Episode 45: Mission Independence (Part 1)

July 4, 2019 ~ New York City, New York

It's 9:00 AM. Already, Liberty Island is swarming with tourists. Among them is a young man with hair like waves of grain and eyes as blue as the sky above the Statue of Liberty. His name is America. And today is his birthday.

Earlier, Washington D.C. woke him up with an early morning phone call, asking him to meet her at the ferry. He wanted to sleep in and go later, but then she guilt tripped him with tickets to the Crown, reservations made months in advance. She also won him over when she mentioned Kansas and Hawaii's names. He didn't want to disappoint them. In a way, he was glad his capital made him get out of bed. Climbing 377 steps was what he needed for a morning workout!

Kansas makes her way up the stairs. "Slow down, South Dakota!"

The Mount Rushmore State looks down at her and the others. "Oh my god! All of you are slowpokes!"

America chuckles, "Easy for you to say. It's not like you're carrying Hawaii on your back."

The little Hawaiian frowns. "Sorry, America. I should've been wearing tennis shoes instead of flip-flops today."

"It's okay." He smiles to reassure her. "You can count on me to get you up-"

"Hurry up, slowpokes!"

He laughs, "Alright, alright, South Dakota! We're coming!"

Many steps below them, Alaska and North Dakota are exploring the lobby at the statue's base. They take pictures while they wait for the others to return from the Crown.

"So, who really owns the Statue of Liberty?" Alaska asks.

North Dakota looks around before facing her. "You're lucky New York and New Jersey aren't here to answer that."

"So, who owns it?"

"Well..." He proceeds to tell her.

Outside the Statue of Liberty, Washington D.C. makes a phone call. "What's your status back at the house?"

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A couple miles away at America's house, a group of states have woken up early to begin their task: cleaning and decorating the backyard, the setting of America's birthday party. As simple as that sounds, it's a lot of work. Here's the list: mow the grass, clean the pool, sweep the patio, set up the food stations, set up the picnic tables, and lots of decorating. It's a ton of work, especially for four states.

It also doesn't help one of them is slacking off.

"America is so lucky. Having a pet whale live in your swimming pool is so cool." Connecticut sighs while laying on top of the strange-looking whale.

"Connecticut!" He peers down to see Georgia make a pouty face. "You're supposed to clean the pool!"

He shrugs. "Looks clean to me."

"You don't know that!"

He furrows his brows. "Well, how am I supposed to clean the pool with this freaking whale in the way?!"

"That's no excuse for your lazy butt!"

While representatives of the North and South continue to argue, representatives of the Pacific Northwest are working hard setting up picnic tables.

Oregon wipes the sweat off her forehead. "Phew! I'm glad we're getting this done in the morning. I can't imagine doing this in the afternoon."

Washington straightens his back. "Yeah. We still have to get five more picnic tables to get out of the shed."

"I really hope our friends bring the decorations soon. We're almost done cleaning the backyard."

"Do you think they're even awake?"

She sighs, "Probably not."

~ Hetalia... ~

Inside the house, Virginia is making a patriotic, red velvet, layer cake. She sets up a bunch of glass bowl on the kitchen counter, filling each one with a type of red, white, and blue candy. She'll be using them for decoration once she's done coating the cake with a homemade buttercream frosting. She's quite proud of the progress so far. Hopefully America likes it.

Chime-chime! Chime-chime!

She gets her phone out of her apron pocket to answer it. "This is Virginia."

"What's your status back at the house?"

She recognizes the stern voice. "Very good. I'm about to decorate America's cake pretty soon."

"Good. Is anyone else with you at the moment?"

"Well, there's Georgia, Connecticut, Oregon, and Washington cleaning up the backyard. Oklahoma is preparing the grills. Arizona, Idaho, and Utah are playing video games with Tony. Michigan and Minnesota are watching a movie in another room." She tries to recall anymore states she's forgetting. "... Oh! Maine and Vermont are taking a stroll around the neighborhood. But they'll be back soon."

"Is anyone cooking at the moment?"

