Amidst America's birthday bash, Colorado and Nevada got the chance to show off their sports teams' recent championship trophies: the Larry O'Brien Trophy and the Stanley Cup.

"Glad to see ya winning, son. You definitely earned it," Colorado commended the Silver State as he rode on a big inflatable unicorn float in the pool, with the golden basketball trophy wrapped in his left arm.

"Thanks, dad. It was a long time coming," Nevada joked with a slight smirk while relaxing on a lounge chair, looking as cool as a summer cocktail being sipped out of Lord Stanley's Cup. "Too bad I can't keep it any longer than a one-night stand. It already sucks losing over $6 million as a bookie, thanks to the series being a blowout," he shrugged, "but I guess I shouldn't gripe about my team's success."

"No kidding," Arizona grumbled, leaning by the poolside with envious eyes on her friends' trophies. "Can't believe you have the nerve to say anything negative about winning. I swear it ain't fair."

Colorado chuckled, "Sorry, dude. You just need to keep looking on the bright side and be patient with your teams. Do that, and you'll soon have your hands on one of these bad boys."

"Easy for you to say." She pouted. "You waited 47 years for the Nuggets to make their first appearance in the NBA Finals, and the team easily won it in five games like it's no big deal. Meanwhile, I'm here, watching the Suns for 54 years and counting, having zero Larry O'Brien Trophies so far to justify my loyalty to them. And don't get me started on the freakin' Coyotes."

"Wow. That's sad as fuck—but also funny as fuck." He burst out into laughter.

"You dick!" She splashed water on his face. "Stop teasing me for liking shitty sports teams!"

The Copper State and the Continental Stats proceeded to get into a water fight in the pool, causing New Mexico on a neon green inner tube to look in their direction from the deeper end of the pool. He thought with a tired sigh, 'If only I had a passion for professional sports, I could probably relate to them.' Instead, he remained indifferent to their squabble, unlike a certain member of the Four Corners Gang who couldn't stand their coarse language.

"Language, both of you," Utah scolded his friends as he came by with red, white, and blue layered jello shots on a plastic white tray. "I won't tolerate anybody spoiling this G-rated family-friendly gathering with your unrefined gestures— Hey! Don't splash water on me and my jello!"

"Uh, what did you say, dude?" Colorado cocked his head, trying to knock water out of his ears.

"I need you people to quit being so rough."

"Oh, buzz off," Arizona hissed. "I'm trying to humble this cocky bastard by knocking him off his high horse."

"Young lady, watch your language."

"Hell no and piss off!"

"Stop being so difficult!"

They continued to bicker while the rest of the states in America's backyard pretended not to be bothered by the noise, such as Massachusetts who sat at a picnic table under the shade of an oak tree. He seemed rather preoccupied with his jealousy toward the winning Western states, glaring daggers at them. "Lucky bastards," he pouted. "Those trophies should've been mine to show off."

"If only Boston teams didn't have trouble taking out teams from my southern regions," Florida snickered as she plopped herself down and across from him, which he took as an immediate offense.

"Fuck off." He turned his face to the side, refusing to meet her twinkling eyes. "Wipe that stupid smirk off your fucking face. You should be crying on your miserable bum."

"Why?" She casually shrugged. "Yeah, it sucks balls, seeing my teams fall short in the finals. Still, I'm happy for them exceeding everyone's expectations with their super impressive runs."

"It doesn't take away the fact they lost big time in the end."

"Maybe, but those disappointments are minor compared to getting the biggest dub in the sports world; that is having the GOAT of football play at my house."

"Didn't he retire months ago?"

"I mean the GOAT of association football: Lionel Messi!" She proudly showed off a selfie she took of herself and the world-famous footballer at a Publix. "No offense to Ronaldo, of course."

☆☆☆☆☆

Sometime in the middle of summer, Ottawa summoned the Canadian Provinces for a special emergency meeting. She wanted to address an urgent issue of critical importance. However, there was one issue stopping them from beginning the meeting, and that was ... themselves.

"Meow! Meow! Yes, yes, yes! Gang, gang!"

"Eh?" Most of the people in the room observed Quebec jiggling in front of a tripod that held her phone, collectively confused concerning her bizarre and bouncy behavior. 'What is she even...?'

"Pop! Tasty!" The Quebecer smiled for the camera without a care for the weird stares she was getting from her fellow provinces. Her live stream brightened with colorful emojis of food, flowers, and stars as she stuck out her tongue, slurping the air and moaning in a sexy high-pitched voice, "Mmm, ice cream so good! Meow! Yes! Popcorn!" She popped her glossy lips in quick succession.

"Is she okay, eh?" Prince Edward Island wondered. "Or, did she get brain damage from inhaling too much smoke?"

"I ... I don't know," New Brunswick muttered unsure. "I'm afraid to ask her that."

