Episode 10: Provinces vs. States

The Canadian Provinces: a strange land full of friendly, moose fuckers and maple syrup maniacs. Like the 50 States of America, there are people who represent these provinces, ten to be exact.

"Who are the Canadian Provinces?" one who's not familiar with them may ask. Or, any American for that matter.

Well, here's your answer according to the American states who are familiar with their neighbors in the North:

"Ontario? He's like me but without my popularity. So, not that important. Also, the Leafs are shit," says New York.

"I love Quebec! Her poutine is the best!" Vermont nods. "Let's see... I guess if I have to point out a flaw... She's a bit of a French snob. And I'm part French!"

"Yeah. Maine and I often piss off Nova Scotia a lot," Massachusetts recalls. "If you want to know what she's like, she's basically another Scotland. That's her name, right? New Scotland but Canadian. Yeah. That's what she is."

"Oh, right. New Brunswick exists..." Maine chuckles in an awkward manner.

"Manitoba is pretty nice once you get to know him." Minnesota smiles. "He may seem cold at first, but he's a good person once he gets past his shyness."

"British Columbia is a total weeaboo," says Washington. "Like, imagine Oregon with Colorado's obsession with weed, California's love for Asia and movies, and some maple syrup. That's British Columbia."

"Prince Edward Island, what a name." Idaho sighs. "Since he likes potatoes, I guess he's cool in my book."

"Saskatchewan?" North Dakota shrugs. "My sister called her Sasquatch one time, and she refused to talk to my sister ever since."

"Alberta and I are pretty close friends," says Montana. "Wyoming tells me he has a crush on me although I think he's pulling my leg."

"Newfoundland and Labrador..." Oregon mumbles with a finger to her bottom lip. "... I honestly know more about their dogs than them." She hides her face in shame. "... I'm a terrible person."

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It all began when Michigan opened her big mouth. "You suck!" she yelled across the lake.

Not long after she said that, Ontario responded from his side of the lake. "You suck as well!"

And that was the beginning of the Canada-USA rivalry.

"You challenged the Canadian Provinces to a hockey match?" New York gave her the stink eye.

Michigan nodded with a clenched fist. "They provoked us first!"

"Really? The Canadians?"

"Does it matter?"

"I mean..."

"We need to prove our dominance by winning against them in a hockey game."

"And, how does this involve me?"

"Our team needs six players to compete against them." She pointed a finger at him. "And I'm choosing you to be our goaltender!"

"And the rest of our players?"

"Well, I'm playing, obviously," she explained. "Minnesota is also playing because she's, by far, the best among all of us in the sport. Massachusetts is also playing, and Connecticut agreed to play as well, only because Massachusetts is playing. And because Illinois is busy doing stuff for the Mob, I had to replace him with Wisconsin which isn't that big of a loss. And if you joined us, we basically got our team."

New York took a moment to consider her plan. "... Is money involved in this?"

"Um... No, b-but we do win and prove America is better than Canada! Plus, our pride is at stake, so you better join us, or else we'll be labelled as losers for the rest of our lives! To Canadians, no less!"

He sighed. "Fine, fine. I'll join you. Just tell me when so I can excuse myself from work."

"Awesome!" She skipped out of his office. "You better be there, or else I'm gonna beat you with my wrench!"

"Yeah, yeah." He brushed her off before getting back to work.

~ Hetalia! ~

Somewhere at a frozen pond in the United States...

"Where are those Canadians?" Michigan grumbled under her cold breath. "It's already noon."

The rest of her fellow states sat at a picnic table while she stood, looking out at the other side of the pond. They were ready to play, fit in their hockey gear and hockey sticks in hand. The only thing preventing them from going out on the ice were their rivals who had yet to show up at the designated time and place.

"I'm bored." Connecticut yawned.

"I bet they're scared of losing to us," Wisconsin laughed.

"I doubt it. You know our neighbors, especially when it comes to hockey," Minnesota mumbled.

"Still, they should've been here by now," New York grumbled. "I'm not going to wait on them forever."

"If they don't show, that means we automatically win. Right?" Massachusetts pointed out.

"How's that a win?" Michigan complained, "Winning against cowards doesn't mean anything in my book. I want to crush them and show them who's the best on the ice! I want to shove my glove in Ontario's dumb face and tell his maple-loving ass I'm better than him! That America is number one at hockey, and he can't prove me wro-"

A snowball smacked the back of Michigan's head. She turned her head and glared at the perpetrator who did that. She locked eyes on a blond man whose eyes gleamed like amethysts. She was about to charge at him with her hockey stick, but the cheesehead managed to hold her back from attacking their rival.

"Come on, Wisconsin! Let me have a piece of him!"

"Stop it, Michie! You can focus all that anger during the game, but not now."

The Ontarian snickered. "Yeah, Michie," he mocked. "You should do what your friend says. At least she isn't a brute, unlike you."

"Why you!" Michigan struggled to free herself from Wisconsin's grasp.

Meanwhile, five other Canadian Provinces arrived at the frozen pond.

"Oh my." A French-Canadian woman with long, white hair and blue-violet eyes approached the frozen pond. "Is this where we're going win? A children's pond?" She huffed in disappointment. "This isn't even worth speaking in French."

