I said that I had never done anything wrong.

And in my eyes I am right, I didn't.

But perhaps I did do something wrong and I failed to accept it.

Perhaps I'll let you decide for yourselves whether I am guilty or not, because it doesn't matter to me anymore.

My sentence has already been carried out.

And I can do nothing to change it.

////

A couple years pass and I find myself near the southern border of our land. The air is cool and crisp with the coming of winter and I watch as the last few golden leaves of autumn fall to the ground.

I am with the rest of the Guard as we patrol the area. There have been no sightings of men ever since the night of my wedding but we can never be too cautious.

I have a bow and quiver of arrows on my back and a sword at my side. My hair is pulled back and tied in place by a leather strap.

The others may prefer to keep their hair in those "warrior braids" as they call them. In my opinion it's silly and it doesn't do much to keep their hair out of their eyes.

As if to prove my point a huge gust of wind nearly sends us falling onto our backs. I catch a quick glance of Landion trying to keep his hair out of his face.

I chuckle and he glares at me, at least I think he does, I can't see his face behind all of his dark brown hair.

Once the wind dies down to a soft breeze we keep moving southward. Our home is a large forest surrounded by mountains.

We built our village in the middle of the forest, and if you climb one of the trees you can see the mountains that encircle the valley.

It's a great place to call home and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Except for our old home, and my parents. I sigh and shake the thoughts away. I still had Anna, and now I had Elwin.

Landion is the greatest friend I could have and Idhrenion is a wise leader. He takes care of his people and I am proud to serve him.

"Caran!"
Landion suddenly grabs my shoulder and nearly pulls me onto the ground.
"What is it?"
I hiss throwing his hand off.

"Men."
He says the word as if it leaves a foul taste in his mouth. The elves around us clench their fists and their anger is evident.

My own anger and hatred is burning inside me, we were all alive when men drove us out of our first home, we haven't forgotten what they did and we never will.

"Follow me."
I wave them forward and we tread softly on the grass. I unsling my bow and several others do the same. I grab an arrow and nock it in the bowstring.

If those men dare show their faces to me I will send my arrows straight into their hearts. We cautiously approach the edge of the forest and peer beyond the trees for any sign of our enemy.

"There."
Landion points towards several men walking in the distance. They aren't coming near our forest, but they aren't getting any farther either.

"What should we do?"
An elf asks Landion. Usually Landion is in charge of our group but sometimes I take over.
I don't mean to; or maybe I do.

"We kill them."
I say raising my bow and aiming at the nearest man.
"No Caran."
Landion grabs my bow and lowers it.

"What are you doing?"
I raise my voice as I yank my bow out of his grasp.
"They are doing nothing to harm us Caran. I doubt that they even know we are here, if we attack then they will find out and bring back more of their people to take revenge."

Landion's gaze is hard and his words are not only directed at me, but at everyone else. I don't see his logic, if we kill them all they won't be able to tell anyone about our whereabouts.

Landion knows what I'm thinking and grabs my arm. My eyes are burning with anger and frustration while his plead for me to understand.

"Caran we cannot risk the safety of everyone in the village. I don't want them here any more than you do, but we cannot just slaughter them when they have done nothing to provoke a fight."

"What do you mean they haven't done anything?! They destroyed our home Landion! They deserve to be killed!"

"That was hundreds of years ago Caran. Those men are dead, these men are different. We cannot blame an entire race for the actions of some cruel, heartless men."

"None of them deserve to live!"
My anger is rising and I can barely contain it anymore. If Landion doesn't back down I won't be able to control myself.

"That's enough Caran!"
Landion tears my bow out of my hands while my eyes widen in fury and disbelief.
"We are returning home and that is final. I will report to Idhrenion what we saw and you will be relieved from your duties until you learn to control your emotions."

I can't believe that Landion, my friend of all people, would do this to me! It's humiliating!

What's worse is that he is suddenly defending men of all things! Does he not remember what they did to us? Or does he simply not care?

As Landion begins to lead the Guard away I turn my gaze back to the men who are almost out of sight.
Without hesitating I retrieve my bow from Landion and run out of the trees.

"Caran!"
I ignore his enraged shouts as I sprint towards the men. They don't know that I'm coming and that's just how I want it. I don't stop running until I'm close enough to shoot one of them.

I nock an arrow and aim for the closest man's back. My body tenses as I pull the arrow back, I take in a deep breath.

This is for my parents.

I release the arrow and it strikes the man in his spine. He falls onto his face while his companions surround him and begin shouting in frantic voices.

I nock another arrow and let it fly, another man falls. They finally notice me and are now running for their lives but I'm not going to let them get away that easy.

I chase after them, letting arrow after arrow fly until all the men are down. I breathe heavily as I lower my bow. They're dead, I killed them all.

Suddenly I'm grabbed from behind by my and spun around. Landion is furious, his brown eyes are blazing in fury as his fingers dig into my shoulders.