"Just ignore her, eh," said Nova Scotia as she went back to lay her aching head on the mahogany table. "I don't know how she has the energy to be doing TikTok right now, but more power to her." She groaned, "I rather be drinking at a pub than sitting here bored out of my freakin' mind."

"Didn't you drink yesterday?"

"So what, eh? I deserve it after all the crap I went through in June."

"Jesus Murphy..." Labrador averted his eyes away from the situation, having the best intention of maintaining good behavior. The same couldn't be said for the naughty Newfoundlander whom he noticed with a blush was poking under him, all due to them sharing a single seat at the table. He shot a stink eye at their blank face as he squirmed in their lap, hissing in annoyance, "Seriously, eh? Are you actually...?"

"Sorry, my love," Newfoundland murmured apologetically, holding him in his burly arms and close to his broad chest. "You feel so soft and smell so good. Plus, those sounds she's making ... I can't help but think about leaving this boring meeting and doing dirty stuff with—"

"Now isn't the appropriate time to say those things."

"Uh-huh..." He nuzzled the Labradorian's blond locks at the back of his head, doing his best to suppress his urges and ignore the boisterous belle while she continued to host her live stream.

"Ooh! Slurp! Mmm, ice cream so good! Bing chilling! So yummy! Ooh! Yes! Popcorn— Oh, thank you, baby. This is so cute."

"Hey, Quebec!" Prince Edward Island got her attention with a playful smile, raising a shiny coin between his fingers. "I'll give you a loonie if you say hot potato ten times in a row. How about it, eh?"

"Ooh! Très bien (Alright)!"

"Eh! Hold on! W-Wait a second!" Ottawa interrupted the deal, confronting the perverse province in an uptight manner. "I'm sorry to disrupt what you're doing, but you ought to have your phone off right now. We're preparing to begin this meeting."

"Vraiment maintenant (Really now)?" Quebec tilted her head and pursed her pink lips. "Can't you give me thirty more minutes? I'm so close to making $3,000 from today's live-stream."

"Uh, well, that's good, but I can't exactly excuse you, eh."

"Jolie s'il-vous-plaît (Pretty please)." She fluttered her long eyelashes. "You know very well I need this money badly to pay off my high taxes and ginormous debt."

"Still, I can't—"

"Oh! Must I not forget the fire damage!" Quebec cried out in a melodramatic manner. "Being a bigger burden to our government is downright shameful, so much so that I'm forced to do weird things to appease patrons on the Internet for extra income. Pardonne-moi s'il te plait (Forgive me, please), but you must let me continue to act like an NPC for the citizens of this country. If not, then..." She shrugged and sighed. "I guess I can go back to selling feet pics."

"W-W-What? You're not serious, eh?" Ottawa whimpered, trembling frantically in fright at the disgusting thought of the Quebecer doing freaky favors for feet fanatics. "V-Very well. I-I suppose I can s-show you some leniency—"

"Are you kidding me?!" Alberta startled the capital with a loud and angry voice, disapproving of the sudden change of heart for the frivolous French Canadian. "If we're not going to bother to begin this meeting on time, I'm leaving. I refuse to wait any longer for 'Pervydoll' over there to get rich off my wasted time when I should be working to make up for the lack of oil production during the last couple of months."

"But Berta— No! Wait! P-Please don't go yet!" Ottawa squeaked, seeing him stand up from his seat. "I-I'm terribly sorry for offending you. I understand your frustration, but I promise this meeting is very important."

"It doesn't look that way to me." He narrowed his eyes at the TikToker. "I say it's a waste of time and energy."

"D-Don't be silly."

"It's all talk and no action!"

"Not at all!"

"Yes, and everyone can agree with me it's pointless to have one now."

"T-That's not true." She turned to the other provinces in the room. "Right, eh?"

"Eh, well..." They gave doubtful looks.

"P-Please?" Ottawa pleaded in a tiny voice, looking on desperately for their support. "I-I worked very hard to schedule this special emergency meeting."

"Yes, we understand, but..." Saskatchewan gulped, twiddling her fingers nervously. "No offense, but I think Berta makes a good point about this meeting being a distraction from doing actual work for this country."

"But..."

"Sorry, Ottawa." Manitoba breathed a tired sigh as he loosened the tie around his sweaty collar. "It's too hot for me to think straight. You may as well count me out of this discussion."

"But..."

"Seriously!" Nova Scotia bemoaned. "What's the hold-up? Are we starting this meeting or not? If not, I'm heading out for a pint."

"But..."

"My potatoes!" Prince Edward Island suddenly exclaimed. "I need to head back home! I forgot to water my precious potatoes!"

"But..."

"Just cancel this meeting." Alberta gave a pat on her shoulder. "No hard feelings, but we're each better off doing our own thing."

