May 5, 1863 ~ California, U.S.A.

"Aiyah..." China sighed as he read the newspaper. "Why can't America get his states together? If I were him, I convince them to come back with some dim sum. That always do the trick." He sighed again. "Why am I even talking about it? I should focus on getting rest instead of worrying about America's problems. At least the war isn't anywhere near here-"

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!

"Gaaah! G-Gunfire?" China stood up from his chair. He heard a child's screams outside the house. The face of a little, blue-eyed girl immediately came to mind, filling his heart with worry. "Suck ball! Can't I catch a break!" He grabbed a wok and chuan (spatula) and rushed out the house.

He was about to jump kick the attacker until he realized there was no attacker to be found. Instead, he found little California holding a rifle in her tiny hands. She wasn't the only one holding a rifle. There were two dozen Mexican Americans on the street, setting off their guns up high in the air, hollering in a language China couldn't understand, at least not well. He did understand they were excited about something, judging by their giant smiles and loud laughter. The only thing he didn't understand was why they were making a ruckus. The Civil War hadn't ended, nor was it America's birthday yet.

China didn't think about that question for too long. The only concern on his mind was taking the rifle out of California's hands. "Aiyah! Don't play with that!"

"Hey! That's mine! Give it back!" California protested, hopping up and down in an attempt to get her rifle back.

"No!"

"I was celebrating with mis amigos (my friends)!"

"No excuse!"

"Then, how am I supposed to celebrate Puebla's victory?"

He made a strange face. "Puebla? Is she one of America's states?"

She shook her head. "She's one of Mexico's states."

"Oh, right. I almost forgot Mexico exists..." he mumbles to himself. "What about Puebla?"

"She and the states south of the border are trying to fight off France from invading Mexico's private regions! Because of the civil war, I can't help her. Still, I'm rooting for her and Mexico to win!"

"I see."

"Last year, she won a huge a battle against France. Amazing, right?"

"I mean, it's France, so..."

"Give back my party rifle!" She jumped up and down.

"No way!" He raised the rifle above his head.

"Party pooper!" She stuck her tongue at him.

"I don't poop at parties!"

"Then, how am I supposed to show my excitement for Puebla's victory?"

"I don't know. Something that doesn't involve guns."

She pondered until her face lit up with joy. "I know! I can cook!"

"Wait. You can cook?!"

"Yeah. Why are you surprised?"

"I thought you Americans were too lazy to cook."

She crossed her arms. "Well, I can cook. I'll prove it!"

"No! I don't trust you in the kitchen."

"But it's my kitchen!" She pouted. "I can prove it! I can cook!" She rushed back inside the house.

"No! Don't! You're going to burn down the kitchen!" China ran after her.

☆☆☆☆☆

May 5, 2019 ~ Nuevo León, Mexico

"¡Hola, mis hermosos ángeles (Hello, my beautiful angels)!" A gorgeous woman with reddish brown hair and a pretty smile presented herself in a crimson dress. "Ah! I see you're already captivated with me. No wonder, I'm indeed muy bonita (very pretty)." She made a dramatic sigh. "Anyway, this is my first appearance on this strange show. As such, my first appearance must be flawless, or else I'll make a bad impression. Not that I ever make bad impressions because I'm perfect in every-"

"¡Oh, cállate (shut up), Puebla!" A young man with black hair and blue eyes interrupted her introduction. "You're so full of yourself!"

She placed her hands on her hips and glared at the younger state. "How dare you! I, the angelic beauty named Puebla, demand an apology!"

"¿Para qué (For what)?"

"For disrespecting me and interrupting my introduction to those who aren't familiar with me!" she huffed. "This is what happens when someone takes after the gringo and malinchista. You become a selfish regiomontano with no manners whatsoever."

He frowned. "Why are you even here? Aren't you hosting your dumb Cinco de Mayo party at your place?"

"Cinco de Mayo isn't dumb!"

"It kinda is," a young, black-haired woman with green eyes spoke up. "Out of everyone in Mexico, only you celebrate that useless holiday."

She glowered at the siblings. "Coahuila. Nuevo León. You two forget how bravely I fought against France to protect Mexico."

"Yeah. Only to lose to France the following year."

"Urk!" Puebla could feel her confidence getting stabbed.

"And because of your loss, you allowed Mexico City to get captured," Nuevo León added.

"Urk!" She felt another stab through her chest.

"And because of your obsession with that battle, every gringo thinks Cinco de Mayo is Mexico's birthday." Coahuila made the killing blow.

"Nooooo!" Puebla fell in defeat. "... W-Well," she stood right up, "fine! I was about to invite both of you to my Cinco de Mayo party, but it would appear you ungrateful Norteños don't deserve to celebrate this important day with me." She made a dramatic hair flip and stormed off.