"What is wrong with you?!"
He bellows.
"I told you not to kill them and yet you did anyway! Why Caran?! Why did you do it?!"

"Because I had to."
I say calmly. I remove his hands and begin walking back to the forest, where the others look at me with either awe, or shock.

Landion takes my bow and I allow him to take the rest of my weapons.
"You are relieved from your duties as a Guard until further notice."
Landion growls.

I shrug and pretend that I don't care. I did what was right in my mind and whether he approves of it or not is his problem.

Yet despite my triumph I can't help the small feeling of guilt that enters the back of my mind. Those men hadn't done anything to deserve death, but I had killed them anyway, just to satisfy my desire for revenge.

Strangely enough I wasn't as satisfied as I thought I would be. I shake the feeling away and focus on returning home. Little did I know how devasting the consequences of my actions would be not only to me, but to everyone I cared about.

////

Elwin was waiting for me when I returned home that night. Idhrenion had taken Landion's side completely and had completely expelled me from the Guard.

I didn't want to tell Elwin because then I would have to tell her why I had been expelled, and I couldn't do that because I knew that she wouldn't understand my reasons for killing those men.

So for now I won't say anything to her or Anna until I think of a lighter way to break the news to them. But then I ask myself, is there a lighter way to tell them?

How do you go up to the two people you love and tell them that you just killed ten men who had done nothing? I keep trying to convince myself that they had deserved it but I'm terrible at it.

Elwin wraps me in a warm embrace and I do the same.
"Is everything alright Caran?"
She asks studying my face.
"You're never home this late "
I smile and kiss her on the cheek.

"There were some things that Landion and I had to discuss with Idhrenion. Our meeting ran a little longer than we'd originally planned."

"What did you have to discuss?"
"We spotted men near the southern edge of the forest. Idhrenion was going over a plan of defence in case they are hostile."

Elwin's eyes widen in fear and quickly move to reassure her.
"Don't worry love, they have probably already left this place far behind. And if they return I'll make sure that they don't come anywhere near our home."

That seems to calm her down and she relaxes.
"Of course you will. You've always helped keep this village safe."

We kiss briefly before entering the house. I've never lied before and I'm shocked and a bit surprised by how easy I can do it.
Then again it wasn't all necessarily a lie.

Idhrenion, Landion, and I did have a long discussion about the men, and myself. And the men were no longer a threat because they were dead.

Therefore I hadn't exactly lied to Elwin, there were just some things that I left out.
What worried me is how willingly I accepted this deceptive form of reasoning.

Since when did I kill people?
When did I start defying orders?
When did I start lying and keeping secrets?

Was this me or someone else?
I force these thoughts into the back of my mind as I see Anna running towards me with her arms spread out.

I lift her into the air and trap her in a tight embrace while she wraps her arms around my neck.
"How was your day princess?"
I ask kissing her on the forehead.

"I went out and picked some flowers for Elwin! Then she braided them into my hair see? Aren't they beautiful?"

"They look amazing Anna."
I set her on the floor and smile as she stares up at me with those loving emerald eyes and all the dark thoughts I'd had instantly leave my head.

"Anna could you step outside for a moment please?"
Elwin asks her gently.
"There's something I need to talk to Caran about."

Anna nods and races out the door. She's always loved being outside at night, watching the stars has always been one of her favorite things.

Elwin takes both of my hands into hers and smiles at me.
"What is it Elwin?"
I ask tilting my head to the side. I can feel her hands trembling in mine.

"Caran, I'm..."
"You're what?"
Elwin laughs and I have never been more confused in my life.
"Elwin are you alright?"
"I'm fine Caran, I'm just excited!"

"Could you please tell me so I can share your excitement?"
"Sorry Caran, I'm sorry."
Elwin takes several deep breaths before finally telling me her news.

"Caran, you're going to be a father."
I blink once, twice. Did I hear her right?
"What did you say?"
"I'm pregnant Caran."
Elwin laughs and squeezes my hands.
"You're going to be a father."

I'm going to be a father?!

I let go of her hands and stagger backwards into a chair. I sink into it while my eyes remain wide in shock.

"I'm going to be a father?"
I ask in disbelief.
"Yes love, you're going to be a father."
Elwin walks up behind me and places her hands on my shoulders.

"I'm going to be a father."
I say a bit louder than before.
The realization finally sets in and my shock turns into elation.
"I'm going to be a father!"

Elwin laughs as I jump to my feet and pull her into a hug and laugh with her. Anna runs inside and looks at us in confusion.

"What's going on?"
"I'm going to be a father Anna!"
I exclaim.
"Elwin is going to have a baby!"
Anna's eyes widen as she screams in excitement. She runs towards us and I lift her into my arms.

I forget about everything that happened that day and focus completely on Elwin and Anna. My family is growing, soon I'm going to have a son or daughter to call my own.

I don't think about the men I killed or Landion and Idhrenion's repremandment of me, all I can think about are the two elves gathered in my arms.

And how I'll never let them go.