"But..." The Canadian capital collapsed to all fours, her spirits utterly crushed into dust under a fallen tree, abandoned without hope for this meeting going according to plan. She could bawl her eyes out like right now, and half the room wouldn't notice her anguish. Because regardless of her authority, her words on the matter wouldn't be enough to convince them to take her seriously. "Waaah! This is awful! Terrible! What are we going to do? Canada is doomed if we can't agree to come together! Waaah!"

"Miss Ottawa, please calm yourself," said British Columbia in a soothing voice, encouraging the capital to lift her tearful face and take the reefer in her right hand. "Look on the positive side. There's still plenty of time for us to have an important discussion."

"Still," Ottawa sniffled, "what's the point of having this meeting without everybody taking it seriously?" She continued to sob while Quebec kept blabbering in the background.

"Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire!"

"SHUT YOUR DUMB MOUTH! YOU'RE NOT CHRIS PRATT!" Ontario screamed, suddenly getting everyone's attention as he stomped into the room, carrying boxes of Timbits and carriers of iced coffee to the table. "Now that I'm back, we should stop kidding around and start this meeting."

"But my live stream!"

"Your simps can wait!"

"What about my potatoes?" Prince Edward Island argued. "I need to head home to water them."

"Your spuds can also wait!"

Alberta huffed with arms crossed across his chest, "Well, I don't intend to wait here and waste my time and energy on—"

"You, too, can wait!" Ontario shoved the stubborn cowboy, forcing his rear into a chair before everyone else standing in the room. "Back to your seats, you hosers. Have some donuts. Have some coffee. Get comfy and don't complain because no one is allowed to leave this room until lunchtime."

"But—"

"Ottawa is right to summon us here for a valid reason!" He referred to the Ottawan staring at him in awe. "Sure, each of us has priorities, but now isn't the time for us to act like a bunch of selfish asshats."

"Ironic, coming from the wannabe Yankee," Quebec remarked secretly.

"This country is currently in the midst of an unprecedented crisis," Ontario continued. "It's hard to believe, but the truth of the matter is—we're responsible for letting it get this bad in the first place."

"What do you mean?" Labrador questioned.

"We wouldn't be here had we long ago taken notice of the changes around us, in addition to adopting measures that could've allowed us to avoid this terrible scenario. Unfortunately, we didn't have the foresight to know ahead of time, or we were perhaps too complacent to bother taking it seriously as a growing issue." He grimaced. "Either way, something needs to be done now. Otherwise, we'll be doing Canada a huge disservice, pretending everything is fine when that really isn't the case."

"Y-Yeah!" Ottawa promptly stood back up, regaining confidence and determination in her voice. "For the sake of our country, we should sit down and make a cooperative effort for today's meeting. Sounds good, eh?"

"Well, when you put it that way," Saskatchewan mumbled, "I suppose it would be rude and selfish of me to leave without giving this meeting a chance. What do you think, Toba?"

"Erm, I don't know." Manitoba gave a shrug of indifference. "Maybe for a Slurpee at Ontario's expense, I can stay and pretend to pay attention to this meeting."

"Yeah," Nova Scotia added, "but make it a beer for me."

"Hey. Don't push it. I already bought donuts and coffee," Ontario grouched.

"It's no problem," Ottawa chuckled. "I appreciate your cooperation."

"Not like I have much of a choice on the matter," Alberta pouted, unable to leave his chair without the Ontarian getting in his way again. "Anyway, let's start this stupid meeting before you buddies waste any more of my time and energy on chit-chat."

"O-Of course. It's nice to see we're all in agreement," Ottawa smiled, nodding happily along to the provinces taking their spots around the table. "So, without further ado, this meeting can finally begin to address this drought that has put our country in an unprecedented crisis."

"Indeed," Ontario agreed with that opening statement, "this drought is ridiculous. I can hardly believe it. For this country, thirty years is far too long. It's inexcusable and embarrassing—"

"Excuse me," Ottawa disrupted him. "I think you misunderstand. This meeting is about this year's drought causing a record-breaking number of wildfires to get out out-of-control."

"Huh? Is that all?"

"Why else would I call this emergency meeting?!"

"To discuss hockey, obviously!"

"Well, you're obviously wrong to assume we would spend this entire time on trivial matters—"

"HOCKEY IS NO TRIVIAL MATTER!" Ontario shouted in sync with the slam of his hands on the table as he stood up from his seat, taking command of the room away from the stunned capital as she shrank in fearful silence of his thunderous voice. "Listen, buds! It's inexcusable and embarrassing for our country that invented ice hockey to lose out on winning The Cup for the past thirty years to a country that sees ice hockey as their fourth-favorite sport. Therefore, I think it's about time we put our hockey rivalries aside and put an end to this drought by working together to give one of our seven NHL teams the best chance of securing The Holy Grail in Canada's honor."

