unedited

Cold.

It was cold since she woke up with the familiar stinging pain in her tummy just to see the blackness around her. It was so quiet that it was deafening. No matter how she turned around a thousand times, she will still see the unending darkness, like it went for forever. Like she was lost in nothingness.

Perhaps it was for the best? If she was lost in her dream, locked away in her mind, she will be saved by the pain that had become a part of her. She sucked a breath, she could do that. Waiting in the dark without anything, lost. She would not have to worry about anything again, not how to survive in the cruel world, she could leave it all, she could finally turn her back on her sorrows.

If she was lost in the darkness forever, she will never have the same dreams again. Never will she wake up with frozen toes and unbearable pain in her abdomen. Never will she meet him again.

The guy who she remembered vaguely, but his voice remained in her memories ever so vividly. And his touch... oh God, his touch. Something elicited at the back of her mind, sending her feelings overdrive. Tears pricked in her eyes, the coldness could not match the feelings that were tugging inside her. It was different from the physical pain she experienced in the dreams, where once she arrived in it, she cannot wait for it to end yet dreading it at the same time. No. This was something different. Something more...

Emotional?

Then something changed. She did not want to be lost any longer. She wanted to be found. She needed to get out from her current state, no matter what it was. She have to.

The first tear fell as she twirled around on her feet, looking for anything other than the darkness.

"P-please..." She spoke softly, her voice sounded foreign. "Someone, help me."

"If anyone can hear me, please help me. I need to get out from here." She sobbed, then she thought of it. Why did she not think of it before? She probably can push herself awake.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to calm down, garnering all her strength and pushed on her mind. She pushed until she was gasping, but to no avail. When she opened her eyes, she was still surrounded by the shadows.

"No..." She said. "Can anyone hear me?" She yelled into the darkness and heard nothing else.

Big fat tears stained her cheeks when she felt it. It was dull and she stopped moving, literally. Her hands were at her sides, balled in fists and she held her breath. It was uncomfortable, like something was starting in you, but you cannot pinpoint where.

Until it hit her in full force.

She hunched forward, letting out a gasp. She whimpered as the pain intensified and she cupped her ears. The voices began screaming and she looked around, looking for the source yet she knew it started in her own head. Her pleas were left in vain and she knew what they wanted. If she was not in pain, she would have laughed at her situation. How she thought the voices would not find her anymore if she were lost forever in the darkness. Of course they would be there, they were always there. They were the monsters residing in her own mind.

Her past experiences showed that they were capable to drive her to her own demise and she knew this time, it was nothing less.

She was going to die.

But like she always did, she ran.

No matter how far it felt like nor how sore her legs were, the voice never seemed to stop or showing the sign to. So she pushed herself forward, ignoring the searing pain she felt in her stomach. Her breathings were irregular and her sight blurred from both her tears and the voices that were driving her crazy. But she did not stop for a second, until she saw something from the distance.

It was a door. A huge oak door that she reckoned as familiar. Her steps slowed as she stared at the door curiously. She then noticed that the voices had stopped. They never stopped, well until she was dead, that is.

Was this where she supposed to be? Was the voices trying to guide her to the door at the first place?

She stepped closer, admiring the door. The gleaming sapphires never failed to amaze her and the carvings seemed to pull her closer – the moons prints intrigued her so much. She had an urge to touch it, so she brought a hand up and softly traces the designs. She shivered when the small tingles jolted through her fingers, and like a switch, moving pictures started to invade her mind.

Lips red as rose,

Skin pale as snow,

Moon,

Bond,

Blood,

Death.

Death. She was gasping for air when it ended, the blurry image of a girl curled in a fetal position with blood oozing out in a fast pace and pooled under the crumpled body.

The door creaked open and she jumped back. Holding a hand over her erratic heart, she peered into the darkness of the other side. It was colder now, grey smoke leaked into her side and vapored into nothingness. The bare skin of her arms prickled as she hesitatingly reaching over to push the door.

She could not hide the excitement that bubbled up from the pit of her stomach. Finally she could be free. The faintest of smile tugged on the corner of her lips as she pushed the heavy door open, and a bright light blinded her.

updated 14.04.2017