[it won't publish right I swear]

I hadn't done any work since that night. I tried my best, in fact, I started a few chapters to a new narrative, even though it didn't last long; the characters were too unresponsive and dull, and though I could've given significantly more effort and care into their designs, there was no spark. There was always a spark with a perfect plot or devices, and I never found it.

It was supposed to be a twisted murder tale fueled by ghosts taking revenge on a man losing his sanity with every motivated kill. I had it planned from beginning to end, but it was lifeless and far from captivating. Nothing seemed to fit, even with a clear map of the events. Anything I wrote in New York turned up crumpling into the dust of a former idea in the very hands that had created it.

I burned the pages in the fireplace. There were only twenty seven of them. 

A few days after it had been mercilessly scrapped as a victim of harsh criticism, Ryan had pulled up in the blue car I'd fallen in love with, right in front of my house without any warning. He was grinning ear to ear, the happiest I'd ever seen him, even when he'd been around my cousin. It was a strange sight to see.

He held out his arms in a painfully forced open gesture as soon as the front door clicked shut and I slowly stalked down the stairs. "John, good afternoon! I have a surprise for you today."

"Oh, cut the shit, please. I'm not in the mood for it, Ryan." Even though it was the middle of summer, I'd woken up halfway to freezing. If there was anything to put me in a horrible mood, it was sitting up in a tangle of frigid sheets and lost socks. The rest of the day had been humid and awful; I must've sweat at least ten pounds off. Even though the sun was nearing the horizon, it was still blazing. I was still upset about the story I had burned as well. The ink may have been gone, but it was still incised into the back of my mind. I shouldn't have scrapped it so easily.

His smile dropped immediately to a somber pout. "Fine. I told Brendon I was going out and he asked with who, I panicked and told him I was taking you to lunch. He said he wanted to ask you about it when I return home."

It hurt a little bit to know I was being swept up in such a crushing lie, as simplistic as it was. If what Hayley had said was true about him having a mistress, then I felt twice as awful than I already did going behind Brendon's back. I could either redress the situation, or fall deep into the corrupted scandal. "Alright, then. Where are we headed?"

Ryan broke out into another grin, though it was more devilish and wicked than the previous one. He tugged the passenger door open for me and clambered into the driver's seat while I stood at the bottom step and contemplated whether or not I was doing the right thing. Brendon must've known, based on his behavior at dinner. No matter if he knew, it was wrong to fuel the affair splitting the two of them.

Nevertheless, I found myself in the smooth seats of the blue car, refreshing wind rushing through my hair while he drove through downtown New York City.

"We're going to visit my girl, Taylor," he said after a dreadfully silent ten minutes, excitement in his tone that I had yet to hear prior, "she lives just outside of the city. I haven't seen her in a while."

We kept driving down vacant streets without conversation, only the views to keep company. However, there wasn't very much to see; as the car tumbled further and further away from the city, there were less and less people and a severe drought of houses. The only exception was a quaint cluster of roughly twenty five buildings, two of which were small apartment complexes. There didn't seem to be a name to the small gathering of people; there was no title fitting enough for a city packed with dead ends and deceit. It was a city of loneliness, a farm where buildings swayed in the wind like crudely constructed block towers, where men crumbled and returned to the very dirt they sprouted from. Dull cars would occasionally take an invisible road through the middle of town, but there really was no street out there. There was no way out of such a grotesque amount of transcendent of ashes and cloud that shadowed the loop from realization that everyone was caught in — stuck, rather. Stuck with no visible track out.

[Start the song if you wanna. It's called Send My Love (To Your New Lover) by Adele]

Ryan parked in front of "Swift's Gas Station", an old rundown building hanging together by a package of rusty nails and dwindling hope that business would peak soon. The glass was caked with dirt, the gas pumps themselves were scratched to no end, and the garage door to hide a single cheap car had lost all color protecting the prized possession.

He turned to me with wide eyes, warning me to say nothing and allow him to lead the conversation with the man who ducked out and under from the garage door. Ryan smiled, again, a facade. "Grant, it's nice to see you again. It's been a while, hasn't it?"

Grant was terrifying, to say the least and still word it kindly. He was tall and muscular, and he had wide shoulders as well as a resting frown that made him seem nearly unapproachable for fear of being ripped into pieces with his bare hands. For a short moment, I was genuinely afraid. But he smiled a goofy lopsided smile and spoke a little slowly, and if you looked into his eyes for long enough you would notice only his left eye would occasionally trail off for a split second then twitch back into place.

They shook hands, and I realized how close in build and height they were, though the exchange was slightly one-sided. Ryan didn't seem to care for Grant, who seemed oblivious to the resentment.

"It's a pleasure, Ryan," Grant held his head high, but spoke slowly, squinting against the setting sun,"have you thought about selling the car yet? I'm willing to even buy it at half price—"

"No, I will not sell it yet, I can't. It still needs some fixing up, and I would just hate to trouble you with all of the repair fees. They're quite expensive on a vehicle like that; costs more than it did to purchase it last year."

Grant spent a moment trying to process the information thrown at him. "Are you here for another part, then?"

"Yes," Ryan paused for a moment, and waved into the window, where I had glanced over too late, "I need... another windshield wiper for the driver's side. The original piece broke the other day, and I just can't seem to find the right model to replace it. The mechanic down in the city is useless."

