Brendon woke up the next morning to someone poking his side. He swatted the hand away and rolled onto his back.

"Are you up?" Brendon opened his eyes just wide enough to see Ryan kneeing on the bed, hovering over his face. He looked almost as tired as Brendon felt. His hair was sticking out in all directions and his eyes looked like they were on the verge of closing so he could fall asleep again.

Brendon shut his eyes and took a deep breath. Before he could fall back asleep, Ryan jabbed one of his long body fingers into Brendon's side. Brendon jerked his body away and Ryan let out a small giggle.

"Wake up," Ryan whispered. Brendon could almost hear the smile on Ryan's face. A smile spread over his own face until Ryan poked him again.

"I'm up," Brendon groaned. When he didn't move, he got stabbed again. He sat up and tried rubbing away the sleep from his eyes. Ryan sat back on his butt. With a sigh, he looked over at Ryan. "I'm up." Ryan gave an innocent smile.

"Okay good. I've been trying to get you up for five minutes." Brendon mumbled an apology. After the night he had, he was more tired than usual. "We gotta get ready." Brendon frowned.

"For what?" He looked around the room and saw it was just them two. "Where's Dave?"

"Gotta go to work and Dave left like an hour ago with the other guys. I'm surprised you didn't hear him. He tripped over some clothes and nearly knocked over the dresser trying to catch himself. It was very funny." Brendon gave a small chuckle.

"Sucks I missed it. I'm just really tired. I didn't get much sleep last night."

"How come?"

"Just... thinking too much."

"About what?" Brendon's face went red. There was no way he was going to tell Ryan.

"Just things. Nothing bad."

"You sure?" Brendon nodded. Ryan stared at him for a second before nodding. "Alright. Well, we gotta get ready." Ryan climbed off the bed and went to the closet. Brendon watched him until Ryan pulled off his night shirt. Brendon felt himself blush again and quickly left to the bathroom.

It didn't take as long getting ready today because Brendon managed not to have a breakdown. He was able to help Ryan better at the clinic seeing that he knew what he was doing now more or less. Soon enough, the two had nothing to do but sit and wait for something to happen.

Brendon began bouncing his knee unconsciously. He had grabbed a wrap and was wrapping it over his wrist. He was softly humming a song his mom used to sing to him and his siblings when they were younger.

"What are you singing?" Ryan broke the silence. Brendon stopped when he realized his humming turned into gentle singing.

"Just a song my mom used to sing," he replied shyly. He never really liked singing in front of people. It made him self-conscious.

"You have a really nice voice," Ryan said after a moment of silence. Brendon felt his face heating.

"Thanks." A new silence setting over them again.

"Can you sing something else?" Brendon looked down and fidgeted with the wrap.

"I don't think I should."

"Why not?"

"I don't really sing in front of people."

"You should. You have a beautiful voice." Brendon shook his head. "Just pretend I'm a family member."

"I didn't sing in front of my family either. No one's really heard me sing."

"No one?" Ryan sounded shocked.

"Well, I... I did sing to my baby sister, Lily."

"Only her?" Brendon nodded. "Why?" Brendon shrugged, but he had an idea why. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I guess I cared about her a little more than I did the others. She was the only one who truly accepted me and she was the smallest. She trusted me the most and I wanted to protect her against everything." He peeked over at Ryan. He looked almost sad.

"I'm sorry," Ryan said softly. Brendon shook his head. The boy did nothing wrong. He had no reason to apologize.

"It's not your fault."

"It's not yours either." Brendon laughed softly to himself. "Can you tell me about her?" Brendon felt more unsure about this request than the singing. "You don't have to, but it might help. You know with remember and all." Brendon sighed and stayed staring at his hands.

"She was only eight but she was pretty smart for her age. She had long brown hair. She used to ask me to comb it for her because she couldn't always get the tangles out by herself." He laughed softly, imagining her frown whenever she would go to his room with a brush in her hand and her hair as a rat's nest.

"She would sit with her arms crossed on my bed while I brushed the knots out. Sometimes I'd keep brushing her hair for hours while she told me about her day. It was so soothing." Ryan smiled as he watched Brendon get lost in the memory.

