Day: 970

Days Left: 4510

Lives Saved: 5

Lili, Rin, Kai, and Sumit returned back to the camp, their unsuccessful venture weighing on their minds, or rather more on Lili and Rin's as Kai and Sumit pondered on if they could have spent their time more wisely. It was an incursion that Lili knew would take several missions to succeed: to find this sector's Land of the Lost, but in the back of her mind, she heard the voices telling her to just follow Corinna's plan- to learn the location through negotiation and trade. Exploring out on their own was a risk of them being attacked, especially nearing so close to the food drop-off and with the large group that controlled it. She and her team could have easily been overpowered and kidnapped. But then again what was the likelihood of the group actually admitting the location of the Land of the Lost to them? What exactly was Corinna going to offer them in return for that knowledge? What would be worth it?

Whilst Lili was conflicted on whether they should try again tomorrow, Sumit turned to Kai and Rin and said, "oh well, better luck next time yeah?" Though he addressed this to both of them, his eyes focused more on Rin, attentively waiting for a response.

Rin did not respond, seeming to have perhaps not heard and about to head off with Lili to a meeting with Corinna.

"Yeah, we're not going to find it straight away," Kai eventually replied to fill the silence.

Sumit bit his bottom lip, then mumbled, "well until the next one, see you guys at dinner."

"See you," said Kai, smiling.

After a long pause of Sumit waiting, Rin made a small nod of the head, though her gaze never met his.

"Right..." Sumit also nodded, perhaps in defeat. "Gonna go see Oscar." Lingering for only a short while, Sumit then left and went to find Oscar who was with Ivette, preparing the food for tonight.

Once Sumit was out of ear-shot, Kai turned to Rin, his smile fading and the usual brightness in his eyes dimmed.

Rin pushed back her shoulders, prepared for another arduous long accusing rant of his about how wrongfully she treated Sumit, but instead, Kai simply said flatly, "you will regret it one day," then left to talk to Dex.

*

Lili, Rin, and Corinna gathered together and sat on one of the fallen trees that had been knocked over by the giant stag. Corinna gave her report on the gathering of water, estimating how often they would need to visit the Raining Marshes to have plenty of drinking water, as well as for food, hygiene and construction. She omitted in her report anything to do with the water nymphs she had found or there being a portal, the subject still sore, though she planned to relay that information sometime in the future.

Then, Lili and Rin gave their report, short as it was, but their missions weren't a complete waste of time as they could mark on the map the areas that they explored and find them again as Lili marked the trees with her sword.

Afterwards, the three women began to discuss the plan for tomorrow, if any of the members of the teams needed rearranging or if there were other tasks required.

Corinna hesitated, then wrote on her whiteboard that it would be best to remain at camp instead of gathering water. She did not explain the real reason why she no longer wanted to go and came up with an excuse that she had seen enough of the Raining Marshes to help with constructing filtering systems and water collectors.

Rin, after seeing the opportunity, declared that she would prefer to collect water with Dex and Calanthe instead of scouting. This did not please Lili as that left her so few candidates that actually kept quiet for the scouting team. So many of their group were the complete opposite of discreet and stealthy with how inanely talkative they were. She would miss the silence with Rin gone.

"Then Mister Calixte should come with me tomorrow," Lili sighed. "If we come across any trouble, the amphibian can put the monsters to sleep." In all honesty, Calixte was on her original team but was swapped out with Sumit who was so insistent on joining and asked Calixte to concede his spot, much to Lili's vexation.

With everyone satisfied, the three called the meeting to an end and left to tend to their own devices: Corinna her planning of construction projects; Lili her bodyguard duties to Princess Alfreda; and Rin being a social recluse and reading a book.

*

After they had finished their dinner, Sumit asked if he could speak to Oscar in private. Usually, the two of them would continue being sociable for the rest of the evening, but Sumit was currently not in the mood. The two found a spot to sit on the outskirts of the camp, safe for everyone to still see them but not to be overheard and clearly not want their conversation crashed.

