January 3, 2023— Washington, D.C.

Today at the White House was Willow's birthday—that being the First Family's favorite feline. To celebrate the occasion, Washington D.C. organized a small afternoon party for the presidential cat. Invited to the celebration were Delaware, Pennsylvania, and their animal companions who all helped liven the atmosphere. Pennsylvania, in particular, surprised everyone with a pet-safe cake she made out of real salmon and chicken. It tasted bland to humans, but it was a real treat for the dogs and cats who devoured every piece until nothing was left on their plates.

"Commie! Commie! Over here, Commie!" Pennsylvania called, beckoning the German Shepherd puppy to return with the tennis ball she had thrown across the room.

"Can you please not call him that?" D.C. frowned in disapproval.

"Sorry, it's a force of habit."

"To be fair, Commander is quite an odd name to call a dog," Delaware noted.

"It's tame compared to other pet names I've heard over the years," D.C. muttered.

"I guess. I think one of the presidents had a dog named Laddie Boy. Who was it again?"

"Warren G. Harding."

"Ah, yeah. How'd you manage to remember that?"

"How could I not? That Airedale terrier was as prominent as the president. He had his own hand-carved chair to sit in during Cabinet meetings, and he regularly had interviews for newspapers. Not to mention all the birthday parties I had to organize for him and the neighborhood dogs..."

Pennsylvania chuckled, "Must be a lot of fun."

D.C. scoffed, "Maybe for the animals and their owners, but it's hardly any fun when I'm the one who has to do most of the planning for these extravagant parties when I should be working on more important matters."

"You say that, yet we're having this party for Willow today." She stroked the gray tabby's soft fur.

"That's because pet parties are a popular trend that's growing more common in our current social surroundings." She adjusted her glasses. "Photos of this party will be made public to appeal to the average American's sense of love for adorable animals. In doing so, it'll cause the current presidency to appear likable and relatable, even by the slightest margins. At least, that's the only positive gain I see in hosting these types of nonpolitical parties for the presidential pets."

"You know pets aren't just political tools, yeah?" Delaware grumbled.

"But if that's what you think, then you ought to get yourself a pet," Pennsylvania suggested with a smirk. "A pet would make you more popular and relatable in the eyes of the American people, don't you think so?"

D.C. gave a half-hearted shrug. "I've been told by President Truman to get a dog if I'm ever in need of a friend." She sighed, "Alas, I can't say it'll be rewarding for me because I know deep down from plenty of bad experiences that owning a pet is more trouble than it's worth."

☆☆☆☆☆

October 1807.

An inexperienced Washington D.C. no older than eleven years old still had a lot to learn when it came to managing the political, economical, and social affairs of a relatively new republic. The best she could do was serve the U.S. president, accomplishing important tasks such as ... the caretaking of their beloved pets... Well, it clearly wasn't what she imagined doing in the grand scheme of government, but it should be a simple thing to do. She assumed it wouldn't be anything too hard or complicated. That was until she met animals that weren't merely dogs.

"M-M-Mister Jefferson! There are bears here!" D.C. exclaimed in terror at the pair of brown bear cubs in a cage on the lawn of the Presidential Manor.

"Ah, I see they finally arrived," President Jefferson observed the animals up close.

"S-Sir, I beg your pardon? You knew about this?"

"Why, yes." He revealed a letter from his coat. "They've been sent here as a gift by an explorer in the West. According to them, these brown bears are considered by the natives to be one of the most ferocious animals on this continent, described to be bigger and more aggressive than the black bears we normally see here in the East. Although," he lifted one of the cubs out of its cage, "these cubs appear to be perfectly gentle and quite good-humored. Perhaps they can be tamed to be harmless companions in human society."

"D-Don't be silly, sir!" D.C. squeaked in alarm. "These cubs look cute and cuddly, but they're capable of bitting your face off!"

He chuckled, "Calm down. I only jest. I'm already aware of their capabilities, therefore my plan is to send them to a friend of mine who owns a museum in Philadelphia."

"Is that alright?"

"Well, I know he once kept a bear of this species, though I heard it didn't work out too well. He may have better luck with raising these cubs, but I'll need to await his answer. In the meantime, these bear cubs will be under your care at the White House."

"What?!" She gaped at him. "No offense, but I cannot possibly take care of bears. I can hardly handle taking care of your Shetland sheep."

"They're only cubs."

"But—"

"I believe you'll do a fine job." President Jefferson dropped the bear cub into her reluctant arms. "Anyway, I'm off to fulfill my presidential duties. If anything important comes up, I'll be in my office." He returned to the Presidential House casually without concern for the girl or the bear cubs in her untrained care.

