Title from Damned if I Do Ya (Damned If I Don't) by All Time Low

(Alex's POV)

"Alex?" Lisa sits up and looks at me. I turn to face her. "I can't do this."

"What?" My heart beats faster. Is she breaking up with me?

"It's obvious that you love Jack. Even if you don't know that. And he obviously loves you."

"Lis-"

"I cheated on you!" She blurts out. She sighs. "Before, back in Freshman year. We dated for about two months and... I don't know what happened, but suddenly I was kissing someone else. That's why we stopped talking. And I'm so sorry. I still am."

"Lisa..."

"I got my time. And it was amazing, but at the end of the day... We were never meant to be together. It's always been you and Jack," she smiles. "You are so lucky you found someone like Jack. And he's lucky he found someone like you, and you means each other happy. I'm not getting in between that," she continues.

I hug her. "I'm so sorry," I whisper.

"It's okay. Go be happy," she answers. She lets me go.

"Thank you," I say before leaving.

"Jack?" I walk into his house. I hear gentle strumming and I run to his room. I spot him strumming a soft tune.

"Wendy run away with me. I know it sounds crazy don't you see what you do to me. I wanna be your lost boy, and last chance-"

"A better reality. Yeah," I finish. He looks up a grins.

"I really need to reteach you your songs," he laughs. He hands me his guitar. I sit down next to him. He grins and moves my fingers to the correct areas.

"Try it," he says. I strum all of the strings. A nice sounding chord coming out. "It's like muscle memory,"

He grins and moves my fingers again.

I end up learning at least ten chords. I'm not a natural yet, but it's much easier to learn since apparently my fingers already know the chords. I don't know how that works.

"You're a pro," Jack compliments softly. "You're making me jealous," he snickers.

"Aww, poor Jacky," I tease. He pauses for a split second before laughing.

"Do you remember the words, Lexy?"

"Maybe... Can you sing with me?"

He nods and I start strumming softly.

"Say goodbye to the halls and the classes."

"Say hello to the jobs and the taxes."

"Wow, Lexy, I just realized how true those lyrics are," Jack comments.

"I guess so. I don't even remember writing them though."

"I have no clue where you hid the notebook, so I can't show you the songs."

"Why did I hide it?"

"You're really why about them. You refused to show them to me until I walked into you singing. And damn, you're good."

I feel my cheeks grow warm.

"Jack?" I look up. "Tomorrow I'm going to see Tom's grave. C-can you come with me?" I ask softly.

He pulls his arm around me. "Of course," he replies gently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I wrap my gray coat tighter around me. The air is cool and wet.

"Lexy?" Jack walks out of his house. I wave him over.

"Jack, are you coming with us?" My mom asks, holding a rose.

"Can I?" Jack asks politely.

"Of course you can, honey," she smiles and puts on her sunglasses.

Jack nods and hops into the car, sitting next to me.

"It's okay," he rests his hand on top of mine and rubs his thumb against my skin gently and slowly.

I nod and look out the window. It's relatively good weather today, excluding the cold air.

After about ten minutes, we stop in front of the cemetery.

I step out, and the wind hits my face, it blows my hair back. Jack comes he next to me.

"I can't do it-" I hear mom cry. I turn and see my dad holding my mom as she cries.

"It's okay, Alex. We'll meet you there. Jack, you know where it is, right?"

Jack nods and holds out his hand. I take it and we walk to my brother's grave.

"Alex," he hands me the rose. I take it and kneel down.

I trace my finger over every line in the stone. His name. The year his life started and ended.

I place the rose down. He planted roses at one point. He planted them with me.

If I ever get a tattoo, I'd want a rose on my hand, and his initials.

"I miss you," I whisper to the stone.

I can't remember his last few months. I can't remember any of it.

Tears well up in my eyes. I missed the last few months of his life.

"Alex?"

"I missed the last few months of his life," I stand up. "I can't remember any of his words. Anything," my voice goes weak.

He holds me in his arms tightly. I might have fallen down if he hadn't. I cry into his shoulder. He holds me a rubs my shoulders softly.

"You two went out for coffee after the first week of school. You got one but thought it was too bitter, so he got you a blueberry smoothie. Then while you were walking, someone shoved your shoulder on accident and the smoothie spilled all over him," Jack says softly.

I look up at him. "Really?"

"When you came back, you told me the whole story. You were so happy to be with him," he nods.

"Thank you," I whisper softly.

"Any time," he replies and presses a kiss to my forehead.

I look back at the cold stone. "I love you Tom," I say, just as my parents walk over.