Maybe some of you already knew this, but just for the benefits of those who are still innocent and didn't yet taint their good behavior the way most of us already did, and would like to know a thing or two. Here's a fact. Yes, I'm calling it a fact because I lived through it.

There's a rush in being chased after.

Especially, by the boy you think you could be crushing on, and most especially since that boy introduced you to the kissing world.

Logan awoke the rush in me. The rush I didn't even know I had. If I wanna be honest, Logan awoke a lot of things I didn't know about myself. Facts.

The moment I took my rapid steps out of the cafeteria, he was hot on my tail and a part of me was thrilled with that fact.

"Oh, no, you don't. You don't get to walk away anymore, Amelia! We need to talk."

I stopped walking then, and with my finger raised, turned around to point it at him. "No, Logan, we don't. There's nothing to talk about. What happened was a mistake, and I don't want to talk about it." I said before attempting to turn around again.

"What is the matter with you?" He hissed and grabbed my hand before I could even fully turn away.

"Nothing," I said, trying to yank my hand back. "Nothing is the matter with me. We kissed then nothing happened. No calls, no messages, nothing. It clearly didn't mean anything to you, and now, I'm over it."

"Over it?" He yelled and threw his hands up. "What the fuck?" He cursed. "Amelia, you are driving me insane. What did you want me to do? We kissed then you freaked out about it and told me you wanted to leave. And don't forget earlier at school that day, you told me to leave you alone. So, what the fuck do you want me to think? Tell me, what should I think?"

I realized then you know what? When you put everything he said that way, he kinda had a point. I did tell him to leave me alone that afternoon before we went full-on make out by the night. But then, wasn't us kissing like that supposed to tell him something? Ugh, this whole thing was just pointless. I took a deep breath to calm my nerves down and asked the only thing that made sense at that point.

"What do you want, Logan?"

Logan stared at me. Like he wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to say. His eyes, however, his eyes almost told me everything I should have known before he opened his mouth. His eyes roamed around my face, and settled on my open lips, lingered there a tad bit too long then back to my eyes before he uttered only one word.

"You."

I think I couldn't breathe properly. When he took that slow, but steady step closer to me, his soft perfume was all I could smell. Most importantly, I could smell him as a man. Like for the first time, I could see all of him. Slowly, he reached out and took my heated hands on his, and repeated what he had said.

"I want you, Amelia. Can't you see that?"

His voice, his eyes, his hands on mine, everything he did at that moment got butterflies to dance in my stomach. I wanted to level in his words. I wanted to just accept him and everything that represented the hot, yet still mysterious man in front of me. Before I could do any of that though, one name seemed to pop out of nowhere and reminded me I couldn't even if I wanted to.

"But... But what about, Charlotte?"

The moment her name left my lips, I knew Logan knew exactly what I was talking about. His face flushed from confusion to shock to understanding. He understood that yeah, I knew about her.

Found out the hard way by the way.

He let go of my hand and took a step back. "What about Charlotte? What does she have to do with anything?"

"What do you mean what does she have to do with anything? You two are together, right? That's what she said."

"Charlotte talked to you?"

It didn't matter whether she talked to me or not, and he was missing the point. The point was, if they were together or whatever the story was, the kiss between us was a mistake, and I didn't want anything to do with either one of them.

"Just answer the question, Logan. Are you, or are you not?"

"No. We used to be. But not anymore. Why are we talking about this?"

Why are we talking about this? Why are we talking about this? Really? I'll tell you why. Because your psychotic ex, or whatever the story is, threatened me, that's why. But I didn't tell him that. Instead, I said, "Maybe you should try and make that clear to her."

"Why did you kiss me?" He asked, instead. "That night, why did you kiss me, Amelia?"

I didn't expect that question. I didn't know why I kissed him, or why I wanted to do it again deep down.

"I don't know," I said and looked down on my legs. "I just... I don't know. It just happened."

"Look at me." He came back closer. "I know you feel something, Amelia. Just be honest with yourself, and with me."