"What's up?" asked Oscar, his brow frowning in concern as he noticed Sumit's rather serious tone.

Sumit leaned against a tree, sighing and staring up at the darkening sky. "I just..." his voice croaked, his lip trembling but he controlled it before it got worse. "Rin keeps on avoiding me."

"Ah..." Oscar nodded. It wasn't like it was a secret; everyone could tell. He had overheard Kai and a few others giving Rin a hard time on it yet she remained resolute on the matter. Sometimes, Oscar himself had the impulse to give her a good yelling too.

"I keep on hearing that she was my best friend before I lost my memories," Sumit continued. "But now it seems she doesn't want anything to with me."

Oscar remained silent, listening as he knew that saying 'I'm sure she has her reasons' or something along those lines of platitudes would give no aid.

"I- I don't know..." Sumit slumped his shoulders, almost collapsing onto the ground completely. "I just wanted to know more about myself. Everyone else has been really helpful, but Rin has supposed to have known me for way longer, like seven years longer. She knows me the best but I can't get even a 'hello' from her somedays."

He paused for a moment, his eyes staring off into the distance before returning to look at Oscar. "It would just be nice to know more about myself before I lost all of my memories. Maybe... maybe Rin might even know why I'm imprisoned for and how long."

"Yeah..." Oscar nodded. "I think Alfreda- Princess Alfreda has been ignoring me too. I thought Lili was also but I think that is just how she acts towards everyone."

Sumit chuckled slightly. "She was particularly frosty in that scouting mission."

"I'm supposed to be... coworkers with her," said Oscar. "I, Lili and Calanthe are all down here because we sided with Princess Alfreda against her sister." Oscar's fingers subconsciously reached for the back of his neck, gently tracing the branded word 'treason' on the skin. "It would be nice to actually to know the person that I devoted my loyalty to, to know why I went so far as to be imprisoned down here to support her."

"Has Calanthe not explained it?" asked Sumit.

Oscar shrugged. "She explained parts of it, that the queen thought Princess Alfreda was trying to steal her throne. I get why we were imprisoned... but not why I chose to stand by Princess Alfreda's side and get imprisoned, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, I get you." Sumit nodded. "We're told why we are down here but I want to know the more personal stuff." He sighed. "And I can't find out since my supposed 'best friend' is completely ignoring me."

"And my boss," Oscar joined in on the sighing.

"At least you've got Calanthe though. You've got someone to tell you stuff."

Oscar winced, hesitating. "It's weird." He paused as if trying to find the right words. "I'm told that Calanthe was my best friend when I had my memories, and yet... I sometimes wonder if I am trying to be her friend again because I want to or because I am told that was how it had always been, you know?"

"You don't want to be friends with Calanthe?"

"No, no, I like her. She's a very sweet person, I can see why anyone would want to be friends with Calanthe. However, there is a big difference between being friends and being best friends with someone." He lowered his head. "You were right about the importance of all the personal and emotional level of stuff. Without it, any friendship is just baseline. I would have to start that process all over with her to be best friends again. All of the trust and the friendship dynamic, you can't just force that, it has to happen organically."

Sumit nodded. "So, you're unsure if you can be best friends with her again?"

Oscar was silent for a moment, then eventually replied, "I'm not sure why I have to in the first place." He straightened his shoulders, sitting more upright against the tree. "Why do we have to repeat what our past selves did? Why don't we just use this as a fresh start? I'm not going to force myself to be best friends again with Calanthe." He shrugged. "But if it happens naturally, then it happens."

"You don't want to try and be yourself again?" Sumit mumbled.

"I am myself already," said Oscar. "Everyone else says that the only death in the Abyss is when your memories are destroyed and ours have been... from that fire."

Sumit shrunk away upon hearing that word, flashes of the incident appearing in his mind.