"Mr. President! Please! I urge you to reconsider putting me in this precarious position!" D.C. pleaded, attempting to follow him when she suddenly locked eyes with his infamous four-horned Shetland ram. She backed away slowly, quivering with fright. "O-Oh no! Stay back!"

~ Baa! ~

May 1890.

While talking about the next item on the agenda, D.C. and President Benjamin Harrison abruptly received word of his son's visit. Alongside other members of the First Family, they went out in a hurry to welcome him at the Entrance Hall. However, as soon as they saw him, their excitement turned into fright when they found out he bought a couple of souvenirs from his trip to Florida.

"You can't expect alligators to get along with the children," Mary argued with her older brother, believing he should've known better as a fellow parent in their thirties.

"It's fine," Russell dismissed his sister's concerns, insisting the baby alligators in his hands were completely harmless. "The seller told me they make great pets at this size for children to play with."

"And you believed them?"

"I-It didn't cost much, so..."

D.C. breathed deeply, maintaining calm in this situation. "In my humble opinion, the alligators aren't necessary to keep at the Executive Mansion since we have many dogs here to keep the children happy. Therefore, I recommend donating them to the National Zoo where I'm sure—"

"Ooh! Kitty!" Baby McKee waddled over to his uncle, stretching out his tiny hands toward the Florida swamp cats.

"You see? I knew he would like them," Russell smirked.

"That doesn't matter," D.C. scowled. "The Executive Mansion isn't suited to keep alligators."

"Oh, I beg to disagree," said President Harrison.

"Mr. President?" She cocked her head at him.

"We can keep them in the nearby conservatory. That way, my adorable grandson won't have to part ways with them." He patted the little boy's head with a sweet smile on his face.

"Mr. President—"

"Enough arguing for today. I rather spend this afternoon playing with my dear grandchildren."

"What about the items on today's agenda? We still have time to address them."

"But it's past noon, and you already know by now I don't like to work past noon." He pouted.

"Please, sir. I need you to continue working with me."

"I'll continue work tomorrow morning." He waved her off as he headed outside to play with his grandchildren. "For the rest of today, I need you to set up an enclosure for the alligators that'll be staying with us."

"What? You have to be kidding with me?"

"No, it's an absolute order."

"Here you go." Russell handed her the gators. "Do make sure they're happily settled here."

"Seriously?!" D.C. fumed. "This is absurd! This isn't what I came here to do! Ugh!"

~ Chomp! Chomp! ~

March 1904.

"Has anybody seen Emily Spinach?" yelled Alice, the eldest daughter of President Theodore Roosevelt. The twenty-year-old socialite appeared dressed and ready to go for a party, yet she insisted she couldn't leave without the company of Emily Spinach. After several minutes of searching with White House staff, they eventually found her safe and sound.

"Mrs. L." Washington D.C. approached out of breath, holding a dark green garter snake in her hands. "Do be more careful in keeping an eye on her."

"Oh, yes. Thank you for finding her." She gladly took back her pet snake, proceeding to place it inside her petite pocketbook as usual. "Say, out of gratitude, would you like to join me? You appear in need of respite."

She politely declined the invitation, "I appreciate the sentiment, but my current responsibilities require me to remain here."

"Ah, well, that's rather dull and unfortunate," Alice sighed in disappointment, "but I suppose that aligns with your character."

D.C. frowned, "Remind yourself not to do anything shameless so as to not generate headlines that may cause embarrassment for you and your family."

"Oh, please." She rolled her eyes. "I wish you stop acting like my stepmother for someone close to my age."

"I only say that as part of my responsibilities in preserving a favorable image of the presidency."

"Well, don't you worry about me." She paused at the sounds of screeching and yelping occurring somewhere downstairs, much to her callous amusement of seeing D.C. storm off with a face filled with dread.

"Stop it, Tom! Leave Jack alone!" shouted Kermit and Ethel, the fourteen-year-old son and twelve-year-old daughter of the president. Both siblings scrambled down the halls, trying to catch their blue tom cat and stop them from terrorizing their terrified Manchester terrier. But the fierce feline with all intents and purposes continued to playfully pursue the ailurophobic pooch. 

That was until D.C. grabbed the little menace off the floor, bringing an end to their chaotic chase. "That's quite enough tomfoolery." She scowled at the cowardly dog, the carefree cat, and the careless kids. "How many times do I have to say this? No running in the halls."

"We know. We're sorry, but—"

A loud crash summoned everyone's eyes to look above them.

"What the heck...?" D.C. handed the cat over to Ethel. "Keep the cat away from the dog, will you? I need to go check on your younger brothers." She hurried back upstairs to see what was going on, muttering under her breath, "Those boys better not be doing something stupid..."

"Yee-haw! Giddy up, Algonquin!" Archie and Quentin, the youngest sons at nine years old and six years old respectively, rode their Shetland pony with a small wagon carrying their pet rabbit and guinea pigs in tow.