"Maybe I do." I threw my hand up and looked at him. "But until I'm sure what it is that I feel, you should figure out what's going on with you and Charlotte."

With that, I took a step back and another one before I turned fully and left.

*****

The size of the weight that pressed on my confused mind was gigantic.

The words 'I want you' kept repeating on my mind over and over. The fact that I had more questions than answers certainly drove me to the verge of insanity. I always had answers when it came to school projects. I wished that was it. I wished I could just solve that one just as quickly as I solved math.

He was right, I did feel something for him. The fact that he said he wanted me, opened up all kinds of hopes and needs that I didn't know how to deal with.

No matter how busy I made myself when I got home that even, I was still restless. I cooked, I washed dishes, I cleaned, I did my homework, but nothing stopped my racing mind.

You should know, part of me wished Logan hadn't said those words to me because maybe then, I wouldn't have been so edgy. Maybe then, I wouldn't have been fighting every fiber in my body not to grab my phone and call him just so I can get clarification. Because I so wanted to hear him again.

I'm sure you can guess what won the battle between calling or not calling?

Even though I never called any boy before, I found myself walking towards my phone and hover over his name and number like a creep.

You know? You don't know whether you are a coward or not until you are faced with the situation in front of you. I sincerely apologize if I ever called anybody a coward before. I found out I was the biggest coward of all time. I couldn't call him. Even though he and I had each other's phone numbers, none of us ever called before.

Sending a message was the best next thing, so that's what I decided to do only to end up finding out with all the questions I had, a single message would have not been enough. Not even ten of them. I would have needed at least two pages of A4 papers.

Calling sounded like the only thing I could do. I gathered up my cowardice courage, and finally stopped hovering and actually pressed that dial button.

No answer. The first time, the second time, the third time still, no response.

"Ugh," I threw my phone on the sofa and sat down beside it.

The last resort that ran through my mind sounded even more insane. The fact that I was already walking out of my house towards my car confirmed that I had indeed gone bonkers. I didn't care if, in fact, I was. I cared about 'I want you' sentence that repeated on loop on my mind.

Twenty minutes later, I was parked outside Logan's house, contemplating whether I should go in or just drive back to my house and forget this whole insanity.

Insanity won since I opened my car door, walked up to Logan's front porch, and pressed the doorbell.

Only then did my usually sane and responsible self-showed up. I was about to turn around and bolt to my car when the door flew open, revealing Logan standing there looking like he just had a shower. The strands of his hair were a little damp, but for some reason, my eyes seemed to like that.

"Amelia?" What are you doing here?" Not exactly the warm welcome I expected, but I did show up unannounced.

"Hi, Logan," I flushed. "I called your phone, but you didn't pick up, and I wanted to talk to you about some..."

"Logan, who is it?"

In a span of a few minutes, everything seemed to have crashed and burned because you know what? I knew that voice all too well. The pang of heat that slammed on my chest almost got me to clutch at it. There, from inside the house, Charlotte walked towards us. My heart sank to my stomach as I looked at Logan, who looked like he didn't know what to say.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Amelia?" Her loud voice was too loud for my already fragile state.

"Um, I... uh, I was just," I stammered. She was the last person I thought I would see there. Most especially because, Logan said nothing was going on between them. "I wanted to speak to Logan about...uh."

"About what? Speak up." She snapped her fingers on my face.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. "I'm sorry, I just. You know what? Forget it, I'm just gonna go," I said and took a step backward.

"Yeah, you should leave." She took a step entirely outside. "You have no business coming here."

"Wait, Amelia, wait." Finally, Logan spoke. "You wanted to tell me something?"

"Let her leave, Logan," Charlotte said, and snaked her hands around his bicep. Another jab of needles sprung themselves on my chest, and it hurt. A lot. "She doesn't have anything to say to you."

I looked back at him, making sure I looked him in the eye. Making sure he knew I caught him in his lie just this afternoon. "It's okay." I forced a small smile on my lips. "Forget about it. I'll just leave you two to get back to whatever it is you were doing."