"The Oscar and Sumit from before are dead. We are new people, right, since we don't have our memories. Yet everyone keeps on telling us what is in our character." Oscar let a huff of air out of his nostrils. He turned to Sumit then in an almost intimate and hesitant whisper, "we can be whoever we want to be."

Sumit chewed on his bottom lip, glancing away as he considered. "I still want... I still want to know who I am. I want to know my past, mostly because the curiosity is gnawing at me, but I think you're right about the whole having the exact same friends and relationships as before." He rolled his eyes. "'Rin being my best friend sounds rather unbelievable from this perspective. I can't imagine being so close with her; seems like she doesn't let anyone close. And she's so quiet and... a bit boring."

"Hey, you never know until you talk to her."

"But she's on a similar level of boring as Lili." Sumit raised his eyebrows. "Come on, Oscar, you have to admit that they both have sticks up their arses."

"I- I have not known them well enough to judge-"

"Have you ever seen them do anything fun! I get that this is a prison but there are no wardens to punish us if we try to have a few laughs."

"Lili and Rin work very hard-"

"And so does Corinna and she joins in on the fun. How could I ever be friends with someone so dull and such a party-pooper." Sumit then grumbled, "not like she wants to be friends with me anyway."

Oscar paused. "If they cared about us before, then they still care about us now."

Sumit gazed down at the ground, his hands fidgeting with his clothes. "But we're not the same as before, just like you said."

"Yes, I suppose I am being a bit contradictory," replied Oscar quietly. "There's still a part of us that is the same person, that those people cared about, who were best friends with, but we can start anew." He sighed. "I don't know, I guess I am not making sense, am I? But that is just how I feel. It wasn't like our brains were completely wiped and damaged, some of it remains, so why not some of our personality and character also remain?"

"But you think that we should just ignore all of that at the same time?"

"We can't gain our memories back. They're the one thing that doens't heal in this world. We probably have most of our personality from before but not our memories."

"Doesn't the past create and define our personality though?"

"Yeah, which is why I'm saying that we are new people. Are we inherently the same person from when we are born or do our environment and interactions have more impact? I believe that it is the latter."

Sumit shook his head, wanting the confusing and existential topic of the self and memory to stop. At the moment, all he cared about was finding out more about his past, even if he was no longer the same person as he was now, he still wanted to know. And the person with all of the answers was Rin.

Though the conversation took a more complicated and head-aching turn of philosophy, Sumit still found solace in talking about his inner struggles, glad to have someone that understood and was going through the same thing.

Oscar and Sumit remained quiet for a long moment, content in just sitting next to each other in silence far away from everyone else. Since both of them could remember, it had always been them two together, side by side, and neither wanted to part. Sumit grew drowsy and rested his head on Oscar's shoulder, who put his arm around him. They stayed like that for a while, quietly talking about their theories on amnesia and how it worked in movies before they both retired to sleep in their tent.

Day: 971

A new day dawned and both Oscar and Sumit found themselves resolved with finding more about their past. Sumit attempted to join the water collecting team after hearing that Rin had switched but was rejected, unable to find a believable reason why he should be on the team.

"Hey, come on, I'll have multiple hands when I'm an octopus," Sumit explained to Lili who was in charge of team placement. "I'll be able to carry so much water."

"We have limited buckets," responded Lili, half-concentrating on Sumit and half on preparing her equipment for the scouting mission. "We do not need extra hands. If you do not want to be on the scouting party any longer then you can remain at camp and aid Ms Ivette."

Sumit bit his lip. "But I-"

"I know what you are doing," said Lili, her voice flat. "If Miss Rin does not want to speak to you, then I suggest you respect that."

Sumit paused, glancing down at the ground. "Do you know why she doesn't though?"

"No, nor do I care. So long as it does not affect the rest of the group, you are all free to have your little spats and childish arguments-"

"It's not childish, it's-"

"I will not let anyone jeopardise our chances of survival. If anyone is going outside of camp then they need to be focused, not arguing and talking that will draw attention to us, draw danger. Or have you not forgotten that there is a group of thirty prisoners occupying the drop-off nearby?"

