The Peepocalypse began in 1953.

Prior to that dreaded year, the fluffy candy known as Peeps was an endangered species in the genus: marshmallow. These two to three inch lumps of pure sugar were close to extinction due to their tedious reproductive system. Unlike most candies that produce multiple offspring, Peeps were produced one at a time. Peeps must be perfectly handcrafted in order for them to be adopted into their new homes. As such, it would take as long as 27 HOURS to prepare a SINGLE fucking bastard! It was a monotonous process for many Peep breeders to the point it nearly caused the end of the species.

But then a candy entrepreneur by the name of Sam Born took over the company that made Peeps. He found the breeding program to be outdated, especially in an era that was making use of modern machinery. Without delay, he reorganized the Peeps breeding program, modernizing the factory by introducing specified machinery that not only made Peeps at a faster rate of six minutes per offspring, but it also reduced costs as well. In addition to that, he said, "Hey! Americans like sickening, fluorescent colors! Let's make some pink and yellow Peeps, and see how well they do on the market!" And with that, the Peeps population made a rebound toward popularity, saving the species from extinction.

But little did the American public knew the dark truth about Peeps...

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Pennsylvania@penny-steeler

🐤 + 🍕 = 😍

Not long after Pennsylvania posted her latest 'invention' on Twitter, her tweet swiftly got a ton of responses.

California@goldengurl31

🐤 + 🍕 = 🤢 #gross

Michigan@thewolverine26

@penny-steeler

congrats you made pineapple on pizza look good

Illinois@coolguychicago

@penny-steeler

Why? Just... WHY?!?!

Connecticut@constitutionally-correct

I hate Peeps even more after seeing this.

Massachusetts@ultimate-masshole

I'm about to riot

New Jersey@nj-d3vil

Missouri@misery247

It doesn't look too bad...

New York@ny-empire11

@misery247

STFU! She should be thrown in jail!

Iowa@thecornfarmer

@ny-empire11

I don't know... I haven't tried it, so it could be good for all I know...

South Italy@romano-bastardo

YOU RUIN A DECENT PIZZA WITH THOSE CHEAP TASTELESS PEEP BASTARDOS! GRANDPA ROME IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE BECAUSE OF YOUR BROKEN STOMACH! CHIGIII!!! VAFFANCULO (GO FUCK YOURSELF)!!!

Pennsylvania could hear Romano's agonizing screams from across the Atlantic. "Oh my. Looks like I upset the Italians..." she mumbled while munching on a slice of pizza.

~ VAFFANCULO! ~

In the middle of the night, New York, New Jersey, and Massachusetts gathered outside the Peeps factory. They agreed to put an end to Pennsylvania's obsession with those fluffy, yellow fuckers. They called their plan: Operation Not A Peep.

"This whole thing is stupid," Massachusetts grumbled, "but not as stupid as Peepza at least."

"My inner Italian wants to smack her with a pepperoni sausage, but this is way better," said New Jersey.

New York shook his head. "I already gave her a pass for Peepshi, but this time she gone too far."

Somehow, the three were able to sneak their way into the factory. They made their way to a warehouse where all the Peeps were stored until they get shipped off for the market. Unfortunately, many Peeps would never make it outside the factory.

Massachusetts brought out a metal club. New York brought out a baseball bat. New Jersey brought out a flamethrower- wait, a what?!

"Where did you get a flamethrower?" New York questioned.

"Does it matter where I got it?" New Jersey smirked. He proceeded to burn a box full of blue Peeps. "Burn baby burn!" he laughed like a madman.

Massachusetts slammed his club down on a crate full of yellow Peeps. "As long as you don't burn my ass off, let's destroy these sugary pieces of shit!"

Whap! Wham! Crackle!

The three states crushed, pulverized, and burned every marshmallow chick they could find. They roared at the destruction they were creating.

"Cancerous lumps of cheap marshmallow, begone!" Massachusetts shouted

"You'll never terrorize pizzas ever again!" New York screamed.

"Burn in Hell, bitches!" New Jersey shrieked.

~ HETALIA! ~

About an hour later, the slaughterfest came to an end. The three states panted, surprisingly worn out from wrecking the warehouse full of Peeps.

"Gross..." Massachusetts wiped the gooey marshmallow off the sole of his shoe.

New York coughed into the sleeve of his shirt. "This is why I said to bring clubs." He waved away the smoke.

New Jersey tried to flame the last box of Peeps. When he pulled the trigger, no flames came out. He frowned. "Damn it," he groaned in disappointment.

New York swung his bat on the box of Peeps until it was completely flat. He then proceeded to stomp on it for good measure. "There! That's the last of them," he panted.

"Great!" New Jersey beamed. "We can get outta here."

"Um..." Massachusetts pointed at the door they came from.

"What is it, Masshole?"

New York and New Jersey looked back at the entrance. They were taken aback by what they saw. "What the...? How did we miss that?"

The door was barricaded by a wall of pink Peeps. The three states looked at each other, dumbfounded how neither one of them saw whoever stacked those Peeps. In fact, how did they miss that? Were they set up?

"Fuck! We're screwed!" New Jersey groaned.

"Not on my watch!" Massachusetts gripped his club and stomped toward the wall of Peeps.

