As I turn over the pages, all I could see was the Amber who was buried into a cover sack she has put on for her best friend. This is the Amber that everyone would not want to know. She never restricted her old version from taking over the new self.

26th September 2019,

"Amber, elaborate the anecdote Samuel just read aloud." Yes. Once again, I wasn't listening to anything and was absolutely sunk into my ghosts of the past.

"Ms. Tide," I heard the English professor, whatever his name was, shouting my surname out loud.

"I can't," these are the exact words that came out of my stupid mouth.

"I gotta go, sir," I said, took my bag and left the class leaving Samuel gawking at me through the window. And everyone else of course did the same.

What got me daydreaming, huh? Who else than the girl I miss being with.

"Being a bitch is actually easy, Amby," I heard my best friend say. "Try being kind- like nice for a day and it's exhausting."

"It is," I agreed.

"Amby, you're the strong-willed and most determined person I've ever met."

"Oh-," I have never heard someone compliment my visible qualities ever before until her. All I get was being called headstrong and bitchy.

"That's good to hear."

"You're actually a good person."

I remembered my chemistry assignment out of nowhere as I walked along with the chemistry laboratory. Though I am becoming the old me, I happen to be caught up with responsibilities and stuff they call schoolwork.

"Hey, Amber. Don't you have what- English now?" Vivian asked me while her boyfriend Nick was all over her. That too in the chemistry laboratory with CCTV surveillance.

"I have. But, I guess my fate was to catch you guys like this," I made a hand sign with my palms being nasty over each other. "That too here," I laughed at them getting off the table.

"You dimbo," Viv threw a test tube at me which I accidentally caught safe.

"It's quite a good place," I walked in further looking around mocking them.

"Hey, Nick. How's your other girlfriend?" I thought to have some fun.

"Girlfriend who?" He was so stuttering as I was laughing inside.

"The one you were within the backseat of your car the other night," I cooked it up within a finger snap.

"I don't have a car, baby. You know, right? Don't listen to her," he was convincing Viv who was already all ears, believing my prank.

"Oh. Was it that girl's?" I go on confusing him.

"Amber, why are you doing this?"

"Tell me, Nick. Is it true?" Hah. Viv was burning.

"Hey, Viv. I just made it up," I thought to stop it. "He wasn't with

anyone."

"You bitchy bitch," she rushed closer to beat me up with her backpack.

"Hey. We'll just go," Nick took her out of the lab.

"Sorry, guys," I bid bye as they walked out.

I planned to look for reference books that my chemistry professor had in the lab. I open the cupboard to find various chemicals with names I couldn't even pronounce at first. I love it when solutions change colors during experiments. In the movies and cartoons, they portray them as simple as swish and flick. But, it's really hard to pick, pour, mix and wait for them to react at the required pressure and temperature while we sweat ourselves in anxiety holding the beaker, burette and weep over the drops solution spit on the note where we record observations. Huh, trust me, it's really hard.

I took some notes of the properties and applications of some chemical compounds and was on my way out when I saw a weird green box on the shelf behind the door. I went to take it but someone near the door caught my attention.

"Amber," it was Samuel. "What are you doing here?"

"Just- taking some notes," I replied but my focus was on that box behind the door. I couldn't see it fully because of the door was almost open. It hid the shelf.

"Okay. Come. Join me for lunch."

"Yeah. Sure," I went with him to the cafeteria.

"Why didn't you answer? In class?" He asked me and my mind was

coming up with every bitchy response.

"I wasn't listening to that part actually," it wasn't me who answered. I wanted to say something else but my mind came up with this.

"It happens sometimes," he said with a mouth full of fries.

"Huh," I sighed as I picked a piece of meat with the crooked fork they provide along.

"Hi, Amber. Mind if we join?" Jensy asked once the girls sat near us with their plates.

"Why ask when you are already seated?" I forced a smile.

They're not that much mean to me but I don't get along with them quite well. The feeling you get when you are amiable with someone but still don't have that kind of a connection to be friends with. Yeah, this is it.

"Hi, Sammy," Sia smiled at him as he returned it but in an uncomfortable way.

Samuel and I were exchanging awkward eye locks as we heard the girls gossip and nattered everything that I found super boring.

"Hey. Do you guys always have lunch together?" Reilly asked me.

"No. But we try to," I said. I have known Samuel for so long. I guess since first grade. He's super nerdy and super bossy too.

"Wait- are you guys-?" Reilly started in a squeaky tone.

"Oh-they're not, Reilly," Sia spoke before I could.

"Yeah-we are not," I said. "But-maybe we will," I thought of spicing it up and watching Sia's face turn red.

"What the hell?" This was exactly what her expression conveyed.

"What-?" Samuel looked at me. "Yeah-maybe," he got into the play as I eyed him as my eyes could pop out of their sockets.

There was silence. Just it. I hate silence as it brings me memories of her. The moments we had together for the past two years could never be explained even if I write it for years.

You may be wondering why I am so fond of her. To be precise, I was obsessed with her. I guess I still am. I don't know if you could understand, proxy. But, she's the key to my inner soul. The side of me that no one else could bring out.

"Life is short, Amby. Being nice takes so much of it. But, you know what? It's damn worthy." She once quoted. Every time I am bitchy, this is what I think of.

"Amber, care to join us this Saturday? There's a party at Sia's," Jensy asked me once she slurped the last of her milkshake.

"Oh- I have to think about it," I said as their faces made a frown in unison. "What? I couldn't agree just because you all frown."

"Come. It'll be fun," Sia said.

"Okay," I sighed as they grinned. That too in unison. Duh.

"You can come too, Sammy." I could see that Sia was utterly trying her way with Samuel. Little does she know, it's not gonna happen. Not with him.

"Yeah, sure." He could do nothing but smile at her.

"Okay then. We'll see you after school," the girls walked out.

"Ugh," we both looked at each other.

"Did you actually mean it?" I knew he would ask. "That 'maybe we will'?"

"Do you think I might have meant it?" I shrunk my brows. "Ugh-get over yourself, bro."

"Okay-okay," he said making me giggle.

"Do you know if people can go into the prohibited laboratory on the

second floor?"

"Don't you even know what does prohibited mean?" Samuel looked at me like I was a kid in front of him.

"I do," I starred. "Like-open for only the faculties or with some excuses?"

"No. There are no excuses to go in there. My dad used to say," he said.

"The one I saw there was your dad, Sam. I saw Mr. Stein coming out of it."

"What? He wouldn't have gone in. He's very much afraid of the principal."

"But, I saw him. For sure, it's him. I asked him what he was doing in there and he bluffed that it's open for faculties."

"Okay. I'll ask him about it. Now, I am late for math. See you later."

"Yeah. Bye, Sam."

Then, guess what. I had an amazing time with mom and dad after so long. It was dad's idea surprisingly to order pizza for dinner with some yummy rolls. That's how today ended with a cherry on top of if not a creamy cake but a plain one.

Oh, Amber, you're such a maze. You punch me with your bitchy one-liners and sprinkle upon the tinge of your nicer face. And for now, I'm gonna have an apple pie before I read how the party day went.