I like the cover. I can see it was likely created in canva and is similar to many covers I have seen made with that app/site before, but it is nice. Very simple and nothing special, but somewhat pleasing to the eye.

Points for this section - 3/5

I love the description. It is a little on the small side but I think it works really well. It immediately grabbed my attention and drew me in wanting to read more. For this kind of book, this kind of description/blurb is perfect!

Points for this section - 5/5

One thing I really like about the style is how you carry the tense so well. The present tense is something I don't see too often and, when it does pop up, there are usually many mistakes. In this story, however, it is very consistent throughout which is nice to see. It was especially impressive that there are three writers and you all carry this out with each chapter.

One thing I am not too keen on is the constant "I do this and then I do that" way of writing but I see it often on wattpad. It isn't wrong but it is something I am not all that fond of, although it is simply a personal preference. I feel as though it takes away from the story and makes everything sound very bullet-pointed rather than connected and flowing together. If that makes any sense? It just feels as though it could have more description. Again, that's just my personal preference and I am sure some people like that way of writing, it's just not for me.

The technicality section got pretty long so I'm adding this here but in some of the chapters (notably chapter 2) there are some really long paragraphs. Long paragraphs are not a bad thing but they can be a sore to the eyes for readers, especially when they're reading on their phones which is very common with wattpad readers. You should be very conscious of this as you write and try to separate your paragraphs whenever there is the opportunity to do so. Most of these opportunities you could use are simply by starting a new paragraph whenever someone new speaks, which I will go into more detail on in the technicality section. 

Points for this section - 7/10

The first chapter introduces the story well. It wastes no time in introducing you to the character and within the first couple of sentences you know about her home situation and that it will likely be a big factor affecting the story. The transition from one scene/location to another is smooth and the other characters' personalities shine through with their actions and descriptions of them from Saorise. The scenes depicting the abuse were chilling and painful to read. You can feel Saorise's fear jumping out at you through the screen. It makes you fear her father as much as she does.

Each chapter brings more of the story together, switching perspectives between the main characters and delving deep into their problems and trauma. As each chapter passes, the characters seem more intertwined. The plot touches on a lot of serious topics which all seem to bring the characters together.

A lot of the topics discussed in the story from the few chapters I have read seemed to be portrayed in a mostly realistic light. The pressure from society put onto Avalon, for example, was so intense and something many people can probably relate to even if in different ways or to a different extent. Of course, some of the scenes seem somewhat exaggerated but this is to be expected in a work of fiction, particularly as we are seeing these events from the perspective of (mostly) distressed teenagers who are going through something traumatic to them.

I didn't get to read all of the story but I really do hope there will be a happy ending. I only read a few chapters and really do have an emotional attachment to the characters and am certainly rooting for them.

Points for this section - 10/15

The first thing I noticed as I began to read your story was the errors within the dialogue sections. There are many rules to dialogue and you overlook quite a few of them. Most notably, whenever someone new starts to speak, you should be starting it on a new line. You should never have two characters speaking in the same paragraph as a new paragraph should be inserted to show the change in speaker. Another point with the dialogue is that, when it is accompanied by a dialogue tag, it should be connected by a comma, not a full stop. After this comma, the rest of the sentence should also continue without any capitalisation unless a noun is used. 

Here are some examples:

With a comma
"There was blood everywhere," Karen explained. OR "There was blood everywhere," she explained.

With a question/exclamation mark
"There was blood everywhere!" Karen explained. OR "There was blood everywhere!" she explained.

It should only end in a full stop if the dialogue comes after the dialogue tag, like so: Karen explained, "There was blood everywhere." 

OR If the dialogue is followed by an action rather than a dialogue tag, like so: "There was blood everywhere." She ran across the room.

That last one isn't very well structured but you get the point. You can also probably see that the action after the dialogue continues as a new sentence with capitalisation again, this is how it should always be done if action follows a line of dialogue as they are separate things. In contrast, a dialogue tag is a part of the dialogue itself as it tells us how it was said, which is why we connect it with a comma and consider it a part of the same sentence.

These examples were taken from this article: https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-format-dialogue-in-your-novel-or-short-story#how-to-format-dialogue-in-a-story
I really suggest giving it a read if you are still unsure, it covers everything you could want to know about proper dialogue formatting.

Other than this, the grammar seems pretty good.

Points for this section - 7/10

Overall, I enjoyed what I read of this book although it is not usually something/a genre I would read. The writing is good and the plot is interesting enough to make me want to read more. Pair that with the emotional attachment you get to some of the characters and you've got a good mix for brewing an entertaining story. 

One thing I do want to mention is that the topics discussed in this book are things I am usually sceptical to read as most writers on wattpad do not write about them well and simply use them as a plot device or to build a story rather than portraying them realistically or in a healthy light (i.e. not glorifying them). From what I have read so far, I am hopeful but still not too sure which way this will go but I hope it will avoid any toxic stereotypes or unrealistic portrayals as the story continues.

Overall Score - 32/45

p.s. I am so sorry this took so long! I've been so busy irl and haven't had enough time to properly sit down and complete my pending reviews. I hope you haven't forgotten about me and apologise once again for how long this review took.