Grant nodded. "I'll be back in a jiffy, don't worry." And he disappeared back into the garage as quickly as he'd appeared.

As soon as he'd been absent from the scene for a moment, the girl I imagined to be Taylor walked out.

She was effortlessly show-stopping.

There was an alluring aura surrounding her and every aspect, sultry and enticing, rich even though her home suggested otherwise. Her hair had been curled flawlessly, brushing against the fur shawl draped loosely around her bare shoulders when she walked effortlessly in the tallest heels I'd ever seen. They matched the velvety red low-cut dress clinging to her body in all the right places, and accentuated the sparking gold bracelets clicking together rhythmically on her wrists. I understood the appeal, and why Ryan seemed to be so infatuated with her; she was so much different than Brendon, in both obvious and obscure ways. They were both wonderful and everything he could want, but Taylor seemed to fill each crevice in the mold without any room for question. All at once, somehow, she was everything.

"I want you on the first train to New York," Ryan demanded in one quick mutter, rushing over and pulling a sizable wad of cash from his front pocket, "I have to see you again. It's been too long."

Taylor smiled at me over Ryan's shoulder with her bright red lips and half-lidded eyes, displaying the shimmering grey eyeshadow painted like the night sky on her eyelids. "It's nice to see you as well, Ryan. You do know I cannot leave tonight, I called you the other day to tell you, but you wouldn't listen to me. Grant is growing more and more suspicious with each hour that passes." Her voice was a slow drawl, low and inviting for a good time, paired perfectly with her smile. All of her pieces fell directly into place to bring her to life.

"Tell him it's a night out with a group of your friends — do whatever you must. I'll pay for a room, the taxi to take you there and back to this dump, I'll pay for a private limousine if I have to."

"I can't possibly go out anywhere like this," Taylor twirled around to show the back of her dress, a large slit down the middle she had hidden discreetly with the shawl, "it's torn. The back of my seat in the dining room is splintered to no end, and one of the seams got caught and ripped when I stood."

Ryan ran his fingers across the fabric. She didn't flinch under his touch in the slightest. "I'll have something for you, then. Don't worry."

My mind couldn't help but wander to reasons why a girl like Taylor was living in such an inescapable trash hole; the genuine smile on her face and her gratitude was like watching the sunrise over an abandoned wasteland. There was something about her, unique to her only, a quality that nobody else had but was fortunate to notice in her.

"How've you been? I haven't seen you in..." he paused for a moment and took to the dark sky while he calculated the length of time it'd been since he'd spoken with her last, "...weeks. Maybe a month, a month and a half?"

Taylor sighed. "Oh, I'm afraid not much has happened recently. I've been searching for a dog, a small one to hold in my lap or sleep at the foot of my bed at night, but they're all so expensive. We simply can't afford to care for one, with the business failing and all. I couldn't stand do that to an animal."

Ryan's eyes lit up and he grabbed for my shoulder. He missed, and fumbled for my sleeve instead. "How funny, actually. I heard of a man downtown with a small lot of those Cavalier Spaniels. They're adorable."

Taylor's smile lifted as well. "Is that so? I love those dogs, they're so sweet. They seem so high maintenance, though. Either way, surely this is no place fit for one of them to call home." I glanced over her shoulder. She was right; unless a large dog was welcomed into her arms, a lapdog would surely end up with an injury some time or another with so many sharp objects left around.

There was something unspoken between them after that little bit of comfortable silence. I wasn't too positive about what it was, exactly, but I had a fair idea.

"We'll have one soon. I promise." Ryan pressed his lips into a forced smile and let go of my shirt. He locked eyes with Taylor for a moment, a second of intimacy without the physicality of it all.

He must've seen Grant bumbling back out from the garage, a thin cardboard box in his grip, and ceased the conversation from continuing further. Strands of dark greasy hair fell over his eyes when he passed it to Ryan, who didn't appear to be very pleased with receiving the part he requested.

Taylor passed the bundle of cash over her shoulder and into her husband's hands. "Ryan was kind enough to include a tip, Grant. Isn't that sweet of him?" I caught a glimpse of her ring shining in the light from the streetlamp. It was lifeless, a sad silver band lacking the standard diamond centerpiece. It didn't match the faux gold around her wrists.

Grant took it with wide eyes and a soft smile. "We can fix your chair, now. Maybe we can purchase two new ones, if we find some at a good price."

Taylor was meant for a life of luxury; she was the essence of sophistication and wealth. However, she had wed the wrong man for such a life, and there seemed to be no end to the marriage without a stroke of violence. She was stuck. Ryan was stuck. Brendon was stuck. They'd all been caught up in another love, near or not.

On the ride back to the bay, he kept asking if I wanted to join him later, in the flat he privately owned for Taylor when she did get away. I declined every time, for I couldn't stand to fall deeper into his love life he didn't want with my cousin.

Every mile he drove away from the girl he did love, I caught him glancing at the side mirrors for the piece of his heart he'd left behind in a dead end town.

[i only updates bc I need recs on what to watch I have amazon prime and no Netflix and I'm suffering. I have 2 weeks off and I'm almost done with Hells Kitchen. Send help

Also i couldn't think of a dude I wanted to pair up with him (& honestly??? There are too many dudes.) and I lov my girl T Swizzle!! Our one-sided relationship is ten years strong But I support her with all my heart]