Aight none of these are mine because I figured out I can't come up with good ones so these are all from the internet! Also I will make this longer because I love y'all so much UwU! Consider it a big thank you for being here and reading!

Gnome: the food's so hot

Engineer: you're hot too but I still eat you, babe

Gnome: *blushes*

Engineer: *winks*

Bro: I just want one dinner. ONLY ONE DINNER!

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Player: what time is it?

Veteran: I dunno, hand me the saxophone*

Player: *hands Veteran the saxophone*

Veteran: *starts playing the saxophone*

TheGentleman from his room: who the F*CK IS PLAYING SAXOPHONE AT 2 AM IN THE MORNING?!

Veteran: *stops playing* its 2 am

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Bro: I'm gay and I'm confused

Stoner: about your sexuality?

Bro: no, I'm gay and I don't know what's going on

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MrCheese: why can't T-rexes clap?

Player: because their arms are too sh-

Bro: because they're all dead

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Mother: *hears a bang*

Mother: *grabs Timmy and Franklyn* GRAB THE SMALL ONES! THEIR TINY LEGS ARE USELESS AND EXHAUSTED EASILY!

Player: *looks at MrCheese*

MrCheese: don't you f*cking dare

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Captain: *looks at Player* *dials 911* hello, I'd like to report a robbery ... the victim? My heart

Player: *blushes*

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MrEgg: are you sure I can't punch MrCheese in the face?

TheGentleman: yes

MrEgg: what if I only broke his nose a little bit?

TheGentleman: still no

MrCheese: *shrugs*

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Monster: hey, Not Orange, you're single, I'm single...

Not Orange: you know what that means!

Monster: yes!

Not Orange: we're ugly af

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TheGentleman: MrCheese, your existence is confusing

MrCheese: why?

TheGentleman: your presence is annoying, but the thought of something bad happening to you upsets me

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Mother: MrCheese, what did I say about comparing Blue to the devil?

MrCheese: that it's offensive to the devil

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Stoner, whispering to Captain: Captain has no idea I'm high 

Captain: are you high?

Stoner: oh sorry

Stoner, whispering to Poopyfarts96: Captain has no idea I'm high

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Player/Veteran/Captain/Dum: *playing cards*

Captain: *shows card* 8 of hearts! 

Dum: *throws Uno card* card +4 colors!

Veteran: *shows a Pokémon card* Pikachu, I choose you!

Player: WHAT THE F*CK ARE WE PLAYING?

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MrCheese: do you like my outfit?

TheGentleman: not as much as I'd like what's underneath

MrCheese, with a gasp, blushing: Gentleman~

TheGentleman: no, seriously, I need your chair, please get up

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TheGentleman: I like the strong and silent type

MrCheese: *silently lifts chairs*

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Mother: is it really necessary to curse in front of the children and innocent ones?

Bro: then what should I say instead of bull-

Mother: shhh say shake instead

Bro: this is such shakesh*t

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Captain: hello, my fellow friendos and cuties, I gathered y'all here because-

Bro: just explain the f*cking mission already

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Bro: *looking through his huge closet* what should I change into?

Player: a better person

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Player: *sneezes*

Captain: ...

Player: you're not even going to say "bless you"?

Captain: I'm sitting here with you. You've clearly been blessed

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Player: FOUR MONTHS!

Dum: what is he talking about?

Veteran: c'mon Player, that was funny af

Player: FOUR MONTHS YOU'VE BEEN WATCHING ME WATER A FAKE PLANT!

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YTCat123: hey, I saw a video where someone's pupils started dilating when they saw someone they like

Shadow: oh that's cool

Shadow: I always get a b*ner when I see you

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TheGentleman: why would you give a knife to a child?

MrCheese: I felt unsafe, ok?!

TheGentleman: Well now I feel unsafe!

Stoner: oh I'm sorry

Stoner: would you like a knife?

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MrCheese: Gentleman can I have another cookie?

TheGentleman: what did Mother say?

MrCheese: no

TheGentleman: then why would I say yes?

MrCheese: because she's not the boss of you

TheGentleman: ...

TheGentleman internally: it's a trap its a trap it's a trap it's...

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Veteran: dude, why is Bro crying?

Player: he did one of those "which AUL character are you?" quizzes

Veteran: oh my god who did he get?

Player: me...

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Player: are you flirting with me?

Captain: have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing!

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Player: I'm still trying to figure out why you're still friends with me

Captain: because you're sweet and funny 

Player: well Veteran said I'm stupid and a loser, so one of you f*ckers is lying 

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MrCheese: I have an idea!

TheGentleman: it cant contain murder

MrCheese: I no longer have an idea 

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Stoner: nice pants Captain-dude

Captain: thanks, they were 50% off

Stoner: I'd like them 100% off

Captain: a store can't sell things for free

Stoner: that's not what I-

Captain: that seems like a terrible way to run a business to me

Stoner: ... 

Stoner internally: never mind you're too innocent

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MrCheese: hey I wasn't that drunk last night!

MrEgg: MrCheese, you were literally flirting with TheGentleman

MrCheese: so what? He's my boyfriend

MrEgg: you asked him if he was single... and cried when he said he wasn't 

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Player: since when is babysitting Captain my jo-

Player: oh wait, oh my god that's actually my job

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Furry: I wanna do something stupid

Stoner: I'm stupid, do me

Furry: *blushes and chokes* *starts to nosebleed as well*

Stoner: did I just say that out loud?

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MrCheese: I'm perfectly healthy and fine

TheGentleman: this morning you thought a ghost made your bread

MrCheese: NEITHER OF US PUT THE BREAD IN!

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Player: I have feelings for you

Monster: really?

Player: yes, and I feel you're really annoying

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Gnome: all the words ending on "ie" are so cute! Like sweetie, cutie, cookie...

Bro: die

Gnome: NO!

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Player: that sounds like a terrible plan

Veteran: oh man, we've had worse

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Captain: how come none of you guys heard what I just said?

Stoner: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hour

MrCheese: I got distracted halfway through

Bro: ignoring you was a conscious decision 

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Bro: it's really muggy outside

Ninja: (in Japanese) if I go outside and I see all the mugs laying in our front lawn I'm gonna slice you in half

Bro: *sips coffee from a bowl*

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*at Veteran's funeral*

Player: can I have a moment alone with him?

Player, whispering to Veteran: look, dude, I know you're not actually dead

Veteran: yeah NO SH*T!

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Told ya guys it'd be long! 902 words! Welp hope y'all enjoyed lmao