who has 2 perfectly good eyeballs each cost about $16,000 on the blackmarket.
Dum:

Captain: Stoner, is that my mug you're drinking out of?
Stoner: No, it's mine.
Captain: It... looks just like the one I have...
Stoner: You don't have one like this anymore.

Ninja: I never tell people off the bat that I'm gay. I wait. I wait until they say some homophobic shit and then I laugh and am like "you know I'm gay right?" and watch the look of terror on their face.
Bro:
Bro: I like you.

Veteran: Captain, my old friend!
Captain: I think you tried to kill me at some point.
Veteran, nervously: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you.. haha..

Mr. Cheese: When I was your age-
TheGentleMan, mocking Mr. Cheese: When I was your height.
Mr. Cheese:
Mr. Cheese: Listen here you little shit-

Mr. Egg, sniffling: Calm down, I'm probably not sick. It might just be allergies.
Mr. Cheese: Okay, tell me this: are you like, really tired?
Mr. Egg: I have depression, what do you think?

Veteran: You are an absolute fucking dork.
Player, adorably: Yeah, but I'm your dork!
Veteran: *sighs* Yeah, you're my dork.

Captain, trying to get cookies at 3AM: I'm not so sure you're stakeout material.
Veteran, carrying Player as he also wants cookies but is asleep: I'm a chronic insomniac, I was born for this.

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Amazing am I right? Anyways.. hope you enjoyed the chaos- I did!

•2034 words

- Raven