The guy long gone, I started my tour of this place. I thought it would be quite peaceful, but the sooner I opened one random door I came across that other moron. Augustus.

One Russian wrestler guy and that dude from the fault in our stars. At least remembering their names shall be easy. Not that I care but still.

— Hey, you ! Where do you think you're going ? Where's Lord Vladimir ?

— Well, if he wanted you to know, he would've told you wouldn't he ? About where I'm going, it's none of your business but why not, after all ? I'm going where I first woke up after you know, being kidnapped and stuff. Maybe-

— Useless, he interrupted me, his Majesty destroyed your cellphone.

Wait... What ?!

— What did you just say ?

— Don't tell me you weren't aware.

— I actually was, but I see you know what a cellphone is.

— Of course, I may be old but I'm not stuck in the past.

— THEN WHY WOULD YOU LET HIM DESTROY IT ?

I got furious, and was prepared to say one hundred and one hurtful things and other insults until I noticed my interlocutor had visibily no damn to give about what I was saying.

— Anyway, I said instead, I was thinking there may still be other stuff that belong to me, there. I need to go check it out.

— I would let you with pleasure...

I don't like the tone of his voice.

— ... at one condition.

I knew it.

He suddenly bursts off laughing.

— Just kidding. You should've seen your face !

— I didn't know you had a sense of humor. It's pretty bad, but it's there. I'm impressed.

— You're just jealous.

— If you say so... I didn't know bloodsuckers could joke.

— Well, since you're the Lord's soulmate, we're good for putting up with each other for quite a while. Might as well be friends, don't you think ?

— But I'm not- you know what? Whatever. Just show me where is the room I'm looking for, this place is a real maze.

He did as asked. After thanking him because I have manners, I'm off to see it.
I still have that awful feeling I forgot something, but no way to put words on it.

Here is it, exactly as I left it.

Okay, maybe not exactly, the smell is worse.

It's capital to keep eyes wide open if I don't want to step on it. Which is obviously the case.

Phone in hand, with the flashlight on, I kept moving forward. I don't even know what I was looking for, and why I was looking around in such a James Bond way. Suddenly, I heard someone's sneeze.

— Who's there ?

— I didn't say knock-knock !

I heard that wannabe joke before.

— Who the fuck would... Max ?

What is that moron still doing here ?

— Please don't tell me you were in that closet the whole time.

— There was no way to find out if the path was clear. So, yes,  I never left my hiding until now. and you're right on time ! I ate everything from your bag.

He ended his sentence by giving me my old backpack, the only thing I brought with me that day, totally empty. Nothing of what was filling it left, not even the packagings !
What if I had started to collect those things ? Such a selfish douchebag !

I give him a quick summary of what happened lately, because, well, I HAVE MANNERS !
And now I guess I know what was the thing I was so sure I had forgotten.

— Woah, a vampire's soulmate ? Let alone their Lord ? Holy moly !

— How many times will I have to say this ? It's not me, never was and never will ! To prove it, I'll even help him with finding the poor unfortunate soul. Even if... I pity her a little. 

— Don't worry, if she's really his soulmate, she'll love him back.

— You accepted that fact surprisingly fast.

— I mean, vampires do exist. If immortal bloodsucking creatures that fear the sun exist, why wouldn't eternal love ?

— I guess,... I don't know where I found the strength to fight the urge of cringing but I did, What do you plan to do now ?

— I'm frankly hesitating between staying here with you while playing hide n' seek with the Dracula's or... Just going back home. I guess I'm not really hesitating after all.

— Home ? I thought the town got destroyed !

— It did. But after everything that has happened, well, it got built again. Well of course it's not how it used to be but it will, we just need some patience and hard work. Little by little, with everyone's help and moral support, everything will be back to normal again.
Anyway, things got a little quieter over there so I decided to... Let's say come lurk around here. That's when I heard you and as they say the rest is history.

Holy crap maybe I didn't just sleep a few days.

— Wait a minute, do you mean they didn't kidnap you ?

—  No, I came here all by myself !

— Would you please leave Céline Dion out of this ? And stop smiling like a Manga character !

— I wonder... he said, more or less seriously, What are they gonna do with you ?

— Nothing, nothing at all ! I'm just helping him find his soulmate then I'll just go while saying these magical words :

《Sayonara ! Au revoir  ! Don't cross my road ever again ! Off to the moon and never back ! Slobbery bites and poisonous cookies, you fucking pissed me off !》

— What if it was really you, the soulmate after all ?

— Impossible !

— Why that ?

— Because the soul sister's thing is supposed to be mutual, you said it yourself ! I hardly feel anything other than disgust for that walking bat. Worst case scenario, we become friends, but that's all.

— You know, there's only a tiny step between love and hate.

— Between my knee and your balls too.

I never saw a face turn that pale that quickly before.

— Just kidding.

He looks relieved.

— ... Am I ?

Stressed out again ! I bet he wishes he could turn back time to the good old days.

— Well. Gotta go. It's not that I'm not having fun here, but I kinda miss real food, so I'm going back home. Is the path clear ?

Switching subject much ? You won't get away that easily !

— You lucky bastard, it is ! Say, could you make me get delivered food here ? I don't think I can put up with what they serve me any longer.

— Hold on, are you saying what I think you're saying ?

— I can't exactly read minds. What do you think I'm saying, Diego ?

— Have you been eating vampire food even since you got here ?

— I guess you can say that.

— Blood ?

— Heaven, no ! Only... Uncooked animals. They bring preys, drink the blood, eat the heart and the brain and leave the rest to me. I looked away with a disgusted expression, Yeah well, it's not any better.

— Holy shit !

— To say the least.

— I guess at least it's nourishing.

— Yes but, I could really use not having to go through that again, like, ever !

— I understand, he said in a forced grin, Well I can try but I don't think I'd find some human delivery guy who'd accept to come all the way here.

— Couldn't YOU do it ? I mean you're here since maybe a month and no one noticed you.

— Are you offering me a job ? As your personal delivery guy ?

— In short, yes.

He gave it some thinking for a while, then asked in a wanted serious voice.

— And how are you intending to pay me ?

The only thing to do in this situation is to look like Puss in Boots. Those big eyes would make any tough guy have a melting marshmallow heart.

— I see you coming. No fucking way !

— But I don't have another choice. Please !

— Are you really asking me to buy you food for God knows how many years ?

— Don't be silly ! It would only last a couple of months. Even so, I know you have a heart.

— This has literally nothing to do with having a heart.

— Don't be greedy.

— I can deliver for free, but there's no way in hell I'd go out of my way to pay you stuff. Not even with Puss in Boots' wide eyes ! 

— I don't give a damn if you buy, steal or even hunt the cows or whatever farm animal yourself. I WANT FOOD.

For a few seconds, he stopped every reaction. As if the program using to run his brain had some sort of a bug.

— Okay. He finally said after sighing loudly. But you owe me one !

— Max, you're the best ! I said right before I jumped on him.

— Easy, easy ! This doesn't mean I suddenly became your gay best friend.

— I never intended to make you into one. Wait here !

— What, making me gay ? Or your friend ?

Ignoring him, I went back to my old backpack, and searched for probably the most important piece of paper I've ever written on. I know I said it was completely empty, but I was talking about food and a folded piece of paper isn't the easiest thing to find in a bag when you're looking for something to eat.

Immediately after I took it out of the bag, I placed it against my chest. Where my heart was supposed to be. That list is ready since last time's lockdown, when I wasn't even sure I was going to see my favorite dishes again.

— And it's supposed to be ?

— Just in case you run out of ideas ! I said while giving it to him, with a big smile showing all of my teeth.