"Other than myself, no. We're still waiting for groceries."

"Who's doing the grocery shopping?"

"California, Maryland, Ohio, and Texas. Other states are getting more specific items, but those four in particular are supposed to buy the traditional foods." She frowns. "I don't know what's taking them so long. It's almost ten, and they're not here yet."

"Have you tried calling them?"

"I was busy making America's birthday cake."

She hears a sigh at the other end. "Okay. The others and I are currently visiting the Statue of Liberty. He hasn't suspect anything thus far. For now, you have until ten tonight to get everything ready for our return."

She softly smiles. "I hope you're having fun."

"Likewise." She hangs up the call.

~ Hetalia! ~

A couple miles away at a grocery store, Maryland is picking out blue crabs at the fresh seafood section.

"What are you doing?" Ohio startles her thoughts, making her drop the metal tongs by accident.

She glares at him. "Don't scare me like that."

"Sorry." He places the cardboard boxes he has been carrying down on the floor.

"What's in the boxes?"

"Corn."

"Really? Just corn?"

"Yeah. It should be enough to feed over fifty people" He opens up one of the boxes to show her a bunch of unpeeled corn. "I still need to get more things at the fruits and vegetables section."

"Like what?" She fetches the metal tongs out of the steel box.

"Well..." He looks back at the grocery list on his phone. "Maine needs blueberries. Vermont needs apples..."

"What about cherries?"

"Michigan doesn't trust me with them, so she bought some beforehand." He glowers at the multiple bags of crab at her feet. "You know, the store sells premade foods. We can save some time and money if we get them instead."

She scoffs, "You're such a cheapskate."

"I'm just saying-"

"Homemade foods are so much better!" She places a blue crab into a paper bag. "My homemade crab cake recipe is a thousand times better than frozen crab cakes."

"Aren't you blowing our budget?" He attempts to calculate the cost on his phone.

"No problem. All these crabs are coming from my pocket." Her eyes grow big all of a sudden. "Oh! Speaking of crabs, I need to get some Old Bay Seasoning. Lots of it!"

Despite his gripes, he relents and lets her keep her crabs. "By the way, do you know where the cart is? I can't find it anywhere." He picks up the boxes of corn.

"Check the meat aisle. Be sure not to talk to California and Texas while you're there." She picks up her bags of fresh crab.

"Are they arguing again?"

"Yep!" She runs off to the aisle where the seasonings are kept.

Nearby at the meat section, shoppers awkwardly pass by an inferno that has been burning for the last five minutes. The firestorm is so immense, it's cooking the raw meat behind the glass. Not even the most intimidating butcher wants to go anywhere near the blaze, afraid of getting scorched if they were to intervene.

Who'll win? The Californian holding a bag of veggies burgers, or the Texan controlling the food cart. Place your bets because things are going to get fiery hot!

Texas makes the first move. "Look here, Valley Girl. I've been nice and lenient with your high demands because today is America's birthday. Ya got your strawberries. Ya got your salad. Ya even got your veggie dogs."

California doesn't flinch. "I'm not in the fucking mood to deal with your bullshit. I miss a crap ton of sleep because of that dumb earthquake this morning, so do me a fucking favor and let me have these."

There's no empathy in the Texan's eyes. "I'm not letting you put those things in the cart."

"Why? You don't have a problem with the veggie dogs. These veggie burgers are totally acceptable."

"They are as fake as the color of your hair."

She gasps. "For your information, these veggie burgers are for people like myself and Oregon who want to stay fit and healthy during the summer."

"If you wanna eat mushy tofu, do it on a different day."

"What the fuck is your problem?"

"The problem is you!"

"The only problem is you being a hardass!"

"You're ruining burgers!"

"Don't be fucking stupid! It's not like I'm stopping everyone from eating meat patties. Like the veggies dogs, I want there to be healthy alternatives for those who don't want to be an ugly fatass."

Texas groans. "You know what, fine. If you like them so much, buy it with your own money."

"A-Actually," she awkwardly smiles, "I'm on a tight budget these days, so..."