"Hey!" D.C. shouted upon finding them in a hallway. "You're not allowed to bring your pony up here!"

"Eep! Run away!"

"Stop!"

"Distract her!" They threw a flying squirrel at her face.

"Gah! Archie! Quentin! I'm warning you!"

"Go, Josh! Buy us some time to make our escape to the elevator!" They sent out their aggressive American badger.

"You little— Ow!" She kicked away the badger from biting her legs.

"Excuse me..." The sixteen-year-old Theodore Jr. came over to D.C. with a Hyacinth macaw perched on his arm. "I don't know if you're aware, but there appears to be a lion and a hyena on the front lawn."

"What?!" She gawked at him.

Meanwhile, President Theodore Roosevelt stood outside the White House, grinning at the sight of his favorite bull terrier barking up a tree at a fearful full-grown lion. "That's my boy, Pete! Show that courage of yours in the face of the most dangerous animal in the world!" He laughed alongside the hyena standing next to him.

"M-Mr. President!" D.C. ran to him, panting in a panic. "W-What in the world are doing outside?"

"Why, I'm here to see my gifts from the Emperor of Ethiopia. Why do you look nervous?"

She scoffed, "Are you blind, sir? No offense, but I see there are two of the most dangerous animals in Africa right here in front of the White House, and you're standing next to one of them like it's one of your pet dogs." She pointed wildly at the laughing hyena. "Quite frankly, I rather not have two presidents die in a row while in office."

"Hahahaha! No need to worry for the only dangerous creatures on the front lawn are me and feisty Pete over there." He pointed at the boisterous bull terrier nipping at the lion's feet. "That lion may have left an imprint of his teeth in one of the crew members in charge of escorting him here, but I'm confident it'll be me who'll leave an imprint of my big stick in the beast should it dare test my patience."

"You're crazy!"

"Yes, I'm crazy strong!"

"No, you're just downright crazy!" D.C. groaned. "Sir, you need to send these animals away immediately. The zoo is located two miles away, not here."

"Very well," President Roosevelt sighed. "Only because I fear for Pete's safety, I'll send the lion to the National Zoo. As for the hyena though..."

"No." She crossed her arms.

"Oh, come on. I admit I don't have a high opinion on hyenas and their cowardly nature, but I've sorta grown fond of this particular individual for reasons I can't explain." He and the hyena shared a bout of laughter. "Anyway, what do you think of Bill as a name?"

"Sir, there are already too many animals living in the White House, many of which can easily end up in that hyena's stomach."

"Yes, but what do you think of Bill as a name?"

"Please, Mr. President. I don't approve of keeping—"

"Bill is an appropriate name, yes?"

"... Bill is an atrocious name," D.C. muttered, completely done with today. "It reminds me of Congress and the big banks of Wall Street."

"Aha! That's exactly what I was thinking for such a contemptible creature," President Roosevelt roared with laughter.

She glared at the laughing hyena in annoyance. "Shut up, Bill. There's nothing funny about this."

~ Back to the Present Day... ~

Washington D.C. sighed again, "I already have so much work to do these days. Adding the responsibilities of pet ownership isn't going to make my life any better or easier. That's for sure."

Delaware and Pennsylvania shared a glance, thinking the same thing. "You know, we're not suggesting you buy a zoo. We get you're super busy, but that doesn't mean it's impossible for you to have an animal companion."

"In that case, what animal do you think would make a good pet for me?"

"How about a dog?"

"I don't have the time to walk it every day, nor do I want to pay for a dog walker."

"Then, how about a cat?"

"I'm not a fan of cleaning out its litter box."

"Rabbits?" 

"They poop too much."

"Hamsters?"

"They're monsters." D.C. shuddered. "I once took care of President Kennedy's hamsters, and... What happened to them was something that I thought could only be found in a Greek tragedy."

"I see... How about rats?

"Are you kidding? I already have enough trouble dealing with unwanted rats in my home."

"Okay then. How about ferrets? They're now legal to own in your home, yeah?"

"Yes, but there are strict restrictions for owning one in my house. Besides that, I don't like the fact they require high maintenance. Otherwise, they get very aggressive and moody."

"Hmm... How about a bird?"

"They're just as needy as ferrets except they're constantly chirping and squawking," D.C. grumbled. "Besides that, one of my fears is having a bird speak our language. Should it say something unsavory for someone to hear or record, I'll be in hot water. Worse, I hate the possibility of it spouting confidential information that may jeopardize the security of this country."

"Honestly, I think you should be more paranoid with the previous president doing those things than with a bird," Delaware muttered.

Pennsylvania pondered before exclaiming, "I know! An animal that's low maintenance that also won't spew government secrets, I think a snake is perfect for you."