Sumit remained silent.

Lili studied him for a moment. "If you want to confront Miss Rin on her behaviour then do so after she has come back from her mission, not during and not before. I do not want there to be any conflicts that divide us again."

"Again?" Sumit frowned. "What has happened before?" He looked around at the others at the camp, wondering who it was between."

Lili straightened herself. "There used to be more of us until there was a moral controversy that split us apart."

"Oh, I see..." Sumit swallowed. "Well, I promise that I won't do that. I just want to know more about my past from Rin."

Lili was silent for a moment, then said quietly, "do so with tact. I will-" She froze, her eyes narrowing as she caught sight of Oscar approaching Princess Alfreda's tent. "Oh, I see now..." She glared at Sumit. "This was all a distraction."

"Wait, no, that wasn't-" But it was too late. Before Sumit could explain that his motives were genuine, Lili had marched over to Oscar.

"Where do you think you're going?" she barked. "Her Highness does not want visitors."

Oscar retreated a step, the bowl of food he carried almost spilling from his surprise. "I was just going to give her breakfast."

"That is Calanthe and my duty, not yours."

Oscar sucked in a breath to steel his nerves. "I just wanted to talk to her about my past," he hushed, glancing at the silhouette of a woman in the tent.

"You too?" said Lili. "Calanthe should have already told you everything."

"But Princess Alfreda was my employer. I wanted to know why I would risk my life to be imprisoned alongside her and you and Calanthe."

Lili glanced at the tent, wondering if the princess was listening in. "I am afraid that Her Highness does not want visitors."

"But I-"

"If Her Highness wants to talk to you, I will let you know."

Oscar nodded, not completely satisfied. "Thank you."

Lili guided him away from the tent. "Please do not bother Her Highness." She paused as she saw Oscar's eyes watering, tears almost slipping down his cheeks. "I... I am sure that in time, Princess Alfreda will want to speak with you when she is ready."

Oscar swallowed, nodding again, only this time no longer as sombre as the last. "Is there anything that you can tell me about my past? We worked together didn't we?"

"You were Princess Alfreda's personal chef," answered Lili.

"I know that but anything else about me?"

"You should talk to Calanthe about that. You two were friends."

"Were you and I not friends?"

Lili paused. "You were in the kitchen. I only saw you when Princess Alfreda spoke to you."

"Did we not speak with each other?"

"Only with regards to Her Highness' wellbeing and safety."

"So only work-related then?" Oscar's shoulders slumped even further and he glanced at the ground, sighing.

Lili chewed her bottom lip, hesitating. Oscar was about to leave her when she blurted out, "we made out once."

Oscar's breath caught in his throat, almost bursting out in laughter and bewilderment. "What!" he shouted, then silenced himself as everyone in the camp stared at them.

Lili rolled her eyes, then spat, "don't sound so revolted."

"I wasn't- I... it just sounds so unbelievable!" Oscar whimpered, swallowing down his laughter.

"You were struggling with your sexuality, unsure of it, so I offered to help you find out."

Oscar covered his smile with his hand, shaking his head in disbelief. "And the verdict?"

"We discovered that we were both definitely gay," said Lili.

"Huh..." Oscar paused in thought. "Was I a good kisser?"

"I've had better," answered Lili.

"Wow, thanks," said Oscar sarcastically. "What about partners? Do you know if I've got a boyfriend back in the real world?"

"I know that you have had multiple relationships, though none ever worked out."

"I see..." Oscar was again silent for a moment, then said softly, "thank you, Lili."

"I hardly helped."

"No, you did help a lot actually. You've... confirmed something for me." Oscar glanced over to somewhere and Lili followed his gaze- to Sumit.

After saying thanks again, Oscar left to help Ivette with tending to the Abyss Plants.