By God, I hoped he would follow me. Or say something, anything, but he didn't. That hurt even more. My ribs were nearly crushing my heart. My eyes stung from the overwhelming feeling of tears that demanded to be released. I didn't let them flow down my cheeks. Not while they could still see me. I was confused. I was hurting, and above all, I was humiliated.

"You can do it, Amelia. Just put one leg in front of the other, and you will reach your car soon," I encourage myself. I wouldn't let them see me breaking down, or as a weak Amelia, everybody thinks I was.

I couldn't go home. I didn't want my mom to see me like that, so I went to one place I knew I could go. Suzy's place.

By the time I got there, I was disheveled, tired, and drained with all the pain I was feeling inside. Suzy opened the door, and as soon as I saw her, I couldn't hold it in anymore. Throwing my arms around her, I let out everything I was feeling inside. The pain, the anger, the humiliation. I let it all out.

I let myself cry on her shoulders. Tears kept on falling from my eyes, and I couldn't stop them. I didn't want to stop them.

"Amelia? Oh my God, what's wrong? Tell me. You're scaring me," Suzy said, frantically trying to see my face.

"It hurts. Oh, God, it hurts so much. I can't take it anymore."

"Come on, come in. Let's get you settled down."

She dragged me inside toward the couch and put me down before she left and came back with a glass of water and a blanket to cover my shoulders.

"Here, drink this," she said, handing me the glass. I took it and managed to take a small sip of water and gave it back to her.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to come at you like this, but I didn't know where else to go."

"It's okay, come here." She sat down on the couch and pulled my head on her lap.

"You know you can come to me anytime, Amelia. You don't have to apologize. What happened?"

So, I told her. I told her everything that happened from that afternoon to now.

"And he just stood there saying nothing? What a dick!"

"You should have seen the way Charlotte mocked me." I sniffed. "You should have seen them together. They looked perfect."

"I am so sorry, Amelia. I am so sorry this happened to you."

"Is it always like this? Does it always hurt like this? I don't understand, the first guy I decided that I'm gonna try something with, and this is what's happening."

"No, it's not! I promise it not always like this. It's gonna get better. If the stupid Logan couldn't see how lucky he was you decided to even try, then he's just that, stupid. For now rest, okay? I'm right here."

About an hour later, I was beginning to feel better when there was a knock on the door. Suzy and I looked at each other before she got up from the couch to go see who it was.

"Logan? What the bloody hell are you doing here?"

What the... Logan was the last person I expected to be knocking at Suzy's doors. Though he would have been busy with bloody Charlotte since they looked so cozy back then. Without meaning to, I jumped out of the couch and stood up before I started pacing.

"Is Amelia here? I need to talk to her."

"No, you don't. She told me what happened. You're a real asshole, Logan you know that? How did you even know she was here?"

"I went to her house first. For Fuck's sake, can I talk to her? I can explain."

"No. You wait here. I'll go ask her if she wants to talk to you."

The moment Suzy closed that door I knew what my answer would be. The fact I was full-on panic just drove the point home. I didn't want to see him. I didn't want him to see me. I didn't want him to know how his little Charlotte display had got to me, and I made sure to tell Suzy just that.

"Calm down." She wrapped her arms around me in reassurance. "You don't have to see him. I'll handle it, just wait here."

"She doesn't wanna see you," she said. "In fact, I don't wanna see you either, and until she calms down enough? Goodbye, Logan," she said and slammed the door on his face.

He wasn't happy about that if the muffled swearing and a little bit of door banging indicated anything. I guess he wasn't used to people slamming doors on his face.

Ha!

Take that, Logan.

I flung my hands around Suzy when she came back. She was terrific, and I loved her for that.

"Thank you."

"No worries, I got your back, girlfriend. And Logan can suck my dick!"

I shook my head and laughed. For the first time that evening, I laughed. In fact, if I think about it, it's the first time I laughed that whole dreaded day.

"Thank God, you don't have a dick."

"What?" she planted her hands over her chest. "I thought I had the biggest balls on Earth."