"She loved watching Disney movies on the couch. We'd snuggled ourselves in a bunch of blankets and I would make us hot chocolate. Our other siblings were normally out with friends or something, so we spent a lot of time together. When we'd have thunder storms, she'd come knocking on my door with a stuffed animal in her arms. She would ask if she could sleep with me because she was scared. Sometimes, she wouldn't even wake me up and I would wake up with her in my arms. She always looked so small and vulnerable."

He sighed and brushed his fingers through his hair to give himself something physical to do. Ryan reached over and took Brendon's hand to give him something to hold onto. Ryan gave him a supportive smile and nodded for him to continue.

"She came to me for everything and I tried not to hide too much from her. Obviously, there were something I didn't want to tell her."

"Like what?" Brendon shrugged and looked down at their joined hands.

"When people at school found out about me, they weren't shy about showing much much they hated me. I tried my best to hide the bruises and cuts I'd get before she got home. Sometimes, she'd notice and the look on her face when she saw that her big brother was hurt was more painful than what the kids at school did to me." Ryan squeezed Brendon's hand.

"I would tell her that I was fine and I just fell. She believed me seeing that I'm pretty clumsy." Ryan nodded and let Brendon continue talking. Some time during Brendon's talking, their fingers slide together, locking in their hold.

"She was always so giggly and bright. She was the cutest little girl ever. I might be bias, but I'm pretty sure I'm right. Especially when my parents would dress her up for church. They'd sometimes put her hair up in pigtails with little bows. She always looked so adorable." Brendon sighed again.

"It's hard to think that I won't... I won't be able to see her grow up. She won't know what it's like to fall in love, get married, have her own kids." He looked at Ryan with a sad smile. "She would've been a great mom." He gave a small laugh.

"You should've seen when I brought home my first boyfriend. No one else really cared, but she was questioning him so hard. He wasn't expecting to be interrogated by my youngest sister. She tried to look scary. He humored her though and pretended to be nervous. When he left, she told that he was nice enough for me to date." Ryan chuckled softly.

"That's adorable." Brendon nodded with a smile, but Ryan could see the thin line of tears his eyes.

"She used to come up to me and talk about a new song she'd heard and wanted me to sing it for her. She loved it when I sang to her."

"I wouldn't doubt it. Just from the little I heard from you, it's a very soothing sound."

"When she was small, I'd carry her and sing her to sleep. As she got bigger, she would just cuddle against my side on my bed and ask me to sing for her when she had a bad day. She'd fall asleep. Sometimes I would take her to her room and sometimes I didn't wanna risk disturbing her peace, so I would leave her. Plus, she would get pouty when I moved her."

"She didn't want to leave you?" Brendon shook his head.

"There were many times when I would be in the worst mood and she'd some how sense it and come cheer me up. For whatever reason, that meant singing for her. I knew that'd make her happy and making her happy made me happy." Brendon wiped away a tear from the corner of his eye with his free hand.

"She'd be upset if she knew I was crying. She hated when I was sad."

"Sing for her," Ryan suggested after a pause. Brendon stared at him for a moment, mulling over the idea before nodding.

"I wish I had my guitar with me. She loved me playing the guitar while I sang."

"That's okay. I'm sure she'll love it just the same without." Brendon nodded. With a deep breath, he began singing. Ryan watched as Brendon's eyes shut as his faced forward.

The tune sounded like it should've been faster and more cheery. The way Brendon sang made it sound melancholy like the song lost its life along with his sister. Ryan didn't say anything though and let Brendon sing.

Allow me to exaggerate a memory or two
Where summer's lasted longer than
Well longer than we do
When nothing really mattered
Except for me to be with you
But in time we all forgotten
We all grew.

Your melody sounds as sweet
As the first time it was sung
With a little bit more character for show
And by the time your father's heard
Of all the wrong you've done
And I'm putting out the lantern
Find your own way back home.

Brendon leaned his head on Ryan's shoulder as he continued with the song. Ryan kissed the top of his head and murmured a soft 'it's okay' to the boy. They stayed in this position, both knowing they weren't going to move or speak long after the song was over. Neither of them were complaining though.

I've forgotten how to sing
Before I sung this song
I'll write it all across this wall
Before my job is done
And I'll even have the courtesy
Of admitting I was wrong
As the final words before I'm dead and gone.

You've never been so divine
In accepting your defeat
And I've never been more scared to be alone
If love is not enough to put my enemies to sleep
Then I'm putting out the lantern
Find your own way back home.