Captain: I married my wife. I love saying "my wife" it sounds so adult

Captain: "that's my wife!" Its great. You sound like a person

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MrCheese: look, let's just agree on saying "I'm sorry" at the count of three

MrCheese: 1, 2, 3!

MrCheese/MrEgg: 

MrCheese: see, now I'm just disappointed in the both of us

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MrCheese: surgery is just stabbing someone to life

Player: ... please never become a surgeon

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Dum: *signs a legal document with a glitter gel pen*

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Bro: *accidentally hits Ninja in the face*

Bro: *trying to decide between saying "I'm f*cking sorry" and "are you ok?"

Bro: ARE YOU F*CKING SORRY?

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Stoner: if you tear more holes in a net, it ends up having fewer

Bro: STOP!

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Player: I like your shirt!

Veteran: thanks *remembers people like bad boys* I stole it *remembers people also like nice guys* from an old man I was helping walk cross the street

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Player: you read my diary?!

Captain: at first, I didn't know it was your diary, I thought it was a sad handwritten book

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Veteran, bad at flirting: I like your name

Player, equally as bad: thanks, I got it from my birthday 

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Gnome: *kicks "G" off Graveyard sign*

Gnome: lets get this party started!

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Veteran: welcome to my first vlog in which I will try different hair products!

Veteran: *sprays hairspray into his mouth* 

Veteran: well, right off the bat I can tell you that this one is not very good

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Bro: I failed my safety training course today 

MrCheese: why? What happened?

Bro: well, one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

MrCheese: and?

Bro: well apparently "F*CKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer

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*Everyone is playing a board game together*

Dum: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'

Gnome: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'

MrCheese: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'

Engineer: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATIGRAPHIC'

TheGentleman: *flips the board*

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Player: I am going to sleep early tonight

Narrator: but he didn't sleep early. He just played games, sent flirty texts and such to Veteran, cried over how his friends love him although he is a loser and ended up sitting in the cafeteria at 3 am, eating pizza while crying

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Gnome: dumbest scar stories, go!

TheGentleman: I burned my tongue once drinking tea

Dum: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and it burned

Veteran: I have a piece of graphite in my leg because I stabbed myself with a pencil in first grade

Angel: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it in my hand and got a really bad burn

Player: I have emotional scars...

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Bro: where are my f*cking keys?

Mother: Bro, the kids are around! Can you say it a little nicer?

Bro: may I ascertain the whereabouts of my F*CKING KEYS?

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MrEgg: *tapping fingers on a table* 

MrCheese: *tapping back furiously* 

Player: ... what's going on?

Veteran: Morse code, they're talking 

MrEgg: -.-- ..- .-. / - .... . / -.-. ..- - . ... -

MrCheese: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

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Angel, standing on the balcony: *sneezes*

Stoner, standing on the roof: bless you!

Angel: God?!

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Player: *sees someone doing something stupid*

Player: what an idiot

Player: *realizes it's Veteran*

Player: oh that's MY idiot!

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Player: someone's breaking in! Call the cops!

Veteran: *loads shotgun* I got this

Player: last time you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-

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Player: dang it, the printer broke while printing Captain's birthday invitations!

Veteran:  well, what are they supposed to say?

Player: "Captain's birthday"

Veteran: so, what do they say instead?

Player: "Captain's bi"

Veteran: 

Veteran: works either way

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TheGentleman: I lost MrCheese

Ria: how did you LOSE MrCheese?

TheGentleman: to be fair, he is very small

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Veteran: what does IDK, ILY and TTYL mean? 

Player: I don't know, I love you, talk to you later

Veteran: alright, I love you too, I will ask Captain

Player: wait- Veteran, no-

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Angel: sometimes I like to place my hands on someone's cheeks, look into their eyes...

Angel: ...and violently jerk their head until it snaps!

Dum: ... that took an unexpected turn...

Gnome: so did their neck

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Before MrCheese and MrEgg became friends:

Veteran: would you slap MrEgg-

MrCheese: yes

Veteran: you didn't let me finish

MrCheese: sorry, continue

Veteran: would you slap MrEgg for 10 dollars?

MrCheese: I would do it for free

MrEgg: rude...

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MrCheese, grinning: I have a knife

TheGentleman: put it down, MrCheese!

MrCheese: make me! *sprints away*

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Captain: would you stand behind me no matter what?

Player: no

Captain, feeling a little sad by this response: would you be there after something bad happened?

Player: no

Captain, tearing up: d-do you even like me?

Player: no

Captain: *starts crying and is about to leave*

Player: *grabs Captain's arm* wait, you didn't let me finish... 

Player: I won't stand behind you, because I'll be beside you

Player: and I won't be there after something bad happened, I would be there while it's happening 

Player: and I don't like you... I love you *hugs Captain*

Captain: *cries into Player's shoulder and hugs back*

I got a bit emotional making this one...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

TheGentleman: guess what number I'm thinking of

Veteran: 420?

TheGentleman: no, that's very immature of you! Someone else guess, and please take this seriously!

MrCheese: 69

TheGentleman: yeah, it was 69

69 with MrCheese😏

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bro: hey, how does one set a lemon on fire?

Stoner: microwave for 40 minutes...

Bro: why'd you microwave a lemon?

Stoner: I read that boiling lemons help getting rid of bad smells (I tried to get rid of the scent of burnt oranges) but I didn't have any pots

Bro: you burned an orange too? How?!

Stoner: microwave for 40 minutes...

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Captain: what would you do when life gives you lemons?

Angel: make lemonade!

Bro: throw the lemons back in the air and let life deal with its own sh*t

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Potato: Angel, cam you help me? All my clothes keep disappearing for some reason

Angel, wearing a hoodie that's like twice or 3 times her size: hm, that's spooky

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Veteran: I will fight the next person that insults Player!

Player: I hate myself and I suck 

Veteran: alright, square up!

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Captain: you know, studies show that it's more dangerous to keep a ladder in your house than a loaded gun

Captain: that's why I own TEN guns

Captain: just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Captain: how would you like your coffee?

Player: just as dark and bitter as my soul...

Captain, shouting to someone behind the counter: I need one vanilla latte with extra cream and sugar!

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Yeah that's enough for now XD