"A snake?"

"Yeah! Depending on the snake, you'll only have to feed it around once a week. Meaning, you won't have to clean up much poop. It's also good they don't require exercise or any grooming. They just sit and slither in a tank without making too much noise. Seems like a perfect match since you sorta have a snake-like personality."

"What do you mean 'snake-like' personality?" She narrowed her brow.

"Uh, I mean... Snakes are awesome, right?"

"Well, I guess they look cool, though I doubt they'll give me much enjoyment. More interactive than a fish tank I suppose, but I'm not entirely convinced to go out and get one anytime soon."

Delaware groaned, "Do you not like pets at all?"

D.C. glanced down at Willow nuzzling her leg, wondering about his question for a moment. "... I'll admit. Despite my past gripes, I do find some of them to be cute and worth the attention." She stroked the cat's chin. "After the previous presidency, I do again understand and appreciate the value of pets to others. With them around at the White House, I have no desire to get an animal companion of my own, which I think works well for me."

He shrugged and sighed, "If you say so. I won't argue further if that's how you truly feel."

"Although..." Pennsylvania mumbled. "Have you considered giving tarantulas a chance?"

"I can tell you now that's never going to happen..."

~ Woof! Meow! Woof! ~

Hey, hey, pappa, give me some milk!
Hey, hey, mamma, hey, hey, mamma!
I cannot forget the taste of that
Freshly-baked peach pie I ate before!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
My name's Delaware!

Draw a circle, that's the Earth!
Looking closely, that's the Earth!
Or maybe, that's the Earth?
I am the First state!

Ah, with just a brushstroke,
A wonderful world can be seen!
The Blue Hens think I'm number one!
Go, Delaware!

☆☆☆☆☆

+ This episode was inspired by Chapter 427 of Hetalia: World☆Stars, in which America spoke about his bosses' fondness for animals with many keeping various kinds at the White House. It's an interesting topic I plan to cover some more in the future. For this episode, what I included is listed in detail below:

- President Thomas Jefferson was noted to have owned sheep, horses, mockingbirds, shepherd dogs from France, and two grizzly bear cubs for a short time. I would like to write about his sheep for another time since one of them was described to have killed a "fine little boy." For this episode though, I focused on the bear cubs. They were sent to Jefferson in October 1807 as a gift from Captain Zebulon Pike who had been on an expedition in the southern region of the Continental Divide. Information about American grizzlies was scarce at the time, other than being "considered by the natives of [the] country as the most ferocious animals of the continent." Both cubs appeared "perfectly gentle" and "quite good-humored." Still, possibly thanks to the first-hand accounts of the Lewis and Clark expedition, Jefferson believed it would be "too dangerous and troublesome" for him to keep the grizzly cubs. Besides the risks involved, the bears had within two months outgrew their enclosure on the White House lawn, gleefully referenced by political opponents as his "bear-garden." Charles Wilson Peal gladly accepted the bear cubs as a gift from Jefferson for his natural science museum in Philadelphia. Unfortunately for the grizzlies, they eventually matured and became a threat when one broke out of its cage, thereby forcing Peale to put them down and turn them into mounts on display in his museum.

- President Benjamin Harrison was documented to have kept several mixed-breed dogs, a goat, two opossums, and two alligators. Although to be more accurate, these animals belonged to members of his family who lived with him at the White House during his tenure. The alligators in particular belonged to his son, Russell Benjamin Harrison. He brought them to the White House around May 1890 as a souvenir from his recent trip to Florida. Though members of the First Family didn't take very kindly to the new animals, the Florida swamp cats were nevertheless given a place at the White House conservatory.

- President Theodore Roosevelt and his family were known for their love of animals, especially dogs. In addition to owning various dog breeds, they also owned cats, rabbits, guinea pigs, ponies, snakes, chickens, a pig, a rat, a lizard, a Hyacinth macaw, a barn owl, a badger, a black bear, a hyena, a lion, and many other animals not listed on Wikipedia. Although for some of the animals, their stay at the White House was short for various reasons. Animals like the hyena and the lion were subsequently given to zoos to live out their days there. One of the terriers named Pete was "exiled" twice "after chomping on one too many legs." As for the rabbit that was briefly mentioned, it was one of the only animals known to have died at the White House without a given cause, though noted to have received a proper funeral.

- President John F. Kennedy had a pair of hamsters named Billie and Debbie among many animals. They were known for escaping their cage multiple times. At some point, they had a litter together. However, things took a dark turn. According to their animal wranglers, what happened was "like something out of a Greek tragedy. First, one hamster drowned itself in the president's tub. Then the others were eaten by their father. But the final act beat all—the mother hamster killed the father and then died herself, probably of indigestion."

~

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