— Granny, please !

— What again ?

— Stop acting like you're frustrated. Do I have to remind you that YOU'RE the one using obscure methods to come and squat my dreams ?

— A-HA ! So, you believe me ?

I don't know what I'm to say I'll say it anyway.

— Why yes I believe you ! Never in a million years I could come up with the name of Mister... Grougri.

— Oh, you called your mom ?

— Yes... I managed to find her number and I- But you're supposed to know that !

— What, do you think I have nothing better to do than to occupy your mind all day everyday ?

— I thought you needed something from me. Something urgent...

— I mean, it can wait. A little. Hold on, don't you want to know what it is ?

— Are you kidding me ? I've been dying to know ! Approximately since you showed up, I haven't stopped asking you or even myself what on earth is happening to the universe. However, instead of just answering, the only person who'd be able to, that person being you, is talking some nonsense about some cruise that lasted six years !

— Seven.

— What ?

— Seven years. Not six. You know, like the song.

— Okay but that's not the point !

— Just admit you were wrong and be done with it.

— Grandma !

— Granddaughter !

— What ?

— Yeah, I'm not sure I really got the basics of this game.

— It's not a... I sighed. Whatever. Would you please just... Focus ? Please ? Focus on me.

I realized way too late that I just let a Taylor Swift reference slip away from me. Please, may she not pick it up.

— Fuck Fuck, Fuck a Zombie !

A Bart Baker parody ? Not bad, kid.

— I am ready !

— Ready for what, young lady ?

— Nothing, I just thought,...

— I was teasing you ! Not bad, eh ?

— Grandma, please !

— Okay, okay, I got it ! You want me to wrap it up? To go straight to the point?

— My... Yes !

— I'm so disappointed.

— You... What ?

— I thought you would be interested in my stories ! That we'd be able to catch up on all that time we weren't together, that we'd be spending some quality grandmother/granddaughter time but instead...

— Enough already ! Grandma, I love you, I also love spending time with you but don't you think this has gone too far ?

— What's "this" ?

— The whole thing ! The coming back from the dead, the cruise, the voodoo, I mean, I've got already enough on my plate with vampires !

— So, you wanna know the whole story, once and for all ?

— Why, yes !

— Know why I contacted you, while you've been slowly but surely adapting to your new train of life ?

— I'm not- This is nothing like a new life ! It's just temporary, I play along until they leave me alone. That's it.

— Yeah, sure. Anyway, the truth is-

— Marie !

Huh ? Who's that, again ?

— Shit.

What's going on ?

— I'm here, François !

But who are those people ?

— Well, Julie, I've gotta go.

Granny, do I have to remind you that you're in the middle of a dream ? MY dream ? You can't just leave as if you were in a discord voice chat channel and somebody walked into the room ! Who are Marie and François, are they french ? AND WHY IS MY VOICE GONE ?

— You're starting to get annoying ! How about you wake up ?

Wait a minute I'm not done with...

Great Scott. I'm in my bed.

I'll get back at her ! I don't know how, but I'll find a way !

Apparently, sweet grandma doesn't only appear in my dreams, she also controls them and can easily eject me from one if needed. Awesome.

And I really don't wanna deal with that moron, right now. More than usual ! Maybe if I close my eyes fast enough, he won't notice I'm awake ?

— Julie !

Too late.

— What ? I put some efforts to sound more irritated than usual. Not sure why, since he already began talking, God knows he won't shut up anytime soon.

— ... And that's how they finally made up !

He said, excited. I wasn't exactly listening but I'm gonna assume he was babbling about the new couple in town.

— See ? As I told you, all they ever needed was time. Not me.

— Yes but... We still need your advices !

— What are you talking about ? They made up, so there's seeing eye to eye, so they don't need any relationship advice.

— What if it doesn't work out ? Them agreeing doesn't necessarily mean they were made for each other.

— It's... Very much possible that it works out between them, without it being something predestined.

— Really ?

I don't really know why my subconscious, along with the totality of my brain decided at that exact moment that I've had enough of that bullshit and that I couldn't take it anymore.

— What do I know, may I ask ? For fuck's sake Gus, I'm still in middle school, 14 years old, barely a teenager ! How am I supposed to understand all that crap ? Love, relationships, I was never interested by any of it ! Just find yourselves some mushy highschooler whose favorite past time is to read some cheesy love story novel with vampires, lycanthropes and all those fantastic beasts. Someone like that could really be a help for your case and I'm not only saying this because I want out, I really am convinced that you're wasting your time by keeping me, at least as much as I am wasting mine by staying here.

— I mean you're not wrong, I guess, but you're already here so... Then again the soulmate could still very much be you.

— Won't you stop with that already ? It's not me, never was, never will be !

— How can you be so sure ?

— It's quite simple, actually. I don't feel anything of that style for him !  

— Are you positive ? You said earlier you basically know nothing about love.

— I stand by what I said but I'm also pretty sure when you feel something so big and nauseous as love with a capital L, you know it. I have had enough friends living lovey dovey stories to support that theory and I'm absolutely capable to put words on everything I'm feeling, or ever felt.

— So, you don't want to help us anymore ?

Help you do what ? For fuck's sake they're together ! I've got a feeling I'd be repeating myself, so I didn't say it out loud.

— I just want to go home.

— Be honest, do you really feel like an hostage, around here ?

— Not really, but I hate being passive. The thing is I wasn't locked up because of something I did and there's nothing I can do to just... Accelerate things. I'm stuck just waiting for something that will possibly never happen, and I have no power over whatsoever !

— You mean... The Lord may never find his soulmate ?

As long as I'm left alone, I don't really care, buddy.

— Why is that important ? Let's say they're not "written in the stars" or some goofy romantic thing, why can't they just love each other ? Create spécial bonds ? You won't convince me every married couple on earth are actually soul sisters.

— Which is why there are divorces, among others.

— How about second marriages, after the death of the significant other ? It happens more than we know.

— With humans maybe, we're talking about vampires here.

Damn headache.

— Okay, look, I'm under the impression that this whole debate thing will lead to nothing and I'm tired. Let them fool around, we'll see where it takes us.

Looking disappointed, he lets out a sigh. I feel like he went out of his way to put together arguments that I'm not going to listen to. Oops ?