She glowers. "No way. We're already spending most of our budget on authentic hot dogs and hamburger meat. There's no way I'm spending anymore of it on soy products."

California stares down at the cart. "Then, get rid of the sausage links."

"No way!"

"Dude! We already have hot dogs!"

"Well, some like myself like sausage dogs."

"Stop making excuses!"

She picks up the packaged veggie dogs. "How about this? Get rid of the veggie dogs, and the fake patties stay."

"What? No!"

"You can eat regular hot dogs like a normal human being."

"Well," she picks up the packaged sausage links, "how about we get rid of the sausage links instead?"

She gives her the death glare. "Your tan is about to get a lot tanner if you don't drop those sausages right now."

A fire sparks in her blue eyes. "We're buying those veggie burgers."

"No, we're not!"

"Yes, we are!"

The inferno escalates into a firestorm. Many customers flee for their lives.

Ohio creeps by to drop his corn at the cart. "Virginia just called asking us to hurry up with the groceries," he whispers before scampering off.

~ HETALIA! ~

For another group of states, they manage to get party supplies without a hitch. They're about to head back to America's house when Wisconsin tells them to make a quick stop at a grocery store.

"We need to get ice cream!" Wisconsin strides to the frozen food aisle.

"D-Didn't we mention ice cream on the list?" Iowa stammers, referring to the grocery list that was given to Maryland yesterday.

"Nope! I knew the list was forgetting something. I just remembered today."

They arrive at the ice cream section.

"Okay..." Wisconsin stares at the multiple brands and flavors on display. "Which one should we get?"

"Hm... Personally, you can't go wrong with Blue Bunny." He pulls a gallon of vanilla ice cream out of the freezer.

"Oh! We should also get the cups for the little ones."

"Good idea."

"Hey! What's taking so long?" A Masshole arrives on the scene.

"Mind carrying this for me?" Wisconsin hands him a gallon.

He gives Iowa a befuddled look. "Why are we getting Blue Bunny ice cream?"

"Well, apparently we forgot to put it on the-"

"No. I mean, why are we getting Blue Bunny?" He puts the gallon back in the freezer. "We should be getting Baskin-Robbins. Now that's some good ice cream." He takes a pint of the aforementioned brand out of one of the freezers.

They shrug. "Okay."

He blinks his eyes. "You're not going to argue with me?"

Iowa cocks his head. "Why would we argue over ice cream?"

"I mean..." He usually expects someone to disagree with him. Then again, he's dealing with two of the nicest states in America. He's unable to make up an excuse.

"We can get Baskin-Robbins and Blue Bunny ice cream. Either way, it's all ice cream going in our bellies," Wisconsin makes a valid point.

"I... You're right," he submits to the Midwest.

After buying a shit ton of ice cream, they head back to Massachusetts's car in the parking lot.

Rhode Island is playing on his Nintendo Switch in the passenger seat when he pauses his game to see the others come back with bags full of ice cream. "We came here for ice cream?" He makes a weird face.

"It wasn't on the grocery list," says Wisconsin.

"Did you guys get popsicles?"

"Popsicles?" Everyone in the car gives him a dumbfounded look.

"You know. The red, white, and blue popsicle sticks. I'm sure America likes those."

"... Shit!" The three states run back to the store.

~ Hetalia! ~

Elsewhere, another group of states are also running to a store. A liquor store to be precise.

"Let's see..." Nevada reads off a recipe on his phone. "Pinnacle Citrus Vodka... DeKuyper Blue Curacao Liqueur..." He places the bottles into a basket before coming to a stop. "Hm... Hopefully Cali is still at the store. I need a couple of things for this citrus-spangled spritzer I'll be making for the party." He sends her a text.

"How much beer are we even buying?" New Hampshire frantically carries a case of canned beer to Delaware.