"The winter scenery is pretty at least," a young woman with sleek, dark hair and almond-shaped, green eyes admired the snowy pines surrounding the isolated area.

"You're late." New York approached the group.

Quebec frowned. "At least we're here." She flippeds her white hair over her shoulder in a dramatic manner. "You Americans think you can go anywhere by car. It's not easy for us to get together on time, you know."

"Hey. I thought Nova Scotia was joining you guys," Massachusetts noted the absence of the Nova Scotian.

"About that," British Columbia spoke up, "she's currently getting over a 'three-day' hangover. Whatever that means..."

"So, who's replacing her?"

A man with black hair and dark blue eyes reluctantly raised his hand. "I-I am."

Connecticut cocked his head. "And... Who are you?"

His eyes widened. "You don't recognize me?"

The Constitution State shook his head. "Nope. No clue."

"I-It's me! Manitoba!"

"You're a province?"

Manitoba sulked in defeat.

A young woman with dark skin scowled. "You shouldn't be mean to him."

He gave her a weird look. "And who are you?"

She blinked her eyes. "I-I'm Saskatchewan."

"Sasss..."

"Saskatchewan."

"Sassketch-"

"Saskatchewan."

"Sesketchiwun?" He smirked.

"Saskatchewan! It's Saskatchewan!" She ended up crying with Manitoba over their forgotten identities.

"Hmph!" A tall, young man with blond hair made a step toward Connecticut. "You think her name is funny?"

"And you-"

"I'm Alberta."

"Oh! You're the Texas of-"

"I'm not Texas! Nor am I a nobody like you."

Connecticut gasped in offense. "A nobody? Me?"

"Isn't he Vermont?" Saskatchewan whispered.

"I thought he's New York. The city I think..."

"I'm neither! I'm Connecticut!"

"Connecticut? That's a state?" Alberta gave him a weird look.

He huffed. "Yes, I'm indeed a state! See!" He grabbed a map of the United States out of nowhere, angrily pointing to his home.

"Gosh, it's so tiny," Quebec giggled, looking at where he's pointing.

Connecticut blushed. "W-Well, my large sums of money make up for it."

British Columbia looked all over the map. "Why are there so many states?"

Ontario came over to look at the map. "All I know is California, Texas, New York, and that's it. The rest are nobodies."

"Who you calling a nobody, beaver-humping mountie!" Michigan growled.

"U-Um, you guys," Minnesota's soft voice grabbed everyone's attention. "I hate to break up our nice conversations, but, now that we're all here, shouldn't we start our game of hockey?"

Everyone blinked their eyes.

"... Your kind friend has a point," Quebec admitted. "Come, my fellow Canadians. Let's equip our gear and show these dumb American what we're made of. I would hate to lose to them in the sport I invented and perfected in."

The Canadian Provinces began walking over to their side of the pond.

Thinking it was safe, Wisconsin released Michigan, allowing her to walk freely once again.

"You cowards! This isn't over!" she called. She grabbed a handful of snow, shaped it into a snowball, and threw it at Ontario's head.

The snowball hit its mark.

Ontario turned and glared at the Americans. "Eh! Who did that?"

Michigan pointed to New York.

New York gave her a mean look. "Seriously- oof! Hey! I didn't throw that!" he yelled at Ontario who prepared another snowball in hand.

"I know. But it felt nice," he laughed.

New York gritted his teeth. "You know what's also nice?" He kneeled down and formed a snowball. "This!" He threw it at the Canadian. 

Quebec sighed. "You two are so immat-" The snowball hit her face. She fumed. "Cela signifie guerre (This means war)!" she shouted. She picked up some snow, packed it into a ball, and threw it at the American states.

Her snowball directly hit Minnesota in the face.

Wisconsin gasped. "How dare you hit Minnie!" She proceeded to make a snowball as well.

Quebec looked at the rest of the provinces. "Don't just stand there. Attack them!"

"Eh? I thought we were supposed to play a game of hockey?" British Columbia groaned.

"Not until they pay for throwing that snowball at my face. Now, attaque!" She launched another snowball at the state; this one managed to hit Massachusetts on the shoulder.

"It's the War of 1812 all over again!" He and Connecticut joined the brawl.

Saskatchewan sighed. "I just wanted to play some hockey..."

Both sides ended up getting into a snowball fight that lasted the entire day. Their hockey match ended up getting delayed to next month.

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+ To anyone who wants to learn more about my Canadian Provinces OCs, feel free to check out Hetalia: Guide to the Canadian Provinces & Territories on my Wattpad profile. That book is a Hetalia OC guide containing their character profiles. Overall, the Canadian Provinces are special guests whenever I feature them in my 50 States fanfiction.

- I thought about having all the provinces show up in this episode, however, I decided to limit that number considering there were already a lot of characters in this episode alone. 

+ It's well-known Canada and the United States have a rivalry that goes way back. This rivalry is notably seen in winter sports, particularly hockey (or ice hockey to those outside North America).

- Some of the Canadian Provinces and American States I included in this episode are regions where hockey is the most popular.

~

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