With every bit of strength, the Bay Stater swung his club at the wall. He smacked the wall several times, taking chunks of marshmallow out of the wall. New York joined him on the action. Both states beated the wall many times, getting sugar all over their clothes and faces. Yet, the wall seemed impenetrable. The damage they done didn't seem to matter. In fact, the wall seemed to be regenerating.

"Why!" Whap! "Won't!" Whap! "They!" Whap! "Die!" New York grunted.

Massachusetts cursed under his breath. "It's no use. We need to find another way out of here."

They stopped to catch their breath.

"Guys..." New Jersey mumbled.

"What now?"

New York and Massachusetts turned their heads. Their jaws hit the floor when they saw the Peeps they had crushed, smashed, and burned were gone. Instead, all they saw were millions of colorful Peeps out in the open, all perfectly fine as though they were recently made. Where did they come from? And... why were all the Peeps' black, soulless eyes staring at them like satanic pawns? They looked like they were ready to murder them.

New York shook his head in disbelief. "Oh ha ha! Very funny, asshole!" He kicked a green chick like a soccer ball, sending it high into the air. "You think I'm scared of a posse of Peeps?" He stomped on a purple Peep.

Peep!

He froze. He gave his fellow states a nervous glance. "Did any of you say something?"

They shook their heads.

Peep! Peep!

New York lifted his foot off the ground. Like the T-1000, the purple Peep reformed into its original shape. "Peep! Peep!" The Peep made a bunny hop toward the New Yorker.

His eyes widened. "Gaaaaahhh!" He stomped on the Peep multiple times until it was a gooey splatter on the floor.

PeeEEeeEEeeep! PeeEEeeEEeeep! PeeEEeeEEeeep!

The shrills and shrieks of a million angry Peeps overwhelmed the states with horror and dread.

"What the fuck is going on?!" New Jersey screamed.

"Nice going, Yankee! You pissed them off!" Massachusetts yelled.

"Peep! Peep! Peep!" An army of purple Peeps charged at New York to avenge their fallen Peep.

New York swung his bat at them. "Stay back! I'll destroy every one of you fucks!" He swung his bat again. "I mean it!"

"PEEEEEEEEEP!" A green Peep launched itself at his face.

"Gaaah! Get off me!" He grabbed the Peep, however, three more Peeps launched themselves at him. They stuck themselves to his blonde hair and face. He screamed as his entire body became one with the orange marshmallow chicks.

"Yorkie!" New Jersey ran toward New York. He tried getting the Peeps off him, but the Peeps wouldn't get off his hands and arms. The next thing he knew, he was being swallowed up by them as well. "Mass... hole... Help...!" His hand reached out into the air, becoming the last part of his body to be swallowed up by the Peeps.

Massachusetts wanted to help his fellow states, but he was completely surrounded. He backed himself into a wall, quickly realizing his mistake. "Shit! Shit! Shit!" He swung his club at the wall of Peeps, hoping to get himself free. But the wall of pink Peeps quickly took a hold of his arms and legs. Despite his cries for help, his entire body was absorbed into the gelatinous wall. Just as the Peeps were covering his face with their sticky bodies, he thought he heard a voice. He blacked out before he could get their attention.

~ ...... ~

When a little Peep informed her of a massacre happening at the factory, Pennsylvania rushed over there like a Mother Hen. When she got to the warehouse, she expected the worst. Instead, she saw most of the Peeps were chirping like songbirds in their box-shaped nests, happy to see their favorite caretaker checking up on them. She thought it was a false alarm until she saw the mess.

Stuck to the floor were her fellow states: New York, New Jersey, and Massachusetts. They were out cold, covered in sugar and marshmallow fluff. She couldn't help but giggle at the sight.

"Are these the intruders?" She turned to the yellow Peep on her shoulder.

"Peep! Peep!" The yellow Peep bounced twice. "Peep! Peep! Peep!"

"I'm glad you and your siblings had fun with them." She looked back down at her fellow states. "Although, you might've been a little rough of them," she giggled.

"Peep! Peep!" The peep nuzzled its sugary head to her cheek.

"Yes. Let's hope they never learn of our plans..."

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+ In 1953, Just Born, a candy making company based in Pennsylvania, acquired the Rodda Candy Company, a company that was known for making marshmallow chicks. WIth the introduction of specialized machinery, no longer were marshmallow chicks painstakingly produced by hand (it originally took nearly thirty hours to produce a single chick). The marshmallow candy known as Peeps would go on to become a staple candy during the Easter holiday, coming in various colors, flavors, and sizes.

- Peeps were sometimes joked to be indestructible. In fact, a bunch of scientists from Emory University tested to see how durable Peeps were. In conclusion to see whether Peeps migrate or evolve, it would appear Peeps "wouldn't dissolve in anything".

+ Among Easter candy, Peeps would usually be placed at the bottom of most people's lists. Even so, many people were able to incorporate Peeps in creative ways. Some of the most unique recipes I found included Peepshi (Rice Krispie treat + Fruit by the Fruit roll + Peep = sushi dessert) and Peepza (Peep + Pizza = Romano's horrified screams). The latter was notably criticized for being "worse than pineapple pizza".

~

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