The First State reads a paper list while doing the math in his head. "Referring to this list, about two-fifths of us are planning to consume alcohol. Assuming five of them are solely drinking cocktails and champagne, that leaves us with at least fifteen people preferring beer. Of course, most of them are going to drink more than one can of beer. Add the fact it's America's birthday, some of them are going to drink until they get wasted. Also, alcohol content is an important factor to consider. The higher the alcohol content, the lesser amount they'll drink in order to get drunk. Obviously, people like Louisiana and Kentucky are exceptions. Therefore, it's proper to assume-"

"How about four cases of beer?" New Hampshire places a 24-pack at his feet.

He blinks his eyes. "Let's add two packs of bottled beer just to be safe."

At the next aisle over, Kentucky and Louisiana are grabbing pretty much any bottle they can get their hands on.

Delaware takes notice of the commotion. "Let me remind you we're on a budget."

"We know." Kentucky picks up a bottle of bourbon whiskey.

"You don't have to tell us twice." Louisiana grabs a bottle of rye whiskey off a shelf.

He grows irritated at their carefree answers. "This party won't excuse any of you from trashing the backyard or running around in a birthday suit."

"Don't worry. That won't happen." He carries multiple jars of moonshine.

"Same." She cradles a flask of rum in her arms.

"I'm serious!"

"We know!" They grab more bottles without slowing down.

He shakes his head in disapproval. "I should've went grocery shopping instead..." he grumbles.

~ Hetalia... ~

After touring the Statue of Liberty, America and his entourage head over to Coney Island to watch Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest. Much to their surprise, they recognize a couple of faces competing in this year's competition.

'Why are they here? They're supposed to be preparing the party.' D.C. glares at the stage.

"You can do it, Penny!" Kansas claps her hands.

"Go, Penny! Go!" Hawaii cheers.

Among the women on stage, Pennsylvania is the only one so far in the double digits. She scarfs down her twelfth hot dog before beginning her thirteenth. Fourteen... Fifteen... The number behind her continues to increase. And she has yet to slow down. Unbelievable! She has a stomach made out of steel and the appetite to win. She's unable to speak, but she gives her friends a thumbs-up to acknowledge their support.

"Yeah! Swallow those wieners!" South Dakota cheekily grins.

"Pffft!" Pennsylvania covers her mouth, trying hard not to choke or laugh.

Alaska moves Kansas and Hawaii a couple of steps backwards. "This may get ugly..." she mumbles.

On the men's side of the contest, New York and New Jersey are going in hot like the intensity of their rivalry.

"You... can't... beat... me!" New York speaks between bites.

"Yeah... I... can!" New Jersey eats another hot dog.

"Look here, York!" Illinois waves his arm as he swallows his twentieth hot dog. "See! I'm better than you!"

"Who cares! All that matters is beating Jersey!" He swallows another hot dog.

"Oh, wow..." North Dakota stares.

New Jersey smirks. "I'm gonna win! For America!"

America smiles. "You're doing great, West!"

"Huh?" Illinois, New York, and New Jersey look over at the end of the table.

A large audience is building around West Virginia, cheering him on as he consumes his thirtieth hot dog. He takes a gigantic burp. "Excuse me!" he says before eating another hot dog.

"Yeah! You can do it, West!" America and the rest of the crowd cheer for him.

Illinois looks at the number above his head and frowns. "Welp. I tried." He gets up and walks off the stage.

New York's stomach rumbles upset. "I..."

"Giving up, Yorkie?" New Jersey smirks as he swallows another hot dog.

He glares at him. "Don't count me out just yet." He takes up another hot dog and vigorously eats the entirety of it.

The amount of hot dogs New York and New Jersey consume aren't enough to topple the Mountain State. Like Pennsylvania, they end up at the nearest trash can, feeling like trash themselves. At the very least, they've entertained America for the time being.

To be continued...

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+ This episode was written in 2019 around the 4th of July. As such, I made an episode featuring the capital and the states celebrating America's birthday. Due to the number of characters, I had to make this a two-parter. Hopefully everyone didn't mind me doing this.

- There were many ways I could've written this out. For example, I thought about setting this at the White House. But then I decided to set this story in New York CIty, assuming America lived in that city unless stated otherwise. It was convenient considering I was able to include various places and events for the story.

~

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