"Okay, but can we talk about that another time?" British Columbia begged to bring back the primary goal of this discussion. "Because right now, we should be discussing climate change and its devastating effects on our beautiful forests."

He scoffed, "Oh, please. Don't try to change the subject."

"But you're the one bringing up sports—"

"Bud, I know what you're doing, but it's not going to work."

"Eh?"

"No use deflecting," Ontario smirked. "We already know you're too ashamed to talk about the current state of the Vancouver Canucks."

"P-Please! Have mercy! They haven't been the same since 2011!" British Columbia mewled.

"Leave the poor girl alone," Quebec rebuked him. "If we're going to talk about bad hockey teams, let's not leave out the fucking Leafs."

"Hey! The Leafs aren't a bad hockey team. They're still making playoff appearances, unlike the Habs."

"They're still making playoff appearances and failing to make their way back to the Stanley Cup Finals."

"Y-Yeah, but—"

"While Canada's Stanley Cup drought stands at thirty years," Quebec smirked, "it isn't as terrible as the Maple Leafs' Stanley Cup drought, which I recall now stands at fifty-six years." She giggled at the sight of his fuming face. "Oh, you poor little tête carrée (square head). You must be awfully desperate, bringing this discussion up for your selfish goal of ending the Leafs' drought rather than the country's drought. Am I right, eh?"

"Enough!" Ontario snapped. "I hereby order you to keep your stupid mouth shut 'til the end of this meeting!"

"Fuck ostie ([the] host)! You can't silence me!"

"Yes, I can! Now, shut up!"

"Make me, bâtard!"

The smug Anglophone and the lone Francophone continued to bicker from opposite ends of the table while the rest of Canada watched without interruption, letting the fated rivals squabble while they casually ate donuts and drank coffee.

"This is fine," New Brunswick smiled timidly with sweat running down his face, pretending to ignore the forest fires raging outside the window behind him.

"I'm so done with this country," Alberta grumbled and groaned.

'We're so screwed...' Ottawa sulked on her sad bum in the darkest corner of the room. 'How does D.C. handle a meeting with fifty states? I can barely get my voice across ten provinces...'

~ O Canada... ~

Hey, hey, daddy, get me a Picon!
Hey, hey, mommy, hey, hey, mommy!
I cannot forget the taste of that
Chateaubriand I ate long ago!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
My name's Nevada!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I'm the Silver State!

Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A wonderful world can be seen!
Place your bets and hit the jackpot!
I'm Nevada!

☆☆☆☆☆

+ It was quite an eventful June for professional sports in the Miami metropolitan area. Both the Miami Heat and the Florida Panthers reached the 2023 Finals as eighth-seeded Cinderella teams in their respective sports leagues. However, they were utterly outmatched, losing 4–1 to better opponents in the West within a couple of days apart from each other. Though disappointing for sports fans in South Florida, they can at least take solace in Lionel Messi, a world-class footballer and recent champion of the 2022 FIFA World Cup, joining Inter Miami CF.

+ At this point in August 2023, Canada is currently undergoing two unprecedented droughts:

- One of which stands at thirty years and possibly more as long as Canada-based NHL teams continue to fall short of winning the Stanley Cup. Anyone unfamiliar with their histories will find that surprising, considering ice hockey is the national winter sport of the Great White North. Even with plenty of success in the past, however, not one of the seven Canadian teams has earned the right to hoist the Stanley Cup since 1993; some of them have yet to win their first championship despite existing far longer than the Vegas Golden Knights who have recently accomplished that in their sixth year of existence. Quite embarrassing, eh? Though at the very least, they can take pride in the VGK being mostly made up of Canadian players.

- As for the other drought in question, it has sadly contributed to the country's worst season of wildfires in recorded Canadian and North American history, surpassing the record that was once held by the 2020 California wildfires. It remains ongoing since March 2023, which is abnormal since it would've been the start of the rainy season. Unfortunately, climate change has caused the weather to be warmer and drier than average. That in turn raises the risk of wildfires as vegetation becomes more flammable under these conditions, commonly sparked by lightning strikes and various man-made causes. However, much of the fault for the large-scale destruction created by the rapid number of forest fires falls on the failures of Canada's forest management. Their response to keeping these fires under control has been weakened in the span of decades by budget cuts, bureaucratic red tape, and a steep reduction in forest service staff from 2,200 to the 700 people it now employs. The latter has forced Canada to rely on the aid of thousands of firefighters from the international community who have helped reduce the impact of the fires since their spike in intensity around June. Still, the historic number of fires and hectares burned is expected to rise steadily until the end of the wildfire season in October. Even then, the future of Canada's forests remains uncertain with questions needing to be answered to prevent this type of disaster from getting out of hand again.

~

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