"That's fine with us." Nuevo León waved her off. "Have fun then. We're going to watch Tejas kick Alta's culo (ass)." He and Coahuila watched the Americans duke it out on the baseball field.

California held the baseball bat with trembling hands. She laughed off her nervousness. "I-I get it, Tex! You're pissed I'm better than you at basketball! Eeeek!" A supersonic fast ball flew past her face like a speeding bullet.

"You call this better!" Texas pointed at the scoreboard. "10-4, you blonde bimbo! And that's with a red eye, too!" She hurled the next pitch with all her might.

The Californian swung and missed, getting her second strike. "I said I was sorry!"

"What about the fouls? Are you sorry for those, too?"

"Don't be ridiculous! The refs were doing their job. Besides, you were playing dirty."

"Bullshit! You played dirty first!" She launched the baseball at her.

"Aaaah!" She swung and hit the ball into foul territory. "Come on, Tex! You're making me look like an amateur!"

"Good!" She got the ball back. "Now lose like an amateur!"

"Eeeek!"

Nuevo León laughed, "Jesus Christ! Is American baseball always this intense?"

"I think it's only this intense because of them..."

"This is, like, the worst Cinco de Mayo ever..." California sulked in a corner of the dugout after striking out.

~ Hetalia! ~

Mexico was watching a baseball game on TV when he heard the doorbell rang. He got up and took a look through the peephole of his door. He frowned when he saw it was the dumb, blond gringo wearing a big sombrero and a giant pancho. He thought about ignoring him until he remembered an incident involving a broken window and gringo blood on his floor. He sucked in a deep breath and opened the door.

America smiled. "¡Hola, Mexican dude! Whatcha doing?"

Mexico grumbled, "I already told you for the millionth time, you stupid gringo. Cinco de Mayo is NOT my birthday."

He laughed, "I know that!"

"Then, why are you still making a mockery of my culture?"

"Dude, it's Cinco de Mayo! We're supposed to eat tamales, drink lots of Mexican Coke, and beat up piñatas! Where's your fiesta spirit?"

"Taking a day off. Because Cinco de Mayo is my day off."

"Cool! We can party-"

"¡No, tu imbécil (you imbecile)! There's no party! It's just my day off!"

"Then, what do you do on Cinco de Mayo?"

He fumed. "¡Nada (Nothing)!"

"Nothing?! That's boring!"

"It's better than a work day!" He groaned. "Now, leave me in peace, pinche estúpido (fucking idiot)..." He was about to shut the door.

"Hold up! Hold up! I got you tequila!" He held up a bottle.

Mexico left the door open. But only for a moment. He took the bottle of tequila off America's hands. "I'm still not paying for that damn wall," he grumbled and shut the door.

America blinked his eyes. "So, the party still on?"

☆☆☆☆☆

+ Cinco de Mayo was originally a celebration that commemorates the Battle of Puebla. On May 5, 1862, Mexican forces in Puebla, despite being outnumbered and poorly equipped, were able to force the French army to retreat. Their victory boosted morale as well as established national pride and unity, however, it was short-lived. The French army would later capture Mexico City and hold onto it until 1867. Still, the Battle of Puebla was a significant event, especially to Mexicans at the time who went against the odds to defeat a superior, European army.

- Even though Cinco de Mayo is a national holiday in Mexico, it's not celebrated on the same scale as, say, Day of the Dead. To many Mexicans, Cinco de Mayo gives them a day off. That's it. The one exception to this case is the Mexican state of Puebla for obvious reasons. In Puebla, Cinco de Mayo is celebrated with meals, parades, and historical reenactments of the battle.

+ How Cinco de Mayo became popular in the United States was attributed to California's Mexican American population, first celebrated in 1863. The event was celebrated in obscurity until the 1940s with the growth of the Chicano Movement. Then, throughout the 1950s-1960s, Cinco de Mayo slowly spread to the rest of the United States, however, it didn't become popular until the 1980s when marketers started capitalizing on the celebration. In the present era, Cinco de Mayo in the United States became more of a celebration of Mexican culture and heritage.

- A common misconception with Cinco de Mayo is that it's Mexico's Independence Day. In truth, Mexico's Independence Day, aka the Cry of Dolores, takes place on September 16 and is celebrated on a par with the Fourth of July in the United States.

+ Even though I don't celebrate Cinco de Mayo, in my opinion, I think it's fine to celebrate Cinco de Mayo as a way of celebrating Mexican culture and heritage. That's not offensive. What's not fine is being an ignorant schmuck who uses this day as an excuse to get drunk on tequila and don a stereotypical, fake mustache. That's offensive. In general, please don't be an ignorant schmuck when celebrating holidays of another culture. That's all I'll say on the matter.

~

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