×× baseball - Hippo Campus××

Gideon| AmazonWarrior

January 2019

Thirty Seconds after 3rd Review posted

^^Incoming call from Unknown Number^^

"Hello, this is Gideon."

"You know you never asked me what I lied about."

"..."

"Wh-who is this?"

"See, I thought you were just going to know right off the bat. Like some type of feeling, but I guess I was wrong... Damnit."

"Amazon warrior?"

"...Yes. Creepy is my middle name. Because now that I think of it... this is pretty creepy of me."

"Haha, yeah, but I think I know who's to blame."

"I'm guessing Garrett is the brother who's always messing with you."

"Yeah. He's some- Wait. Did you just post another review?"

"Oh, yes! That's why I'm calling. To take you up on that dinner. Because... you're welcome... I'm the shit."

"What'd you say now? I swear if it's another..."

"..."

"I'm one-hundred percent certain that you just muted the phone so I can't hear you laughing."

"..."

"Because exactly twenty-point-eight seconds in you should be crying."

"I think you over estimate your taste in humor."

" I think you're in denial of the fact that your're in the presence of a comedic genius."

"..."

"Muting yourself would work if you didn't have a kids show in the background that went silent anytime I said something funny."

"Okay, fine. I chuckled. Happy?"

"I'll be happy once you ask me to dinner, grumpy."

"I guess thank you for the five stars, but I'm not taking you to dinner."

"I thought you were going to say that. That's okay, because I'll just keep my reservation with Tony. He'll be happy to see me again."

"Haha, I'm sure he will. Did you really use the sippy cups for margaritas... or is that just something you wrote randomly?"

"No, gosh, I'm not an animal. I used them for straight vodka."

"..."

"You still there? Stop muting your phone."

"Interestingly enough, I'm still here."

"..."

"So, multiple times you said that you lied about something..."

"Oh, haha, yeah! I lied about something huge."

"Yeah? And what is that?"

"A few months ago I said I was a leggy blonde..."

"Oh, no. Are you bald?"

"Ahh! Gideon! Did you just tell a joke?"

"Ha, I guess I did."

"I'm so proud of you! You've come a far way from Gideon the grump!"

"I liked Gideon the grump better."

"Haha, I'm sure you did. Hey! back to my confession."

"Right, I'm sorry... A few months ago..."

"Right, Yes! A few months ago, I stated I was a leggy blonde."

"Okay.. and?"

"I'm not blonde. I'm a brunette. I guess I've always been self conscious about my hair color. You know all the great woman in history were blonde. Julie Andrews, Ellen, Gwyneth Paltrow, Goldie Hawn-"

"You're just naming actresses."

"*Gasp* Ellen is not an actress! She is a wonderful, beautiful soul who-"

"Okay, don't insult Ellen. Got it."

"You better not, or I'll have to insult you."

"I'm pretty sure you've done a lot of insulting me and my products."

"Ugh, this again? I wasn't insulting you, I was insulting the walker."

"Yeah, that had nothing wrong with it."

"..."

"The manufacture screw on the battery cover was stripped, so my neighbor had to get it open for me. And the sticker on the eyes came off, but I was able to find stickers to put in it's place. They are shark stickers, but they will have to do. Lincoln likes the shark stickers better anyways."

"Oh, I am so sorry. I would have sent a new one out to you if I had known."

"It's fine, I didn't want to trouble you too much. It's perfect to him and that's all that matters."

"Yeah, I guess so..."

"So, Lincoln is your son?"

"Yeah. He's so intelligent it's scary sometimes."

"How old is he?"

"A year and four months. He was a late walker."

"Yeah, Daisy was a late walker also. It was really hard not to look at other babies and not think you're doing something wrong. But, they all walk when they want to."

"Oh, you have a daughter?"

"You sound surprised."

"Well, you're such a grump all the time. I just didn't expect you to have kids."

"Listen...uh, Amazon, I have to head out. Thanks for the review and have a good day."

"Oh... Okay, hav-"